It’s not encouraging.
A bunch of miscellaneous crap from the Trader’s Point escape. A bunch of fish bits and lobster pieces from the Long Arm quest, and 76k in gold coins, which is nowhere near what I need to pay off my medical debt. The only thing I’ve got that’s worth anything is 2 cans of spinach. And the Oolith egg, whatever that’s good for. Plus, the Rare LootBox from the Long Arm Quest, but that still has ten minutes left on the timer before I can open it.
I look over my inventory and wonder how I’m going to survive this game with no weapons. Maybe if the Training Module had given me some more time to pick my Skill Trees, but that would be fair, wouldn’t it? HumanAsset doesn’t play fair.
“Here, have a bite of this.” Pepper suddenly pops a piece of fish in my mouth. I don’t want it, but it tastes pretty good for raw fish, like high-grade sushi.
“I told you I’m not hungry.”
“Do you have any seasoning?” Pepper glances at a few fish she’s pulled from the pond. “Like some garlic or salt?”
“No, I don’t—” Wait. Foraging is one of my Hermit skills. Maybe I can find something useful in the jungle. Like a magic axe. “Hang on, I’ll be back.”
I stride through the trees, wary of monsters or hungry animals, but I see Camouflage While Idle +10 pop up and relax a bit. My Health, which was 22% when we landed, is now at 91% and climbing. Right. My Hermit skills make everyone in my party heal faster when we’re alone. Apparently, being with Pepper counts as being alone.
Forage +5 ignites in my HUD. I wander through the brush and quickly find more random items. I discover a pair of moldy leather boots and equip them on my feet. As I walk I find a bunch of old belts, a tattered rope, a huge turtle shell, a ball of twine, a rusted frying pan, a nest of grubs, honey, mangos, herbs, mushrooms, a three-foot bird feather… I just let it all drop into my inventory automatically as I think.
Everything I’ve done so far has nearly gotten me killed. I watched Buck die, and I’m lucky I’m not in the Placebo Protocols right now. If things had gone differently, I would be dead, and HumanAsset would be taking my mom’s condo. I need to get out of here, and the only way I’m going to do that is by playing smarter. I’ve been acting like RiftBorn is a game; it’s not. And I really don’t want to die in this stupid place.
The 77 Party Invites that O’Cavity showed me have dropped to 52. I’m running out of options. I have to join a RiftBorn party soon.
Time to figure out what I’m willing to sacrifice. I won’t entertain a bunch of teenagers, I’m not a dancing monkey. But I need to be useful, or they’ll just kill me out of boredom. If I’m nothing but a grumpy old Hermit who can jerry-rig gizmos out of junk and forage for berries, I’m not going to live long.
But I have exactly zero other ideas.
Party Invites Remaining: 48
I return to Pepper and dump out all the junk I found in the jungle. “Here you go. Eat up.”
Pepper exclaims at the stuff, excited and hungry. “Oh, Dave! Thank you. This is wonderful!”
I ignore the penguin and return to my own pile of junk. I try to make a MacHack out of a stick, the bird feather, and a piece of twine, but all I wind up with is…
Improvised Gizmo: Cockatoo Hookadoo
A fishing pole for birds to catch fish!
I sigh. What a piece of junk. I might as well give the thing to Pepper; she’s technically a bird. “Hey, Cabbage Patch! Do you want a…”
Pepper sits at the edge of the pond in front of a small table dressed with fine china, a bottle of wine, and a lit candle. On her plate is an elegant meal that looks like it belongs in a fancy restaurant. I blink, dumbstruck. “What the hell is that?”
“Salmon à l’Unilatérale rillettes and sautéed chanterelles… with a shallot confit.”
“What the f§ck? Where did you get this stuff?”
“I just combined my fish with the mushrooms you gave me and… made it.”
“Just now? How?”
“I don’t know!” She chirps happily. “But it’s delicious!” Pepper spears a bite of salmon with a silver fork and gobbles it down. “You sure you don’t want some?”
What the pluperfect hell? How did a cartoon penguin make French cuisine out of jungle junk? “Wait. Show me your character sheet.”
“Okay!” Her HUD pops up on her chalkboard.
PEPPER lvl 3 Mesmerist
The battlefield is your stage, and every enemy is your audience. You bend attention like light through a prism—distracting, confusing, and stunning foes. As the Mesmerist, you freeze enemies like a deer in the headlights… while your party runs over them with a Buick.
Current Psi Points: 6*
*Your psi points are equal to half your Psyche, and are used to activate your psionic skills.
Mesmerist Class Bonuses:
Squirrel! Pop a flash, noise, stink, or other sensory chaos bomb as a distraction. (Aggro Draw -50% | :30 cooldown) Cost: 1 Psi
Goldfish Mode: Brain freeze 1 target for 5–30 seconds. (vs. Opponent’s Psyche | 5 min cooldown) Cost: 2 Psi
Mirror Mirror: Spawn a carbon copy of your target that reflects their attacks back at them. Duration: 30 seconds. (Boss, Mini-Boss & Unique excluded | 10 min cooldown) Cost: 3 Psi
Head Cheese: 10% chance to Enthrall an NPC or Monster for 1-24 hours. (1x/day)
Woah. Pepper is some kind of… Harry Houdini? The Amazing Kreskin? Some of her Skills could have turned the tide back in Trader’s Point, or at least slowed the mob down. Goldfish Mode is a full-on stop button, Mirror Mirror looks like it could actually do some damage, and Head Cheese…
A thought occurs to me. There’s absolutely no logical reason for me to feel like I should protect a piece of software like Pepper. I’m an NPC, which means she can enthrall me, whatever that means, but it sounds like some kind of mind control. “Did you cast Head Cheese on me?”
This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
“No.” Pepper blinks innocently. “I haven’t used any of these. I mean, not on purpose. I didn’t even know I had them until you showed me.”
Okay, maybe she’s innocent. At least she has some abilities that might be good in a fight. “Show me your Skill Tree.”
She flicks a flipper, and the chalkboard changes.
Meal Prepper
Second Breakfast: Prepared food heals 33% Health
Lunchables: Prepared food can be consumed instantly in combat
Carbo Load: Any food you prepare removes all Hunger debuffs for 24 hours
Certified Fresh: Removes all active debuffs/toxins from any ingredients you use
Bento Buff: 5% chance to boost a random core stat for 15 minutes
Harry Houdini meets Magic Chef. Okay. That explains how she made a French Laundry dinner in 10 seconds. “Okay, Pep. Start making more food. A lot more.”
“Why?”
Because you basically make edible medkits that could save my life, and I don’t want to die in a video game. But I don’t say that out loud. I only have 36 Party Invites left. I change my tone, trying to be nice. “Because we’re going to join a team.”
“We are?” Pepper smiles. “With new friends?”
I nod, gritting my teeth. “And they’ll love your food so much, they’ll all love you.”
“Oh goody!” Pepper starts to whip up some more fancy grub. “Do you think they’ll love learning long division, too?”
“Who doesn’t?” I sit down and she serves me another salmon rillette. I dump it in my inventory for later and glance at the Party Invite counter ticking down in the corner of my HUD. “Keep going. Let’s see your next Skill.”
“Okay!”
MemeQueen
15 Frames of Fame: Auto-post highlight reel to all social media (Cooldown: 5 minutes)
CapCut Cannon: Auto-add random trending visual effect(s) & hashtags for maximum virality
Shot Caller: Select from over 100 styles of video
Flash Mob Mentality: 25% chance NPCs & monsters perform in your video as extras (30 seconds)
Viral Load: Increased chance your clip is Featured on RiftTok
Hell’s bells. This is all a bunch of social media junk; none of it is going to do us any good. But Pepper looks amazed at the list. “Ooo! I can do a Loot Unboxing video with my new friends!”
“No.” I swipe her chalkboard myself before she can activate any of this crap. “What’s your last skill?”
That’s when I’m treated to the best surprise I’ve had since the game started. Pepper’s final skill isn’t just a combat boost. It’s Christmas morning at the US Air Force.
Meat Missile
Human Cannonball: At 30 mph, you become a living bomb that detonates a 20'x20' area (Cooldown: 3 days)
Ballistic Brisket: Damage of explosion doubles with your speed
Ham Slam: All enemies who survive explosion are Stunned for 30 seconds
Gravy Train: 10% of all damage caused is used to heal your party
Meatageddon: 1% chance of detonation at 10x power
“Holy sh§t.” I stare at the screen and make sure I’m reading it right. I am. Pepper is a penguin-shaped Hellfire missile.
“Oh, no!” Pepper cries. “I could hurt somebody!”
“Yes.” I can’t help but grin. “You could.”
If I can figure out a way to get Pepper up to 30mph, I’ve got a real weapon. I wonder if I could throw her that fast. Why not? Nolan Ryan threw 100mph fastballs for the Mets. I could throw a penguin a third that speed, right? The problem is the weight. She’s about as heavy as a bowling ball, and I don’t know if I could chuck a bowling ball 20 feet. Maybe if I constructed another mini trebuchet…
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Pepper looks worried.
I’m saved from answering by a bing! that sounds like a microwave just finished cooking a hot dog in my pants. I check my belt pouch and find the LootBox timer has run out—it’s ready to open. I pull it out of the inventory and pop the top.
Rare LootBox Opened!
Payday! You have received…
I pull a stack of silver discs out of the box. They’re all on a spindle, like the recordable CD-Rs from Circuit City. What the hell would I want with a stack of CDs? I see there’s a picture of MC Hammer on the cover, and I check the description.
Can’t Touch This!
My, my, my, my! When you trigger this item, you will be protected by a mirrored armor made of silver discs that reflect all physical damage (not magical or psychic) and render you Invulnerable for 10 seconds. Parachute pants optional. (Single use consumable)
A force-field made of discs. Not a weapon like I was hoping for, but protection from punks like Teen Aqua Force. Too bad I can only use it once. But that gives me an idea…
I pull the Oolith egg out of my inventory and read the description again. The egg is breakable, but the magic force field around it isn’t. Until the egg hatches, nothing can get through, including arrows, bullets, and laser blasts.
Party Invites Remaining: 19
I pull out the giant turtle shell I found foraging. It’s about the size of a manhole cover. I place it next to the Oolith egg, thinking.
“Dave?” Pepper leans in. “Are you okay? Would you like a salmon quiche?”
I ignore her, grab the old belts I found, and strap them around the turtle shell. I shove my arm through one of the straps, then pin the Oolith between the shell and the ground. “Okay, let’s see if this works.” I trigger the MacHack skill to combine the shell, the belt, and the egg into an Improvised Gizmo. I feel a rush of energy surge through me like I’ve just been hit by lightning.
CRITICAL SUCCESS!
Duct Tape Genius: You have created a Legendary Item!
Shellshock
Tougher than a diner waitress at 3 a.m., this impenetrable snapping turtle-Oolith shield absorbs most blows and sometimes even sends them back where they came from. Because nothing says survival like weaponized omelettes. Armor +100
Now we’re talking.
I appraise the shield and admire the look of it. The Oolith hasn’t changed shape, but the spiked turtle shell has grown around it into a solid shield that looks fantastic. The old belt has become a full-fledged strap-and-handle combo. The egg itself is still glowing green—nobody is going to mistake this for anything but a magic shield.
“Goodness gracious, Dave!” Pepper chirps. “It’s so pretty!”
Party Invites Remaining: 3
It’s now or never.
“Give me a couple of those salmon fillets.” She hands me three of her Meal Prepper dishes and I pop them in my inventory. “Okay, Pep. This is how we’re going to do this.” I crouch down, eye to eye with the penguin. “I’m your shield. When we run up against the bad guys, I’ll protect you.”
“Because you’re my hero.” Pepper looks at me like I’m a knight in shining armor.
Party Invites Remaining: 2
“You use your Goldfish Mode to stun them or Mirror Mirror to make them attack themselves, okay?”
She gives me a big thumbs-up. “O-kay, Dave!”
Party Invites Remaining: 1
“And if we get in real trouble, I’ll throw you at them and you explode.”
“Oka—wait, what?”
I hit Accept Invite.
Colors swirl. The world suddenly shifts sideways; the jungle is ripped away from us. We rocket over blue water, moving too fast to see. Islands zip by beneath us like we’re hovering over a globe that’s been spun too fast. Everything jerks to a sudden halt, and it’s like we’re inside a runaway shopping cart that smacked into a curb. I’m thrown to the ground, and Pepper bounces beside me, squawking.
*Entering Premium Battle PassZone*
LivingLegend Verified, Entry Granted
Festoon Lagoon
Mount Tripwire
PvP Inactive
15 days, 8 hours until the RiftStorm destroys the world.
I shake my head to clear it and find a gun pressed to my temple.
A female cyberpunk gunslinger in a tactical corset laced with glowing accents holds an underbarrel techno-pistol to my skull. She smiles wickedly around her neon cigarette. “Well, hello there, sailor.”
EmpathyEngine?: Warning!
Dave just joined his first RifeElite party. His ticking time bomb has begun. Expect casualties.