Zach wants me to take over so I, Bernadette, will be your guide for the next bit. Yeah, I didn’t want to do it either, but he thinks it’s important, so here I am.

  I am not a good person. I know you — yes you reading this — I know you already know this, but people like Zachary are always telling me otherwise.

  He’s sweet, but my partner is dumb as rocks.

  I stared out the window that day, trying to ignore what he was doing with the Wizard. Geoff would wave his hands, get three quarters of the way to casting a fireball spell, and stop. He’d then chastise Zach for missing the right beat, or fumbling the inflection, or other such wizardy bullshit. Zach had [counterspell] now, and it was imperative that he learn how to use it.

  I wanted to be annoyed, but he’d smile that dopey smile, and my heart would melt. Then, I’d forget the reason why I was annoyed.

  Anyway, I was trying to ignore the potential fireball waiting to happen, and I was looking out the window, when Rachel approached. I tamped down my simmering annoyance, searched for the Fun Girl mask I needed, and gave her my brightest smile.

  “Hey, girl,” I said, “how’s the arm?”

  “Like brand fucking new,” she said, giving me a side hug. Notice how I didn’t say ‘awkward side hug?’ Rachel managed to make everything seem natural.

  I kissed her on the cheek, and stepped back.

  “I’m so glad,” I said.

  “Yeah. Sucks that we lost out on the diamond. I think we have enough stuff to sell to procure another when we get to the next major city.”

  “Eh,” I said. “No big deal.”

  “I’ll make it worth it,” Rachel said.

  I took off my Fun Girl mask, and rummaged around in my stupid head for the right response. I cared about Rachel. She was worried about the expense we paid to fix her arm, and if she could make it worth it. I’m not sure she was wrong, but there was no use worrying about it anyway now that it’s done.

  That was a bone-headed move by my partner, by the way — no offense Zach. He absolutely should have looped us in on it — but I wasn’t sure it was the wrong one. We needed Rachel fighting to the fullest extent of her abilities. But maybe he should have waited til we were out of this damn tower, and its murderous robots.

  There it is! My Concerned Friend mask.

  “Hey,” I said. “You’re worth it.” I took her hand. It was bigger than mine, a little calloused. She had a vein that ran from the back of her hand right up her forearm. My Concerned Friend mask wouldn’t notice that though, so I tamped that shit right down.

  “You’re just being nice,” she said, taking her hand back.

  “I’m not nice. You know that. You deserve to feel better. And if it makes you a fiercer fighter, that’s worth ten thousand gold.”

  “I am a better fighter,” she said. Her green eyes damn near sparkled with determination. I believed her. The rapier was a precise, contemplative weapon. That wasn’t her style though. Rachel with a greatsword seemed like the best version of her we could have.

  A triumphant yell broke the air.

  “I did it!” Zach cheered.

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m not sure if any of that was intentional.”

  “I counterspelled you!”

  “You did,” Geoff said, with a laugh.

  I wasn’t sure about him. I didn’t like primary spellcasters. They were far and away the most powerful people in the game, even if a little squishy, and I didn’t like the thought that this guy could set us all on fire at once if he wanted. At least with someone like Captain Wen, I knew how to void a sword thrust. What was I supposed to do if he broke bad, dodge a wall of fire?

  Better to kill a wizard in his sleep before he decided he wanted to hurt us. Better than that was to have him on your side.

  But he didn’t look at me the way Rachel or Zach looked at me. So I had to just trust he didn’t see the value in killing me. I didn’t like that. I liked the security of carnal desire. I knew how to handle that. I knew what that meant.

  I hadn’t figured out which mask to use on him yet, and that made me nervous.

  Stolen novel; please report.

  I approached them with a smile.

  “You did it!” I said.

  “He’s not a fast learner at this,” Geoff said, “but I think we’re on our way to making a backline spellcaster out of him yet!”

  “I have the rapier now too,” Zach said. “I can stab if I need.”

  “But you shouldn’t,” I said. “Me and Rachel can keep them tied up. I really do think that we’ve got this handled. Thank you for helping us.”

  “No prob,” Geoff shrugged.

  We mussed around getting ready for the fight we knew lay ahead of us, checking equipment, eating food, trying not to worry too much about any of this. I worried quite a bit.

  Berryhop said goodbye.

  I liked her. I knew exactly how to approach her, and her abilities as an alchemist were spectacular. But she didn’t have the heart for combat. I wasn’t entirely sure why, because I’d seen her be taken by the battle lust like all of us. It could be the crash afterward. Combat can be like a one-night-stand sometimes — exhilarating in the moment, but afterward comes the shame, and the anxiety over if what you’d done wasn’t so foolish.

  Berryhop seemed quite taken with Anne. I think the creepy bitch should be broken into a thousand pieces, and dropped at the bottom of the lake, but maybe that’s just because she damn near killed the love of my life. Berryhop had convinced the others that she deserved to see the outside world, and I didn’t think it was worth it to try and intervene.

  If Berryhop wanted to go her own way, who was I to stop her?

  So she left, pressing a strange vial of liquid to my hand as she did, and taking Anne with her.

  Later that night, Zach went around the tent extinguishing the candles. Rachel had first watch.

  “With Berryhop gone,” he said, “it’s just down to me for healing.”

  “Hey,” I said, “I can heal now too.”

  Robin had been able to swap things around so that I could use a Healing Touch ability that was tied to my charisma score. Currently only twice a day, but that was something.

  “You don’t have time to heal,” he said. “You have to fight. I know that this is probably the best shape for our team, you and Rachel on the frontline, but I’m just having trouble getting used to the idea. At least before I could take pressure off you. What do I do if you get overwhelmed?”

  “You drop an invisibility on me so I can reposition, and take back the momentum,” I said.

  I was also a little worried about this new layout for the party. Not as much as him, though. I knew that I could put down anything in front of me, and as long as Rachel gave me the space to work, there wasn’t anything we couldn’t face.

  Which was really unlike me. I was a worrier. There was just something about those two, Zach and Rachel, that made it easy to trust them, made it easy to give them something over me.

  We could do this. We would be better like this.

  He sat down on the bedroll, and I sat next to him. I put my hands on his shoulders and messaged them. I could feel the muscles underneath, the knots, but also the effort he’s made at growing stronger.

  I didn’t need to reach for a Reassuring Girlfriend mask. Tenderness just came to me, when I was around him. I couldn’t explain it.

  “You’re right,” he said.

  He was far from Dorito shaped, but his chest and shoulders had filled out quite a bit since he’s been here. He’d probably always have a bit of a gut — he liked drinking with Rachel too much — but there was something about his body that just made me want to put my hands on him.

  “I’m talking too much,” he said.

  “Yeah.”

  “I don’t get the appeal of a dude sex bot.”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked, dropping my hands, trailing them across his broad back before putting them in my lap.

  He’d done that thing where he’d had a whole conversation in his head without me.

  “I think it was a couple days ago, but you said, ‘if male sex bot, with fully sculpted nipples’ walked down the stairs, you would have thought it was a girl who made them. Would a girl ever do that?”

  “I didn’t say that. Or, I mean, I said the first part, but I didn’t say it to imply it was a girl who made it. Just that the person made them with desire in mind.”

  “Huh. You wouldn’t want a dude sex bot, right?”

  “I don’t know, Zach. Maybe. At a different point in my life.”

  “So I shouldn’t worry?”

  “Hey, I like girls too, and Anne didn’t really rock my boat — if you know what I mean.”

  With someone else, I would have reached for a mask at this point. With Zach, I didn’t need to. He’d only shoot right past it anyway. He had a knack for that.

  He was just so weird.

  “I just don’t get the appeal,” he said.

  “A man who does what you tell them to, who never complains, and who never needs to stop for a refractory period? Gee, I wonder what the appeal would be.”

  “Damn,” he said, his dark eyebrows shooting up in the moonlight. “Maybe you have a point. Also you could swap out attachments, and stuff too. Like if you wanted to try something different.”

  I laughed.

  “You could,” I said.

  “I can’t really get different attachments,” he said. “But maybe I could switch things up for you in a different way?”

  “I don’t need that,” I said.

  “Why not? Maybe I go steal the belt back, and pick you up? Like, in the air?”

  “Mhmm. Sure.”

  “Or maybe I use a little tricks, and play with hot and cold water?”

  “You can shut up now,” I said.

  “Oh! What about an invisibility spell?”

  “Oh my god,” I said, pulling my shirt over my head.

  “I just don’t want you getting bored.”

  “You’re so stupid. I'm already getting naked.”

  I kissed him, and he pulled me close. And soon there was nothing between us. He became mine, and we became us. I surrendered to the oblivion of it.