CHRISTINA.

  I try to open my eyes, but my eyelids are so heavy. However, someone picked me up. I’m still thirsty and hungry, and I try to speak as loudly as possible, but nothing comes out. I hope they heard me. But somebody immediately answers me in a whisper that he will bring it. I give up trying to cheer myself up and just rely on the mercy of the one who carries me back to bed. Before ying me down, the man squeezes me a little tighter and a little longer than necessary. Then he ys me down and covers me with a bnket. But he doesn’t leave. I feel like he’s looking at me. And then I hear him say in a whisper:

  “You are so stupid”.

  I’m starting to shake nervously. But I try not to show it. He doesn’t linger and leaves quickly. I jump up, the sleep has vanished.

  “Why him? This is definitely not fate. I don’t believe in fate. And in general, why is he here, at home? He’s almost never at home.”

  Questions remain, but Ae soon appears.

  “Baby, I brought you some water. There was no need to get up. Do you want to eat something?”

  I nod my head. She always understands me. Soon she brings me hot toast with ham and cheese. This seems to be exactly what I need.

  “Where do gdioli come from?” I ask.

  She looks surprised and says:

  “I don’t know. I didn’t bring it. And in general I see them for the first time. Maybe your dad brought…”

  “Sorry, Ae,” I remind her, “but this is a sore subject. Don’t call him that. I understand that he did a lot for me. He loves me, I have no doubt. But why didn’t anyone tell me about this? After all, he and John were the closest people to me, because I believed that we were of the same blood. And now my world has turned upside down. I’m trying to come to my senses, but for some reason I can’t.”

  Her face lights up with a kind, snow-white smile, and her freckles dance on her face.

  “Everyone needs different time to realize and accept certain things. You probably need more of it. Now it’s time to rest.”

  “Wait,” I’m lightly pulling her skirt.

  She looks at me questioningly.

  “Why is John here? He’s rarely at home.”

  “Who knows...” she says thoughtfully, and leaves me alone.

  ***

  A week ter, I finally feel retively healthy and can afford to go out to the pond near my house and read another book. There is a light breeze in the shade of the trees, and the pages shake a little. I haven’t seen John since he carried me sick back to bed. He probably hates me. We’re not even family. Now he can openly say whatever he wants, and I won’t even be able to object. Not only because I care about him and I’m ready to endure everything, but also because it’s justified. I am nobody, and someday he will get all this. So, when I graduate, I need to find myself a good job, thank the people dear to me, and all the inhabitants of this house are dear to me, and go my own way. Without vioting anyone’s personal space. Starting from scratch is always hard, but I will have the opportunities that Jack and the te Jane gave me. It is thanks to them that I am what I am.

  “It takes you a long time to read the page.”

  I flinch and the book falls out of my hands.

  “Well, here we go again... Just as clumsy as always.”

  John picks up the book and pces it on the bench next to me. He seems to be in a good mood today.

  “I wanted to say that I’m leaving.”

  “Are you back to Edinburgh?” I ask with a certain note of hopelessness in my voice.

  “Yes of course.”

  He twirls the hat in his hands, which he decided to wear with a T-shirt and jeans. This is a little unusual for him.

  “Why are you telling me about this? It seems we don’t have the best retionship?”

  “Oh, why did I say that?”

  “It’s just...” he says, and without looking back, he leaves.

  “And what was that?” I ask myself. I look after him. I really want to stop him, but I can’t and just keep looking after him.

  JOHN.

  My father and I shake hands.

  “Call, son, don’t forget your old father!” he tells me, and he ughs.

  “Yah? Quite an old man!” I continue his joke, “Sorry that this happened, we need to get back to business. Yes, and you need to rex after busy days.”

  “Yes, our girl was hot. However, as always. Sometimes she is unpredictable. Don’t worry, she’s fine, I assure you.”

  “I have no doubt,” I say, take my hat and go. I want to leave unnoticed, but passing by the pond, I see her and decide to observe a little, remaining quiet. Christina is deep in her book and doesn’t notice me. Although I can’t approach quietly because of the long grass. I look for about five or ten minutes, brown hair is scattered over the shoulders and back. I want to inhale their scent, but I can’t. Plus she might get scared. But I can’t stay here forever. My friend Michael is already waiting for me in the car. We agreed that he was on his way and would give me a lift to Edinburgh.

  “It’s taking you so long to read the page,” I tell her.

  The book falls from her hands. I’m picking it up and putting it next to her. I say a couple of phrases about how I need to get back to business. And then she asks me:

  “Why are you telling me about this? It seems we don’t have the best retionship.”

  I stand rooted to the spot. This question outraged and confused me at the same time. I need to answer something quickly.

  “It’s just...” I say and walk away, trying not to turn to her, otherwise I won’t go anywhere. I think I’m stuck. But why for her?

  “I just love you” is spinning in my head.

  “Wow, buddy, what’s with that old-fashioned hat you’re wearing?”

  “Hello, Mickey! I’m not te?”

  “As you can see, I’m here. And I haven’t left yet. So you’re on time.”

  “Then get your horse and let’s go. Hot chicks are waiting for us!” I say.

  “I like your attitude, guy,” he answers, and the car roars off.

  CHRISTINA.

  I’m alone again. No, of course not. Five other people live in the same house with me. However, there is no main man. The one I’m trying to get out of my head. He left me about a week ago. Two days after he left, I waited until evening and quietly entered his room. I’ve never been here before. It was made in dark colors. I didn’t really look into it. Besides, in the evening the sun had already disappeared below the horizon, and I didn’t want to turn on the light. I felt for the chest of drawers in the dark and opened it. But nothing was visible, so I had to shine my phone’s fshlight. Some of his things y in the chest of drawers, not very well organized. I rather grabbed something furry. Looks like a sweater. It was so soft when I pressed him to my cheek.

  “No, that’s not possible. Too big and noticeable,” I decided and put it back, “what should I take?”

  “Chris?! Chris, where are you?”

  “Oh my God, it’s Ae! She definitely shouldn’t see me. Damn, the door is slightly open, and I won’t have time to close it.”

  I grabbed something small. The steps were getting closer, she seemed to be walking up the stairs. First she went to my room. But of course I wasn’t there.

  “Hmm,” she said.

  I quickly crawled under the bed.

  “Chris, I wanted to show you something.”

  I held my breath. She came closer, but did not go in, closed the door and went downstairs. It’s not that I shouldn’t come here, but I didn’t want anyone to know about it. Without getting out from under the bed, I shined a fshlight. Apparently this time I came across his T-shirt. It seems blue. However, I understood that I could not take it with me. These are still not my clothes. But I wanted to press it to my nose at least once and take a deep breath. I wanted to know what he smells like and always remember it in difficult moments of life, because we were not destined to be together. At least that’s what I thought.

  John’s T-shirt smelled of something tart and a little sweet. It was very remote. The smell of perfume probably wouldn’t st if it was washed, but he left quite recently. In addition, his things were never touched, and if he wanted, he took them for washing himself. And it worked to my advantage. Nothing was ever rearranged in his room; everything always stood the way he left it. I put it in the depths of the chest of drawers, folding it carefully. Luckily, I could sneak here while no one was looking. I carefully opened the door and looked outside. There was no one nearby. I returned to myself with the memory of this smell, which caused an inexplicable bitterness when I thought about it. In order not to arouse suspicion, I went downstairs a couple of minutes ter and said that I had gone to the restroom. Of course she believed me.