home

search

51. Growing Pains

  The summons came without ceremony. No runner. No urgency. Just a quiet message passed along the morning routines, delivered with the kind of casual inevitability that made refusal feel both rude and pointless. We were expected. That, more than anything, caught Toran off guard.

  “They don’t usually ask,” he muttered as we crossed the lower corridor toward the council chamber. “They tell.”

  “They’re not telling now,” Meral said. “They’re involving.”

  “That’s worse,” he replied immediately.

  I didn’t say anything. I was busy cataloging the feeling settling between my shoulders — a familiar tension, but tempered now by something steadier. This wasn’t dread. It wasn’t excitement either. It was awareness.

  The Praxeum felt different when you walked toward responsibility instead of away from it. The chamber itself was modest by any reasonable standard. Stone walls, a broad circular table carved from reclaimed Massassi masonry, seating arranged for conversation rather than hierarchy. Luke preferred it that way. Power sat more easily when it didn’t insist on being seen.

  Luke was already there, leaning against the edge of the table, hands loosely folded. Kam stood beside him, posture upright, expression thoughtful in the way it often was when he’d already run through half a dozen scenarios and discarded most of them. Tionne occupied one of the seats, datapad in hand, stylus hovering just above its surface as if waiting for the conversation to give her permission to become record.

  Kyle Katarn sat with his chair tilted back against the wall, boots crossed at the ankles, arms folded. He looked relaxed in the way only people with nothing to prove ever did. Kirana Ti stood apart from the table entirely, hands clasped behind her back, gaze distant but attentive.

  Streen hovered near the far end, shoulders slightly hunched, eyes flicking between faces as though gauging the emotional weather before stepping outside. He smiled when he noticed us, relief softening his features.

  “Ah,” he said. “Good. You’re all here.”

  Mara Jade arrived moments later, stride purposeful, expression already calibrated to the room. She nodded once to Luke, then took a seat without comment. Kyp Durron followed, energy filling the space the way heat filled a room—present even when contained. That made eight of us around the table. Nine, if you counted the empty chair Luke hadn’t bothered to remove.

  “Thank you for coming,” Luke said, straightening. His voice was calm, familiar. “This won’t take long. But it does matter.” That last part was directed at us.

  Kam took over without prompting. “The Praxeum will be receiving more students in the coming months than we’ve had in any intake so far.”

  No pause for drama. No buildup. Just the fact. Tionne’s stylus touched down at once.

  “More Force-sensitives are being identified,” Kam continued. “And word is spreading. Faster than we anticipated.”

  Kyle snorted softly. “Success is a problem now?”

  “Logistics are,” Kam replied evenly. “Our numbers of instructors have not increased at the same rate.”

  The room shifted. Not uneasily but attentively.

  Kyle leaned forward, chair legs thumping softly as they hit the stone. “Group training,” he said immediately. “You scale instruction without scaling personnel. I’ve done it before.”

  Luke shook his head, already anticipating the argument. “We’re not building soldiers.”

  “No,” Kyle agreed. “You’re building people under pressure. Same constraints apply.”

  “People break differently,” Luke said. “And if you smooth them all down to fit the same mold, you lose what makes them Jedi.”

  Kam raised a hand slightly. “Efficiency matters,” he said. “But so does individuality. This isn’t either-or.”

  Streen cleared his throat. “What if… smaller groups?” he ventured. “Assigned, not random. Matched to the instructor’s temperament. Some of us do better with structure. Others with—” he gestured vaguely, “—space.”

  Mara glanced down at her datapad, fingers moving quickly. “That still doesn’t solve the numbers problem,” she said. “Even optimistically.”

  Silence followed — not disagreement, but acknowledgment.

  Meral leaned forward, elbows on the table, expression thoughtful. “We already do this,” she said. “Just not formally.”

  That drew eyes.

  “Lightsaber training,” she continued. “Beginners work in groups. They learn awareness. Coordination. Trust. Advanced students gravitate toward specific instructors. They need refinement, not repetition.”

  Tionne nodded slowly. “Younglings and Padawans,” she said. “The Old Order separated foundations from mastery.”

  Kyp crossed his arms. “Then limit how many advanced students each Master takes,” he said. “Two. Max.”

  Streen exhaled like someone had just taken a weight off his spine.

  Luke looked around the table, reading the room. Kam met his gaze and inclined his head once.

  “All right,” Luke said. “We’ll do it that way.”

  And just like that, the Order bent—not breaking, but reshaping itself around necessity.

  Luke tapped the edge of the table lightly. “One more thing.”

  He glanced toward the empty chair.

  “I received a message from Corran Horn. He’ll be returning to the Praxeum more regularly. Enough to take on an apprentice.”

  That landed with quiet significance.

  Then Luke turned to us.

  “Kae’rin. Meral. Toran.” His gaze was steady. “We’d like you to assist with training the new arrivals.”

  Toran opened his mouth and then closed it again, visibly weighing something.

  “We’re not Knights,” Meral said, though there was no protest in her tone.

  “You are trusted,” Kam replied. “And proven.”

  I nodded. Meral did too.

  Toran grimaced. “I’m finishing the Training Hall,” he said. “You all helped start it. If new arrivals take priority, it won’t be ready in time.”

  Kyle smiled. “You’ll finish.”

  Toran leaned back, eyes narrowing.

  “Funny you say that,” he replied. “Since you, Mara, and Kirana are the reason it’s halfway done.”

  Mara blinked. Kirana raised an eyebrow.

  “Seems only fair,” Toran continued, “that you help me finish it.”

  Kyle laughed. “You planned this.”

  “I planned ahead,” Toran corrected.

  Luke sighed. “All right. Meeting adjourned.”

  As chairs scraped softly against stone, Luke caught my eye.

  “Kae’rin,” he said. “Stay.”

  The others filtered out—some amused, some resigned, some already being cornered by Toran with an expression that promised hard labor. I stayed. And when the door closed behind them, Luke gestured toward the practice space beyond.

  “Let’s see,” he said gently, “how far you’ve gone.”

  ? ? ?

  The council chamber emptied in layers. Kyle was the first to be intercepted, Toran stepping into his path with the confidence of someone who already knew the outcome. Mara followed a moment later, datapad tucked under her arm, expression caught somewhere between resignation and reluctant amusement. Kirana Ti paused just long enough to incline her head at Luke before Toran redirected her with a gesture that was polite, insistent, and entirely unapologetic.

  I didn’t hear what he said. I didn’t need to. The look on Kyle’s face suggested he’d lost a debate he hadn’t realized he was having.

  Luke waited until the door slid shut again, sealing us off from the distant sounds of the Praxeum. The sudden quiet felt deliberate, as though the building itself understood that the conversation had shifted. Kam and Tionne remained, the three of them forming a loose triangle around the practice space beyond the chamber. There was no formal transition. No declaration that training had begun. It simply did.

  “Show me where your footing changes,” Luke said, stepping aside. “Not the movement. The decision.”

  I ignited my saber. The pale blue-white blade filled the space with a steady, even light, its hum subdued and constant. I took a breath — not to center myself, but to let the day’s noise fall away.

  Kam moved first, not as an opponent but as a presence, shifting position to create pressure without direction. Tionne watched from the edge, stylus hovering but unmoving, attention fixed on the way my posture adjusted rather than where the blade went.

  Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  I began with the proto-forms as we’d practiced them — steps clean, transitions smooth, each phase resolving into the next without force. Zha’ka into Eth, Eth into Vath, Nheh releasing the sequence back into stillness.

  “Again,” Luke said. “But don’t prepare.”

  I frowned slightly, then nodded.

  This time, I let the sequence begin before I finished deciding to move. It felt wrong for half a heartbeat. Like stepping off a ledge you know is there but can’t see yet. My body followed instinct before thought could catch up, and the Force flowed differently — less guided, more permissive.

  The blade traced a shorter arc. My feet adjusted without instruction. The movement completed itself without the familiar sense of closure. I stopped, breath steady, pulse calm.

  Kam’s eyes narrowed. “Do that again.”

  I did.

  The third time, I didn’t even think of the names. The proto-form unfolded as intent rather than instruction, each step incomplete in isolation but coherent as a whole. I felt momentum begin and then… pause, suspended just long enough to be redirected elsewhere. The motion resolved without committing to its original end.

  I blinked.

  “That wasn’t—” I started.

  “You don’t need to explain it,” Luke said gently. “Just notice it.”

  Tionne finally lowered her stylus. “Your transitions are no longer bounded by sequence,” she observed. “They’re contextual.”

  Kam circled slowly. “You’re letting go of the end,” he said. “Not the beginning.”

  I nodded, thinking. “It feels like stopping halfway through a sentence.”

  Luke smiled faintly. “Or choosing not to finish it.”

  We worked like that for a long while—no sparring, no escalation. Just pressure applied and released, movement beginning and dissolving before it could harden into habit. I couldn’t have named what I was doing if pressed. I only knew when it worked.

  At some point, I became aware that my muscles weren’t burning the way they should have been. The effort wasn’t gone, but it was… redistributed. Spread out. Less concentrated. Precision without strain.

  Luke noticed. He always did. He didn’t comment. When we finally paused, the air felt heavier—not oppressive, but dense, like a room where too many thoughts had been given space to exist at once.

  “That’s enough for today,” Kam said.

  Tionne nodded. “We’ll revisit this later.”

  Luke met my gaze. “You’re not doing anything wrong,” he said, as if responding to a question I hadn’t voiced. “But you are doing something new.”

  I inclined my head. “I don’t know how to teach it.”

  “That’s all right,” he replied. “Then you’re not meant to — yet.”

  I powered down my saber and clipped it to my belt, the sudden quiet almost startling. When I stepped back into the corridor, the sounds of the Praxeum rushed in to meet me — voices, footsteps, the hum of activity amplified by contrast.

  Meral was waiting near the junction, arms folded, expression unreadable.

  “Well?” she asked.

  I shook my head slightly. “Later.”

  She accepted that without comment.

  From somewhere deeper in the ruins, Kyle’s voice echoed faintly, punctuated by the scrape of stone and what sounded suspiciously like laughter.

  Meral winced. “He got them, didn’t he.”

  “Completely,” I said.

  She smiled.

  We headed in that direction together, and I was thinking that the changes we have witnessed were bold, untested, but necessary. The Order was growing.

  So were we.

  ? ? ?

  The Training Hall was louder than it had any right to be.

  Not with voices —though there were those too— but with motion. Stone groaned softly as panels shifted into alignment. A low hum threaded through the air as embedded systems powered up and down in careful sequence. Somewhere deeper in the ruins, something mechanical clanged, followed by Kyle’s unmistakable laugh and Mara’s dry, irritated reply.

  Toran stood at the center of it all, sleeves rolled up, hair already escaping whatever attempt he’d made to tame it that morning. He held a datapad in one hand and gestured with the other, directing motion like a conductor who refused to use a baton.

  “Not that angle,” he called. “If you lock it there, it’ll jam the platform cycle.”

  “I’m aware,” Mara shot back, voice echoing faintly from one of the branching corridors. “I’m compensating.”

  “You’re assuming the tolerance stays stable under load,” Toran replied. “Which it won’t.”

  Kyle’s voice cut in, amused. “He’s right, you know.”

  Mara muttered something that definitely wasn’t agreement.

  Kirana Ti moved more quietly, lifting and setting stone panels with precise Force application, expression unreadable. She didn’t argue. She adjusted. When Toran noticed, he gave her a grateful nod that she returned with a barely perceptible inclination of her head.

  Meral leaned against the edge of the starting chamber, watching the controlled chaos with open fascination. “You planned this,” she said again, not accusing, just impressed.

  Toran shot her a grin. “I planned enough of it.”

  “You emotionally ambushed three senior instructors.”

  “Strategic delegation,” he corrected.

  I walked the perimeter slowly, taking in the changes. The hall felt different with more hands working it—not rushed, but accelerated. Systems that had been tentative now locked into place with confidence, their interactions smoothing out as competing assumptions were resolved in real time.

  This was Toran’s element.

  Not the fighting. Not the spectacle.

  The building.

  Kyle emerged from one of the corridors, dust on his sleeves, eyes bright. “You know,” he said, clapping Toran on the shoulder, “this is the first time I’ve been guilted into manual labor by someone I actually respect.”

  Toran preened. “I’ll put it on my record.”

  Mara followed, datapad tucked under her arm again.

  “We’re not doing this every time you have a deadline.”

  Toran didn’t miss a beat. “Of course not. Only when it matters.”

  Kirana Ti paused beside me, gaze sweeping the hall. “He’s right,” she said quietly. “This will matter.”

  I nodded. “Especially now.”

  She glanced at me then — not probing, just acknowledging. “You’ll be helping train the new arrivals.”

  “Yes.”

  “And teaching others to teach,” she added.

  That landed differently.

  “I don’t know how to do that yet,” I admitted.

  She nodded once. “Good. If you thought you did, I’d be concerned.”

  With that, she turned back to the work, leaving the thought behind like a stone dropped into still water.

  By the time the sun had shifted noticeably across the open sections of ruin, the hall stood closer to completion than it ever had before. The starting chamber was fully responsive now, transitions between its branching corridors smoother, safer without being forgiving. The systems listened better. So did the people working them.

  Toran wiped sweat from his brow and exhaled slowly, satisfaction settling into his posture. “We’ll make it,” he said. “Before they arrive.”

  Meral smiled. “I never doubted it.”

  Kyle snorted. “I did. But I’m impressed.”

  Toran’s grin softened at that — not triumph, but relief.

  The Order was changing shape around them, decisions from the council already rippling outward. Training schedules would adjust. Responsibilities would spread. New voices would fill old spaces.

  Growth hurt. But it didn’t have to break anything.

  I watched Toran stand there amid stone and circuitry, already mentally cataloging refinements, and felt that same quiet density settle in my chest again with awareness. The certainty that there was more to learn.

  And less time to pretend otherwise.

  ? ? ?

  By the time the Training Hall quieted again, the day had shifted into something heavier.

  Not in mood —there was still laughter, still motion— but in weight. Decisions had been made. Commitments spoken aloud. The kind that didn’t vanish when you stopped thinking about them.

  I left Toran and the others to their work and followed the worn path back toward the inner grounds, the stone warm beneath my boots. The jungle pressed close again, breathing damp air and distant life into the spaces between ruins. The Praxeum had always felt like a place built around growth rather than against it. Today, it felt like it was straining to keep up.

  Luke waited near one of the older practice rings, its stone floor cracked and repaired often enough that the seams told their own quiet history. Kam and Tionne stood with him, relaxed and present.

  “We’ll keep this brief,” Kam said, as if he needed to reassure himself as much as me. I nodded and stepped into the ring. This time, there were no instructions. No framework to step into.

  Luke didn’t ignite his saber. Neither did Kam. Tionne settled at the edge again, watching not my blade, but me. I drew my saber anyway. The pale blue-white light felt different now—not altered, but familiar in a way it hadn’t been before. Like a tool that had learned my hand instead of the other way around.

  I took a breath.

  And then I didn’t decide what came next.

  The movement began without a name. I didn’t choose one of my usual four phases, they felt too rigid, too complete. What happened instead was intent without destination. The beginning of a strike that never committed to landing. A step that started forward and resolved sideways instead, weight transferring through the stone and dissipating before it could become force.

  The Force flowed through the motion without resistance. Not amplifying. Supporting. I felt momentum arrive—and then leave—redirected not into another action, but into ground. Into balance. Into nothing that needed finishing.

  For a moment, the world narrowed to structure and release. When I stopped, my breath was steady. My heart rate hadn’t spiked.

  Kam exhaled slowly. “Again.”

  I repeated it.

  And again.

  Each time, the motion grew more precise, less effortful, harder to describe. It wasn’t that I was doing less—it was that I was doing only what was necessary, nothing more. Luke’s gaze never left me. He didn’t smile. He didn’t frown. When I finally powered down my saber, the quiet felt earned.

  “You’re not forcing outcomes anymore,” he said at last. “You’re allowing resolution.”

  I hesitated. “Is that… a problem?”

  He shook his head. “Not inherently.”

  Kam studied the stone at my feet, where faint scuff marks showed where force had been redirected rather than absorbed. “It will make you difficult to teach,” he said, not unkindly.

  “That,” Tionne added, “has always been true.”

  The relief of not being judged washed through me like a tide.

  Luke met my eyes then, expression open, unguarded. “Precision like this doesn’t come from ambition,” he said. “It comes from trust. In yourself. In the Force.”

  He paused.

  “Just be mindful of how far ahead of others you step.”

  I inclined my head. “I will.”

  He didn’t say good. He didn’t need to.

  When I left the ring, the Praxeum felt louder again—not because anything had changed, but because I was more aware of it. Voices carried farther. Footsteps felt heavier. Even the jungle’s constant murmur seemed closer, more present.

  The Order was preparing for growth. So was I. And now I understood that those two things might not always move at the same pace. There was no pride in that realization, nor fear, nor a warning.

  Just the knowledge that growth, once begun, did not ask permission to continue.

Recommended Popular Novels