“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys,” I said, my head hanging as I stared at the floor. “I…what was I supposed to say, you know?”

  “Jesus,” Dennis breathed.

  “That’s…” Chris continued.

  “Yeah,” Vista finished.

  I sat on the couch in the common room, knees against my chest, hoodie pooled around my waist. This time I’d started by telling them about Mannequin’s test, and my mom, before showing the ugly tattoos. That hadn’t stopped the barely stifled curses when I’d exposed them. My skin felt like it was too tight, and I wanted nothing else than to scratch at my arm until I bled.

  “I’m gonna ask Amy to fix it,” I added. “Vista...talked some sense into me. Thanks for that.”

  “You were being stupid,” Vista said with a shrug. “I’m not going to let to my teammate screw herself over for something a monster like Mannequin wanted.”

  “And I appreciate that,” I replied, bumping my shoulder against hers. “I just… Don’t think I’m, you know, a Nazi?” The boys shared a look.

  “It’s pretty messed up,” Chris said, only just able to tear his gaze away from my arm. “I wouldn’t have thought of it, no offense.”

  “You weren’t a candidate,” I countered.

  “Sorry.”

  “As long as you get it fixed,” Dennis said flatly, a moment later. “I won’t bring it any further than this. It’s...sorry that happened.”

  “I will,” I said. “And I lived, that’s what matters.”

  “Grim,” he replied.

  “Yeah, but that’s how it feels,” I said, shrugging my hoodie back on. “If I hadn’t, how would I be able to make it up to Vista for calling me a dumbass?” She snorted and shook her head.

  “So many horror movies.” I shivered at her savage grin. “Anyway, you going up to get fixed?”

  “Maybe,” I hedged. “Have to call Amy first and make sure she isn’t busy or something. And I really don’t want to bug her if she’s been at the hospital all day, you know?”

  “She has a phone?” Dennis asked, cocking his head.

  “Sure, we all do,” I said, shrugging.

  “No I mean—” He sighed. “Okay, fine, whatever, can you tell her to give her contact info to the PRT?”

  “Sure.”

  “Where’d she get one?” Chris asked.

  “Oh, I got it for her yesterday. Went to the mall, I needed some clothes and a phone anyway and she went with.”

  “Oh that’s where you disappeared to,” he said, nodding. “Wait, how did you afford-- nevermind.”

  “Keep trying for that Thinker rating, buddy,” Dennis commented, patting Chris’ shoulder.

  “Do I need to see the doctor? I swear I just heard Dennis make a joke that was actually funny.” Vista giggled.

  “Har har.” He rolled his eyes. “Okay Chris, let’s go. Lia...thanks for trusting us, finally.”

  “Thanks for humouring me til now,” I said with a smile. “Seriously, I...I know I’m a handful.”

  “You can say that again.” Clockblocker pulled on his mask and headed to the elevator, and Kid Win trailed behind him.

  “I’m gonna shower and head to the mess hall,” Vista said, rising from the couch. “Want to get a bite to eat before you go see Amy? I know she’s picky about ‘biomass’ and stuff.” I shook my head.

  “I’ll catch up later, cool?” She nodded and headed out, leaving me alone in the Ward quarters.

  A sigh escaped my lips, filling the stillness of the room. I didn’t need to eat yet, and it wasn’t like Amy would need biomass to remove something. I took a deep breath and forced myself to rise. Had to do this, had to go ask Amy to fix my fuck up. It was only fair, shitty as it may be to think like that.

  It was embarrassing, getting called out by someone Vista's age. At the same time, I was just grateful for the slap to the face. I grabbed my costume from my closet and got dressed. It was a little sticky from earlier still, but that was fine, Amy would understand an encounter with the villains being a little...sweaty. I grabbed my phone from under my pillow and quickly pulled up he number, hitting the call button before I could think twice.

  “Hello?” Amy answered on the third ring.

  “Hey it’s Lia,” I spoke quickly. “Um, are you busy?”

  “No, just bored.” I could hear the buzz of the TV behind her voice. “What about you?”

  “I uhh.” I swallowed and licked my lips with a parched tongue. “I was wondering if I could stop by for some...help with something.”

  “Yeah, I guess.” I heard the shuffling of cloth on the other end. “When were you thinking?”

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  “Is now okay?” I heard her sigh.

  “Sure, come up whenever.”

  The line clicked and I stuffed my phone into my hip pouch. Amy hadn’t sounded happy about it...but she hadn’t refused me or sounded uncomfortable either. Was I just thinking about this too much? Did it actually not bother Amy when someone asked her for healing? Well no, the mall had made it obvious she didn’t want that to be who she was anymore.

  Was it just me? Well, maybe. The other Wards, heroes, and PRT officers got healed when they needed to, but I wasn’t sure they’d get more than a glare if they went out of their way to ask for something. I didn’t really deserve the consideration, but right now I was just happy that I wasn’t going to catch an earful from one of the few people who cared about me that much.

  Well, there was no point sitting around moping about it. I left my room and headed straight to the stairs, taking them as quickly as I dared. The headquarters was relatively quiet, if only because there weren’t a lot of people actually in the building this time of day. Many had gone home for the evening, and most others who didn’t have office jobs were out on patrols.

  The PRT had suspended public access since Skitter was being held here, so I didn’t even need to worry about civilians as I headed over to Amy’s. When I arrived, I knocked on the door and wrung my hands, heart suddenly pounding in my chest.

  “Hey Amaranth, come on in,” Amy said, opening the door and stepping aside to let me in. She shut it as soon as I’d walked through, turning and fixing me with a worried look. “Couch.” I nodded and followed her, taking off my hood and mask. As soon as we sat down she took my hand. “Force field.” I moved it and she sighed, shutting her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s not a big issue,” I explained. “I’m...I’m sorry if I made you worry.”

  “I wasn’t worried,” she countered. “But when someone calls me and says they need help, I take it seriously.”

  “Thanks.” The sentiment made me smile. “Um, anyway, I uh...talked to the Wards, about my tattoos.” Her look said it all. “I know, I know, didn’t have a choice though; Tattletale sort of spilled the beans on it.”

  “Bitch.”

  “No, Tattletale,” I corrected, getting an eye roll. “Anyway, Vista knocked some sense into me, so did the guys. I...want you to take them off, if that’s okay. I’m not my mother and I sure as fuck don’t want to be her. I shouldn’t wear her colours.”

  “Mm.” Amy pursed her lips, eyes flicking to the couch. “I...that sounds like you’re trying to forget that stuff. Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

  “I don’t think I’ll ever forget that stuff Amy,” I retorted. “I think I’ll be on my deathbed, my real one, and still worrying if I made up for it. This...this isn’t helping anyone though, and it’s only hurting me.”

  “You really think so?” Amy asked, her gaze rising to meet mine again. I couldn’t read her expression.

  “Yeah,” I said firmly. “I don’t know if I’m going to sleep through the night again Amy, with or without the ink. At least without it I won’t be making the heroes look worse.” She licked her lips and nodded once.

  “Okay,” she said, barely a whisper. “I...I trust you, Lia.” I clutched her hand a little tighter.

  “Thank you,” I replied. “That means a lot. Hope I don’t fuck it up.”

  “Don’t say shit like that,” she snapped. “You’re gonna make me worry.”

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s fine,” she said, sighing as she shook her head. “Just...I don’t know, you seem like you’ve got something figured out. Talking like that…” She shrugged.

  “I appreciate the vote of confidence,” I said, trying not to sound sarcastic. “I’ll be okay, probably. Fuck the Undersiders, but they’re throwing themselves at the villains as hard as they are at us. It’ll weaken them both, then things will get quiet...hopefully. It’ll be easier to feel better then.”

  “See?” Amy said, offering a grin. “You’ve got something figured out. I...hope you’re right.”

  “Me too.”

  We sat there quietly, staring at our laps, or maybe our entwined hands. I didn’t have any friends like Amy, or really any friends anymore. Classmates, sure, but with everything scrambled I probably wouldn’t even see people I knew and sure wouldn’t have time for a chat. But I could talk with Amy, and I could talk with her about shit I definitely couldn’t with the Wards. It wasn’t bad just...there was no way they’d get it.

  “Done,” Amy said a few silent minutes later, pulling her hand away. “Roll up your sleeve, let me check.”

  “One sec,” I said, reaching around my back to undo the zipper. “Goes to the shoulder.” I pulled the zip down and took the right half of my costume off my body.

  “G—” Amy squeaked, her eyes flicking rapidly over me. “You’re good. Put your clothes back on, fuck sake.”

  “Wanted to be sure.” I looked at the skin myself. Perfect and unblemished, like I’d never fucked it up. I pulled my costume back on and zipped it back up. “Thank you, seriously.”

  “It’s fine,” she said tersely, not meeting my eyes. “I...you’re welcome.” There was a long pause. “Hey Lia, ar—” A loud knocking at the door interrupted her and we both frowned. I pulled my mask up as she went to the door and opened it.

  “Is Amaranth here?” I didn’t recognize the voice, but the tone was clipped. An officer.

  “What’s up?” I asked, walking over to the door.

  “Director’s requested you,” he said shortly. “Come on.” Shit.

  “The hell did you do this time?” Amy groaned.

  “It’s probably just another debrief,” I reassured her. A white lie. It was probably about whatever Tattletale had me give Miss Militia. “See you later?”

  “Okay,” Amy said, nodding.

  She gave me a brief hug, then I followed the officer to the elevator, trying to not let my fear show. I was innocent here, relatively speaking. I’d made sure the papers were nothing but, and it wasn’t like I was the one saying the stuff on it. They’d understand, I was sure. And if not...I’d had a pretty good run as a Ward. We left the elevator and walked down the hall.

  “Director,” the trooper said as he opened the office door. “Amaranth, as requested.”

  “Thank you Simmons, dismissed.” The trooper nodded and let me in, then shut the door behind him. Director Tagg gestured for me to sit, then shuffled some paperwork on his desk. “Apologies for the short notice Amaranth, things are moving quickly around here. Are you alright? I was told you’d gone to see Panacea.”

  “I visited Amy, yeah,” I said. “She’s my friend, that’s all. Kind of a shitty day, being ambushed by the Undersiders and all.”

  “Mm, no engagement though?” he asked.

  “No sir,” I said, shaking my head. “But it’s Tattletale. You know it can be rough when Thinkers gets talking.”

  “Yes I do,” Tagg said, a note of tension in his voice. “Speaking of, I need to know if you remember anything about Skitter in the next twenty-four hours. Doesn’t matter if it’s that she picked her nose or took a crap, absolutely everything.” I stared at him quietly for a moment. His tone didn’t sit right…

  “Nothing sir,” I replied with a shrug. “I...I’d guess the Undersiders would try and break her out, but I assume you’re already prepared for it. But if you mean specifics, I’ve got nothing at all.”

  “Your precognition has some unfortunate blind spots,” he said, voice low.

  “Director Tagg, sir, I didn’t even know she was going to attack us here,” I said. “If I had, I wouldn’t have been sleeping and sure as hell wouldn’t have let Skitter step foot inside.” He seemed to study me for a moment.

  “Good to hear,” Tagg said at last. “Shame you don’t though.” There was a knock at the door and we both turned our heads. “Come in.”

  “Hello Amaranth.” A chill went up my spine as a towering figure walked through the door. Almighty, all-knowing. “It’s been quite some time.”

  “A-Alexandria.”