Tsuneo FurusawaWednesday, October 18th, 23:49I’m not sure why I’m even bothering. I learned long ago that alcohol never mended a broken heart – only made you too numb to feel its pain.

  You’re gone.

  Just like that, the one thing I had left in this world, that I could y cim to and call my own, is gone.

  I can’t get the hellish scene out of my head – waking up to find that you hadn’t made breakfast like you usually do, thinking you’d mistakenly slept in, only to walk into your room and find –

  My eyes – they just won’t stop stinging. What kind of father have I been? Even nine years ter, I’m still not over Shiori and what she did to us.

  I knew you were hurting too. You loved your mother more than anything back then, always saying you’d grow up big and strong to protect her from ‘the bad guys.’ It was unbearable to see the confusion, the hurt on your face all those years ago when she said she was ‘going away for a while.’

  That was when you needed me most, wasn’t it? You needed someone to step up and support you. To band the fort together and tell you that everything was gonna be okay. You needed your father.

  But he wasn’t there.

  How could he have been when he was drowning in grief too, with no hope of ever resurfacing?

  Oh, Akio. Look at me. I’m a mess. I’ve been given leave from work, but that was the st thing I needed. All I have now are these thoughts for company. The house, the world, my life – it all feels so empty and meaningless without you here with me.

  If there is a God out there, why did he have to make us suffer so? What did we do wrong to deserve such treatment? The more I try and look for answers, the darker the path ahead grows.

  Ryota came to visit you today. I saw the note you left for him on the table. Don’t worry – I didn’t peek. I know how you boys get about having your own space. Ryota’s a good kid, and I know he’d sooner chop off his left pinky than put you in serious danger, so why the note? What did you think was going to happen to you? Were you in some kind of danger?

  If so, why couldn’t you tell me or the others?

  The nurses told me a girl came to see you today too, right after Ryota. Was she your girlfriend? You never mentioned any girls before. I hope what happened between your mother and me didn’t sour the prospect for you.

  My son.

  The more I think of the little things, your little idiosyncrasies and habits, the more this pain inside amplifies. You looked so tired these past few days. And whenever I walked past your room during the night, I swore I could hear your panicked breaths and mumbles, your tossing and turning. What had you been dreaming about that had you so distressed?

  My phone is buzzing. It’s your mother.

  I just saw your text. I’m so, so sorry. Can we talk tomorrow lunchtime? X

  A sudden anger is fring up in my chest. I tried calling her about fifty-five times this morning. Straight to voicemail. Her own flesh and blood is in a coma, yet she only finds time to text back now?

  I’m tired of making excuses for her, Akio, and I’m tired of sitting back and watching as everything I hold dear is taken from me. I won’t sit back any longer.

  I’m going to find out what happened to you, son. I’m going to find out who is responsible. I’m going to do what I must.

  Hang in there. Your father’s on his way.