AnnouncementContent warning: dysphoria

  The summer sun beamed through the window and into my eyes, telling me to get up and stop enjoying my Wednesday sleep in. I groaned at the interruption of my sleep and looked at the clock and saw that my css starts in an hour. I got dressed and headed out of my room towards the living room. I lived in an apartment with two roommates, Zoey and Joanna, since the start of my freshman year of college. I’d basically ran into them in my Comp Sci 101 css on the first day of school and they desperately needed a third person to help pay rent and here I was. I walked into the living space from the hallway and saw breakfast neatly prepared on the dining table.

  “What’s this?” I asked.

  “Oh-it’s just a little something I made for us.” Zoey said. “Joanna’s already headed out for her csses.”

  I rushed out my response. “Umm I should head for my csses too so I won't be eating breakfast and besides I’m not hungry-”

  “No.” Zoey interrupted. “You are having breakfast. Now sit down.”

  I protested with a groan and Zoey replied, “I can’t have you not taking care of yourself.”

  With a sigh, I sat down and poked at my food.

  It was the week before finals for the second semester, and as I ate my pancakes coated in maple syrup many thoughts ran through my mind.

  I’m gonna finish my first ever year in college!

  Ohmygod is college finals the same as high school finals?

  Shit, I’ve barely studied the past week!

  I got up from the table after finishing my breakfast, said a quick thank you, and walked to college to get to my first css of the day.

  ---

  It was early June, and throughout the day I was walking back and forth across campus to get to and from csses after attending them. After my st css, I left campus and walked back to my apartment building. I observed the trees and buildings and realized how quickly and unexpectedly the weather changed from sunny to storm clouds since this morning. I realized that today was the perfect weather for some rain. A few minutes ter, I smiled at my accurate guess as I felt raindrops on my hair and face. I loved rain. Rain helps me destress and reflect.

  Arriving back at my block, I thought about my roommates as I walked. God was I ever so jealous of them getting to be girls and wear cute clothes, and have long hair. I recounted the times that they greeted each other with hugs and how jealous I was when I sat to the side and watched. I entered the apartment building doorway and heard the gradual fade of light showers as it transitioned from the sound of rain into small, light thumps. Taking the elevator to the third floor, I walked over to our front door and entered our apartment.

  Zoey and Joanna were at the table in what looked like a serious discussion. They looked over at me with sharp eyes, which caused a faded thought from a dusty corner of my brain to come to light.

  God, they must hate having me as their roommate, considering that I'm an ugly disgusting boy living in their house.

  “uhm…. bad time?” I asked awkwardly.

  Zoey’s expression softened. “Oh hey Oliver! And no, it's fine, you can come in.” Joanna smiled at me and gestured for me to enter.

  Without giving a response, I walked past them and unlocked the door to my room. I opened my backpack and stared at my poorly-written notes which consisted of 50% stuff that didn't make sense and 50% doodles that was the result of two nights of sleep deprivation of st minute studying and the semester’s worth of being half-awake during lectures. Shit, I needed a new strategy. Fast.

  What if I asked someone else for their notes?

  I sat on my bed and started texting all my friends and asked for finals review notes. Only an hour ter did I realize two things: first, I barely had any friends, and second, the ones I had were all underprepared and are just as panicked as I am.

  I cursed as I turned my gaze from my phone, walked over to my desk, and sat at my chair. Turning to my computer and powering it on, I scrolled through youtube for a bit to find some interesting things to watch, when I suddenly had a spark.

  A-ha! I could take one of my roommates’ notes and copy it without them noticing!

  Hmmmm. But whose notes should I use?

  Joanna’s pretty smart, but she’s always home studying or something. Zoey sometimes goes out for long periods doing whatever, which leaves me a big window to try my pn.

  I decided that ter tonight I would execute my pn, and hopefully succeed. After all, how much could taking something and putting it back ter hurt?

  I then heard a knock on my door. I opened it and Joanna stood in the doorway.

  “Hey Oliver, I just wanna let you know that I’m going out with my friends on a girls night. Wanna come?”

  That was Joanna! Yes!

  Time window: Open!

  Pn execution: Commence!!

  “Uh you alright?”

  Annnnd now is the point where I just realized I’ve been staring off into space for the past few seconds. I quickly made up an excuse.

  “Oh… ummm no thanks-I-uh-have to study.” Wow Oliver. What a terrible excuse execution.

  “Mmm… Ok, you’ll be missing out on a lot of fun.”

  She shut my door, leaving me to my thoughts. Who wants to go to girls' nights anyway? Besides, I'm a boy, I don’t even belong there or fit in. After I heard our front door shut, I stepped out of my room into the hallway and looked toward Zoey’s door. The light was off, and, doing a quick search, Zoey was nowhere to be found throughout the apartment, so it seems like I’m alone in the house.

  I turned the knob on Zoey’s door and surprisingly it was unlocked. I entered her room. It was neater than expected, which just makes it easier for me to find what I need.

  There was a queen-sized bed with a few pillows and stuffed animals in the corner, with a desk for her computer and another vanity desk with a mirror.

  I rummaged through her desk until I found her finals study notes. I pulled out my phone and started rapidly taking pictures of every page for a good 15 minutes until I heard the front door open.

  I heard Zoey shout, “Hey Joanna do you have extra eyeliner? I ran out of mine and I need some quick.”

  I quickly shoved everything back in the area on the desk it came from until something drew my attention. It was…. A book of some sorts, covered in drawings and strange symbols of sorts. There was a pentagram-looking shape inscribed to the cover at the center along with various abstract shapes surrounding it, and a title in a different nguage I did not recognize. I swiftly picked it up and decided to take a picture of it before hurriedly putting it back on the desk along with the notes and headed out the room-

  And ran straight into Zoey.

  Her eyes went wide open and she was stunned. “What do you think you’re doing?”

  Shitshitshitivebeencaughtohfuckimdone-

  “Oliver?”

  I ignored her and tried to run past her but… something… some weird invisible wall… was preventing me from doing so.

  “Tsk tsk tsk, you are not going anywhere Oliver until you tell me why you were sneaking around in my room.”

  I had no excuse, so I just stood there and thought in a panic if there was an actual invisible wall or if it was just me unable to command my muscles past Zoey.

  Zoey entered her room and closed the door behind her. She saw the messed-up desk and looked over to me.

  I tried to think of a way out as I retreated over to a corner of her room next to her bed.

  She saw the book with weird symbols right next to the notes papers and looked back over to me. Her face held an expression of many emotions.

  “Well, it seems like you were trying to find something. Couldn’t you have just asked for it instead?”

  “I-I… um…” I stammered.

  She gnced over at the book sprawled out messily along with her notes.

  “What were you actually trying to find?”

  All I could do was drown in my embarrassment and guilt as I hid deeper into my hoodie and tried to make myself as small as possible.

  Then there was a voice outside the door.

  “Zoey? You in there? You should come take a look outside. I brought my friends over to watch a movie because the movie we were gonna watch at the theaters was canceled. Wanna join us?”

  I never thought Joanna would be the one pulling me out of this mess. Didn’t she just say she was going out not too long ago?

  “Oliver. We. Will. Continue. This. Conversation. Later. Joanna I’ll be right out!”

  Then Zoey walked out of the room and closed the door. A second ter, she opened it again.

  “Oliver, out.”

  I practically teleported out of Zoey’s room and ran back to my room.