Have you ever thought to yourself, "heh, this thing's kinda like a tofu version of Super Minion..." but then got sad since if it actually was a tofu version, it'd be so much better?

  .... honestly it helps me sleep better at night knowing I've instead made a monkey's paw version of Super Minion. All of you who thought silly thoughts like 'I'd take anything at this point, even a fanfic!' this.... this is the reality that those feelings created.

  "Dad."

  "Call me Mr.Savvy."

  "Dad, I need parenting advice."

  Brett threw his arms up and shot a glance at his non-intimate lifemate as if to say 'Can you believe this guy?'

  Dr.Mason took it as a matter of course. This was their lives now. Living in a tent on the rubble left from the New Dawn Non-ethical Research Division's building. Enduring inane conversations regarding whatever random bullshit the prototype's whims led it to.

  A more naive person might consider it a person, but after seeing what 'Evil Tofu' did... no, Dr.Mason would not be making that kind of categorization mistake.

  "Just go away, Tofu. You've done enough damage."

  "But this is about my kids! Little Leeroy and Anakin! They mean the world to me! Just like I mean the world to you."

  "You don't mean shit to me and I'm amazed you haven't eaten those kids yet."

  "They need time to grow up big and fat! To get plump and tasty. Nobody eats baby livestock, that'd be wrong."

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  Dr.Mason sighed. The people-eater was probably just screwing with them, but there wasn't anything left for them to lose. Except their dignity.

  Like there was any of that left.

  "Fine. What's your problem?"

  "Little Anakin has fallen into a crowd of bad dudes! The only thing he ever talks about is 'the Moon' and 'the Merge'! It's getting really annoying! I don't know if I should mock him about it, like saying stuff like 'dah Moon' and 'duh Merge', or 'muh Moon' and 'muh Merge'! Would he get the message then?! And wee Leeroy is so nervous he keeps chewing on his fingers all the time! At this rate, he's going to end up all stringy! I want to help them, but I've looked everywhere and can't find their reboot buttons!"

  Brett sighed. "This fuckin' guy. Yanno?"

  But Dr.Mason took it as an intellectual distraction from the misery of his daily life.

  "If your kids fell into a bad gang, then maybe getting them involved with a good gang might set them in the right direction. Is there any kind of activity where they'd have good friends and role models to emulate?"

  Tofu, ever the positive ray of sunshine, nodded his head and swung his finger. "I know just the thing!" And then he ran off.

  "Well... at least that got rid of him quickly."

  "Quite."

  They both sighed as they got ready to leave their break and return to their day jobs.

  The fact that their new profession, male hooker, wasn't much different from their previous job with New Dawn wasn't lost on them. Perhaps things did work on a scale of karmic justice. But still, they felt it wasn't fair anyway.