But I was too te. She’d grabbed it in the obvious way, and had mao depress the thumb safety and squeeze the trigger. The ued kick of the powerful gun, bined with her only lightly holding onto the dder with one hand, knocked her off bance. Instinctively, I reached out to catch her, but I was on the dder too, and that meant that I was no longer hanging on.

  We nded, with me otom, on top of the bones.

  I o put a cushion in that spot. I mentally added it to my list, along with burying the bones outside. The tomb was now part of my house, and I didn’t want a skeleton in it.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  “Just a little surprised. You make a great cushion. What was that? I thought you said there was no magic.”

  “Yeah, it works differently.” There robably a hole somewhere in my walls, now. Hopefully she hadn’t shot the boiler or anything important. “How about you not toug anything without asking, it will be much safer.” I was very aware of two things; a pain in my back, from nding, and her body pressing against mine in a very enclosed space. The smart thing to do was to ask her to get off me and make sure that I was okay.

  Instead of getting off, she twisted so that her boobs were in my face. The leaves couldn’t take that, and one of them fell off. “Don’t touything, because things up there randomly explode. Got it.”

  Would you get experience if she shot herself by act?

  “It wasn’t random, exactly. You pulled the trigger. Never mind.”

  Rather than tellio get off, I checked my system dispy.

  Health 17/20

  That didn’t sound like a critical injury. Drain a little life from some pnts, and I’d be good to go, although I probably better not suggest that to Xy. “Shall we try again? This time, carefully? Oh, and there’s something I should tell you before we go.”

  “Like the fact that things explode?”

  “No. My body is different up there. You won’t reize it.”

  She frowned. “But I like your body.”

  I shrugged. She looked at my boobs, and sighed. “Okay. I don’t think I like your world much, but I ’t not know, you know?”

  I uood pletely. “And I should take my clothes off. Because of the body ging.”

  “You don’t see me arguing,” she said with a wink.

  Or me.

  So I stripped, while she watched and smirked.

  “Maybe this time you go up first, so I enjoy the view,” she suggested.

  “Alright,” I said. If I were her, I’d get suspicious if I refused.

  I went up, with her following. The transformation didn’t happen until I was all the way through, so I was still in my futa body when I pushed the guns off to the side. The bullet had hit aernal wall, with no apparent damage other than a hole that didn’t go all the way through. Then I pulled myself off the puzzle, and when Xy’s hand appeared I offered her a hand and pulled her up.

  It was a little weird being in my male body, naked, in the basement with her. Also weird having a practically naked woman with green skin in my house.

  “You’re a man!” she cried. “Abby?”

  “Yep. Up here I’m Abel.”

  “But not an evil neancer.”

  “Not an evil anything,” I said. “But definitely no magic here.” She was distrag, and I was distracted.

  She looked down, following my gaze, and said, “Oh, yes, I’m asymmetrical,” and plucked off the leaf c the other nipple. Then she looked around. “It’s very square,” she said. “And white. But you have windows. And what’s – ht, don’t touch things because they explode. How do you live that way?”

  “Because very little explodes.” I was hoping to avoid tellihat the gun was a on that I was bringing into her world. It made perfect sense, but it didn’t sound good to tell.

  She pointed. “So what’s that? And that. And that?”

  “That’s a mae for washing clothes, and the oo it that looks kind of simir is f them after.” I walked over. “And this is a sink. If you twist the knob here, you get water.” I carefully skirted the edge of the puzzle to get to it. It was going to be very inve having it there, and maybe I should put an iron grate over it. I turned on the cold water.

  The hole was right over the sink, and I didn’t see any sign it had hit any plumbing or electrical or anything.

  She put her hand ier. “Wow. I thought you said they don’t have magi your world?”

  “We don’t. Water flows, right? And when the knob is like this,” I said, turning it off, “it stops the water from flowing. When I twist it back, the water es. The device doesn’t make the water, really, it stops it.

  “Oh. And what does the other knob do?”

  “Hot water.”

  “Which happens how?”

  “There’s a small furna another room that heats the water, basically. And like the other knob, it’s being stopped until I turn the faucet on.”

  “Show me?”

  “There’s not much to see, but sure.” I took her to the utility room and showed her the hot water heater. It had probably a couple years left on it, but I inteo repce it and the old boiler with a bo tankless unit in a few months. At least, acc to the inal schedule. Some of that would probably slide.

  “I don’t see the fire,” she objected.

  “It’s all i gets air through these ducts.”

  “And where’s the wood?”

  “It doesn’t run on wood, it runs on natural gas, whies through these other ducts.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Like s gas?”

  “Oh. Yuck. And how does that get here?”

  I smiled at her. “We could be here all day, just expining that. It’s pumped from the ground as here through a series of long pipes that run for miles. I pay monthly for however much I use.”

  “You must be really rich.”

  I smiled. “I suppose I am, in many ways.” I had a lot to be grateful for, and whether I was as wealthy as some people was beside the point. I had everything I needed, and viewing it all through Xy’s eyes just made me appreciate it even more.

  We left the utility room and she poio a window. “Could you lift me up so I see out of that?” They were almost to the ceiling, and only two feet wide. “Sure. Or we could see out of the ones upstairs, they are nicer, and lower.”

  “And then you wouldn’t have to pick me up,” she said, like it was a bad thing.

  “You wao carry you?”

  “Yes, please.”

  I picked her up, one arm under her knees and the other behind her back.

  “I believe you now, Abel. You know why I didn’t run, back at the tomb?”

  “Why?”

  “Because I felt deep down you were a good person.”

  I smiled. “I think I’m a good person.”

  She grinned. “You know, I was sort of thinking if you carried me your hand would end up on my ass.”

  I shifted her so that I was cupping her very bare tush. “You’re less weirded out my form ging than I am.”

  “Well, I ge into a tree, you know. No, that part almost makes sense.” She snuggled up against me and pointed. “Upstairs!”

  I ughed. “Upstairs.” I had to duck a little to get up the stairs, and Xy mistook that for a move to kiss her, so she pnted one on me, and I promptly bonked my head.

  “Ouch!” she said, on my behalf.

  “It just hurt a little.” By which I meant that I wasn’t going to lose sciousness, and I doubted that there was blood. I kept going until I came out he kit, intending to give her a proper kiss.

  But she squirmed out of my arms and rushed to the open window oher side. “There’s another house right across the street! And a tree, and three bushes, and a lot of grass! And an overdressed woman. I think she’s your species! Does she have a cock, too?”

  I pulled her away from the window, and she resisted. I didn’t want Kathy to see a topless green woman looking out my window. Or, for that matter, to see me wrestling a naked woman of any color.

  “What?” Xy asked.

  “I don’t want you to be seen. No one in this world looks like you. The st thing I want is people iigating. In fact, the st thing you should want is people iigating, or all sorts of people could find the portal downstairs and start traipsing through your woods. People with saws and lirimmers.”

  “saws? Lirimmers?”

  “The loud devices that I was using to cut the brambles and vines around the crypt with.”

  “Oh, yeah, good point. Although your neighbor looks a nice person,” Xy said. “Have you two had sex?”

  “Um, no. And I think she might be a good person, but I haven’t really gotten to know her well yet. We’ve just talked a little.”

  “Do you even know what she looks like with her clothes off?”

  “No, again.”

  Xy smirked. “I bet if you showed her your cock she’d be pretty ied. I mean your cock from the other world. Although this one looks like it might be det, too.”

  “I think she’d have me arrested. There’s some windows upstairs you look out of and see more.”

  “Is that another mae for washing clothes?” She poi the dishwasher.

  “No, it’s for washing dishes.”

  “Wow, maes do all the work for you, don’t they? How about that one?”

  I opehe refrigerator, and she looked around. “Foht?” She grabbed a of co. “This is cold.”

  “Yes, that’s what this mae does. It keeps things cold. The top part keeps things even colder, enough to make ice.”

  She opehe freezer, and looked iill holding the . “And you’re trying to tell me this isn’t magic.”

  “It’s teology. It’s hard to describe the difference, but there is one.”

  “How does it work?”

  “Too plicated to expin,” I said.

  “So how are you sure it’s not magic?”

  “Because there are people who uand it.”

  “Wizards uand magic. Also Artificers, Sorcerers, Thaumaturges…”

  “Right. But ordinary people don’t, right?”

  “I guess. I do some magic, of course.”

  “Well, anyone learn how a refrigerator works by reading a book. It doesn’t require being a wizard or a dryad or anything like that. It just requires wanting to know and reading.”

  “But if everyone know that easily, everyone would want to know, wouldn’t they?”

  I shook my head again. “There are lots of things to know. And things to do. One has to pid choose. Most people hire an expert even just to put a new fridge in.”

  “So what is this?” she asked.

  “It’s a drink.” I took the from her and opehe lid.

  “I don’t want to get tipsy,” she said.

  “It won’t make you tipsy. Drink enough of it and it might make you a bit wired, but a sip shouldn’t do much.”

  She sipped it. “It’s okay, I guess,” she said. “Feels weird on my tongue.” She put it down, and I reminded myself that she didn’t uand that opening the meant that the carbonation was all going to leak out. I took the and sipped from it, not wanting it to go to waste.

  “What’s in these drawers?” she asked, pulling one open.

  “That one has silverware.”

  “Silver! You are rich!”

  “Well, it’s actually stainless steel.”

  “What’s that?”

  I ughed. “Like silver, but stronger and it doesn’t tarnish.”

  “So, eveer.”

  “Yes. A oddly, less valuable. There’s no end of possible questions, isn’t there? And I feel the same way in your world, full of questions. Just don’t cut yourself on a knife.”

  So I spent the few hours showing Xy around the house. I let her spend some time looking out an upstairs window that looked out on the backyard, and another so she could look out the front. I expined cars, and why they had paved a pce where pnts could have grown. Everything was amazing to her, and I don’t know that I made any progress at ving her there wasn’t magi my world.

  “So, where do you sleep and have sex and stuff?” she asked.

  I ughed. “In the room upstairs”

  “Your world is iing, but it really needs more trees.”

  “There are forests here, too. This just isn’t one of them.”

  “Let’s go!”

  “We ’t. Remember?”

  “I’ll let you carry me.” She jumped at me, just like before, and I caught her. “You put your hands on my ass, and I do this.”

  I put my hands on her ass, and she did that, which turned out to be grinding against my groin.

  “Not even for that,” I said, although I had to admit I e.

  She looked down. “Not quite as big in this world,” she said. “But still a lot bigger than an elf’s.”

  She put her feet ba the floor. I didn’t move my hands, because she didn’t ask me to. The front leaf ractically shredded, aainly wasn’t cealing anything anymore. I looked down at my jeans, and there was definitely a wet spot on the front of them. She was aroused.

  She twisted away and walked into the bathroom. “Another sink!” she said and pyed with the faucet. “And what’s that?”

  “It’s a chamber pot,” I said.

  “Your pee is very clear,” she remarked. “You must be very well hydrated.”

  “Well, I try, but that’s not why it’s clear in there.” So I expined flushing to her, and then showed her the shower.

  To my surprise, she jumped ihe shower and turhe water on. “Oh, this is nice! A little cold, but invigorating.”

  I reached in and turhe hot water on. “It gets warmer. Say when it’s too warm.”

  She did a little spin, spttering water everywhere. “Mmmhmm. That’s abht, right there.”

  It was a lot cooler than I would have liked a shower. I have to admit I didn’t mind watg her. I expihe soap and the shampoo, and she gave them a try, thering suds all over her green body.

  “Do you ever fu here?” she asked.

  “Um, not so far.”

  “Hmm.” She pulled away her one remaining leaf. “This one is sort of done for, isn’t it?”

  “You put it in the wastebasket there,” I said, pointing.

  “No, I want to see your flushing chamber pot in a.”

  So we flushed it down, and she was suitably amazed.

  Watg her, when I wasn’t just admiring her lithe body, helped me appreciate just how amazing everything I had was. A hundred years ago much of what I had in the house would be impossible — most of the eleics, for instawo hundred years ago, and I wouldn’t have had a light bulb, or probably a flush toilet. I pletely uood why she thought of everything as magical.

  I showed her my ptop, and how it could be used to watch music videos, py games, or look up information. She couldn’t read the writing, but she could uand the spoken words fine, and she was amazed.

  She sprang to her feet, and pressed her chest against me. “You should bring all this to my world! All of this, what do you call it, teology!”

  “Some of it, maybe. But a lot of it’s impossible. My phone doesn’t get a signal in your world, for instance, aher would the ptop, and most of what we’ve seen requires it to be ected to my world. Flush toilets, yes, there’s no problem there, if we built a septik. But some of the other things — well, on a small scale, having gas heat is really nice, although if I was doing everything from scratch I’d have electrid sor pao power it. But we o be careful, because there’s a lot of stuff we don’t want. Like the thing that exploded. I think your world decided it didn’t want it, so it wouldn’t let me bring it through. Or maybe that was the system, proteg your world.”

  “Proteg it from you,” she said.

  “Not being evil doesn’t mean not being dangerous. Like you.”

  “Oh, you think I’m dangerous?” she asked and fluttered her eyeshes.

  “Yeah.”

  She looked over at the bed. “Wanna –”

  I did, but I had a dark thought. “You know the thing that stops yetting pregnant, unless you bury yourself and all that?”

  She nodded.

  “Is that magic?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “Magic doesn’t work here.”

  “Oh. Oh. And that means I ’t talk to the trees, either, doesn’t it?”

  “I assume. We ’t go out and check, because the neighbor would be very ed by a naked green woman frolig around my yard.”

  “That’s silly. Everyone knows that dryads are good luck. Except people who want to cut down my trees, of course.” She frowned. “I think I want to go home now.”

  So we went back. Whe to the bottom of the dder, she pressed her naked body against mihank you, Abby, for trustih your secret.”

  “Of course.”

  “I like this body better. And I want you,” she said.

  My cock stiffened.

  “Now.”

  A tomb isn’t my idea of a romantic spot, but when a beautiful woman like Xy has needs, well, what is a futa to do?

  I put her on the ledge of the coffin, and took her standing up, right over Enash’s bones. It was the sort of thing a neancer should have gotten experience points for, in a perfect world.

  It was not a perfect world.