During the wagon trip back to Kataravonia, Tilda sat on top of the wagon with me and I filled her in on the offer that Phoenix had made.

  Tilda was rather unsure. She said in a rather concerned tone “I understand where you are coming from… and she does have a point. We do need a bigger party if we want to take on bigger quests. But, do you not find her a bit… scary?” I replied “Of course I find her scary… if she wore heels, she’d be like 10ft… but… I mean… we hang around with Chloe and Chloe can be way scarier!”

  Suddenly Chloe piped up from the front of the carriage. “Hey, Shorty. I can hear you ya know. Don’t think I can’t kick your arse! Even with a fucked foot!” I looked at Tilda and said “See.” She laughed at me and said “Point taken.”

  She touched my shoulder and looked into my cowl. If it wasn’t for the enchantment, I would have sworn she was looking into my eyes and said “I trust your judgement Dwynfel. But where are we going to find a healer?” I was so grateful for her trust. I couldn’t help but feel terrible. These women… Tilda in particular, placed trust in me… and I couldn’t even be honest about who I am… what I am. The only thing I could do really was make sure that I did the best that I could for them. Have their backs and help this party to grow.

  It took us 8 days of investigating to get any leads on a healer at all. We had continued taking low level quests like rat extermination within Kataravonia so that we could stay local and be available to investigate any leads.

  Upon entering the guild, Vanessa summoned us over in her usual friendly manner “Oi Runt! Still after a cleric?” We moved over to the desk. Vanessa may be a rather abrasive character but she had had a step made at the end of the reception counter for me to use so I could talk to her without moving furniture. I took it as a sign she was warming to me.

  As I was climbing up my step Tilda addressed her and said “Yes, thank you. Have you heard anything?” Vanessa said “Aye, but ya may not want this one, proper rude cunt by all accounts.” I mean… she can hardly talk. Tilda looked disheartened at this and just said “Oh.” Chloe jumped straight in laughing “ha ha ha oh we can handle rude. Can’t we Shorty!” I begrudgingly agreed.

  Vanessa continued as she handed a sheet of paper over to Chloe “Right, well, he’s been kicked out a ‘is old group… pissed off the leader too much. Spends most a ‘is time with the whores near the market.”

  Chloe continued laughing, looked at the sheet and said “I like the sound of this guy… which house?” Venessa relied “Madame Laurent’s.” Vanessa took a large drag from her cigar and Chloe asked “They do boys?” Vanessa blew the smoke out of her lungs in my direction while not taking her eyes of Chloe and simply said “Aye.” “Fuckin’ fantastic. Let’s go!” Chloe said with a big smile on her face, leading us out of the guild.

  I am going to say this right now… I was not comfortable with this. I hadn’t seen a naked woman other than my mum since my father found me. This was a whole place dedicated to nudity and sex. Two things that I absolutely have to avoid. Quite apart from the fact that I can’t let anybody see my skin. The Grim are like a virus. Our children do not gain any traits from their mothers. The baby will always be a Grim. The only exception to this is if we breed with a Bracken or a Rakk female. It is for that reason that we generally leave the other goblin races alone. Well… we go out of our way to avoid the Rakk… violent psychopaths that they are.

  But I am getting off topic again. We entered Madame Laurent’s and Chloe was beaming with joy. She scanned the room and focussed in on a muscular man with a well-trimmed beard wearing what looked like a lady’s purse over his genitals, which was held in place by material so thin I genuinely think it may have been hair.

  Chloe flung the paper that Vanessa had given her into my hands saying “Good luck finding him!” before striding over to the bearded man. Tilda followed her shouting “Chloe, what are you doing. We can’t afford to waste money!” Chloe didn’t even blink and shouted back “Look at that guy! This isn’t a waste!” Tilda simply said “Damnit Chloe!” and continued to follow her.

  I stood in the middle of this… den of iniquity. Surrounded by happy people enjoying themselves and an extreme number of topless women. There must have been at least forty different breasts within my view within the first five minutes of me being in there. I was suddenly incredibly glad that my mother had altered the crotch of my armour to give it some… breathing room. Walking had become uncomfortable but I was eventually able to find the Cleric.

  He was sat at a table playing cards with another man. He had a woman straddling him. While waiting for the other man to play his card he was rubbing his face in her breasts and lightly biting the nipple of her right breast. Her nipples were the colour of raspberries and around the same size. Her breasts were so… large... he could have suffocated in them if he wasn’t careful. They were perfectly rounded… and she had a mole in-between them, slightly to the left... sorry… I’m going off track again.

  I moved forward, towards the table and said… in a terribly nervous tone “Excuse me sir… would you be Agaroth Tinthalin?” He didn’t hear me so I coughed and asked again slightly louder. His friend eventually kicked him under the table and said shouted his name. Agaroth removed the breast from his mouth, lifted it out of the way of his eyes, and spoke “Who the fuck are you?”

  I was so painfully nervous. Meeting him was bad enough… but the setting made me even more uncomfortable… the erection pressing against the inside of my armour made me horrifically self-conscious and I was acutely aware that I was very much interrupting an activity that most people do not wish to be interrupted. I summoned the courage to speak “My name is Dwynfel Vesidia. I have a proposal for you. May I sit down?”

  He glared at me for a few seconds before gesturing to the seat. I sat down… crossing my legs as I did. Afterwards, he said “Talk, but I’ve paid for my time here. I’m gonae use it.” He looked back at the woman and lowered the breast back down onto his face. His friend had put his cards down and was just sat there laughing.

  I absolutely did not know how handle that situation. I figured the best thing was to be as polite as possible. I said “I would like to request that you join my party. We are in need of a healer in order to take on more dangerous quests and we hear that you are skilled in this area.”

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  He didn’t even bother moving the breasts out of the way of his face this time, he simply spoke in an aggressive tone “You did nae hear that. You heard I’m the only healer around that’s free. Do nae lie tae me, ya little shit. How old are you anyway? Ya look aboot six.” I took a deep breath and responded “I am seventeen, sir. I am a halfling.”

  I still could not see his face properly… all I could see was her right breast. It looked as if her nipple had got firmer since I had first come over. My nipples get hard when I’m cold. But the temperature hadn’t got any colder… I felt like the room was on fire… do nipples get hard for other reasons? Excitement maybe? Other things get hard with excitement… maybe nipples do the same? I didn’t have time to contemplate that mystery though. I needed to focus on the conversation.

  At this point, I must point out that his strong accent did throw me a little. I had never come across an accent like it. Nor have I come across anybody with that accent since. He did say once that he was born in Kataravonia, but maybe his family moved somewhere else for a while before moving back. Because absolutely nobody else in Kataravonia speaks even remotely like that.

  Anyway… after a while he responded. “Halfling eh… do nae see them much roond ere… and seventeen. Bit nervous for seventeen int ya. Ya never seen a tit before?” Was it really that obvious that the setting was making me uncomfortable? I responded by saying “Apologies sir. This is my first time in…” I looked around… unsure of how to phrase this “…an establishment such as this.”

  His friend was trying not to laugh but seemed to be listening to me. Agaroth said “Fuckin’ establishment… sir… ya a bit posh int ya. Well drop that sir shite. I’m no fuckin’ noble. And it’s a whoor house, call it what it is… fuckin’ establishment. And this is the best place tae go tae get over them nerves ya have there. Find a girl ya like, slip her some coin, just jam your face in her tits and your cock in her cunt. Ya nerves’ll be gone in no time.”

  This man was making me beyond uncomfortable. But we needed a healer. We only had six days before Phoenix’s deadline. This was the only lead we had. I needed to make it work. I had promised Tilda that we could find someone. I said “Alas… umm… Agaroth… I do not have the coin to spare for such things I’m afraid.” He laughed and said “Ack, ya no fun. You’ve gottae make coin for these things. Unless you’ve got ya eye on a girl a ya own?”

  My legs tensed up… this conversation was unbearably awkward. I said “Believe me, I wish that was the case. I have a contagious skin condition and am unable to engage in such activities. So, having my eye on a girl would unfortunately never lead anywhere.” He seemed to suddenly lose his mirth. “That’s a cryin’ shame, kid. Never say never though. All sorts a creams aboot these days. You’ll get blood on your sword one day.” Urgh… even his euphemisms were vulgar. He went on “So tell me aboot this party a yours.”

  I proceeded to explain the situation. Explained who I was… or at least the lie I’d been going by for the past 2 years. Explained who Chloe & Tilda were, and their skills. Told him about Phoenix and how she had agreed to join us if we found a healer. He spent most of the conversation just playing with the prostitute’s breasts. Only stopping to ask me why I was the only one who came to find him. I gestured over to Chloe who was trying to haggle the price down of the boy toy she had seen earlier whilst Tilda tried to talk her out of it.

  He stood up, flung the prostitute over his shoulder, slapped her on the arse and said “I like the big lass over there, she gets it. The little one more your thing?” Once again, he had dragged the conversation back to this. I responded “As I said earlier, due to my skin condition, such a thing would be pointless.” Agaroth picked his drink up off the table. “That’s not a no… noted. You have yourself a deal wee man. Now I’m ga nae go get balls deep in big Bertha here.”

  He downed what was left of his drink and placed it down on the table before continuing. “I’ll meet ya at the guild in the morning. Have a good look roond ere before ya leave, eh. Give ya something to knock one oot to the night.”

  A boy of about sixteen instantly zipped over and removed his tankard. I remember thinking that that place had way better table service than I was expecting. Then I thought about Agaroth’s parting words… I looked at his friend confused and said “knock one out?” in a questioning tone. His friend responded “Masturbation, boy.”

  As Agaroth had flung the prostitute over his shoulder I had got my first good look at him. He was tall, although not as tall as Phoenix… he looked to be a few inches shorter. He had scruffy brown hair and a bushy beard that covered most of his face. He clearly did not trim either very often. He was of a similar build to Chloe, although less muscular and more rounded. He wore a white robe with blue accents; underneath I could hear the clanking of chainmail. So, he must have been wearing some under his robe. He smelled mostly of beer, with a hint of vomit. The vomit would likely not be noticed by others but as I said earlier… goblins have good noses.

  I was unsure of what to do next. I was debating whether I should stay and wait for Chloe to finish haggling or should I go over and tell them the good news… or should I have a look around as the disturbing man suggested. He may be vulgar but he was right. If I can’t engage in sexual activity then looking is as good as I’m going to get. The only vaguely erotic thing that I had seen since starting puberty was the picture of the succubus in my monster almanac at home. That page has been looked at a lot since then… and I started puberty at 7 so… yeah. There was certainly a lot more to work with here.

  I stamped that idea out of my head as quickly as it entered though. I know what I am, I know my nature, I can’t let myself get too excited. I must not lose control; I can never lose control. The blood in my veins is that of a vile creature that sees women as things to be used. If I spend too much time around this kind of thing then my baser instincts may take control.

  I stood up to go to leave when his friend grabbed my wrist and stopped me. I turned round and he said “You would not happen to require the assistance of a paladin as well, would you?” He told me that he had taken a hiatus from adventuring and was just returning. He said with the right guidance our party could go far and offered his services.

  I won’t lie. I was excited at the idea of having a paladin in the party. I would finally get to see one fighting up close. I never actually saw my dad in combat. Even when he found me, he just threw that dust in my face and I woke up on the farm. Having a paladin would be like having a chance to adventure with my dad. There was no way that I could turn him down.

  The paladin’s name was Asmodeus Trevithick. He wore white shining armour, had a glorious looking shield with his family symbol on it… which was a golden lion with a sword through it. He was about the same height as Agaroth but Asmodeus had a shaven head, a chiselled jaw and was exactly the kind of man women would swoon over. He smelled of shaving cream, probably from shaving his head, as well as garlic. It was tradition among the nobles to rub garlic across the body to hide the smell of body odours. I personally find the smell of garlic worse, but each to their own.

  He was from a wealthy family but he didn’t behave like most nobles did. He was so charitable and well liked. He always looked out for people. He was everything that I had always imagined that my father would have been like during his adventuring days. I told him we could definitely use his services and that he should meet us in the morning with Agaroth. I swiftly took my leave to tell Chloe and Tilda the good news. Then we just had to wait the remaining few days for Phoenix to return to the guild. Then we would have our party.