Chapter 36

  Waves Three and Four

  In direct contradiction to the second wave, the third wave was very much an example of quantity over quality.

  Hundreds of what I could only describe as kobolds scurried out of the portal. They were a little shorter than the goblins — perhaps four feet tall. Their features were rather rat-like, with long snouts and scaly tails. They had the colour of dried blood, and they were entirely naked except for the tatty loincloths covering their unmentionables.

  Not that I had any right to comment on preserving decency after my actions during the previous wave.

  Their bodies, although wiry, were densely muscled, and they looked like they could do some serious damage with the jagged tips of their fingers. They carried a seemingly random assortment of weapons – axes, daggers, maces, swords – and a few even had slings.

  In a bizarre kind of way, they were actually rather cute.

  At least I thought so until they opened their mouths and let loose a piercing, frenzied battle cry and swarmed towards us like it was Black Friday and we were the last discounted television. For some reason, they hadn’t suffered the same disorientation as the creatures from the first two waves, and their sudden rush caught us a little off guard.

  I launched Rel into the air – the situation being a prime candidate for a good old Relfire Vortex – but by the time the fireballs and lightning started crashing to the ground, many of the kobolds had already streamed past us and were quickly closing in on the village.

  They were fast little fuckers.

  I was about to race back towards the village to intercept them when I saw the reassuring sight of the skeletal knights peering over the wall.

  They’d be fine.

  A few moments later, I was very glad I’d decided to stay. The portal was apparently not quite done yet, as one last hulking figure emerged. It was essentially the kobold version of the troll king. It was around my height, but easily twice as wide. Whereas the other kobolds had been lean and wiry, this thing was a hulking monstrosity.

  It made me wonder whether this guy and the troll king visited the same pharmacist.

  It appeared that being the king of the kobolds came with a few other perks. It had armour – polished silver chainmail that took on a sinister blue sheen in the light of the portal. In either hand, it held large, rather menacing-looking cleavers. The colour of the metal seemed to be constantly shifting between shades of silver, grey and black. They emitted a very strange, twisted aura that even I – someone who was entirely magically inept – could feel.

  As Rel was busy, I figured I’d deal with the kobold king. Based on what I’d already seen of the other kobolds — and the fact he was wielding two lightweight weapons — I assumed the guy was going to be fast. This made him a prime candidate for agility training.

  I was right.

  When we clashed, he exploded into motion at a speed I struggled to follow, even with my newly improved agility. Very quickly, dozens of little cuts littered my body, small trickles of blood trailing down my skin. I dodged what I could, my speed sense working its little socks off to duck, dodge and deflect as many of the blows as possible.

  It was after around fifteen seconds of our absolutely demented dance that I noticed something wasn’t right. The twisted aura pouring off the blades seemed to have intensified, and it felt like it was seeping into my body through the small wounds the kobold king had opened. It snaked through me and gathered in my mind, casting an oily pall over my thoughts.

  It urged me to give up, to stop fighting back and accept the inevitable. The kobold king was too strong, too fast. I had no hope. I felt my body slowing, the number of cuts quickly multiplying. The effect grew a little stronger with each one.

  “Pete!” roared Rel’s voice from within the vortex above. The speed of his movement made it sound distorted. It was difficult to describe the sound, but the best way I can explain it is this: flick your finger up and down over your lips and then say ‘Peteeeee’ in the most dramatic voice you can manage.

  You have gained 1 intelligence.

  Current intelligence: 12

  The cloud over my mind lifted, and I felt my thoughts return with stark clarity. My fist lashed out, and the kobold king’s head exploded in a shower of bone and brain.

  As I stared down at his decapitated corpse, I couldn’t help but smile.

  Now, please don’t take that the wrong way and think I’m some sort of psychopath. It wasn’t the body itself that made me smile; it was more the fact that I’d hit the jackpot. This guy was ideal practice for both agility and intelligence.

  * * *

  A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

  Tarlin’s heart swelled with pride as he watched his villagers stand tall in the face of such horrors. Only days ago, those very same goblins would have been working the fields, caring for their animals, or tending their gardens. And now here they were, staring down enemies who would destroy their very way of life if left unopposed.

  The kobolds streamed towards the village, moving at a ground-eating pace. Once they were twenty metres away, they pushed off the ground, launching themselves through the air to sail over the stakes. They landed within the walls, pained shrieks filling the air as goblin spears plunged into exposed flesh.

  For a few moments, he allowed himself to believe that everything was under control – that they’d quickly put an end to the kobolds who’d reached the village.

  The hope was short lived.

  As more and more of the creatures breached the walls, the tide of the battle began to turn. Even though their numbers were similar, the goblins could not fight with the mindless savagery the kobolds were capable of. They were born and bred to be killers.

  What hope did simple village folk have in the face of such barbarity?

  And then his gaze drifted to the skeletal knights. They moved with a grace and efficiency that should have been impossible given their hulking size.

  But there were only eight of them.

  For every kobold they cleaved in half, another three or four were nipping at their heels.

  Tarlin winced as a kobold crashed into a skeleton’s legs, sending the knight stumbling to the ground. A mob of frenzied creatures fell upon him, their weapons cleaving through armour and shattering bone. The remaining skeletal knights roared their defiance and the intensity of their attacks grew, cutting down kobolds with ruthless efficiency.

  A pair of beady eyes fixed on him, and Tarlin felt his heart grow cold. A kobold had spotted him and was weaving through the combat towards his location. He watched in horror as a goblin darted forward, attempting to bury his spear in the approaching kobold's gut. The creature twisted aside with outrageous speed, the head of the spear finding nothing but air. Then its arm blurred out, burying the blade of its axe in the goblin’s head.

  Its path was clear now, and Tarlin shuddered as the Kobold prowled towards him. It was enjoying itself, lifting the axe to its lips and tasting the fallen goblin's blood. When it saw Tarlin's eyes widen in horror, it grinned, revealing jagged, bloodstained teeth.

  Tarlin squared his shoulders. He would face death with dignity, not giving his opponent the satisfaction of seeing his fear.

  A bolt of lightning struck the back of the kobold's head, its skull exploding in a violent mist.

  He heard Pete screaming a strange noise...

  Hyahh?

  The village was safe.

  * * *

  “We need to be more careful this time,” I said.

  I was lying on my back on the picnic blanket, my hands clasped behind my head as I gazed up at the cloudless sky. I don’t know what it is exactly, but there’s something special about the blue of the winter sky. It’s especially enjoyable when you don’t have to worry about the cold.

  “Too many of those little bastards got away from us,” I continued. “If it happens again, I want you to chase them down, and I’ll handle the rest.”

  “Happily,” said Rel, the word carrying an impressive amount of outrage. “I can’t believe those little… little… vermin shattered one of my skeletal knights!”

  I raised an eyebrow.

  “Rel,” I said, “Osian said the knight will be as good as new once they take his body back through the portal.”

  “That’s not the point,” huffed Rel. “It’s the fact they had the nerve to do such a thing in the first place!”

  I glanced at the timer.

  Fourth wave spawns in: 00:00:27

  “Right,” I said, rising to my feet. “Here we go again.”

  * * *

  The creature that emerged from the portal would have been the worst nightmare of millions of people back on Earth.

  It was a colossal spider, easily the size of a small house.

  Its body was pure black, like a creepy-as-fuck shadow scuttling around on eight razor-tipped legs. Light seemed to hit its body and simply vanish, as if it were absorbing it rather than reflecting it.

  And its eyes…

  They were like eight glittering, beady gateways to hell.

  As it took its first few ponderous steps, I was impressed by how nimbly it moved. With its considerable bulk, I’d expected its steps to be louder and for the sharp points to leave deep indents in the earth. Instead, it moved so gracefully that it almost glided across the ground.

  “Well,” said Rel, his wand appearing in his hand, “this is a rather fortuitous encounter. It just so happens that I have an insect zapper, right here.”

  “Erm, Rel,” I said, “I’m fairly certain spiders are arachnids, not insects.”

  He cleared his throat.

  “This is a rather fortuitous encounter. It just so happens that I have an arachnid zapper, right here.”

  The spider seemed to have oriented itself to its new environment, and our conversation had apparently caught its attention. It turned to face us, unblinking eyes examining us with cold, predatory intent.

  Either it was hungry, or it did not appreciate our conversation about taxonomy.

  A bolt of lightning streaked from the wand and struck the creature’s carapace. It hissed in pain and staggered backwards.

  The lightning had carved a small, smoking crater in its body.

  However, rather than having truly harmed the thing, it’d just made it mad. In fact, based on the frenzied chittering sound it was now emitting, it might be fairer to say that it was furious.

  Rel’s eyes widened, but he was given no chance to comment before one of the creature’s legs darted towards him. He leaped to the side, a fireball and bolt of lightning bursting into existence at the same time.

  I stepped forward to introduce the big bastard to my fist, but Rel stopped me.

  “Let me handle this one!” he shouted, darting into action once more.

  Fireballs and lightning hammered against the creature’s armoured shell. It hissed and staggered under the barrage, but its rage only continued to grow. The spells were harming it, but not enough to bring the fight to an end.

  Its razor-tipped legs darted out with increasing speed, as if its anger were fuelling its movements. I winced as Rel danced between them, narrowly avoiding blows that would no doubt have done some serious damage.

  As I watched, the words you won’t like me when I’m angry came to mind.

  I had the uncomfortable feeling that, if it weren’t for Rel’s small size, he’d have been skewered by now.

  Despite Rel’s insistence that he handle this one, I couldn’t stand by and just watch any more. It was far too close for comfort.

  Pete, the human javelin: initiate

  I positioned myself to face the spider, bent my knees, took a deep breath, and then launched myself off the ground. As I tore through the air, I raised both arms in front of me.

  Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s Peter Brookes!

  My fists connected with its body.

  And kept going.

  I immediately regretted my decision when I felt the spider’s insides fill my mouth and nose. When I emerged from the other side, having just carved a human-sized tunnel through the creature’s body, I crashed into the ground, spluttering and gagging as I half spat, half vomited spider innards over the floor.

  What a stupid idea.

  Pete, the human javelin: never fucking initiate ever again

  My clothes’ self-cleaning function was going to earn its pay today.

  “I told you I was going to handle that one,” said Rel, gazing at the spider’s twitching body, frustration burning in his eyes.

  “Sorry,” I said, the words coming out between profuse bouts of spitting and coughing. “I just had an idea I was desperate to try.”

  Rel stared at me for a few moments, his face inscrutable.

  “Thank you,” he said softly.