The three of us spent the next few hours simply enjoying each other’s company, chatting and joking and laughing. We ended up going back outside before long, because Cassie wanted to practice with her new wand more. I insisted that she should leave the spell guide until tomorrow, because her birthday was not the time to study. Nevertheless, I could tell she was excited for it, not that I could blame her.

  Still, eventually my mother went home too. By then it was evening, and Cassie had calmed considerably. Jolene still hadn’t returned, and I couldn’t help but wonder where she had gone. I pushed the thought away as Cassie turned toward me.

  “Lia?” She asked.

  “Yeah?”

  “I want to take you somewhere,” she said softly.

  I thought for a moment. “Is it the ruins?”

  Cassie snorted. “Uh huh.”

  I shrugged “Sure. We might as well go at least once, since we’re leaving soon.”

  It didn’t take us long to get going. Cassie seemed to know where she was headed, which made sense because I knew she had visited these ruins a few times before. She brought her wand along, although she had it in its sheath at her hip now. She had left the book though. It took about half an hour of walking to reach the ruins, which meant that the sun was well and truly setting by the time we got there.

  The ruins themselves were nothing especially impressive. The forgotten remnants of some dilapidated fortress from a bygone era, which Cassie had been bugging me to visit with her for a while. Cassie had said that she preferred to sit on the top of the most put together tower, and then asked me to find a way up. She let me examine the entire thing before putting me out of our collective misery and showing me how to get inside. Admittedly, the whole thing had a far more interesting atmosphere from the inside. Thankfully, there were a few handy holes in the walls that provided enough light to see by.

  After some time soaking in the atmosphere, Cassie lead me to a ruined stairway where the climbing was a lot more literal than normal. Still, some minutes later we were at the top of the tower, which was ever so slightly tilted in a way I found concerning. Cassie assured me it would be fine, but I still found myself hesitant. I settled down before long, however.

  Cassie sat up against a battlement, facing the sunset. She patted the floor next to her in invitation, so I sat beside her in silence. We simply watched for a while, before Cassie started to speak.

  “You know how I said I’d been here a few times?”

  I nodded, something about the moment urging me to remain quiet for now.

  “Well, that was kind of a lie. This was my spot, for a while. I started coming here right after mum and I started fighting. I’ve always liked it. There’s something peaceful about this place, like the past has been laid to rest here.”

  I remained silent, letting Cassie take a moment to gather her words. It was clear to me that she was building up to something.

  “That’s part of why I decided to bring you here. This place means a lot to me, and I wanted you to experience that. The other part of why I wanted to bring you here was to tell you something. It’s something that I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while, but it’s more than a little scary to admit to openly. Here goes…”

  Cassie paused to take a steadying breath, either for confidence or for dramatic effect. I could never quite tell. “Lia, I like women.”

  I chuckled a little, not entirely sure where she was going with this. “I mean, yeah? I know?”

  “Now, I know that this is a big sho- Hold on, you KNOW!??” She yelled, cutting herself off.

  I paused and mentally re-examined the situation, wondering if I’d misread something. “Am I not supposed to?”

  Cassie looked flabbergasted. “NO! How do you already know?”

  This really confused me. “You… you know that you’re far from subtle, right? I mean, there was that old tavern Mum took us to, you spent the whole time flirting with the waitress. Made things kinda awkward, really. Oh, and there was that time that your mum tried to set you up with that guy… Robin? Yeah, him. Honestly, that entire fiasco was like a cry for help.” Realisation finally dawned, fashionably late as always. “Wait, were you trying to hide it?”

  Cassie grew progressively more and more red as I spoke, eventually giving in and hiding her face in her hands. “Oh gods, you already know. Of course you already know! Remind me never to tell you anything ever again.”

  I waited for her to come to grips with the situation, feeling more than a little guilty for my misunderstanding. Slowly she pulled herself together until she could finally look me in the eye again.

  “So,” I began, bursting with questions now that I had a firmer grasp on the situation. “Why were you trying to hide it? Emphasis on trying.”

  Cassie sighed, pulling a face like she’d just spotted some mould on her food. “Ugh. It was my mum. Our whole fight started because of my ‘proclivities’, as she calls them. You know how she gets, real big on the whole Purity worship.”

  “Really?” I asked, prompting Cassie to nod gravely. “Wow. I didn’t realise she was that bad. I have got to stop being so polite to her.”

  Cassie giggled, probably more from stress relief than my joke, but I’d take what I could get.

  “Who else knows? I mean, I bet my mum knows even if you haven’t told her, so…”

  Cassie shook her head ruefully. “Oh, no worries there. She was the second person I told, right after my own mother reacted how she did. Sort of spilled everything to the first person wiling to lend an ear, but for what it’s worth I’m glad it was her. She’s been trying to get me to tell you for ages, insisting it would be fine. I guess she was right.”

  “She’s good at that,” I chuckled.

  Cassie turned to look over at the sunset, which was just beginning to turn orange over the trees. “You know, this isn’t exactly how I thought this would go.”

  “How did you think this would go?” I asked, curious.

  “I… I’m not sure, honestly. I kind of assumed you would be all shocked, and then you’d do that thing where you just sort of process everything all intensely, then it would be out of the way and we’d be fine. That’s normally how it goes when I tell you important stuff.”

  That did sound suspiciously like me. “Not sure how I feel about being so predictable,” I admitted.

  Cassie turned and looked me in the eye. “When did you figure it out?”

  I cast my thoughts back. “We were… fourteen, I think. It was during the time you were so insistent that we hang out with Macy, which is hilarious in hindsight. What got me was that every time we hung out you’d ask me after about it, what I thought about her or whether or not I enjoyed her company.

  Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.

  “That wasn’t normal behaviour, so I paid more attention whenever she was around. Sure enough, you always got this intense look like you were measuring her up against some mental checklist or something. That and you were so careful with your words around her, it was honestly kind of cute. Anyway, it was unerringly similar to how she used to act around Tony Robinson, and I guess it just clicked in my head that ‘yeah, these are the same’.”

  Cassie stared at me the way she did if when I missed something obvious, before breaking down into quiet laughter. “Seriously? Only you, Lia. Only you.” She shook her head.

  I tilted my head. “What? What did I miss?”

  Cassie just laughed all the harder, taking a moment to compose herself. “I wasn’t into Macy, dumbass. I was trying to set you two up!”

  I stopped dead. “Huh?”

  Cassie smirked. “That’s right, you weren’t the only one paying attention as a teenager. You never gave any of the boys the time of day, so I felt like it was only fair to give you a shot for the other side. I had a feeling about it, y’know? I’ve been right before… or is it after? Nevermind, my point is that I was checking out Macy to see if she would be a good fit for you.

  “Obviously, that didn’t really work out, but I still reckon the theory was sound. As I said, I had a feeling. Still do. So, was I right? Are you… like me? I told you about me, it’s only fair.”

  I didn’t respond. I was too busy reeling from the realisation that just struck me. I had honestly never looked at anybody like that. Never. I’d kind of assumed that it was the kind of thing that would just develop over time, because everyone settled down eventually, right? It never had though.

  Of course, I could blame it on a lack of availability and call it a day, but I would be lying to myself. However it had ended, the whole fiasco with Macy had proven that I could make other connections, if I sought them out. So why didn’t I?

  Sure, I could argue that when it came to friends I had everything I needed in Cassie. I wasn’t wired to handle lots of people, and Cassie suited me so well that I didn’t need another best friend. Still, Cassie wasn’t providing as something more, so why didn’t I feel the need for anything of that nature?

  The more I thought about it, the more I came to a realisation. If somebody approached me right now, man or woman, with the offer of partnership then I would turn them down. No matter who they were or what they could offer. That felt right, but it didn’t feel complete, like I was staring at an unfinished puzzle.

  Distantly I felt Cassie shift beside me, felt her body press against my own as she wrapped me in an ever-comforting embrace. I felt her breath against my neck as she whispered something I didn’t hear to calm breathing I only now registered as erratic. I felt my own body respond, felt that breathing slow alongside my heart. I realised that I was panicking, and almost simultaneously realised that I wasn’t any more because of her.

  That stuck out to me, so I dug deeper. I realised that I was subconsciously shifting my body in subtle ways, making it softer where we were touching to better meld together. Nevermind, there was definitely something there.

  I felt her grip tighten, presumably confused and worried about my reaction. I felt the warmth of her her body, the few scant places where our bodies touched directly. I felt the contact of her hand against my neck and her cheek against my neck.

  As I registered the contact memories flashed unbidden through my mind, moments when my eyes had unconsciously tracked Cassie’s movements without me even realising. The brief flashes of happiness whenever one of her little touches made contact, a nudge to the shoulder or a hand pressed to the small of my back.

  I delved deeper, to the pangs of sadness I felt whenever she wasn’t around. To how she was always the first person I wanted to tell everything, and how life felt somehow more liveable when she was around.

  I brought my mind back to the present, to the embrace she had pulled me into in my moments of shock. I examined how comfortable it made me feel. How safe. How treasured.

  I remembered how it was only ever Cassie that could get me to feel better after a hug, rather than somewhere between neutral and uncomfortable. Not even my own mother could accomplish that, but my Cass could.

  I love her.

  The words came suddenly, like the flare of a lantern after hours in the dark. The thought was half-formed and it already had more than enough weight to set my mind grinding to a screeching halt. I felt myself mentally reel from the realisation, but the more I poured over the facts of the matter the more sense it made.

  I was in love with Cassie.

  Suddenly things came into focus. Those little moment when I got self-conscious without knowing why, or the inexorable need I had to please her whenever it was within my power. The simple fact that it only took her presence to have the world seeming just a little bit brighter. I couldn’t put a finger on exactly when it had happened, but the symptoms went back years.

  Of course, it explained why my reaction to the prospect of her leaving had been so extreme, way back when. Some part of me had clearly already known in some capacity and was even more terrified of losing her than the rest of me had been, which was an impressive feat..

  I knew that I should probably have been more upset about the implications of this. I mean, Cassie was a woman. I may have accepted her well, but from what I was aware this kind of thing could get… complicated, socially. Not everyone was a lifelong best friend with foreknowledge of the whole deal, after all.

  I doubted that I would face too much opposition in Vernal when this inevitably came out. The Church of the Three didn’t care too much about how you lived your life, just so long as it was a ‘net-positive’ you could get away with a lot.

  Of course, people could be pretty bad about this sort of thing as well. The second biggest presence in Vernal was the Church of Purity – which Cassie’s mother subscribed to, if not too zealously for the most part.

  I wasn’t exactly intimate with their texts, but they tended to frown on… well, everything. Most of the time anything that wasn’t clearly practical needed to have a purpose, which made two women being together ‘impure’ because it lacked tangible purpose.

  According to my late mentor Gabriel, they were just a ‘stuck up institution that happened to have the ear of a lot of politically important people’. Then again, he had been a devout follower of the Three, Death in particular. The two groups didn’t mix well, but I was still inclined to trust the man’s word.

  Despite this, I found that I wasn’t too worried about the social side of it. Mum would be fine, that I would have known even if Cassie hadn’t done this with her already. It would be good to have her support, although I highly doubted I would find the courage to tell her until after we left, which was less than ideal.

  No, what I was more worried about was that Cassie was my best friend. She was the one person who’s advice I wanted the most in this situation, and the one person I absolutely couldn’t tell.

  Because I absolutely couldn’t tell her. Not a chance. Even if I had the beginnings a single idea on how to handle a situation like this, now was not a good time. We were about to be spending a bunch of time in the middle of nowhere, which could be great if it went well or terrible if it didn’t.

  No, I wasn’t risking what we had on this. Not now, anyway. Maybe I could give it some time to settle and come back to the thought, but this was literally the first time I had thought of someone in this way, and my emotions weren’t exactly being gentle.

  Still, I did just spend gods know how long processing something. I guess I could just let her fill in the blanks?

  I dragged myself back to reality with my course set, suddenly very conscious of how close Cassie was. Now that I was properly cognisant of it I had no idea how I had missed it for so long. It wasn’t quite uncomfortable, more like I was hyper aware of her presence. Still, her embrace was somehow just as calming mentally as it was before, even if my heart was racing from the proximity now.

  Cassie must have noticed something, because she shuffled a little to meet me face-to-face. “Lia? Are you okay? What happened?” She asked, hazel eyes wide with concern. Gods, those eyes…

  Gods above, get a grip Lia!

  I nodded stiffly, struggling to meet her eyes. “Yeah, I was just… doing some thinking, I guess. Realised something that’s been a long time coming, I think.”

  “What were you thinking about? Wait, did you… Oh, shit. I’m so sorry honey. Did you not know?” Cassie started to pull away, but a just tightened by grip on her. Realised feelings or not, her hugs had just gotten even better, there was no way I was letting this one end so soon.

  As I processed what she said I realised that she thought I had only just realised I was into women. Which was technically true, I was just limited to exactly one woman, who happened to be right next to me. Still, I could run with this.

  “Don’t worry about it. I mean, I had to figure it out at some point, it was kinda right in front of me.” Okay, so I couldn’t help a bit of double entendre, sue me. “Besides, I’m the one who stole your thunder tonight. Twice. I’d say we’re even.”

  Cassie searched my face, and I realised that she was trying to read the colour of my eyes. I absently wondered what colour they were. Did love count as a visible emotion? If so, was it lingering or had it already passed on. By the time she turned her gaze away I was on the brink of getting lost in my musings again.

  She sighed, although she had a small smile now. “Yeah, I guess it was. Still, I guess we’re in the same boat at least, eh?”

  I wish- Hey! Shut up, me!

  “I guess so,” I answered noncommittally. I felt the need to put her worries to rest, so I kept talking. “Hey, no need to worry about me. I’ll be fine after some intense processing, right?” My attempt to lightened the mood failed spectacularly, and Cassie just gazed at me with a complicated look on her face.

  After what seemed like an eternity of consideration she twisted around and settled back against me, once again watching the sunset. “Let’s just sit for a bit, yeah? I think we’ve both had enough revelations for today.”

  I couldn’t agree more. Despite the many ways this could all go wrong, I found myself surprisingly calm as we watched the twilight deepen in each other’s arms. These ruins had been special to Cassie, and I had a feeling that they would be special to me to from now on. I found that I was quite alright with that.

  some point, I have not planned as well as I should have.)

  Extract from Memoirs of a Priest, written by an anonymous ex-member of the clergy of Fate.

  "During my time as a Reverend, a lot of people would come to me with questions. It was a big part of the job, after all. Sometimes the questions would be easy, 'what do I do about X's indiscretions'? or 'How do I tell Y I love him?'. Those questions were simple because, at the end of the day, they weren't about religion. Sure, the Church was a good way for these people who needed help or advice to find some, but fundamentally they were about individuals.

  No, the harder questions came from the real ardent believers. Not just of Fate, but all three would come with questions that I really wasn't sure how to answer. I mean, what do you say to a woman who's friend was killed by Purity's Inquisitors? How can you stand there with a straight face and tell her the people who killed her friend have as much right to their beliefs, beliefs which resulted in the death of an innocent person, as she does? The job always got harder when people came in with those questions.

  Things weren't always that extreme, of course. One day I was just getting ready to lead that month's sermon and a young boy, maybe fifteen at best came up to me. He was one of the younger crowd, so he took to calling me Rev, which I always thought was rather funny. I know some of my colleagues thought it disrespectful, but there was no harm. Anyway, he comes up to me and he says 'Rev? What... what other options are there?'

  And I stood still, because I had no idea how to answer such a question. On one hand I was upset. I make an effort to know most of my crowd, but this kid had slipped through the cracks. I was upset at myself for not showing him the glory of Lord Fate. Still, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I took him off his path. One of the things you learn as one of His priests is that everyone has things they have to go through to get where they need to be, and for all His whims I knew that Lord Fate did his best to look after all of us, to use was Sister Life and Sister Death provided as best available.

  That was my first instinct, to shepherd him to one of my sister churches, so I said to him with that in mind "Well son, what is it you're struggling with, to give you such a crisis of faith?" And to his credit, he doesn't hesitate a second.

  "Well Rev, I just... fell out of belief, I think. I try to trust in Lord Fate, really I do! I just... I wish that I knew how it all worked. I wish I could see behind the curtain of it all, you know? Don't you ever wonder what it's like? To know the meaning behind it all." The way he said it made it clear he'd been thinking about this for some time, so I did my best by that boy and gave him an honest answer.

  "Tell the truth? All the time. But that's what faith is, son. It doesn't mean a thing in a vacuum. It needs to be tested, to come out the other side stronger for it! That's true everywhere, not just under Lord Fate's gentle guidance."

  The boy looked at me, and I could tell he wasn't convinced, so I kept going. "Look here, my boy. I will admit that I can be a bit biased, when it comes to matters of faith. So I'll tell you what, let me run it through with you. The big ones, mind. I'm not gonna go let you get embroiled in some cult just to try something new, you hear?"

  That boy looked at me with surprise plain on his face. "Why, Rev? I mean, don't you want me to stay here?"

  And I laughed, and I said "Son, as long as you're living a good life you could spend your days counting paper!"

  Later that day he came back, after the sermon. His mother was with him that first time, and she told me he'd been down about this for months. Months! I hadn't seen a thing. That was the first time I felt disappointed in myself as a minister.

  In any case, that first session I stuck to the Three, on his mother's request. I first gave him the official overview of Lord Fate's church, ran him over the the idea of His Plans for us all. Of course I did, at the end of the day I was a believer, I wanted him to stay with where I thought he ought to be. So I got into the details, about how each and every one of us was a single, cherished Thread on the Tapestry of Fate, about how Lord Fate would always make sure that we were on our proper path.

  That didn't reach him much, so I continued on to talk about Sister Life. It was then that I told him of the birth of the Gods, of how One became Three. Of the twin sisters Life and Death, of their younger brother Fate. He seemed moved by the tale so I got into the specifics of Sister Life's words. To those under Sister Life, to live and to propagate Life was sacred. Whether that meant directly by saving a life or giving birth, or more indirectly by increasing others' quality of life was up to the individual. At the end of the day, so long a you lived you were living well.

  I left out the conflict between our sects, how Lord Fate weaved a grander Tapestry than the self-propagating chaos of his sister. The boy didn't need a sermon now, he needed options.

  I ended our first meeting with Death, much as all things meet Her in the end. I spoke of how Death had, at one point in our history, been the military arm of the Church. When we were less established and some larger religions felt the need to quell our presence with violence, it was the followers of Sister Death who had carved us a place in the world. I reassured him that we had no need for such measures any more, that the sect of Death often fell simply to those who saw Her embrace often. Soldiers, hunters, healers and adventurers who met with Her far to frequently. Sister Death was the least written about of the Three, for several reasons. At the end of the day, She didn't need to be present, controlling or wrathful. She was inevitable, and it was in this inevitability that her followers found comfort.

  The boy, whose name I learned was Alex, seemed considering. I can't honestly say I was happy as a Reverend to see him in his crisis of faith, but I was happy as a man to learn that he was doing better. Of course, that was far from our last meeting, but that first one was something special. I still think of him sometimes, of the ease with which he accepted those new ideas. I envy him.

  Extract End.

  so long). ;D