Fern and I took no care in how we packed the tents and other belongings in the cart in our rush to leave. Our precious items tossed in like sacks of grain a farmer takes to the mill. It was a miracle that we didn't break anything.

  Fern sat alone on the front bench of the cart, urging Peanut harder than usual. Despite her age, the mare cantered effortlessly down the uneven path with us and cart following briskly behind. She seemed to enjoy the challenge, surging ahead each time Fern pleaded for her to go faster.

  Still, I hoped that Peanut would come out of this ordeal unscathed. Sadly, I don’t have the luxury of being angry at Fern for asking so much from the mare at the moment.

  My mother and I sat in the back of the cart, jostled around by every bump and divot in the road. I held her tight against my chest protecting her from the rough ride. Regardless, we’d probably both have our fair share of bruises to nurse tonight.

  But my mother didn’t seem to notice Fern's haste to get back to our cabin. The message in the scroll had spooked her into an inconsolable grief.

  Her body jolted with every attempt at a breath, hard against my chest, forcing me into the bench. Each time my spine smacked into the wood, a grunt escaped my lips, but I ignored the growing ache. My mother was in worse shape and I wanted, just once, to be the strong son supporting her for a change.

  As we rode on my mother’s hyperventilating lessend into a steady sobbing. She buried her face into my oversized shirt. Her tears slowly soaked through the thin cotton fabric.

  “He'll kill him. He'll kill him,” she muttered continuously into my shirt as she gripped the fabric tighter in her hand. I rubbed her head. I doubt I could do more for her.

  As we rode on and my mother's mumbling droned on, I couldn’t bear her grief anymore. A tempting thought crept into my mind, what if I allowed myself a peek. If I could peek far enough into her future, maybe I’d see something, anything, I could share. A sign of hope.

  The mental grip on my magic begin to slip away. Something brushed against my mind, a thought, well a feeling, that I couldn’t fully understand. Immediately, the memory of the vision of my mother’s beating stormed my thoughts. A stark reminder why I’d sworn off ancient magic. There was nothing good in knowing the future. I focused briefly on suppressing the creeping magic inside me.

  When we reached our small cabin, Fern gently picked up my now sleeping mother. He didn’t acknowledge me at all, no calming look, no words of thanks for the help removing my mother from the cart. Nothing. I was invisible, just another piece of our things tossed in the cart. Fern walked slowly with my mother in his arms. I watched as he opened and closed the cabin door, leaving me outside.

  The emotions from the day’s events whirled inside me like a storm. I didn’t have time to fully process what had transpired at the village center and market while worrying about my mother. Many questions tumbled in my mind, fueling the storm of unprocessed emotions.

  Without the distraction of caring for my mother, my emotions fought to be freed of their fleshy prison. I laid down exhausted between the tents in the cart. I cried again like the small child I once was. Peanut’s impatient snorting being the only thing that lulled me into an uneasy sleep.

  ──── ? ────

  I don’t know how long I slept in the back of the cart. The sun's rays softly crept through the looming pines of the forest. Still, the chilly kiss of the approaching evening teased goosebumps on my arms. I jumped out of the cart grunting from the hard landing. My sore legs and back let me know what they thought off my nap in the wooden cart.

  Fern left me there, laying in that cart. Why? Had I not spent all my energy caring for my mother? Why am I not deserving of their concern and support? I kicked the wheel.

  Peanut whinnied, rearing as high as she could within the confines of the harness. Quickly, I grabbed the edge of the cart pulling it backwards. Really? Like my weight can stop Peanut if she charged.

  Peanut, fortunately docile by nature, returned her hooves to the ground and stomped impatiently bobbing her head. How Fern didn't hear the angry mare, I'd never know.

  “Yes girl, I’m sorry. Good girl.” I softly patted her neck and slowly reached for her bridle, careful not to startle her again. Once I had a firm grip on the flaking leather cheek strap, I led her toward the barn that Fern and I recently built.

  I stopped halfway and looked at Peanut. The sensation trying to reach my mind poked at my consciousness again, feelings of impatience, concern and a desire for dinner. I shook my head clearing my thoughts as best I could.

  “You got a short ride in you yet, girl?” I stroked her soft nose and looked into her eye. She's just a horse but I swore I saw her eye widen, her whole demeanor relaxed, she understands.

  I unhooked the harness for the cart and left it draped over the front bench and lead Peanut to the step of the cart that was the perfect height to help me jump onto her bare back. I shifted constantly, sliding around on her smooth back. How do people ride these things?

  “Well, let's go, Peanut.” My heart pounded in my chest. Peanut didn’t budge.

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  “Peanut, let's go.” She turned her head toward me, trying to nudge my knee with her nose. That sensation, again! I gripped her tightly with my knees and she trotted off down the path.

  Peanut decided the pace, trudging her way down the path toward the pond. I didn’t mind. I needed the time to myself to sort through my racing thoughts of the day’s events.

  “That letter, it's from one of the royals. It has to be. Who else would've set that aqua seal on the scroll?” I patted Peanut’s neck. I couldn’t stand the silence anymore and a horse can't betray your secrets.

  “Urg,” I slapped my forehead. Peanut glanced over her shoulder, curious, before a tasty weed distracted her. “Why do noble names have to be so complicated, Peanut? How does anybody remember them?” She bobbed her head. One of those two signed the letter off with a nickname and set the seal. I have no doubt about it in my mind.

  “But Peanut, what makes my mother so special? Without Fern, she forgets the most basic of things! Who would sneak her a letter?” Peanut snorted.

  What secret had gotten out that my mother, a lady tough enough to give up nobility for peasantry, broke down completely? An emotional wreak unable to fend for herself.

  All my thoughts started to lead to a single conclusion. Everything added up.My mother’s strange behavior at the village square with the royals. My vision of the finely dressed man with aqua accents. Lady Alemania treating me better than a common peasant at the market.

  “Oh god, Peanut. I feel sick.”

  I slumped over Peanut’s neck and buried my face in her mane. Shame, anger, and sadness brewed inside me. The only signs of my grief were the warm tears sliding quietly down my cheeks. The realization of my secret identity tore at my soul.

  “Peanut, I'm the bastard.” She snorted.

  A royal bastard. I have to be.

  The gentle swaying of Peanut’s shoulders gradually stopped. I laid against her neck wiping my face in her dusty mane. The grains of dirt pricked at my eye with every slight movement. Peanut gently bobbed her head, whinnying for my attention. We stood on path by the pond, exactly where I wanted to be.

  I slid off her back, trudged over to the grassy shore and dropped down to stare at the still clear water. I desperately wished to see myself staring back but my mind had other intentions with my reflection. Two men on pure white horses returned my gaze. Tears welled up again in my eyes. A rock the size of my hand dropped into the reflection, shattering the image.

  I pulled my knees up to my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs. I had never felt so much loneliness in my life. Hera was gone. I haven’t talked to her in months and I never got the chance to apologize. I wondered if she still considered me her friend. She never did visit our cabin but I also never showed her where to find it. My mother and Fern had no time for me. They didn’t give me a second thought and just left me in the cart.

  I felt a soft, warm breath across my cheek before I felt the soft fuzz of a horse’s nose. Peanut nuzzled my cheek. I rubbed her nose in appreciation.

  Again! That sensation brushed against my mind but I didn’t have the will to fight it off anymore. It felt oddly familiar.

  And behind ear too, please. I heard a female voice but when I looked around it was only Peanut and I in the grove by the pond. It took me a second to realize that my ears didn’t hear the voice. It was my mind.

  “Great. Now I’m hearing voices,” I ranted as I angrily threw another rock in the pond. The splunk it made was oddly satisfying. I sighed slouching forward with my head in my hands, “Can this day get any worse?”

  The circles in the water slowly radiated outward, calming and peaceful. Peanut rubbed her ear on my shoulder and nearly pushed me into the pond in the process.

  “Peanut. What gives? Back off!” I exclaimed while gently pushing her head away. I dropped my head back in my hands and stared out across the pond. Not even a minute later I felt Peanut breathing down the back of my neck.

  “Peanut! What are you doing back there?” A slight throbbing pulsed in my temples. Rubbing didn't help ease the pain.

  Little master sad. Peanut cheer up! Peanut headbutted my back.

  “God! PEANUT!”

  The water wasn’t as cold as I expected on such a crisp fall day. But, the wet, wool shirt clung uncomfortably to my chest. I thought that it itched when it was dry. I can't scratch myself hard enough.

  Peanut on the other hand, comfortably bucked around on the shore like a young filly. As much as I tried, I couldn't get angry with her.

  “I'm glad you're happy,” I laughed pushing away the stray hairs that clung to my cheek.

  Peanut too!

  She jumped into the pond, splashing me in the face. There goes my effort to dry my face. Peanut threw her head around, whinnying in excitement. Peanut splash!

  To someone who walked by, it was a boy and his horse, drenched completely in a pond. But to me, this was a special moment. I could understand Peanut. Her thoughts were my thoughts if she so wished it. And Peanut could understand me.

  I slowly stood up and walked over to Peanut and she to me. I threw my arms around her lean neck.

  “Peanut, as much as it pains me to know how I’m able to understand your thoughts. I’m so happy I can.” I hugged the old mare tighter. She was more than a horse, she was my closest companion.

  Peanut wrapped her head around me returning my emotional embrace.

  Peanut happy. Little master lonely. Peanut help but little master keep Peanut out. She stomped her hoof in the water.

  Little master let Peanut in. Peanut happy.

  It took me a while till I understood what Peanut meant by keeping her out. With my mother I had built up strong mental walls to protect myself from my magical abilities. On top of that, I suppressed it with every fiber of my being. I longed for companionship and the magic took advantage of the door my loneliness had opened.

  “Hey Peanut, how long have you been trying to talk to me?” I scratched behind her ear like she had been asking me to.

  Peanut lonely. Peanut try for months. Little master push away. Peanut pushed me back with her head and I nearly fell back into the water. When I steadied myself, Peanut laid her chin on my shoulder.

  Now Peanut in. Peanut not lonely.

  “I’m glad you finally broke through Peanut.” I rubbed her neck, the loose hairs stuck to my wet hand. “You picked a good time. I could use someone to talk to. Should we head back before it gets too dark?”

  Peanut neighed and dropped down on her knees in the soft mud of the pond. From the shoreline I could swing my leg over her shoulder to sit on her back. The mare stood back up with ease in the pond despite my weight on her back.

  Little master tall. Not heavy. I was relieved to hear it.

  I didn’t bother with the reins. If I wanted Peanut to turn or change her pace, I could just ask. Before Peanut climbed out of the pond she boldly stated in my mind. Peanut no break through. Little master let Peanut in.

  Peanut started the walk down the path toward home. I told her of everything that troubled me. The pent up feelings that I couldn't share with Fern and my mother. And she listened, as intently as the old mare could.

  “Peanut? Are you listening still?”

  She bobbed her head. Abel Ramseas. Stupid name. Little master better.

  “Oh Peanut, I don't think my mother would agree but it would make my life easier.”