Loren’s whistle was sharp and sudden, making my hear nearly leap out of my chest. It was honestly a bit impressive, even though it probably caused another alert on my bio-screen. The room went dead silent except for the whooshing sound of the AC blasting and the water trickling down one of the pipes. At least, I was going to convince myself that it was only water. There were so many pipes along the wall that they could be anything.

  She didn’t even have to say anything, and people were moving, heading towards the circle of chairs. I hesitated before taking the one closest to me that hadn’t been claimed. I tucked one ankle over the over and hid them under my chair and laced my fingers together in my lap to hopefully keep from nervously fidgeting.

  Alex appeared beside me, looking sheepish, and took the seat to my left, immediately slouching down in it.

  “Sorry for ditching you,” he apologized in a whisper. Loren moved to stand in the gap between two chairs. “I saw a friend I haven’t seen in a while and got sidetracked.”

  “It’s okay,” I lied, squeezing my fingers together. I hadn’t appreciated being abandoned as soon as we walked through the door, but he had no obligation to stay by my side. At least he’d returned, and I didn’t feel quite so alone.

  “Good evening, everyone,” Loren started, her hazel gaze sweeping the room. She took the time to make eye contact with everyone, smiling the entire time. “I’m glad we could all make it here tonight. We have some returning members we haven’t seen in a while, and a new member brought to us by Jade, who couldn’t be here.”

  My face flushed and my heart skipped a beat as the twenty-seven other people present turned their heads to stare at me.

  Thankfully, Loren didn’t linger. “We’ll start off with John here, and go clockwise.”

  John, sitting to Loren’s left, talked for only a couple of minutes. He hadn’t had an episode in the past two weeks, was managing his life pretty well, though his sister was still distant and wouldn’t let him see her kids.

  I must have looked confused, because Alex leaned in to whisper, “John’s sister thinks that because his death is inevitable, it’s not worth her kids knowing him only to lose him later.” A small gasp slipped out between my lips, but only Alex seemed to hear it. He nodded in silent agreement.

  Melinda, next to John, spoke next. She didn’t have family issues like John, but struggled sometimes with mobility after an episode, like the one she had last week.

  Most everyone took only a handful of minutes to update the group on what was new in their life specific to LaShoul’s. A woman two seat away on my right had an awful week, and shared through silent tears, her voice quiet.

  “I got fired yesterday,” she started, staring down at her hands that were shaking in her lap. “They said it was because of my performance, but I know better. I keep having to call out. It’s getting worse, and I have less time between attacks, and it takes me longer than ever to recover. And I can feel it. My energy is going. And I’m tired.” She sniffled, once, and pinched the bridge of her nose. “It takes so much out of me to be strong for my kid. I don’t want him seeing me like this.”

  For the first time since she got the meeting started, Loren spoke again. “You’re doing such a good job for that little boy. Last meeting you said you were going to try to get a therapist. Did you find one, Meg?”

  Meg nodded. “Yeah, I did. But now that I don’t have a job, I don’t know that I can afford to pay her.”

  Loren snuck a glance towards Melinda, who nodded discreetly and typed something in her phone. Everyone else was enraptured by Meg’s devastating news, making me wonder if anyone else noticed that exchange.

  “But,” Meg continued, finally looking up with puffy eyes, “she got me in touch with an attorney, who is helping me get everything in order. For free. I won’t have to worry about my little boy. He suggested recording a video for him, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

  “You know your son best,” said the man to her right, Will, I think his name was. “But I know my dad always wished his father would have left something for him when he passed from cancer decades ago. Even if it was just a letter, or a card.”

  Meg nodded and didn’t speak again. After a few moments, Loren turned to the woman between Meg and me, who brought the mood up with her win of finally securing the promotion she’d been after that would allow her to work remotely and asynchronously.

  Loren then turned to me, giving me a little nod.

  “Um, hi. I’m Callie.” I gave a pathetic little wave and immediately dropped my hand back into my lap, flexing my fingers to relieve them of the adrenaline making them tingle. Public speaking was not my thing, apparently. “I’m, uh, not sure what I should say exactly. But I was diagnosed four years ago. I lost most of my friends after that. Dropped out of college. Didn’t see the point in getting a degree I might never get to use. But I got a decent job and moved out of my dad’s place. My mom died from LaShoul’s when I was little. I don’t remember her. But she left me some things, and that helped.” I paused, trying to remember my original train of thought.

  “My dad really isn’t around much. I think me having LaShoul’s hurts him too much, after my mom. I can’t say I blame him, but it sucks for me anyways. I have my best friend, though. We’re roommates, and we look after each other. My cat Lucie hates the new apartment. She keeps attacking the rugs.” I grinned, remembering Leo swearing colorfully that morning when Lucie darted into the kitchen, getting herself underfoot while he was trying to make coffee, to launch a personal attack against the white rug. Though, to be fair to Lucie, it didn’t make sense to put a white rug in the kitchen. I didn’t have anything else I could think of to share, and I looked up at Loren beseechingly.

  “Thank you for sharing that with us,” Loren said. Many of the others nodded encouragingly, and I shoved my hands under my thighs.

  Then it was Alex’s turn. He started by sitting up straight and running a hand through his hair as he puffed out a breath. “I don’t know, guys. It wasn’t a bad two weeks by any means, but sometimes I just feel so… unfulfilled.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, hands dangling loosely. “The job is great, and I enjoy it, but I don’t feel like I’m making a difference. I just…I don’t know. Want to make a difference in some way. I don’t care if I’m not remembered for it. I just want to do it, for myself. Which doesn’t make sense, because I don’t care if others make a positive difference. And I think something as simple as holding the door open for someone else is enough sometimes.”

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  “You hold yourself to a higher standard,” Loren supplied.

  Alex nodded. “Yeah. I know. So even though these weeks were perfectly normal, I’m still not satisfied. And I feel guilty for feeling unsatisfied.”

  “Let’s talk after, okay?”

  Alex just nodded, leaning back in his seat again as the next to last person began speaking.

  I reached over and gave his forearm a squeeze. “I get that guilty feeling, too,” I admitted. “Though not quite in the same way.”

  Alex turned and looked at me, eyes searching mine. If he found what he was looking for, I’d never know. I cleared my throat and added, “She’s good. Loren.”

  “She’s a licensed therapist herself,” Alex informed me. Which made perfect sense, I realized belatedly. A group of people all bound for an early death, it was probably a requirement.

  After everyone had a chance to speak, Loren opened the floor to questions for the group.

  Meg raised her hand first. Loren called on her. “What…what would you leave your only kid?”

  No one answered right away. No one raised a hand.

  I gathered my courage and said, “My mom left me a necklace of hers. I used to wear it, but now I’m afraid something will happen to it, and I’ll lose it. Maybe something that he can hold onto. Like…I don’t know, your favorite souvenir, or book, or something. I feel connected to my mom when I wear the necklace, though now it’s only for special occasions and not every day. But sharing your favorite place or story, I think, could help him feel like he knows you.”

  I paused, feeling self-conscious with everyone’s eyes on me. But, I added, “And a letter, if not a video. My mom wrote one for me, and it’s what I treasure most.”

  Meg was crying silently again, but bobbed her head jerkily and muttered a quiet thanks.

  A few others asked questions, like if anyone had tried the new supplement that was being touted on social media as the best symptom management pill, though it wasn’t a magic cure. No one had. We’d all given up, it seemed, or had been disappointed one too many times to put ourselves out there. Or maybe we just all knew better than to believe anything that didn’t require a doctor’s prescription could actually help.

  After the questions were wrapped up, Loren assigned us homework. “Do something that you never do for yourself. It can be something you used to love doing, or trying something new that you’ve always wanted to. I expect some great stories next time.”

  People were slow to trickle out after the meeting, hovering in their small groups again. Alex excused himself to say goodbye to his friends, but promised to be back to walk me out. While he was gone, Melinda came back over.

  “We’re glad you came tonight; Jade will be sorry she missed you. She loves collecting strays.”

  “I’m glad I was collected?” I said, more of an awkward question than statement. Melinda laughed.

  “It’s usually Alex who brings in the most,” she added.

  “He is very charismatic,” I commented, glancing over to where he stood with his friends. “But I am glad I came. It was very…”

  “Therapeutic?” Melinda offered.

  “Exactly,” I agreed. “It was good. Really good.”

  “We need to stick together,” she added. “Most other don’t get it.”

  I shook my head. “No, they don’t.”

  “Well, hey, I’ve got to head out. But here; just in case.” She offered her phone, like Alex had, and we quickly exchanged information. She hugged me goodbye, and I felt myself smile for real for the first time tonight.

  I hadn’t exactly enjoyed myself, but my words to Melinda had been true. I was glad I’d come tonight, even though it had gotten emotional. It was cathartic, hearing other people’s struggles and knowing I wasn’t alone in my own. I felt understood, and it was a feeling I hadn’t realized I missed. Even though I had Leo, he didn’t quite have the same perspective on things as I did. He wasn’t emotionally available, really. It was just who he was. But these people? Alex and Melinda? They were, and it only served to reinforce that I should put more effort into making friends.

  Damnit. Leo was right, and I’d have to tell him. I would never live this down.

  Alex returned, giving one last wave to his friends as they left. “So, what are you going to do for Loren’s homework?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “I’m not sure yet. There’s a lot that I still do. But I’m realizing most of it is solitary. Like reading. Or binging shows. I even took up crocheting.”

  “That’s pretty cool, though, the crocheting. You any good?”

  “I can make a scarf. Or a blanket. Or anything, really, but only if it’s rectangular. And that’s it, because I’m garbage at counting stitches,” I admitted with a laugh. “But maybe I’ll try something different, like cooking. I’m sure I could find a class to take somewhere. What about you?”

  “I’ve got a few options.”

  “Oh yeah?” Alex started walking towards the door, and I followed. “Any one in particular looking good?”

  “Yeah. And I could actually use your help with it, if you’re willing.”

  “I guess that depends on what it is.” We reached the door, and Alex waved his arm in front of him again, insisting I go first. “We did just meet, remember?”

  “That’s part of what makes it kind of perfect.” He paused to close the door behind him, muffling the sounds of the ten or so people still lingering behind. He ran a hand through his hair and refused to look at me. “I’m going to be completely honest with you, Callie.”

  “Oh-kay…”

  He didn’t say anything for a minute, continuing to walk down the half-lit hallway towards the entrance. All of a sudden, he blurted, “I think you’re really pretty, and I liked talking to you earlier, and I want to get to know you better.”

  My heart stuttered. He wanted to be my friend?

  “I would really like that,” I answered, trying not to beam up at him. Play it cool, Callie. “But what has that got to do with your homework?

  It was hard to tell in the lighting, but I thought he might have blushed. “That is the homework thing. After being diagnosed, I stopped dating. People just didn’t get it, and I got tired of only going on first dates.”

  “Wait a second,” I blurted, my feet suddenly glued to the floor. “Dates? Are you…you’re not asking me out on a date, right?”

  Alex pressed his lips into a thin line, offering only a single nod as an answer.

  Oh, shit.

  “I, uh…” I stuttered. I shook my head as though that would clear it. “Um. Okay, to be honest, didn’t see that coming.”

  “It doesn’t have to be a date,” he said. “But it can if you want it to be.”

  That was actually…really considerate.

  I looked down at the pink and green marble floor. It was pretty, in an old-fashioned way, though I was sure much of it was covered by the new construction. I wondered how many couples had gotten married standing on this very floor.

  Not helping.

  “Can I be honest?” I asked, looking back up to meet his eyes.

  “Of course.”

  I took a bracing breath. “It’s not that I’m not interested,” I started. He was attractive, with his messy hair and attentive eyes. But his personality attracted me more than his physical appearance. “But coming here tonight was already a stretch for me. I don’t think I’m comfortable going out on a date.”

  He nodded. “I understand. I’m sorry to spring it on you. What would you say to a friend-date instead?”

  My lips tugged up. “A friend-date?”

  “Yeah. No romantic candle-lit dinner, or playing footsie under the table, nothing like that. But just, you know, get to know each other more first. As friends. And then, if you want, we can revisit the date thing another time.”

  I hesitated. Getting to know him was definitely something I was interested in, but my new desire to put myself out there and make friends was just that; new. I hadn’t figured out how I wanted to do that yet.

  And yet…here was an opportunity all but presented to me on a golden platter. If I said no, would I get an opportunity like this again? If I said yes, would I be brave enough to follow through with it?

  I almost scoffed. I knew myself well enough that I would absolutely be at risk of talking myself out of it later. If I wanted to do this, which I did, I needed to do this as soon as possible.

  “Okay, a friend-date,” I said, “On one condition.”

  “Shoot.”

  “We go right now before I can talk myself out of it.”

  Alex’s smile was blinding. “Done.”

  Edited and updated 1-11-25

  Minor Spoiler Alert