“The nearest hardware store should be 20 minutes to river and the 1 bus”, Now I have never built anything in my entire life, apart from those clay models they make you build in art class.

  So that begs the question, why a hardware store, well that is all for my masterful plan for the 30th of May.

  I spent months in the making leading up to this oh-so-amazing day, now it is only 9 days left, It feels exhilarating.

  Harald's tool store will be the place where the final supplies will be acquired, standing in front of the brightly painted building.

  Walking in the smell of oil, sawdust and anything you’d think of that comes from those diy stores come from but I have one goal today

  “Welcome to Haralds Tool Store, how can we help today”, one of the employees asked me

  “I need rope”, I asked deadpan

  “Sure, right this way”, he gestured for me to follow him

  Quite the selection mmmmm, this one will do fine

  I selected a bright blue rope, not too pricey, but classy enough, bought the beauty and left for home.

  Walking home was peaceful, pop in my earphones and tune out everything else.

  That was how it should be, peace and quiet,

  “AWW fuck”, It’s him

  The mother fucker who got accepted and not me

  “Hey Alex, how’s it going”

  “Good and you Lucas”

  “Great, so happy I got accepted, shame you didn’t, ahh you’ll be fine in engineering say, have an ice cream , I’m celebrating”

  The fucker handed me an ice cream, I felt my blood boil, calm down

  “Cool, thx man, I gotta get to class otherwise I’m gonna be late”

  I said my goodbyes and left, and he went same grey hoodie and everything

  The fuck was probably off to play video games, six months lazing around, buying everything he could off Amazon, and eating takeout every night, not having to worry about budgeting, didn’t fuckin matter, just now someone

  I tossed the ice cream in the first trash can I saw.

  “HA, doesn’t matter though, all my problems were going to be solved soon”, I began to chuckle.

  ……………………………………………………………………………………………………..

  Cue the next few days being as best to describe a blur, I stopped going to class, told people I was sick, and now it was just 1 more day till the fateful event, I don’t know if I’m more scared or excited, all that matters is everything is going to be over soon.

  Now you must be thinking I’m rushing into this or I should talk to someone, well for starters, the thought of how should I say, make all my problems were there for quite some time but recently it resurfaced after all this shite, and well talking to people, tried to talk to one of my classmates, at first he was supportive but no he just finds me annoying, oh there also was the uni’s mental health talk rooms.

  Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

  I went there, but no one was there, took it as a sign to give up, and oh what an amazing sign it was.

  So here we are, one faithful day away from the inevitable, I was busy cleaning my room, whoever finds me should at least be greeted in a well-organized room, and after that, I was planning to write my letters to everybody who might want to find out what was in my head in my final hours.

  “It’s..scary, no, no pulling out now”, yup steel yourself, can’t give up now…how Ironic

  Tears started to form, “why me”

  “If there is a god, I got a lot of questions for him”, well, that’s enough crying, time to scrub my computer, mmm, nah I’ll do the notes first

  Pulling out some envelopes and paper I started jotting down some of my final words

  “First up, mom, dad, sister, a general one for friends, a funeral one, and finally one for the person who finds me and some instructions, 'mmmmm complete” It feels weird, out of all things for my legacy to leave I chose this”, at this point I feel numb, panic attack after panic attack, crying, swearing and everything and life still said feck you and I once did try, failed.

  Am I weak maybe, or maybe I just had one too many ‘one of those days’, so yes I’m taking the easy way out, why?

  “Knock Knock”

  Opening the door was a friend who I particularly did not want see

  “Hey Mia”, an old childhood friend, somehow by fates hand we ended up in the same uni but she found her passion in biology me, no I just got the shit hole that is engineering, must be feckin nice

  “Hey Alex, your mom wanted me to check on you, said something about you being quiet”

  “I’m fine, busy though so thanks for checking on me”

  “You aren’t gonna invite me in?”

  “Nope”, and let her see the notes, rope and for the first time in my life a clean apartment, fuck no

  “You know if you’re struggling we can talk, my prayer group also can pray for you if you need it?”, she genuinely looked like she cared, that’s not good

  “Listen I’m fine, you are annoying me so bye”, I tried to sound as rude as possible

  “You don’t have to be so rude about it, your mother genuinely cares about you”, playing that card, okay

  “As your boyfriend did?”, she just had a pretty nasty breakup, sorry it had to come to this point but you left me no choice

  “Asshole, you know what, aghhhhh, when you are ready to talk, I’ll be there to listen”, that was it, she left

  “Burn bridges you are never going to cross again, good, that is one loose end not to worry about”, now for the rest

  I sat down at my computer, the amount of stuff I need to delete from this fucker is going to take forever, and only 1 hour till D-day, felt like an appropriate name

  Ahh let's see, that fold needs to go,and so does that one, that one definitely needs to go, wow, that one is bad, okay next up browser history, sometimes I didn’t use incognito, a bad habit I know.

  Finally, onto Viewtube, I wanted to watch one of my favorite channel videos before well..the end, stupid feckin ad.

  “Shite”, I split one of the drinks on my table on the laptop, “That is a spark!”, and black

  Gasppppp

  “What the hell”, I’m alive, that was umm interesting the laptop still on?

  For some reason, almost being shocked to death didn’t suprise me as much as I thought it would

  Time for a damage check, no visible damage, I was looking at the laptop incase you were wondering.

  “You there, do you want to change you’re life then buy my course, it works…probably”, the ad is still running?

  It was one those stupid self help ads, like they ever work?

  It’s not too pricey

  “I promise in 5 minutes I will change your life”, the man in the shadow said

  I mean what do I have to right, I’m gonna be ‘gone’ in the next hour why not\

  Go to the site….buy…enter card details… download

  Would you like to change your life y or n

  I picked Y

  Are you unhappy y or n

  Y again

  Will you trust me y or n

  Y of course, what have I got to lose

  A video loaded….