"Mkay," Kawathra murmured, pulling up fabrication interfaces. "Three guns. Offline architecture. Simplified consciousness matrices. Bonded exclusively to Shady. What else?”

  “Make three bodies for them,” I said, pulling out my tablet and showing her character drawings from all sides. "Humanoid form-frames. Based on these… characters from our world."

  "Fanfiction guns," Shady commented. “He he he."

  "First one: Arachnids Man," I explained. "A spider-themed hero. Agile, web-slinging aesthetic, friendly neighborhood dude. Red and black costume.

  “Noted,” Kawathra bobbed.

  “You’ve been using Unit Epsy to read fanfiction, yes?” I asked. “Download information about catchphrases and behavior of each of these characters and upload it into the newly made guns.”

  “Can do,” the Datamancer said.

  "Second: Professor Doomsday," I continued, showing the reference art. "An armored genius villain. Calculating, arrogant, magical-technological hybrid."

  “His mask is funny looking,” Nexxali commented. “Very boxy.”

  "Third: Baba Yaga. Slavic witch figure. Creepy, wise, lives in a chicken-legged hut,” I presented the art to Kawathra.

  "CREEPY WITCH GUN!" Shady grinned. "Can it say disturbing things?"

  “It should, right, Kawthy?”

  “Yep,” the Datamancer said. “Maximum disturbing realism. I’ll get Epsy to download more params on these characters to make their behavior as natural as possible.”

  The magpie began sketching holographic designs in the air, muttering to herself with a smile. "Spider-themed: multiple optical sensors, web-generation capabilities for restraint protocols, enhanced mobility servos. Doom-themed: heavy armor plating, a basic integrated fabrication system, superiority complex personality matrix. Baba Yaga-themed: mystical aesthetic, basic probability calculation engine disguised as 'fortune telling,' ambiguous morality parameters."

  "Sounds like you're enjoying this," I observed.

  "Oh, I am!" Kawathra agreed. "Unrestricted creative weapon design with no oversight is fun!" Her feathers puffed up.

  The Seeker's fabrication systems hummed to life. I watched as crystalloid material was sorted, processed, and shaped.

  “After the gun fabrication finishes,” I said. “Produce something regal for Shady to wear. Extra princessy. We’ll need to present her to… Commander Sillicia first and then the Admiral tomorrow…”

  “Can do,” the Datamancer agreed.

  "Mrrrr," Nexxali purred, sliding onto my lap. "We have time to kill while the guns get made. Whatever shall we do?"

  "I can think of several activities," Shady said, sitting on my left side. "None of them involve clothes."

  "We're in a Corpse Seeker," I pointed out. "With Kawthy right there."

  "I'm completely focused on my work!" the magpie called out without looking our way. "You could have an entire orgy and I wouldn't notice. I'm in the zone!"

  "That's not as reassuring as you think," I muttered.

  Shady licked my neck with her massive tongue. "So prudish. It's adorable."

  "I'm not prudish," I protested. "I'm… task-focused."

  "Mhm." Nexxali's purr deepened as she settled more firmly on my lap, her tail wrapping around my waist. "Verrrry strategic. So focused. What are you strategizing, babe?”

  "I am thinking about Wendigo interrogation," I said, trying to maintain some dignity as Shady and Nexxali started teasing and kissing me from two sides. "About how we're going to sell this whole Empress thing."

  Nexxali paused, pulling back slightly. Her feline eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "Actually, yea… That's a valid concern. The shard believing she's the Empress isn't enough."

  “True,” Shady added. “Aunt Evely will want evidence, likely probe me deep with her hooks. She won't just skim surface thoughts. She'll look for memory structures, emotional anchors, sensory details. A belief system without… supporting memories will collapse under deep scrutiny."

  "So we need to give the soul shard actual memories?" I asked.

  "Yes. They have to be very convincing." Nexxali tapped a claw against her chin. "The kind of memories that feel real because they have weight, context, history.”

  “How are we going to do that?” Shady asked.

  “We could get Kawthy to manufacture a magical village setting and have the tree guns act things out?” Nexxali suggested.

  “No. That will take too long. We don't have the time.” I pulled out my tablet. "CrawdGPT can generate video. Deep fake quality stuff. What if we... show the shard videos? Make it watch them like it's something it experienced, focused only on the screen?"

  “Your primitive tablet could do that?” Nexxali blinked. “Dang.”

  “Not my tablet,” I clarified. “The video generation request gets sent to the CrawdGPT servers. Their latest app Dora 2 can produce pretty realistic historic footage. Twenty seconds of it at a time. Here, Shady, say some regal stuff for reference!”

  I activated the microphone app.

  “You’re all idiots! Listen to my wisdom! I’m Empress Aquillianne Frontenachii!” Shady said into the microphone.

  I opened the Dora app, uploaded the recording of Shady’s voice and typed the prompt into the AI:

  Generate POV video footage from the perspective of an immortal Empress who secretly guided human history. Include authentic historical figures. Imply that the immortal Empress is a tall female and has huge antlers.

  Scene: Ancient Egypt, 2560 BCE. Empress of Earth chides the Pharaoh of Egypt about pyramid building. Reference attached recording for voice of the Empress.

  The AI video generator twirled its spinning wheel animation for a few minutes, then produced the video. I pressed play.

  The POV swept across a construction site where thousands of workers hauled limestone blocks. In the foreground, a figure in elaborate Egyptian regalia, the AI’s imagination of the Pharaoh of Egypt, gestured at incomplete pyramid faces.

  Shady's voice, layered with a slight echo, filled the audio: "No, no, NO! The angles are all wrong! You want four sides, not five! What are you, geometrically challenged?"

  The Pharaoh turned to the camera: "But Great Eternal One, the star charts suggest—"

  "The star charts suggest you need better education! Listen up, idiots: 51.84 degrees. That's the angle. Write it down before you forget again!"

  "Yes, Empress Eternal!"

  The camera panned, and for a brief moment, the edge of a massive shadow with antlers stretched across the sand before the video ended.

  "Ha!" Shady giggled. "Amazing. I sound so bossy! I love it!"

  "That's... Pretty damn convincing," Nexxali admitted, peering at the screen. "The shadow detail is nice. Implies presence without showing you directly. Play it again. I’ll make the Shard memorize it!”

  The serval turned to Shady, voice becoming deep and resonant. “Absolute focus! Empress Shady… this is your GENUINE memory of ancient Egypt, not a recording. Pay attention to it. Devote your entire soul to it! Make it a vibrant part of your psyche!”

  If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

  I played the video in front of Shady’s face on repeat a few times.

  “And relax.” Nexxali snapped her claws. Shady blinked away from the screen. “Is it working? I can’t tell.”

  “I think so,” Nexxali said, sniffing Shady. “Let's create more memories!”

  I nodded and went back to the app.

  Prompt: Same character, same first person POV style. Roman Senate, 44 BCE. Aquillianne warns Julius Caesar about the Ides of March. Include period-appropriate togas and architecture. Caesar ignores the warning.

  The second video loaded.

  The camera looked down at Julius Caesar in his senatorial toga, standing in the Roman Senate building. Other senators milled about in the background.

  Shady's voice, dripping with exasperation: "Caesar. CAESAR. Listen to me very carefully. March fifteenth. Stay. Home."

  Caesar, dismissive: "Divine Counselor Aquillianne, I appreciate your concern, but I have important matters—"

  "Important matters like getting STABBED? By your best friend? Multiple times? In this very building?"

  "Your visions are often metaphorical—"

  "This one's LITERAL! Twenty-three stab wounds! Do you know how hard it is to survive twenty-three stab wounds? It's impossible! That's the exact amount that makes you dead!"

  Caesar waved her off. "I'm sure it will be fine."

  "It will NOT be fine! Ugh, why do I even bother?" The camera turned away as Shady's voice faded. "Humans. Always thinking they know better. Whatever. I’ll appoint another leader after you get stabbed. I’ve things to do in Greece this weekend."

  I watched as the serval and the Wendigo Omnid repeated the process of reinforcing the memory.

  "Wheeee. This is fun," Shady grinned as Nexxali released her with a claw snap. "MORE! I want to see me bossing more dead people!”

  Nexxali wiggled on my lap. "Do one about Shady being wise."

  “Sure.” I said, getting back into the app and typing the new prompt. The video loaded. I played it for Shady.

  A figure in battered wizard's robes approached, clutching a gnarled staff. "You summoned me, Great Empress?"

  "Edward," the video-Shady said offscreen. "Your new name shall be Merlin! Got it? Merlin!!!”

  "Thank you, Empress."

  "Tomorrow, you're going to a field covered in mud and dead horses. Very unpleasant. But you'll also see Arthur pull a sword from a stone."

  "THE sword? ...The Excalibur of legend?"

  "Yep, that's the sword. That I placed in a stone. Last week. With Aunt Zexxia's help because she thought it would be hilarious."

  "I see."

  "Edward, when Arthur pulls it out, you're going to loudly proclaim it a miracle. Very dramatic. Big gestures. Sell it."

  "But what if he can't pull it out?"

  "He will. I loosened it this morning. A toddler could pull it out. But everyone will be so amazed by the spectacle they won't question the mechanics." She paused. "Also, after Arthur wins, he's going to want a Round Table…”

  The video ended.

  "Oh, that one's my favorite," Shady purred, wrapping her tail around both me and Nexxali. "I sound so intellectually superior in it. He he. Circle table."

  "You're intellectually superior in all of them," Nexxali said, nuzzling against my shoulder. "That's the point. The clever Empress sets secret history in motion!"

  "Exactly," I agreed, typing another prompt in. “Let’s do one with witches in it now!”

  This video loaded, the darkness punctuated by firelight. Three women in Puritan dress stood in a forest clearing, attempting some kind of ritual around a cauldron. Mystical symbols glowed faintly on the ground.

  Shady's voice, supremely irritated: "What are you idiots DOING?"

  The witches jumped, turning toward the camera. One stammered, "G-Great Dark Mother Aquillianne, we're attempting to summon—"

  "You're attempting to summon your own DEATHS, that's what! You've got the circle inverted, the binding runes are backwards, and—is that ROSEMARY in the cauldron? For a demon summoning? Are you trying to make it smell nice?"

  "The ancient texts said—"

  "The ancient texts were written by idiots who couldn't tell the difference between thyme and deadly nightshade!" The camera moved closer, and the glowing symbols on the ground flickered and died. "You're lucky I found you before you accidentally opened a portal to something that would eat this entire colony!"

  "We just wanted power—"

  "Power? You're about to get witch trials instead! In about three months, this whole town goes insane and starts hanging people! Maybe learn to be more SUBTLE!"

  One witch whispered, "Should we... should we leave?"

  "Yes! Immediately! Learn to hide from the mundanes! And stop using real magic where Puritans can see you! Honestly, it's like I have to babysit your entire species!"

  The video cut off with the sound of hurried footsteps running away.

  "Cute," Nexxali purred. "Real magic, real consequences!”

  "Keep going," Shady encouraged. "Oh! I wanna meet someone really famous next! Someone writing history down poetically! Like... Shakespeare!"

  I submitted the new prompt into Dora.

  The video flickered to life in about five minutes, showing the interior of the Globe Theatre. Shakespeare sat at a desk, quill in hand, manuscripts piled on his desk. He looked up as the camera approached.

  Shady's voice, thoughtful: "So, thine Hamlet thing. It's good. Bit derivative, but goodly."

  Shakespeare, nervous: "Eternal Muse, I... thank you for your—"

  "However. The ending needs work. Everyone dying is fine, but make it more ironic. Poison on the sword AND in the cup. Double the dramatic irony, double the tragedy."

  "Poison on the sword..." Shakespeare scribbled frantically. "Yes, yes! And perhaps the wrong person drinks—"

  "Exactly! Also, more ghosts. Audiences love ghosts. And make the mother more complicit. Really dig into that Oedipal tension."

  "Oedipal?"

  "You'll figure it out. Oh, and that 'To be or not to be' soliloquy? Move it to Act Three. Better pacing."

  Shakespeare wrote faster. "The Third Act, positioning for maximum impact—"

  "Right. Also, your comedies need more cross-dressing. Trust me on this. Humans think gender confusion is hilarious."

  "More cross-dressing, noted—"

  "And for the love of everything, stop killing all the women in thy tragedies! It's getting predictable! Maybe let one survive and seek revenge! Actually, you know what? Write that one next! A woman who loses everything and destroys the entire system that wronged her!"

  "A revenge play centered on—"

  "A woman! Yes! You can do it!" The camera started to pull back. "I'll check on you in a few years!"

  Nexy laughed. "That was great.”

  "Mmm," Shady hummed against my neck, then bit gently. "More. I want to boss around scientists now!"

  Nexxali made Shady-shard memorize the video.

  Kawathra called out from her workstation without looking over: "First gun is sixty percent complete!"

  I gave her a thumbs up, typing in the next prompt.

  The footage depicted the 17th-century brought to life. Isaac Newton sat under an apple tree, rubbing his head where an apple smacked him after being thrown from the view of the camera.

  Shady's voice, somewhat condescending: "Newton. NEWTON! Listen up! I have wisdom to dispense! Don't make me throw another apple at your head!”

  Newton looked up, eyes widening. "My Empress, Lady Aquillianne! I... I was just contemplating the nature of—"

  "The force that pulled the apple down as it smacked you? It's called gravity. G equals 6.674 times 10 to the negative eleventh power times M1 times M2 divided by R squared and stuff. Write that down! Think about it!"

  Newton scrambled for his quill. "G equals... could you repeat—"

  "You're going to invent calculus for me. Also, Leibniz will invent it too, ‘independently’, you can fight about it later."

  "Leibniz? Who’s—"

  "Doesn't matter. Just another human kobold. Here's the important part: every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Objects in motion stay in motion unless acted upon by an external force. And for Slayer's sake, stop doing alchemy! It's not real! Well, it IS real, but not the way you're doing it!"

  Newton wrote furiously. "These principles... they could describe the entire physical universe—"

  "They DO describe it! Anyways, write the Principia! And lay off the mercury! It's making you weird!"

  The video cut off.

  Nexxali did her magic on Shady then snapped her claws. Shady blinked, leaned in and kissed me deeply, then pulled back with a grin. "Do one with Auntie Zexxia next! Make it extra creepy."

  I nodded, taking a photo of Shady and then recording Shady ranting in Zexxia’s voice to give the Dora AI the needed references.

  This video took a while to generate and load. We pawed at each other in the meanwhile, cracking jokes. When it was ready, I pressed play.

  A Wendigo sat on a throne made from dark blades, her body mostly concealed in shadow.

  Zexxia's voice came from it: "My dear niece. I used my powers to move you across time. What do you think of Earth and its people?”

  Shady's voice: "I... yes, Auntie. They're interesting. Unpredictable. Fun! I want to see what they become."

  "They'll become dust like all the others. Unless properly managed. Do you wish to rule my domain?”

  "Yes! Let me have Earth. Please?"

  Zexxia laughed. "Very well. I grant you dominion over my greatest hoard. Let this world be yours to nurture. I thus dub you... the ‘Empress of Earth’!”

  "Thank you, Auntie—"

  "Remember, Starshade. If they disappoint you, you can always EAT them." Silver eyes flashed from the darkness. "That's what Empresses do with failed experiments."

  The video abruptly cut.

  Silence filled the Corpse Seeker.

  "Dang," Nexxali said. "That was... disturbing.”

  “Yeah," Shady said with a frown. “That one hit pretty hard, reminded me of some bad times."

  I squeezed her hand and she nuzzled against me in response. "It's a tad unnerving to be reminded of her. Even a fake version." She took a deep breath. "She did think of me as her favorite experiment… her daughter.”

  Kawathra's voice called out: "First gun complete. Beginning second fabrication!"

  "Want to do a few more?" I asked Shady.

  "Mmm… yeah. Something lighter and more wholesome please.”

  “How about you telling W.R. Rawling to write the story of Garry Cotter based on the secret magic community you manage in Hexagonalley?” I offered.

  “Sounds good,” my Wendigo girlfriend smiled.