Z Day +1 (Evening)

  JAMES

  I jerked awake, unable to breathe and sat bolt upright. The wet wash cloth fell off my face, revealing the darkened interior of an office.

  “Relax, you’re safe,” Shae’s voice came to me from a chair across the room. She rose and came to sit next to me on the couch. Her hand was gentle as she firmly pushed me back down.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “I could ask you the same. One look at that zombie, and you went comatose.” When I didn’t speak, she continued, “We moved on afterward and made it here.”

  “Everyone safe? Good. Where are we?” I asked.

  “Miria’s boss’ house. No one was here when we got here,” Shae said.

  “We need to secure—” I started, my mind immediately going into security mode.

  “Hush, it’s been done. You’re not the only one who’s read the zombie guide. Apparently, Richard has as well, whatever that means. Doors and windows are secured and draped. The property’s been swept, and the fence is secure. We’re as safe as we’re going to get.”

  “What about—” I started.

  “Richard’s on the roof keeping watch,” she smiled at me. “We’ve got it covered.”

  I let out a long breath. “How long was I out?”

  “About 15 hours, give or take. You hungry?” she asked.

  I knew what she was talking about and swallowed hard before looking at her.

  “It’s working, isn’t it?” she asked.

  My shakes were gone, as were the pins and needles accompanying my withdrawal. It pained me to admit it, but the blood seemed to be working. I nodded somberly.

  Sighing, she asked, “What am I going to do with you?”

  I gave her a questioning look.

  “If you were a fresh vampire, I would know what to do; it would be easy. Hunger does most of the work, but apparently, your need is not the same. Add to that the thought of feeding is not appetizing to you, is it?”

  I shook my head, “How could it be?”

  “And just what’s that supposed to mean?” It was her turn to cock her head at me with her eyebrows raised.

  Her tone made me cringe. “Sorry, that came out wrong.”

  “Yes, it did.” She got up and left without another word.

  I stared at the wood-planked ceiling with raw timber beams as a long stream of curse words ran through my head while I mentally kicked myself. Before I could wise up and go after her, she reappeared. I was about to try and apologize when Becca followed her into the room, and the words evaporated on my lips.

  “Feeling better?” Becca asked as she sat on the couch beside me, nudging me to move over.

  “Yeah, thanks,” I obliged, making room for her.

  “You had us worried.” She held out her arm to Shae.

  I started to object, but Becca shushed me. “It’s alright, James, I don’t mind. Shae tells me it will be easier this time.”

  We repeated the gross events of the day before; only this time, Shae kept a finger in touch with Becca’s blood and, in turn, her mind. I tried to think of anything besides what I was doing and took a mouthful without gagging. I could feel Shae soothing Becca and tried to do the same.

  “Now, you try to seal the wound. Push your saliva into the wound and hold it with your tongue,” Shae said.

  I tried, and while the blood flow slowed, it didn’t completely stop. Shae finished the job and cleaned things up with the washcloth from before. She handed Becca a glass and left the room.

  “What did you do to piss her off?” Becca sipped the glass of juice.

  “I…I’m just an idiot, that’s all,” I said honestly.

  Nodding, she looked down at me. “Most men are but you need to fix this. She may have the ice princess act down, but it’s pretty obvious she’s hung up on you. She might not be showing it in all the normal ways, but we’re not exactly in normal-land anymore, you know?”

  “I…” I had no idea what to say, so I shut my mouth.

  “By the way, I felt you in here,” she tapped her head, “during. She was doing all the heavy lifting, but I could feel you like a little cheerleader in the background. It was pretty cool.”

  “A cheerleader? Really?” I said, surprised I’d managed to touch her mind since I had no idea what I was doing.

  She nodded. “Deal with it. You’ve got a lot to learn…especially about girls.”

  “And vampires,” I said.

  “Now, what is that supposed to mean?” Becca said.

  “Shae said the same thing,” I said.

  “Uh-huh.” She took another gulp. “OK, from what the others told me, y’all were all hot and bothered for like a couple years back in the day. Did you find out she was a vampire back then, and that’s what screwed it up?”

  “No, she left me,” I said defensively, then realized she didn’t leave me; she was kidnapped.

  “I’m starting to see why. OK, how did it change your feelings when you found out she was a vampire?” Becca said.

  “It didn’t,” I snapped.

  “Then what’s eating you now to treat her like a leper? She’s still the same person she’s always been, right?”

  “Well, not exactly,” I said.

  “What’s that mean?” Becca asked.

  “She’s different,” I said softly.

  “How so?”

  “She doesn’t remember me for one,” I said.

  “OK, I can see where that can be off-putting. What else?”

  “She…her mannerisms are all wrong,” I said.

  “Wrong?” Becca said.

  “Yeah, well different. And…she’s meaner…and uses guns…and rides a bike!” I rambled, not really heading anywhere, just spouting random things. “And she doesn’t remember me.”

  “Uh-huh. So, ask yourself, what’s changed in all that time?” she said.

  “Well, she—”

  “What’s changed that’s not her?” Becca asked. “Yeah, think about it. Use a mirror if you need to. None of us are the same after 14 days, let alone 14 years, James.”

  I started to say something but closed my mouth.

  “Ever since I laid eyes on this woman,” Becca started. “She’s done nothing but try and take care of you. You have a seizure; she's holding you, keeping you from hurting yourself. Then she comes up with a crazy plan to keep you alive by feeding you blood, which seems to be working. Then you have a flashback, and who’s got your head in her lap as she does some psychic trance to try and bring you out of it? She carried you into the house while you were unconscious, for goodness’ sake, James—”

  “OK, I get it,” I said, trying to halt her recap of the past 24 hours. “To be fair, the drinking blood thing was your idea.” When I met her eyes I shut up and let her continue.

  “While you’re at it, you might have noticed we’re in a bit of a predicament at the moment and kind of need everyone we can get. So, figure out what you have to say, kiss, make up, and let’s get on with staying alive, shall we?” Becca said with a bit more steel than I’d heard before.

  I honestly didn’t know Becca that well. I’d seen posts with her and Mark online but I’d never met her in person until yesterday. I was starting to think Mark had met his match with her, or for that matter, his better.

  “Speaking of Mark, how’s he taking all of this?” I asked.

  “Uh, we were talking about you. But he’s fine,” she said.

  “Really? The whole blood thing hasn’t freaked him out?”

  A tiny smile crept across her lips. “Actually, I held his hand when Shae tapped him last night. Let’s say that whatever she put in his head during made for a very inspirational afterward,” she shook her head. “Anyway, now that we’ve both done it and he realizes what’s involved, his jealousy monster has settled down. Besides, you already knew we were both open to new things,” Becca smiled.

  “I think I remember something about it on Mark’s Facebook page,” I grinned sheepishly.

  “Ah, speaking of Facebook, I need to check mine to see if there’s anything new,” she said.

  “Did you hear from your mom…wait, what?” I said. In all the zombie fiction I’d seen and read basic utilities had instantly disappeared once the zombies took over. I kept having to remind myself this was reality, not a story.

  “Mom, yes. She’s OK and over at my uncle’s place up on the lake. She said there’s been a couple of incidents, but so far, so good. And yes, we have Facebook here. We haven’t slipped all the way to the dark ages yet.” She swallowed her drink and stood up. “You good?”

  “I think so,” I said.

  “Good, I’m going to go see what the others are doing.” She stepped to the door.

  “Becca,” I started.

  “Yes?”

  “Thanks,” I said.

  “Uh huh, but work on that apology will ya’?” she said.

  I nodded as I threw back the covers and stood up before stopping and pulling the covers back over myself. “Uh, where are my clothes?”

  “Hmmm?” She’d managed to get an eyeful before I’d covered back up. “Oh, they’re in the wash. Check the closet over there.” She pointed to the corner and left smiling.

  A few days passed as we watched the news and the Internet. It really was a zombie outbreak. Rumors were numerous and varied on the Internet until it stopped working three days after we arrived. We couldn’t tell if it was local or broader spread. Phones followed shortly after. Luckily, everyone except for Miria and I had gotten a hold of their parents, even Richard. They all seemed to be fine for the moment.

  The TV still had a few channels playing canned news footage. New live coverage was getting increasingly sparse. Instead, the stations were relying on whatever anchorperson they could get to relay messages. They painted a grim picture. I was glad we’d gotten out of the city when we did. From the looks of it, had we stayed another day or so, we probably wouldn’t have made it.

  Most major cities were quarantined, and those citizens inside the quarantined zones were directed to move to “inspection stations” set up on the perimeters. They would be examined and cared for there before being transferred to other safe zones set up by federal personnel. I couldn’t imagine how they were managing this; there just weren’t enough people to run that sort of system. Mark supposed the inspection stations had more nefarious purposes, and most of us agreed.

  Military stationed abroad were consolidated inside their areas of operation until the crisis could be resolved. Many countries had sealed their borders and dealt with the problem in a much more direct slash-and-burn fashion. The UN tried to oppose these “harsh” tactics but were generally ignored by the world.

  I wondered which bases they pulled back and consolidated in. What would I have done: stay put or try to reach home? With most air travel now restricted, there would have been no way for me to get back to the States commercially. I tried to imagine a plan to appropriate a plane and crew but surmised it just wasn’t realistic.

  If my mother hadn’t passed, I would have been stuck over in that sandbox…and probably never returned home.

  Religious fanatic groups pronounced the end of the world was here as the dead rose from the grave. Mass suicides were reported, and other spiritual strangeness made the news. The one thing the news did assure us was that the dead were not rising from the grave. There were no reports of graveyard residents relocating.

  They finally admitted the recently deceased were reanimating, but in every case the individual had been in direct contact with the zombies already walking. They advised anyone bitten or scratched to be immediately treated, and the injured person watched as it took up to 12 hours to succumb to the disease. Once dead, reanimation was usually within minutes, but there had been cases of it taking up to 15 hours. Always double-tap, just to be sure.

  Again, the movies got it right, with severe head trauma being the only way to permanently down a zombie. The loss of a limb and usually fatal injuries only slowed the zombie. An unconfirmed report stated decapitated heads could continue to be a threat.

  One scientist said they couldn’t understand where the disease had come from. It appeared a dormant part of the brain was somehow triggered and caused the start of the whole process. The scientists had no idea exactly what happened, how it happened, or why. To me, it sounded like they were grasping at straws.

  The news programs still had their spin doctors and “experts” who tried to put their own opinions into the news broadcasts, pitting one network against another. I missed the old days of news when that’s what it was: just news, not entertainment. News programs didn’t have ratings in the same manner as TV shows. Each channel had its own news team, simple as that. They usually reported the same basic info; the only difference was if the team was a man or woman, blonde or bald, etc. In a time when information was vital to survival, they needed to toss out the personalities and report the facts.

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  One thing I had always hated in the movies was the fast zombies. To me, zombies had always represented death's slow, unstoppable approach. The zombie itself was a simple metaphor wrapped in modern-day entertainment. Something about the fast zombie was just cheesy to me. It was an affront to the idea of the zombie, thrown in to get more screams out of movie audiences.

  Unfortunately, there were fast zombies. Once infected, the victim would start to succumb to the virus, eventually ending in death and reanimation. The problem was that the virus could also begin to affect them before death, depending on the injury's severity, the victim's health and many other things. This is where the “rabies” or “rage” movie zombies came in.

  As a victim began to succumb to the virus, they would lose their mind and start attacking anything around them. They could move faster and with more coordination as they were still technically alive. This made them much more dangerous and harder to distinguish in a panicked crowd. Many a police barricade was overrun by panicking mobs who had infected in their ranks. This is another reason the containment of some areas failed. People who were infected and still acting normal were let through; the guards only stopped the slow, shambling ones.

  We had our first taste of a fast zombie when Shae got sick of the news not giving us any solid information and took matters into her own hands.

  “How’d you talk me into this?” I asked for the third time.

  “Oh, shut up and keep your ears open. I don’t want one of these things sneaking up on us,” Shae said.

  We were out the back of the property, outside of the fence. Shae wanted to get up close and personal with one of the infected and didn’t want to attract attention to our new home. As a result, we’d gone out the back and circled in a wide arc back towards the road.

  The thick brush thinned out as we approached the roadway. It was weird not hearing any road noise on a lane that would usually be busy. Looking both ways, we searched for a subject to study.

  It burst out of the tree line on the other side of the road and came running towards us full tilt. The woman’s clothes had been ripped and torn, exposing parts of her body that, under other circumstances, would have been erotic. The creature's eerie moan caused me to freeze. I froze like it was my first firefight all over again.

  I had read about the zombie moan in lots of books and how disconcerting it was. Nothing ever written prepared me for the real thing. I wondered if the moan itself had some mental attack connected to it. So many things that had once been fantasy had become reality when I met Shae. Nothing was beyond my scope of imagination now, or so I thought.

  The zombie hit me full force, bowling me over and ignoring Shae completely.

  I went down hard but managed to regain enough sense to try and keep her mouth away from me.

  Her jaws snapped at me, black fluid spilling from her mouth and splattering on my chest. Bile rose in the back of my throat from the smell of her and the filth from her mouth. I fought the urge to retch through sheer force of will as we wrestled on the ground.

  Shae rescued me by picking the fiend up and pinning the zombie’s arms behind its back. “Let’s move this back away from the road, shall we?”

  We moved back into the woods, the creature struggling the entire time. Once far enough away from the road, I went to work binding the creature’s legs and arms before wrapping a rope around the neck and tying it to a sturdy tree. We took an old shirt we had brought and, using a thick stick, shoved it down the thing’s throat to muffle the moan.

  Shae slowly released the zombie, making sure its bonds were secure. It immediately strained against the rope in an attempt to get at me and fell over. Shae moved towards it again, but it seemed to pay her no attention. Curious, she removed the leg bindings and picked it back up. It rushed at me again.

  “Oh, she likes you, Burke,” Shae chuckled.

  I looked at Shae with a questioning expression.

  “Cameron’s a God,” she shrugged.

  I turned back to our captive. “Yeah, it’s like you’re not even there, hey, be careful!” I said as Shae moved in closer.

  Shae walked up to it and slowly circled it. It wasn’t until she tapped it on the shoulder that it showed any reaction. It quickly lost interest though and turned back to me. Shae even got bold enough to put her hand right in its face. It seemed confused for a moment and then went back to ignoring her.

  “I’m invisible,” Shae said.

  “Yeah, to this one. Maybe she doesn’t like girls?” I said.

  “Ha ha,” Shae smirked.

  “Tell me you’re done so I can take care of Miss Chompy here,” I said, my hand on the machete I’d brought.

  “Come feel her skin for me; I’m too cold and can’t get a good feel.” It had been several days since Shae’d fed, and she’d need to soon. She took a firm hand on Ms. Chompy as I reached out tentatively.

  “She feels warm, like a normal person,” I said.

  “Yeah, she’s probably freshly infected but still hasn’t died,” Shae said. “That would account for the quickness. I wonder if I could feed on her.”

  “Don’t even think about it!” I bellowed a little too loudly. “You have no idea if you can be infected or not.”

  “Relax, she’s not my type,” Shae waved at me dismissively.

  We both stepped back and looked at the thing for a minute. Shae couldn’t take her eyes off it, as it fascinated her for some reason.

  I didn’t appreciate it as much.

  ∞?∞

  SHAE

  “OK…wait...I want to try something; come here,” I said to James.

  “What?” James asked.

  Without warning him, I took him into a bone-crushing embrace. Before he could protest, I had opened his neck and was feeding.

  Instantly, I could tell something was wrong; his blood tasted wrong. It didn’t taste human at all. My body didn’t reject it, but as it was absorbed in my stomach, the fire that spread through me felt like it was laced with acid. Spikes shot through me. During our previous mindtouches, I’d never taken blood from James, only touched it.

  James started to struggle, but my mindtouch instantly soothed him into docile compliance. I didn’t take a lot, especially considering how it felt. I knew he wouldn’t have agreed to this had I asked, and trying to rope another zombie was even more dangerous. I tried to explain all this to him during the feed, but it did nothing to calm the quiet rage that was building in him.

  I lowered him to the ground, propping him up against a tree. I could tell he was OK, just a little light-headed. A few minutes later, he’d recovered enough to begin the argument.

  “It’s done; you can realize I did the right thing later,” I said. “For right now, I need you to come help me,” I cut off his impending protest.

  He muttered something nasty under his breath and carefully got to his feet.

  James’s blood began to course through my system, causing my heart to beat faster and my skin to tingle. Every pulse felt like I was being sliced by a razor from the inside.

  “How warm do I feel now?” I managed through gritted teeth.

  His hand was gentle and warm on my arm. “Getting warmer.” Then he saw my expression, “What? What’s wrong?” All his anger was forgotten.

  “It’s nothing,” I lied, “indigestion, I guess.”

  “I would say it serves you right, making a bonehead move like that.” He studied me more closely. “But...you don’t look good.”

  “Just help me get this over with so we can get back to the house,” I said. James’s burning blood continued to spread through my system. “OK, distract it and draw it off to the right.”

  It was already watching him, so it was easy to get it to follow him to the desired position.

  Once it was where I wanted, I circled it, moving quickly around to the left side. The zombie continued to focus on James. I clapped my hands together to get its attention.

  The zombie glanced at me but turned back to the closer prey.

  I slowly walked towards the zombie, clapping my hands with every step.

  “James, step back,” I continued forward, trying to draw its attention as James withdrew. As soon as I was closer than he was, the beast swung in my direction and started snapping at me.

  “Well, what do you know?” I said.

  I took several minutes to see all the different means I could devise to disable the fiend. It had been a disgusting process of elimination, but it was necessary. Once the body took enough damage, it expired and reanimated. I had untied it from the tree and discovered it could only do the slow shamble we’d seen previously. We also learned if we didn’t destroy the brain, no matter how much damage we did to the rest of the body, it would continue to attack. Even after being decapitated, the head surprised me by still snapping at me.

  I frowned at the unexpected fact the news had gotten it all correct.

  This entire time, the agony of the burning blood grew more intense. There had been a few other things I wanted to try, but I couldn’t take much more and put the zombie down.

  “James, get me back to the house,” I managed, flinching with every step.

  James didn’t wait; he picked me up and ran. He wasn’t careful or quiet about it either.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  “Just hurry,” I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself. I was starting to think maybe it had been a boneheaded move to feed on him after all.

  We hit the clearing at the house's edge. “Wait, wait, wait,” I managed. “We can’t take these clothes in; they’re way too contaminated.”

  We stripped down to our underclothes behind the house. I made a mental note to burn those later. He helped me onto the roof so we could drop into the courtyard.

  When James initially saw the defenses, he asked why we hadn’t boarded up the doors. The other’s excuses didn’t cut it with him, and he boarded them up himself. Everyone had been using the ladders since then.

  “Bathroom,” I said weakly. Once inside, I pulled the curtain out and climbed into the tub. I turned the hot water on and let it spray down on me. Luckily, we still had power; I didn’t want to think about how hard this would be with cold water.

  “What are you—” James started when he saw me reach for my earring.

  “Your blood...I think it poisoned me. I have to get it out...ALL of it,” I said.

  “But—” he started, but I cut him off.

  “Get anybody who will volunteer,” I said. “You will have to wait until it is all out, do you understand? ALL my blood. Then you’ll need to cut the volunteer and bring me back.” I was already cutting myself, opening multiple wounds to drain the razors from my veins. The blood hurt so badly I didn’t feel the cuts.

  “Don’t let me drink too much. I will kill someone in that state. You have to make me stop.” I was proud of the fact I hadn’t hurt someone since I was a newborn vampire. The memory of that time caused me to shudder.

  The blood was starting to drain now. “Promise me, James, don’t let me hurt them.” I looked up at him through red-tinted eyes. The poison was in my eyes now. “This was my mistake...my fault...” Already, I was getting sluggish. I really had been low on blood. It seemed to take forever for my eyes to blink back open. I could barely feel the hot spray on my skin anymore.

  I managed to glance up, and James was gone. Good. He didn’t need to see this. I was dying. I hadn’t been this close to death since Pagoda bound me. But the bloodbinding hadn’t felt like this. My body was slowing. I couldn’t feel my extremities anymore. But the pain...I could feel the pain as it coursed out of my wounds. Now, even that was fading. I couldn’t hear anymore, couldn’t see. I was becoming nothing.

  And then I was nothing.

  But, I was still conscious in the nothing.

  But, there was nothing I could do.

  I didn’t have a body anymore.

  *Could I have thoughts without a body?*

  *Of course, I was having them, wasn’t I?*

  *Or was I?*

  *Wait, am I dead?*

  *Like, really dead?*

  *Did it not work?*

  *James should have been back by now.*

  *How long has it been?*

  *It’s been too long.*

  *Something must have happened.*

  *Maybe no one volunteered? Couldn’t really blame them.*

  *It didn’t work.*

  *I am dead, for real.*

  *Déan trócaire ar m’anam.*

  *Soooo, now what?*

  *No angels. No demons. Purgatory?*

  *And why is everything blue?*

  *Ugh. Well...actually, I guess color is something.*

  *OK, seriously. It’s not funny anymore. I don’t care which way I’m going. Up or down, let’s get on with it, shall we?*

  *Please?*

  *Good job. See what you’re brilliant, spontaneity got you this time? D.E.A.D.*

  *Eejit.*

  *OK, what? WHAT DO YOU WANT?*

  *You want me to say I’m sorry, fine, I’m sorry.*

  *Sure, I’ve done some bad things in my life...OK, I’ve done a lot of bad things. From the looks of it, I probably have time to list them all. Is that what you want?*

  *I’ve gone nuts, haven’t I?*

  *How long have I been here?*

  *This can’t be existence; there’s nothing TO exist.*

  *SIGH.*

  *Wait. Did I sigh, or did I say the word sigh?*

  *I don’t know.*

  *I don’t care.*

  *COME ON!*

  *So...this is it? Really?*

  *No one else is here; might as well get comfortable.*

  *I’d kick my shoes off, but...I don’t have any feet!*

  Something flashed in the corner of my eye. A long string of characters, most of which I didn’t recognize. I could only make out the word “loading v.3.1” before it was gone. Then everything turned black.

  It was hot.

  *I wish I could take my shirt off; it’s getting hot.*

  *Is there a dress code in the afterlife?*

  *There’s no one else here; who cares?*

  *Wish I had some water. My throat is itching like crazy.*

  *You don’t have a throat.*

  But I did have a throat, mouth, and stomach from which the heat was now radiating from. I had arms now, with hands that were clawing at something. Something that pulled away and then returned.

  *Oh Goddess, this feels good.* I had a torso again; legs seemed to slowly grow out from it, complete with feet and toes. My fingers were coming back, but they were empty again. But then they weren’t, and I could feel my head again.

  Sound! I heard something; my ears were back, but I couldn’t make out what it was.

  My nose brought the smells of...things...I wasn’t sure what any of them were, but there were things there...that smelled.

  Then chaos.

  Sight: too bright, too many images, too much color, moving too fast.

  Sound: screaming, hollering, tearing, ripping sounds, and growling.

  Smell: Fear, blood, terror, more blood.

  Taste: *OH GODDESS, the taste.* Thick, rich, savory. The best meal I’d ever had. I couldn’t get enough; I needed more.

  Touch: Hot needles splashing across my body, soft skin on my lips, hands holding me back.

  Sight: blurry figures moving around the room, some on the floor, still, others moving erratically.

  *ENOUGH!!!* Something roared through my mind.

  *What was that?* It scared me, making me jump and then the blood and water were gone. I was cold. There was something heavy on me, pinning me, crushing my arms to my chest. *Did the roof cave in on me?*

  Time passed.

  “You still with me, luv?”

  Words. Familiar voice. I still couldn’t move, but my eyes fluttered open. The blurry world focused into James’s face.

  “Welcome back,” James said.

  I was still confused. “Where did I go?” I croaked my throat on fire. James was lying on top of me, holding me in a bear hug that would have crushed a bear. I could feel his heartbeat through my chest as we were skin to skin. He was trembling. “You’re cold.”

  “I’m fine,” he said through chattering teeth. “Can I let you go?”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Are you in control now?” he asked.

  I flexed my toes and wiggled my fingers. Everything seemed to be working properly. “I believe so.”

  This caused him to relax and sit up cautiously.

  I didn’t move.

  Someone draped a towel over him. He pulled it off and covered me with it before taking another one for himself. “Thanks,” he said to someone.

  I looked over, and Miria set down a stack of towels next to the tub. She had a large bandage around her forearm. Then I saw Richard and Trish sitting on the floor, their backs to the wall as far across the room as they could get from me. They had similar bandages on their arms.

  “What...happened?” I asked cautiously.

  “You died,” James grimaced. He held my head up and placed a towel behind it, cushioning it from the cold tub. Then he patted himself dry and wrapped the towel around his shoulders.

  “We,” he indicated the trio on the floor, all of which appeared to be quite groggy, “we brought your back.”

  “I...I didn’t...hurt anyone, did I?” I held my breath.

  James looked over at the small group. “I don’t think there’s any permanent damage, no.”

  “I told you not to let me hurt anyone,” the words were a whisper. I’d rather have stayed in the “beyond” than hurt any of them. I couldn’t look at any of them, I tried to crawl further down in the tub and pulled the towel over my face.

  The room was silent for a moment.

  The towel was pulled down, and Miria was looking down at me.

  “James isn’t very good at this. Can you stop this bleeding?” she held her arm out, blood still welling under the bandage.

  I looked at her arm and then back to her face. “Are you sure?” My voice was tiny, I didn’t recognize it.

  “Better than the alternative. Besides, you’re you again, right?” She cocked her head at me. “You’re not that thing from before. It’s gone now, right?”

  I knew she was trying to help, and it made me feel worse. “Right,” I nodded and gingerly took her arm in my hand. I pulled the bandage aside, exposing the wound. It wasn’t the neat, precise cut I’d usually make; this was something else. This was something a monster would have made. Something that gnawed at the wound until it was a jagged hole.

  I flinched back at the sight as if someone had slapped me. I looked up into Miria’s face, “I...did...THAT?” I’d never done anything like that. Even when I was young, I’d always had the control to be more delicate than this. This was monstrous...and it made me nauseous.

  Miria’s hand touched the back of my head and pulled my mouth to it. I hesitated a moment and had to steel myself to the task. It didn’t take long to mend the wound. My saliva was not only a coagulant but also a healing mechanism designed to hide what we did. But on a would like this, it would still take time to fully heal. I don’t think the one I now carried in my heart ever would.

  I was so appalled and embarrassed at what I’d done that her blood wasn’t appetizing. Believe me, it takes a lot to turn a vampire’s stomach.

  The others were just as bad, and I patched them as quickly as I could. By the time I finished up on Trish, I was shaking so hard I couldn’t hold her arm still enough. Instead, I had her rest it on the tub while I did my work.

  When I was finished, Trish leaned over and kissed my forehead. “It’s alright,” her words broke the last shred of my control.

  I bawled like a baby. I knew part of it was due to my rash actions in the woods. I knew another part was the whole being dead just now thing. The entire zombie apocalypse and the end of life as I knew it was in there too. But most of it was that I’d never felt more like a monster than I did right now.

  Trish hugged me for a while but quickly handed me off to James. I didn’t find out until later that I was sobbing so badly; I was hurting her, which made me feel bad all over again.

  In the meantime, everyone left us alone as James pulled me out of the tub and wrapped me in a fresh towel before cradling me in his lap and holding me while I fell to pieces.

  I don’t know how long we sat on that bathroom floor until I finally stopped, exhausted. I remember James wrapping my hair in a towel and carrying me to the couch in our room. He pulled the blankets back and tucked me into it. As he turned to leave, I grabbed his hand, my expression pleading.

  He smiled down at me kindly, “I was just going to get the lights, promise.”

  Feeling sheepish, I let him go. He was back a moment later and climbed behind me on the couch. It wasn’t a giant couch, and for once I was glad. Feeling his warmth curled behind me under the blankets made me feel better. When he wrapped his arms around me and rested his head against my neck, I unexpectedly relaxed.

  I was exhausted and still confused about this man who obviously cared for me. I tried to speak; I didn’t know what to say, but I felt I should say something. He seemed to sense my unease and “shooshed” me gently. He just held me tightly as exhaustion finally claimed me.