Our friends traveled on towards Schmegma City. They walked a little while in silence and then Soda said:

  "If the tremorroid forbids the Chimpanzee Alchemist to change Uncle Karl back from a puddle of puke, what shall I do?"

  Rumplemuss the Dirty Wanderer shook his head.

  "In that case you can't do anything," he said. "But don't be discouraged yet. We will go to Vice-Tremorroid Mono and tell her your troubles. Mono has the kindest heart in the world, and she has been through so many troubles herself that she is sure to sympathize with you."

  "I can’t believe I’m actually going to meet THE Montana Shingles," said Soda, brightening up a little bit. "She’s been my idol ever since my uncle showed me ‘The Funderful Thaumaturge of Bonertania’ at our drive-in."

  "I knew her before she was vice-tremorroid and moved to Bonertania. Montana's mother Mizzy moved here, too, she’s an agricultural scientist." The wanderer uttered a long sigh, as he had a huge crush on Mono’s mom. Then he shook his head to clear it. Dandruff flew everywhere. "Anyway, In another hour," said Rumplemuss, "we shall come in sight of the walls of Schmegma City."

  Rumplemuss was walking ahead with Chunks, and behind them came Gary and the Spork Armadillo. Soda had lagged behind, for in spite of the warnings she had received the tween's eyes were fastened on the grass that bordered the road and she was eager to discover if such a thing as a stench blossom really existed.

  Suddenly she stopped short and bent over to examine the ground more closely. She inhaled deeply: Yes; here at last was a flower that stank to high heaven, worse than a purple corpse flower. In an instant her heart leaped with joy, for this was one of the important things he had come for- one of the things that would restore dear Uncle Karl to life.

  She glanced ahead and saw that none of her companions were looking back. Neither were any other people about, for it was midway between two theaters. The temptation was too strong to be resisted.

  "I might search for weeks and weeks, and never find another stench blossom," she told herself, and quickly plucking the stem from the plant she placed the prized plant in an empty alien feces jar and placed the jar into her backpack, covering it with the other things she carried there. Then, trying to look as if nothing had happened, she hurried forward and overtook her comrades.

  Schmegma City, which is the most splendid city in Bonertania, was founded by the famous film-maker and philanthropist J. Danforth Schmegma. It is surrounded by a high, thick Mukusian plastic wall that looked like someone had taken a million model kits, mixed up the pieces, hot glued them to the wall and spray painted it different shades of gray and silver, then glued a bunch of old used videotapes and silver dusted diamonds to the whole thing. There are eight gates in the hexagonal wall surrounding the city. Over the top of the gate facing Schling Quadrant was spray painted the words "DESTROY ART." This was a reference to a famous quote by Schmegma:

  "I believe movies can heal. I am trying to do that... like a medicine. I believe in an art that can open the mind. I see a planet that is ill. Economically is ill. Morally is ill. Spiritually is ill. Sifillis is sick. We need to make art that will kill that sickness. You can be a destroy artist and make destroy art."

  Schmegma City is the greatest city in all of Bonertania. Its main industries were the making of feature film motion pictures, the trading of feature film motion pictures on videotape, and the screening of feature film motion pictures on videotape on giant TV sets. One third of the city was mostly soundstages and backlots, and one third was mostly mom and pop video stores, walk-in movie theaters, playhouses, libraries, art galleries, 24 hour diners, convenience stores, bowling alleys, discotheques, and toy and vintage clothing shops. There’s even a district full of garages, for although there are no automobiles in Schmegma City the garage bands needed a place to practice.

  The third third of Schmegma City is apartment blocks, where the citizens live in soundproof apartments with great home theaters, housed in towering buildings of various heights and shapes. All of these structures had the same silver-and-grey mixed-up model-kit texture as the outer wall.

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  They stood a long time on the hilltop, feasting their eyes on the splendor of Schmegma City. From where they stood it looked like a miniature model, or maybe a matte painting.

  "Whee!" exclaimed Chunks, clasping her mismatched hands in ecstasy, "That'll do for me to live in! No more Mountain Whole for these chunks!"

  "Why, you belong to the Chimpanzee Alchemist," replied the Spork Armadillo, looking at her in amazement. "You were made for a handmaiden, Chunks, so you are personal property and not your own mistress."

  "The mangy old baboon can take a flying leap at the moon! If he wants me, let him come here and get me. I'll not go back to his dork-butt dome of my own accord; that's certain. Only one place in Bonertania is fit to live in, and that's Schmegma City. It's lovely! It's almost as beautiful as I am, Soda."

  The entrancing sight of the city had put new energy into them all and they hurried forward with lighter steps than before. There was much to interest them along the road.

  For one thing, they saw a good many interesting people who were coming or going from one place or another. Most of the humanoids and robots wore zipfront hoodies, mostly black, timberwolf, ash, rose quartz, cinerous, cadet gray, cool gray, taupe gray, battleship grey, slate gray, nardo gray, dim gray, dark slate gray, gunmetal, glaucous, or feldgrau. Under the open hoodies they wore T-shirts with feature film motion picture logos or icons on them, like the shirts Soda preferred. Many had on squishball caps or stocking caps, also with icons on them, and everyone wore squishball sneakers.

  There were also yokai of all shapes and classes, from tiny gremlin-class yokai like belchkins, spuurtises, and queezimps to great big hooved steed-class yokai like ocelots, rhinoceroses, and iguanas. Most of the yokai were rubbery and covered in veins, lumps, and wrinkles, and only about half of them wore pants.

  At last our friends reached the great gateway, just as the sun was setting and adding its deep purple glow to the glitter of the dusted diamonds and videotapes on the city wall. The blue, pink, indigo and violet street lights snapped on. Somewhere inside the city a garage band could be heard playing frenetic electronic music coupled with jazz sax and a theremin; a soft, subdued hum, as of many voices, reached their ears.

  A hole in the wall to the left of the gate suddenly opened like the iris of a camera, revealing a scruffy middle-aged man wearing a fluorescent orange jumpsuit with fluorescent orange glasses frames, a fluorescent squishball cap and a fluorescent orange puffy vest. On his shoulder was a patch with a picture of a videotape on it, and from his black utility belt hung a Glittery Machete brand machete in one holster and a smallish machine gun in another. Soda thought she had never seen so orange a man before.

  "Whoa-ho-ho!" said Agent Orange, holding up his hand. His tone was stern but still pretty chill and relaxed.

  They halted before he spoke and stood looking at him.

  "Good evening, Orange," said Rumplemuss.

  “Ah, dirty wanderer. I was wondering when we’d see you again.”

  "What's the news since I left? Anything important?"

  "Bruce and Jo broke up but got back together again a day later. B.M. is in town trying to get more funding for more models of the digestive tract. One of those big furry vipers soaked Fulci Street. Oh, Cockadoody won the cockfighting cockatition.”

  “That’s five years in a row,” said Rumplemuss approvingly.

  “Affirmative," replied Agent Orange. “She took a licking, she’s still bruised and swollen. You will have to visit Cocka at her coop and congratulate her."

  "I can dig it," said the wanderer. "But you will observe that I have brought some strangers home with me. I am going to take them to see the vice-tremorroid."

  "One moment, please," said the agent, barring their way as they started to enter the gate. "I am on duty, and I have orders to execute. Is anyone in your party named Soda the Cursed?"

  "Why, that's me!" cried Soda, astonished at hearing her name on the lips of a stranger.

  Agent Orange nodded. "I thought so," said he, "and I am sorry to announce that it is my painful duty to hunt down and arrest you."

  "Arrest me!" exclaimed the girl. "What for?"

  "I haven't looked to see," answered the orange clad man. He reached into the hole he came out of and pulled out a clipboard. "Oh, yes; you are to be arrested for willfully breaking one of the laws of Bonertania."

  "Breaking a law!" said Rumplemuss. "Nonsense, Orange; you're joking."

  "Why should we listen to you anyway?" asked Chunks impertinently.

  "My dear crazy-quilt-face- and what are you, a rummage sale or a guess-me-quick?- my dear crazy-quilt face, in me you behold the bodyguard of our splendid tremorroid and vice-tremorroid, as well as the Head of the Royal Army of Bonertania, the Chief of the Police Force of Schmegma City, the Prime Notary of Bonertania, and I also sell trade blood for videotapes."

  "And only one man!" exclaimed the Spork Armadillo.

  "Only one, and plenty enough. An hour ago I was called to the presence of the tremorroid and told to arrest a girl named Soda the Cursed, who was journeying from Schlingquad to Schmegma and would arrive in a short time. You are rightly named Soda the Cursed, my poor lady, since you have broken a law of Bonertania and are going to jail."

  Soda farted nervously.