“What'd Ya say boss?” E1 said still with his back to me.
“Apparently there's a store that I can access inside of my chest?” I say incredulously.
“Oh yeah, that's pretty neat.” E1 said nonchalantly.
“Did you know about this?”
“Nope.”
“Are you lying to me?”
“Ye of little trust boss! I am completely incapable of lying to you, that'd be like lying to myself, and I cannot tolerate that!” E1 said convincingly.
“Hm ok, in the spirit of the fact that you probably have no reason to lie to me, i will believe you, so i'm assuming you have no idea how the store functions then?”
“Correctamundo boss.”
“Great! I sure hope i don't have to donate anymore organs to get whatever it is i want from here. I'm about to open up the store and check it out. While I'm doing that, do you wanna exercise some more using your power?”
“Not really no.” E1 said curtly.
“But will you?” I double down, hoping I won't have to order him to do so.
“Fine, but hurry it up, I'm still kind of hungry and all this excess labor is working up a mean appetite.”
“Sure thing E1, now let's see here. Ahem, open the store.”
The prompt blinked out of existence and for a brief moment nothing happened and then in the next moment everything changed around me. For starters everything began looking like an old school video game with all the pixels and 8-bits, really making anything extremely hard to see for me. The pixels then began to blur and morph, all around me the colors shifted and swirled. Yeah i'm probably not in my humble little apartment anymore, all this low res shit is kinda making me sick though…
It was after a brief bit of discomfort that things began to settle down and the colors stood still and the heavy pixel filter lightened up quite a bit to where I can actually see my surroundings. It unveiled… Walmarket? What am I doing here? This place looks gigantic in comparison to the one I work at and the aisles… i don't really see an end to them, as far down or left or right, i just see shelves stocked with pixelated objects, this place is trippy as all get, but at least it smells better than the one i spend 8+ monotonous hours in and i don't hear those annoying radio songs on repeat 24/7 so that's a plus in my book, it's empty too, do i get to shop here solo? Hell yeah! My antisocial bug is chittering with glee!
A gold prompt jump scared the shit outta me just to ruin my mood. “Welcome player! To The Grand Digital Store! Where all your shopping dreams can come true! Whether it be just simple browsing and window shopping or you're seeking a specific item of choice, we here at the store cater to our discerning customers all! I'm sure we have all you could ever need and perhaps things you didn't know you needed! I welcome you again to shop at The Grand Digital store! Please do make sure you take a careful look at our rules and store policies before you proceed!”
Woow wee ok yeah i sure do love my heart rate going up at a store, i guess it's best practice to look at the rules before doing something stupid i suppose, though i don't see a sign anywhere? Do I just think about the store rules?
Another prompt appeared displaying all the stores rules and policies and i was astonished at how simple the rules were and horrified on how harsh they could be.
Rule No 1. Desire Restriction: The use of a desire is strictly prohibited while within the digital store. This rule is enforced to preserve the integrity of the digital environment, any and all who break this rule can and will be terminated immediately.
Rule No 2. Theft or Manipulation: Stealing or manipulating in-store items, including but not limited to power-ups, boosts, or character modifications, is forbidden. Transgressors will be immediately kicked from the store and temporarily blacklisted for first time offenders, subsequent offences will result in immediate termination.
Rule No 3. Respect for Others: Each and every desired individual is required to uphold respect and decorum thus conducting themselves to each other as one would themselves with the same respect accorded to real-world counterparts. Disrespectful behavior, including but not limited to bullying, harassment, or insults, is not tolerated, violators of this rule will be kicked from the store and temporarily black listed, subsequent offences will be met with swift corrective action and or termination.
Current policies (Subject to change):
No refunds
No bargaining
No whining
Purchases are to only be made with coin
Customers are only permitted access to the store once per day
Customers are only allotted one hour of store-time from the moment they enter and whence the time has elapsed said customer will be ejected
All stocked items perceived are catered to the individual customer
Yeah it's a damn good thing I took a look at the rules otherwise i might have clucked up… huh? That's not what i meant to think, i said cluck, cluck! CLUCK!
Just then another prompt appeared in front of me. “Attention shoppers, the current policies have been updated, do give it a moment of your time.”
I take a look at the policies to see that it has indeed been updated, it added a no cussing or cursing policy and all such words shall be replaced by default or completely censored via players choice.
Well darn, guess there's no such thing as freedom of speech around here, but screw all that noise let's take a look around.
As i looked around, i saw an endless array of aisles as far as the eye could see, and the arrangements were very similar to that of walmarket except for the severe lack of indicators for where things are and where to go, giving it a kind of AEKI vibe, so i just went towards the nearest aisle and started walking down it in hopes something would catch my eye.
Am i going blind or something? I can't see schmidt! Everythings all pixelated, and when I go to take a closer look at whatever it may be, it just says “Increase shopper level to browse item.” What the flark is a shopper level? Ugh this no cuss policy is starting to get old.
It was just then a prompt informed me of my whining and suggested I cease for my benefit. “Ok then, well since you can read my mind and all, you can help me figure out where the items are that i can buy with my current shopper level.” I say folding my arms over my chest in an impatient manner.
The prompt blinked out of existence for a brief moment before coming back with info I could use. “Try saying or thinking the words Deal of the day! And you will surely find items suitable for your current standing here at The Grand Digital Store!”
“Uh sure, Deal of the day?”
Just then I felt my body lurch as my current surroundings started shifting, the long aisles full of pixelated goods blurred past me like a bullet train late for it's next stop as I could feel wind rush past me in a hurry seemingly in all directions. How in the halibut is there wind here! Is all I could think before everything that was moving came to an abrupt stop and even though I wasn't moving, I felt myself lose balance as I fell to the ground contemplating my life's choices.
“We apologize for your lackluster experience so far here at The Grand Digital Store. Please accept this one time gift for new customers such as yourself so that you will feel welcomed and continue shopping with us.” Was all I could see in front of me as I peeled my face from the ground nursing a head injury.
Ughhhh for them to have a package for newcomers ready like this must mean that this has happened before right? Please tell me I'm not the only one that just ate schmidt as the shelves were moving, I refuse to believe anyone else could just stand there and take all that movement, ughhh my head and stomach are twisting up.
After some time spent recovering my bearings and trying to learn how to stand again, I spotted a little pouch on the ground in front of where I planted my face. Huh? Is this what the prompt was talking about? I didn't see anybody come by and drop this, did they notice me lying on the floor and didn't offer to help me up? I don't know whether i should be thankful or not, knowing that my pride is kept intact from people seeing my blunder, but i'll leave it at that, I suppose, I don't wanna be seen as being ungrateful or whining by the store.
I pick up the black nondescript pouch and immediately notice it's weight. Hmm, it feels kind of light considering I got hurt. I then opened the pouch and beheld blindness as the shine given off by the coins inside burned my vision for a brief moment before I yanked my head away from the pouch. Y'know what nevermind, it's probably for the best i don't think about the incident and just take the money.
I put my hand in and felt around to see how much I had gotten for my kerfuffle. 5 coins? I got 5 gold coins? Well at least i think they're gold, here lemme try biting one for a sec. I take one of the coins, noting how it's circumference is rather large compared to any regular coin, I'd say it's about 2 or 3 times bigger than a half dollar. I go to take a bite and find it easy to leave a mark in the metal. Yeah that real gold alright, my gram taught me that trick way back when i was a wee lad, i used to think that if i eat enough gold i would start pooping it out and then could buy things with it after i cleaned it, heh, i was a stupid kid, but anyway i got a freaking gold coin, 5 of em! They don't look like any coin that would pass for american currency though seeing as how the face of it just says GDS and the tail has an image of walmarket, guess it can only be used here. By the way I did say deal of the day, am I where I'm supposed to be?
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As I looked around I could see three items not pixelated, but rather emitting a soft white glow to them, I approached slowly like a caveman first discovering fire. The first item on the left was a book, black and yellow like one of those how to’s for dummies. Daaaang when's the last time i've seen one of these fossils, i used to see these all the time back in elementary and middle school, they helped fill in some of the blanks my mind was drawing when i couldn't understand a certain topic my teaches were preaching, i wonder what this one’s about?
I go to reach for the book and as soon as I touch it, another prompt fills my vision, almost making me drop the book. “Gettin rich for dummies 101. Value: 1 coin.”
Getting rich for dummies 101 huh? Not to be a prude but I see this book doesn't have a lot of pages, it's more like a very slim pamphlet… But it is just 1 coin so if it turns out to be a scam then at least it wasn't an expensive one right? But before that lemme take a peek at these other items.
The next thing I saw was a ring, a simple band of metal that looked to be made of iron. It glowed a faint and wispy red when I approached. They got jewelry here, I never was a fan of wearing things others might find wanting, I felt it would make me an easy mark, but realistically who's gonna rob me now, i got my clone buddy to back me up! But if he's anything like me then we both lack fighting skills, sigh one step at a time.
Anyway I picked up the ring prepared for yet another prompt to pop up, and right on cue it did, telling me about the ring. “Simple iron band of regeneration. Value: 3 coins.”
Dang what a jump in price but regeneration though? Like the kind of regeneration you get in video games? If that's the case i'm copping this IMMEDIATELY. It was just as I thought about purchasing it, the item disappeared from my hand, panic sets in. What? Where'd it go! I didn't steal it, I promise! I was only looking at it. I look around frantically only just now noticing a small blinking image of a shopping cart in the bottom right corner of my vision with an even smaller number 1 right next to it. Oh… i'm dumb, it probably went into my cart, well my digital cart, this is a digital store after all hehe, that i'm physically shopping at, i wonder how they made that work out? But either way I think it's safe to assume the ring is in my cart.
After that brief bit of confusion, i go to the last item i can actually see and it looks to be an old piece of parchment, like medieval times old, something that wouldn't look out of place in a wizards tower, it was rolled up with a piece of red string tied around it's center in a messy knot, the string itself didn't look anything too fancy, a bit frayed at the ends but it's been doing it job holding on to this piece of paper for god knows how long so i give it some props.
I grabbed the old paper and a new prompt appeared. “Scroll of mage hand. Value: 2 coins.” Wait, isn't that a spell from dnd? Oh Feck yeah i want that too! It's a shame that i won't have enough to get all three items though, i wonder which item was the deal of the day though, i didn't see any sale going on indicating a discount did i?
It was just then an audible ding noise resounded throughout the store, like someone had just rung one of those tiny desk bells over the PA system. The item in my hand vibrated intensely enough for me to think it had suddenly come alive, so I checked the item prompt again. “Scroll of mage hand on sale 50% off! Value: 1 coin.” Oh Heck yeah! Now that's a deal right there! I don't know what imma do with a scroll of mage hand but i'm sure i'll figure it out, now i can get this and the lil book, i'll add everything to cart. As i said that in my noggin, the items disappeared and the little cart in the corner of my vision flashed with the number 3 next to it. “Great! With that I think I'm done shopping-.” I shouldn't have said that. Because as soon as i did, the shelves ran away from me at blistering speeds giving me that same sense of sickening motion that toppled me earlier, except this time a checkout counter appeared in front of me for me to catch my balance on, well not exactly in front of me, a little to the side because i was now in a line with other customers, honest to god customers.
So i wasn't the only one in here, i wonder where they were before checkout? Well seeing as how the shelves could do all that magical wumbo jumbo, they could have been right across from where i had been, or miles away, i don't know, this place just gives off infinite castle vibes, well at least the lines not too too long, just a few people, nothing major, just glad no one saw me almost beef it right there.
I stood silently in line waiting for it to move, apparently the person upfront had a lot of items to check out, the lady at the register was moving through them at a decent pace similar to what one would expect-. Wait a minute, somebody actually works here?!
As I stood there gawking at the register lady, I realized I recognized her from my work place! Oh no this is bad! What the flarg am I supposed to do! She's literally the only cute person at work and everyone else is troglodyte! She's gonna see me in my darn pjs soon and know that I have a desire! I can't just leave, can i? I'd most likely lose the items I wanted, FLUK IT!
I decided that finding an exit was of utmost importance, so I turned around, but much to my surprise, I found that my legs have turned to the byproduct of a jelly that had a one night stand with molasses that gave birth to a healthy, jiggly and slow baby called my legs. Why aren't my legs working! It's not like I'm that entranced by her right! I mean, she is very pretty and I would die if that means i could ask her on a date. No this feels like what happened to me after i did a little too much leg day on my first day at the gym i used to go to, in the hopes of losing weight, i darn near killed myself on the leg press, after that i was too embarrassed to go again… flarking hell, looks like i'm gonna be stuck here, maybe it won't be so bad, maybe she won't recognize me.
“Oh hi Eli! Glad to see a familiar face ‘round here!” Roxanne said cheerily, waving at me in particular just so I couldn't claim plausible deniability that there might be another person named Eli in line. I look around and there’s literally no one else in line and I'm standing in front of her. Darn she went through them fast!
What came out of my mouth must have been akin to jumbled up letters and words you'd find in a bowl of spaghettioios and alien hieroglyphics, safe to say she didn't understand a DARN thing.
“Ohh you must have gotten a sacrifice that messed your speech up huh? That's ok, I've had a few customers like that come by that all seemed pretty chill with it from what I could tell, so i'm sure your desire must be pretty good! Some of them even had a notepad to tell me what their desires are and I was impressed to say the least, I love this whole desire situation. It's just so cool ain't it! Oh sorry, I went on another tangent there, didn't i? Will that be all today?” She said gesturing towards my items that suddenly appeared on the conveyor belt
Oh my god she's so flarking cute when she does that. I clear my throat. “Ah sorry no i didn't get hit with that kind of sacrifice heh, yeah uh i'm just here… shopping, i just got my desire last night and discovered that i could access a store this morning so i'm very new to this.” I say rubbing the back of my head like a good luck charm. “I just came to check things out, and found some items that seemed pretty cool, oh yeah you work here?” Just now realizing that's kind of a stupid question.
“Yeah! This place is great! I get paid 15 coins a day here! It's a really nice supplement to my lackluster income back at the regular walmarket, and this job is sooo freaking easy, you should come work here with me sometime, could use the company!” She said in her usual cheery voice as if what she just said didn't set my heart ablaze to be able to work closer with her.
“Uh yeah that sounds great, uhm how would i even apply?”
“Oh yeah, you go into your SOD and finagle around the options in there till you find the job section and you can apply through there, simple and easy.” She said with a smile that melted my heart easily like butter in the Texas heat.
“Yeah I have no idea what an SOD is, supervisor on duty?” I say confused.
Roxanne made this cherubic laugh that I swear could make babies stop crying. “No silly, it stands for spot of desire, it's where you access your desire from, you don't get on the Bluddit forums much do you?”
“I had no idea there were forums for these things, where would I find it?”
“Oh that's easy, here give me your phone and I'll link it to you later when I'm done with my shift.”
My heart just did somersaults. Did she just ask to put her number in my phone?!? “Uh yeah sure here's my phone.” I hand it to her with hands shakier than a guy diagnosed with parkinsons, no offense. I'm literally giving her the key to my heart right now! D-did our hands just touch a little bit? I'm never washing this hand again! Jk, that's disgusting but I will cherish this moment.
She hands me back my phone with her number in it with a cute little smile emoji next to it. Chat, is this real? “Oh by the way, you mentioned that you get paid 15 coins a day? And it supplements your income? How's that?”
“Oh yeah I forgot to mention, this place has a currency exchange! You can exchange your coins into dollars or vice versa if you want, at a 10 to 1 ratio! So 1 coin equals 10 dollars, meaning I make 150 dollars a day here, times that by 7 and I'm making 1050, tax free mind you! So yeah this place is awesome and you should really think about it if you wanna get your money up!”
“Whoa really! That's frakking awesome, I was already gonna apply but now Imma apply faster! Cuz our regular walmarket barely pays us anyway, what's the hours?” I say excitedly
“Ohhoo you're gonna love this, it's not hours, it's hour! You only gotta work here for one hour! You remember the rules right? As soon as one enters here, they have an hour before they are ejected, it's the same for employees! A decent wage for one hour of work is incredible! I love it here!
“Ok quit joshing me, are you serious? Do you think the governments gonna try and screw this up or something?”
“Y'know i thought of the same thing, but apparently some government officials troll the forums too. It was said on there that no governing bodies can interfere with desire related things whatsoever so i think we're in the clear on that one!
I didn't know i was holding my breath. “Phew, that's a relief, I'm not the biggest fan of the government, so I'm really glad they can't do anything to flax this up.”
“30 on 30!” She yelled out enthusiastically.
“Huh?”
“Oh sorry, what you said just reminded me of a meme I saw a while ago, hope that wasn't awkward.”
“Heh no worries, i like memes too, just wasn't expecting you to know any.”
“Oh c’mon, I browse Blueddit all day when I'm bored at work, of course I know memes, I think I'm practically one of the bros at this point!”
Oh god, I don't know whether I find that endearing or off putting… that was pretty darn cute though so I guess it's not that bad. “Heh, makes sense to me, oh yeah i still haven't paid for these yet, here's 5 coins.”
“Why thank you Eli, here are your items, and it looks like you're gonna be my last customer for the day seeing as how my time is almost up and there's no one else behind you, so to you I say, I hope to see you working here with me soon! And thank you for chatting with me!”
Uhn, my heart! “You best believe it! And thank you for talking with me too, I enjoyed our little convo! See you tomorrow at work?”
“You bet! We still have lots more to talk about, so keep an eye on your phone for me!” she said waving me goodbye
We do? “Of course we do, I look forward to it!” I say just going along with it and waving back as I watch her fade away to reality. Wow, I can't believe I held a conversation with her. I slap myself in the face! Ok stop acting like a darn teenager, I got the goods I didn't know I wanted from here, now it's time to get out, at least I hope there's a way to manually get out, what do I say? Leave the store?
I was then transported out of the store in the blink of an eye, well several blinks and a little bit of nausea because it took me a while to register that I was back home. What a shopping experience that was.
