“Where are the items I just bought?” I say in a slight panic.

  E1 stopped doing his squats to greet me. “Welcome back! Took you long enough, when are we going to the store, you're getting real close to running out of food in the fridge, and i don't wanna have to raid the pantry next, i know what's in there and lets just say it ain't sunshine and happiness.”

  I look around on the ground for my items. “Yeah yeah anyway have you seen any items lying around?”

  “Incase you didn't hear me it's depressing as fuck in there! And what items?”

  “The ones I came back with.” I start looking under things in case they somehow rolled under.

  “Boss, i ain't see shit when you popped back into existence, well except for a scarily low inventory of food.” E1 said, still pushing the food agenda.

  “Ok ok i get it, our inventory of-.” Just then a prompt appeared. “Would you like to open your inventory?”

  “Uhm yeah! Maybe my items are in there.”

  “Reach into your chest to access your inventory.”

  Maybe I should think about this whole desire thing more like a video game, and maybe just maybe I'll have an easier time of this because I feel so stupid right now. I reach in, hoping to find my inventory and voila, inside myself I can see my items, just floating in a sort of viscous grid based display. I can feel there are 100 slots and three of them are filled. I can also see that below the grid there is what looks to be a counter with a coin symbol next to it displaying the number zero. Guess that means I'm broke in the coin sense but I'll figure that out another time let's try out my stuff!

  I grabbed all of my items out from my chest and immediately dropped them on the ground because apparently I was not prepared to hold all of them with one hand. I picked up the simple iron band of regeneration. My PrEcIoUs… sorry, just felt like I had to. And slot it onto my finger. Hm what finger should I put it on? I mean I guess it doesn't matter at the end of the day so I'll just put it on my left index.

  As soon as I did so, two things occured, the first thing I noticed is that I started to feel less sore in my arms, chest and legs, the pain gradually going away as the seconds went by. The next thing I felt was my tiredness fading away as if I was getting some good sleep while wide awake!

  “Hot damn this feels good! Way better than a coffee from Barstucks?. I feel well rested and ready to take on the day! Yeah this ring is staying in my hand for the rest of my life, I simply do not care.”

  “Y'know boss, now that you say that, I'm starting to feel less fatigued too, maybe even just a little bit less hungry, but I'm still fucking hungry! Can you hurry this up please.” I can literally hear his stomach growl like a lion's roar

  “Yeah sorry I'll be quick, just let me see about the rest of these items.” I quickly grabbed the scroll of mage hand to see what it's about, but to my disappointment the scroll could only be used once and had a duration of one hour, after which the scroll would burn up and be consumed. Damn! I thought I'd be able to have a permanent floating hand around to help me out, that would have been so fucking sick! Aw well, I don't see a reason to use this right now anyway, I'll just keep it stored in my inventory for the time being. Now let's see about this little book of getting rich for dummies 101 shall we.

  I went for the book and opened it, and immediately upon opening it, my eyes were accosted by the brilliance of a thousand suns as the information stored in the book was etched into my memories as if I knew it all along. I stumbled to the ground, blinded and dazed as I try to recover from the fuck just happened. “What the fuck just happened?”

  E1 rubbed his eyes in confusion for a bit before opening them in a squint. “Dude what the hell was that!” He yelled as if he went deaf as well as blind.

  “How the hell am I supposed to know! I just opened a freaking book and then it suddenly flash-banged me!” I yelled back in frustration and agony as I can literally feel my eyeballs reverse sizzle with my ring of regen working overtime to fix the issue.

  After what felt like eternity but was only a few minutes, my eyesight gradually returned to me, I rubbed my corneas and blinked rapidly to see that my book was now a pile of ashes and I knew knowledge I hadn't before. But much to my chagrin, the knowledge I had gained was very much lackluster to the amount of pain I just went through, to the point I felt like I had been trolled to the highest degree, but I guess it was worth it.

  “Get a job bozo.” Is what the flashbang I mean book told me on the first page of blindness, on the second page it said. “Jk, while getting a job with your desire is very profitable, I mean to say get a job in your desire! Work the system so that it benefits you! There's a whole ass job search section in your SOD so fucking use it! But for those of you who are allergic to working ( you know who you are, you unemployed fucks) another way of getting that schmoney is to just use your desire daily, yeah simple as that, just using it at least once a day will net you 1 whole coin by the morrow! Also if you're more of an altruist than I am, then I suppose you could just go around and do good deeds for others and net you a nice 5 piece three times a day. But that's all for today, thank you for joining my Jed talk, if you wanna learn more about making that munyun check out my other books, and support the official release.”

  Well I'm glad I got some useful info, so it said I could get coins by doing good deeds, but what does that mean exactly, could I just give money to the homeless and get coins in return? Help an old lady across the street, that's a good deed too ain't it, but then again how often am I gonna find an old lady needing that kind of assistance? Eh, I'm sure I'll figure it out, I am glad that I can just be lazy and gain coins by using my desire everyday, get that nice passive income! Say I decide to not spend the coins and just use them at the currency exchange, in 30 days I could get 300 dollars, not bad in my opinion.

  “AHEM.” E1 started tapping his foot on the floor impatiently.

  Guess I'll check out the job section later. “Yeah alright, let me get my shoes on and we'll go.” I head to the front door where I keep my everyday shoes and slip them on, grabbing my wallet and keys along the way, my phone already in my pocket. I wonder if I can put regular items in my inventory.

  I gave that a try with one of my slippers, mentally commanding it to go in my inventory, lol and behold it did. Sweet, I wonder what are the limits to this, could I put living things in or hot and fresh things in and it's come out just the way it went in? I'll give that a chance later.

  I drop the slipper out my inventory and reach for the door, just then I hear a metallic sound from behind me, I turn around and notice Sadie's food bowl just a few feet from me on the ground, but Sadie was still in the kitchen looking at me while pawing the cabinet where I store her food.

  Huh? That's strange, how'd her food bowl get here? Did she throw it with her mouth? She must be hungry hungry if she's doing all that. I'll take her with me and get her some more filling food, the good stuff ? might be good, but nothing beats a nice juicy steak, I'm sure she'll love that.

  Sadie barked and nodded in the affirmative like she could hear my thoughts or something. She barked and nodded again this time wagging her tail and rushing at me, yipping vigorously.

  “What's the matter, Sadie? You wanna come with me and get some good eats!” I say playing behind her ears.

  She immediately barked happily, wagging her tail excitedly at my question.

  “Haha ok ok you can come with us Sadie, I'll get ya something good!”

  She jumped excitedly and rushed out the door as soon as I opened it. Thankfully she likes to stay close to me otherwise I would have never been able to catch her.

  I stepped out the door and went to close it but I noticed E1 was still inside.

  “I thought you were coming along?”

  “Well I would love to but I don't have any shoes on, and I figured going out to the holy Land of food barefoot would be kinda weird.”

  “Ughh I forgot, yeah ok you can wear whatever shoes I got and clothes too so we don't have to go through this rigmarole again.” I say exasperatedly.

  “Now there's a boss I can get behind! I'll take the black air forcers!”

  Of course. “Oh before I forget, put this cap and face mask on so peeps don't recognize you.”

  E1 put them on without issue. “Very forward thinking of you, we would have been stared at quite heavily I imagine, though I suppose it's not uncommon for twins to be seen out and about.” He said tying his shoes.

  “You're probably right about that but I just don't wanna take the risk in case we meet anyone that I know personally and then have to explain that I had a twin that I told no one about all of sudden.” I said, waiting for him at the door.

  “Fair point, but I can see this getting funny later on down the road.” He walked past me holding a smirk on his face.

  “What do ya mean by that?” I looked at him confused as I locked the door.

  “Oh you'll see, anyway c’mon let's go! I'm starting to see my ribcage!”

  “Yeah ok, hey Sadie!” I say getting her to perk up and walk with us to my old beat up Hunday alentre, I open the rear left passenger door for her and she leapt up onto her seat with gusto, I run my hand through the fur on her head for a bit before closing the door and then hopping in the driver seat.

  “Wow, what a gentleman!” E1 said with notes of sarcasm. “Thank you for opening the door for me too!

  “Yeah no problem pal! Just get in the damn car!”

  “Jeez, you got it boss, one day we're gonna have to work on that temper of yours, not gonna get any ladies like that.” He said mockingly as he got in.

  “Ughh buckle up please.” I say getting the car started. It struggled to come to life but after a few more prayers and key turns it eventually willed itself awake with a few sputters.

  “Sounds like you need to-.”

  “Shut up I know what it needs, I just haven't had the money nor the motivation to get her fixed, so please don't mention it to me unless you can do something about it.”

  “Damn sorry boss, I knew you had some frustrations about it but didn't know you were that butthurt over it.”

  I glared at him hard. “I'm this close to figuring out what dismissing you does.” I say as I look back and around before I pull out the lot.

  “Hey, you'd only be denying introspective criticism from yourself to yourself boss, and believe it or not I think I actually can help you at least a little bit.”

  I raise my eyebrows. “And how's that?” I merge onto the highway.

  “I could go to work for you and pull extra shifts while you stay home and work on the car or get another job or something, but that would mean seeing less of my beautiful face and dealing with less of my antics.” E1 said innocently.

  “Heh you make that sound like a bad thing? But honestly maybe I will have you work for me, at least a few days outta the week so I can take a break from that shit job, and the passive income would be nice… you'd do this willingly? I don't wanna feel like I'm taking advantage of you.”

  E1 looked to the side as if there was a camera there capturing this moment with a knowing look on his face then he went back to me. “Yeah sure boss I don't mind, it'll give me a chance to breathe air that isn't Eli for a change lol.”

  “Hey!”

  “Jk bossman, but in all seriousness I'm just tryna help out and I figured I could do something like this to do so.”

  “Hmph well how thoughtful of you, yeah I'd appreciate that.” I say taking my exit after dodging some crazy asshole that doesn't know how to fucking drive!

  E1 stuck his hand out the window to flip the bird at the guy I dodged. “Cool, just give me a schedule on days you'd like me to fill in and you can take it easy boss.

  I see the grocery store in the nearby distance. “Yeah I'll figure that out later when we get back.” We pull up to the parking lot and find a spot that just became available from a clean looking Zubaru Deforester. I look at it longingly, not because I want that specific car, moreso because I just want a better car in general instead of having to pray my car will start.

  This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

  E1 and I hop out the car and I get the door for lovely Sadie before we make our way to the entrance, taking note of how many people there were going in and out of the store. “Jeez I hope this doesn't get difficult for me.”

  “I'm sure it'll be fine, you worry too much, and besides, you got your little lie ready right? We're twins, remember.” E1 said with a crooked grin.

  “Yeah twins, look just try to stay quiet and don't do anything stupid while we're here, and maybe pretend you can't talk at all, actually no, that might draw more attention to you, just act normal.”

  “Sure thing boss.”

  “And don't call me boss here, just call me Eli.”

  “And what if someone asks for my name, I can't just say E1 now can I?”

  “Yeah uhh how bout Ewan, yeah Ewan should work.”

  E1 looked at me like I had just committed a crime. “Are you fucking serious, of all the things you could have come up with, you said Ewan!? The man, the myth, the legend himself?! You're absolute garbage at picking names bruv, I could never use such a majestic name, but out of respect, I will. Fucking hell, thank God you weren't the one to name our beloved Sadie otherwise I would have wished I could punch you when I spawned.” E1 said with some deep seeded anger at my naming conventions.

  “Look, let's just not talk about it alright Ewan? Imma go get us a cart, stay close.” I walk past a bunch of parents with their kids in tow, and one guy in a motorized wheelchair before I'm able to grab a cart. Sadie, Ewan and I began to go through the other set of double doors but just like always, there's these fucking annoying salesmen tryna ask me who my Internet provider is.

  In the most cheery and toxic tone I can fathom, one of them approached us, getting uncomfortably close. “Hey guys! How are we doing today?” He asked not even waiting for a response before stringing along his script. “Great! Hey mind doing me a favor? Could you tell me who you got for internet perchance?”

  Ewan took one look at my disgruntled face and took that as his que. “Hey, yeah no sorry, we are in a rush you see, so maybe next time pal.”

  I try to move past the salesman with my cart, when suddenly he literally gets in front of the cart, blocking my way forward with this disgusting smile on his face.

  “Oho do not worry my friend, this will only take a second! Now could I get you guys names, date of birth and address to see if your area qualifies for our brand new fiber optic internet capable of reaching download speeds of up to a terabyte!”

  At this point I was beginning to get quite visibly angry and say something mean when my boy Ewan did it for me, walking up to him, while Sadie growled.

  “Oi, a persistent little fucker aren't you? Or are you hard of hearing you little shit?”

  I figure at this point now's a good time to mention that the guy my clone is shitting on is roughly 6 or 7 inches shorter than Ewan and I, so I say it's valid to call him a little shit.

  The salesman's ego deflated immediately like a popped balloon and he began stuttering and stammering trying to think of a rebuttal no doubt.

  “Listen little man, all this hassle could have been avoided if you'd had just let us through without issue, but see now we got an issue because I just told you off and you're still in front of my bros cart, I told you we are in a hurry, what part of that don't you comprehend dipshit?”

  “Uh hey Ewan I think that's enough.” I say but not really meaning it because this is the first time I've seen one of these guys get wrecked in public, and frankly I'm enjoying it.

  “Y’see my bro thinks this is enough but I don't think so, do you think it's enough little man?” Ewan said, putting his hand on the poor guy's shoulder and I saw a faint, near imperceptible purple glow and the guy wincing a little bit.

  The salesman choked on his words and managed to cough out a meek. “Sorry for bothering you, please go about your day.” Before stepping aside and being sure to give Ewan a wide berth while rubbing his shoulder.

  I felt two pings in my chest for some reason.

  Ewan harrumphed. “Glad we came to an understanding.” We entered the store proper, I tried avoiding the looks of onlookers who heard the whole ordeal while Ewan soaked it all in.

  I whisper. “Dude! What the hell was that!”

  “What? All I did was get him outta our way.”

  “No, I'm talking about the gravity shit you just did!”

  “Whaaaat, pshaw, heh, really? Noooo, ok yeah I did a little gravity shenanigans by increasing the gravity of my hand just a teensy bit.” He said unabashedly.

  “What the hell happened to act normal?”

  “I am acting normal, this is what I would do if I was getting pestered by jerks tryna keep me from my delicious sustenance.”

  “Aren't you supposed to be my clone, I mean twin? How can you act so differently than me?”

  “Eh, I think it's because I'm you but without the chains of societal inhibitions weighing me down, so therefore I'm at least 20% cooler than you.” He said with a toothy grin.

  “Ugh I hate how you came up with a reply to that so fast. Listen, let's try not to get in any fights we can avoid, alright please?”

  “Sure thing bro.”

  Sadie just barked as if she were amused by what just transpired.

  After that, not much else eventful happened in the store, got a bunch of food, had a hard time finding the specific brand of seasonings and sauces I wanted because everytime I come here, upper management wants to change where things are like usual, people asked to pet Sadie, she loved the attention like usual. Went through check out smooth and easy, grocery prices have gone up like usual even with my employee discount it's still egregious but I have no say over the prices so I just pay and bag the goods with Ewans help and we make our way to the car, the salesman nowhere to be seen.

  Ewan must have scared him something fierce.

  I put away the goods in the trunk and made sure to grab a little snack for Lady Sadie before I closed it softly. My car's got enough problems, I wouldn't want to add any more.

  Sadie just sat, adorably panting away patiently awaiting her good girl treats. I tossed it up in the air towards her and she caught it with the precision of a sniper in the blink of an eye.

  Gosh dangit Sadie you're awesome.

  She barked right after I thought that, a happy and proud sounding bark.

  I'm really starting to think she can hear my thoughts, I wonder if that screen thing got to her as well?

  She tilted her head as if in question of my thoughts. Sometimes I wish I could understand you better, but it's alright, I know you love me and food, and I've got plenty of those in spades! So no worries there right. Now what else was I going to do here? Oh yeah.

  “Hey guys, imma go do my good deed for the day.”

  E1 looks at me a tad bit confused. “What'd ya have in mind boss?” He said dropping the Ewan persona like a bad habit.

  “Well usually there's some people in the alley that ask for stuff, though I'm not sure if they are homeless since the last time I came over here, I saw one of them hop in a Tusla but I figure it couldn't hurt to try and see if giving unto them will yield unto me.”

  “Haven't you ever heard the gift of giving is it's own reward?”

  “Hm, what was that?” I say, already on my way over.

  “Ah fuck it, why am I even tryna be saintly here, imma fucking clone after all, do whatever the boss tells me to blah blah blah.” E1 said In a mocking manner while keeping up with me, Sadie in tow of course.

  I made it to the alley to find one stranger who seemed to be down on his luck. With the complete stereotypical package of hobo attire, a big hole in one of his boots, a dingy grey coat that looks like it's seen better days and an orange patch-worked beanie that could double as a soup bowl of need be, the perfect example of someone in need.

  Perfect! Ahem well not perfect, this is terrible actually, wish I could help him out more… I wonder if he has access to his desire or does the floaty screen skip over those who are less fortunate.

  I approach the man slowly, not entirely sure if he's aware of me yet or not but also trying to make sure he knows I pose no threat to him.

  He was looking at the ground solemnly, perhaps contemplating something, that was until I started walking over and stepped on something that made an audible crunching noise, which broke him out of his thoughts momentarily to look at me.

  “Whatever it is you want, I want nothing to do with it, leave me be.” He said in a voice laden with alcohol and gravel.

  “Uhm hi! Yeah sorry to bother you, I just noticed you were here and decided-.”

  “Just noticed I was here huh?... Fucking fantastic, how honored am I that you just so happen to notice me huh?! I've been here day in and day out, I've seen people come and go, not so much as bat an eye towards me or my plight but here comes mister saint to save the day… hmph, you're all a bunch o’ sinners.” He sneered at me derisively.

  “Wow ok um, I have no clue what you got against me but I'm just here to help, I can give you some money if you-.”

  “Help me? Don't fucking make me laugh, you came here to help yourself, I'm not dumb kid, I know all about this screen system bullshit! I fucking know it all! I was one of the first… the first! To witness it and y'know what it did? It cursed me, cursed me with knowledge, knowledge of things unfathomable, I know things I shouldn't, most of which would get me killed, it's certainly killed others for less, I can't let them find me… wait, you! I think you can actually help me, yes, I see it in you, you can do something about this, protect me at least for a while… the government can't be trusted, they know there are those who know… they are hunting them down, us! Down! Me! Down… meet me by the underpass no later than midnight if you truly wish to help me. I must go now, you have your own battles to deal with.” He simply stood up and walked off further into the alley, the shadows obscured his body heavily until I could no longer see him.

  “...What the fuck?” I felt another ping in my chest. Ah what's that pinging I keep feeling, I'll check it out when I get home.

  Just then E1 and Sadie show up. “So how'd it go?” E1 said.

  “Not as well as I would have hoped, he wouldn't let me give him anything but he did tell me I should find him at the underpass no later than midnight.”

  “Ohooo shit! Really? That's fucking awesome! Was he an old man by chance?”

  I'm not understanding E1’s excitement. “I mean I guess so, he looked like he might have been in his 50’s or something but what does that have to do with anything?”

  “Seriously boss? I think that old man just gave you a quest!”

  “What? You can't be serious, he was just a crazy old man, though he did know about the screen and claimed to be one of the first. He knows things that he shouldn't… maybe you're onto something E1.

  “Damn right I am! My intuition is peak when it comes to this shit, mysterious old man? Check! Says vague or cryptic shit? Check! Tells you to do something at odd times of the day or night? Check! What other wisdom bombs did he drop on ya!” He said practically beaming with joy.

  “He said I have my own battles to take care of, whatever that means.”

  “Oh yeah! That means we're finally gonna get some action!” He said way too happily.

  “What do you mean, like fighting? What makes you so sure of tha-”

  It was just then that Sadie started barking aggressively towards the entrance of the alley, I looked over but couldn't see anything. Wait, I kinda see a shimmer sort of? Like a hazy shimmer I usually see close to the ground when the heat starts kickin’. But it looks like this shimmer is moving towards us.

  E1 said in a hushed tone. “Hey, remind me why Sadie barks aggressively like this?”

  “She only barks like this when there's someone she really really doesn't like nearby.” I say quietly.

  “So you think it's safe to assume that whatever that is approaching us, could be a person?”

  “Yeah, I think that's the right assumption, but what are we gonna do?”

  “You think this is what that old man was talking about with the battles?”

  “Could be.”

  “Then try to follow my lead boss.” He said with a calm certainty that I would be a fool not to rely on.

  He looked around his surroundings, noting a bunch of trash bags within arms reach, a puddle just a few feet in front of us and a cinder block near the left wall of the alley.

  He told me to rush and get the trash bags and keep throwing them at the shimmer on his signal, I nodded my head waiting for it.

  He waited for the shimmer to get a little closer to the puddle before he shouted. “NOW!” We sprang into action! He rushed forward at a speed I didn't know he could reach, kicking at the puddle in front of him making a big splash! That puddle was deeper than I thought, did the shimmer just stumble back? Anyway I gotta throw these bags!

  I grab a couple trash bags, not the small ones but the ones that look sorta bulky and chuck em at the shimmer, I'm surprised I'm able to throw them things that far, they looked heavier in my head. What's more surprising is the fact that I actually hit the shimmer with a few of em, seeing as how the bags are colliding with the shimmer and as one of them hit near the top of the shimmer, I heard it say ouch.

  Ouch? What the fuck?

  Just then I see E1 capitalizing on the distracted shimmer by going for the cinder block, firmly grasping it in two hands and proceed to absolutely haymaker that shit into the upper part of the shimmer with a resounding crack of something that sounds like bone followed by a thud on the ground as the shimmer no longer shimmed.

  I flinch at the impact, mouthing DAMN!

  What was revealed after the shimmering dissipated was the salesman from earlier, well at least it looked like the salesman but with a heavily restructured face and dirty clothes. Upon closer inspection the fucker clutched a knife in his hand. Lord knows what he intended to do with that.

  I checked his pulse and noted his heart was still beating but his breathing was irregular which was a given seeing how his nasal passages were destroyed and he might be drowning in his own blood.

  I saw E1’s chest dip and rise heavily from the action, adrenaline running it's course through his veins, if clones can have adrenaline?

  “Fuck… that was amazing, hey boss, that was fucking amazing wasn't it?!”

  “Uh yeah that was fucking amazing, but let's not make a habit of it shall we? I'm sure he'll be fine but just in case, let me get the emergency services for him but I don't want them thinking I did this, so i'll use his phone if it's unlocked.”

  Thankfully it was but I felt another ping in my chest.

  I propped him upright on the nearby wall next to the garbage and Sadie started urinating on him casually. “As one does when you're the victor of an arduous and hard fought battle I suppose.”

  “Speaking of hard fought battles, do you think we could… y'know distribute his funds to a more amicable trust?” E1 said in a beat around the bush manner.

  “You mean to loot him?”

  “Whaaaat pshaw noooo, I mean if you think that would be a just course of action then yes but otherwise noooo.”

  “Hmm, fuck it, I mean he did come at us with a knife right?”

  “While invisible mind you.” He made sure to add.

  “I'm not sure how that part is gonna hold up in court but he did fuck around and he most certainly found out. I don't see any cameras round here, do you?”

  “Not at all boss.”

  “Alright then, make it quick, just try not to leave any fingerprints just in case, with any luck, this guy will wake up and dip before the ambulance comes and charges him an arm and a leg but either way not my problem. Are you done yet?”

  “Yeah, I got some cash off him and a nice looking watch we can probably pawn off.”

  I felt another ping in my chest.

  “Great! Now let's get outta here, c'mon Sadie.”

  Sadie followed with an abundance of merriment to her stride. Must have been a satisfying piss she took.