Gotta level up and get a sword.
Then maybe I can sit down and think about James-NOPE. SWORD. I need a sword. And while I'm at it, make it a katana. Then I can come back and stab that murdering shitbag in the face with it.
But first, I run. In fact, I’m still running. Not only that, but I think I can actually keep it up for a while longer.
Having never been anything even remotely resembling ‘athletic’, that in and of itself is worth celebrating.
I’m not out of breath. I’m just breathing hard.
I’m not exhausted. I’m just sweating profusely.
I’m not woozy. I’m just tripping over another tree.
“OH FUCK!!!”
Sideswiping only the next in a long line of obstacles I didn’t see in time, I tumble in a way usually reserved for when you spin a top wrong enough that it careens into the wall.
Or in this case, a different tree.
“Ooow…” Despite the mostly automatic groan, I’m actually amazed at how muted the pain feels. Which, knowing what little I do about nerve damage, is actually pretty alarming. Except my newfound lack of anxiety makes it easy to ignore in favor of getting the fuck away from the murdering psychopath. It’s not that I don’t worry about things anymore. It’s just easier to prioritize.
Getting up from my sprawl, I sigh in belabored relief as I can finally, if barely make out bits and pieces of manmade structures poking through the intervening thicket of brown and green. People. Real people. Real, non-murdering, non-seizing people. I hope…
And it’s easy to hope without my anxiety convincing me that Oneshot and I are anomalies in a Heaven where he and I are the only ones not perpetually caught in an endless seizure. Even if I’m clearly thinking about it…
Thankfully, I do seem to have gotten away. But then why isn’t the quest completing? Actually, how do you complete quests? Is it automatic? The one for flipping him off completed just fine… I mean I haven’t seen or heard anyone at all since I left that first hill. So it’s not like I have a pursuer to dodge or fight or anything along those lines.
The running itself though? That’s what’s kicking my ass.
[ HP: 83/128 ]
As though to mock me, a transparent ‘1’ or ‘2’ floats up from everything I run into, seeming to get smashed apart by something before fading away.
I know I wouldn’t have this problem if I was moving at a reasonable pace. But the moment I hesitate, the goosebumps come back. And then the shivers.
Fear apparently doesn’t count as anxiety either. Even if it feels indistinguishable at the time. Maybe this place only cuts out the fears that aren’t rational? Like, what if he catches me? What could I even do about it? Let alone with no weapons. Let alone without knowing how to even play this… Can I really keep calling it a game?
And why not? So, for all intents and purposes, it’s a game. Not Heaven. Just a game where you run. An Endless Runner, then. So why shouldn’t I run? I’m just playing the game that’s there. No shame in that. It’s only natural. But as natural and sensible and shameless as I know I am right now, none of it does a thing to help.
The only thing that does help is how from a dead stop, with less than half the effort even jogging used to take, I instantly outpace more than twice my fastest running speed from Earth. Except the ground is uneven. And my legs are longer than I’m used to.
So I trip over shit. A lot of shit. But what am I supposed to do? Stop? No fucking way. That, at least, is not happening.
Peeling myself off the ground past another line of trees, I whimper into a relieved smile as I finally spot something at ground-level that isn’t more goddamned trees. It’s easy to tell the difference with how smooth and matte-white they aren’t.
A little closer and I can make out the outside edges of what turns out to be a wide, nonetheless unmistakably circular picket fence with some kind of arrow holograms floating around its circumference.
The arrows are probably pointing to an entrance. Or a trap. Doesn’t matter either way when I’m running for my life. It’s just too wide to risk going around.
Nothing for it. I need to get up and over.
But the fence isn’t just wide. It’s tall, too. But is it too tall?
Even in my old body, I could jump. It was one of the few physical activities I was ever any good at.
Reaching the point where I either need to stop or run into the fence, I instead brace my legs and tilt forward to avoid sacrificing almost any of my built-up momentum.
With all my strength, I uncoil myself like a spring and I STRAIGHTEN both legs as fast as I can, vaulting off the ground in my very best attempt to grab the lip of the fence.
[ POWER BLESSING: VAULT ]
Clearing well over three times its height, I re-evaluate how concerned I should’ve been about overshooting this.
But now I’m committed, flying as I am above the crowd on the other side. I’ll just have to make the best landing I can without crashing into the…
Naked…
Fluids…
Gyrating…
Oh God… “BLLLAAAGGGHHH!!!”
Ten things happen in very quick succession.
First, I clear the fence.
Second, I look at where I’m about to land.
Third, I try to process what I’m seeing.
Fourth, I gag.
Fifth, I taste quesadilla.
Sixth, I try to scream.
Seventh, my scream is muffled as my stomach empties.
Eighth, My vision is completely blocked by a veritable sea of blue System prompts like how I heard ads used to pop up on the old porn sites. Which is fitting. Unhelpful. But definitely fitting.
Ninth, I distinctly hear someone say ‘Metal Gear Solid 2’.
Tenth, everything cuts to black.
Leaving me, somehow, conscious. Except now I’m back in that empty void with nothing. No environment. No actual ‘me’. Only a distinctly ‘disembodied’ feeling along with a pixelated rendition of some lady tapping her foot at me no matter where in this nothingness I turn my lack of a head.
That, and the porn ads. I don’t particularly mind though.
Any negative feelings I might have are vastly overwhelmed by sheer relief and elation from the final one.
Holy shit. You can respawn in this place? Holier shit… I just died, didn’t I? Again. Only this time, it didn’t matter? In eight hours, I’ll be… Where? I don’t even know. Somewhere though. And compared to what I used to think death meant, I could give a fuck about the details.
Nothing else to do just now, I kill some of that time reading through and dismissing all the popups.
[ ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - PROMPT DAWDLER: THROUGH CONTINUOUS DENIAL OF BOTH A PROMPT AND ITS CONFIRMATION, YOU HAVE KEPT IT ACTIVE 2 TIMES AS LONG AS INTENDED — REWARD: ALL PROMPTS NOW HAVE 2 TIMES AS LONG TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED — XP: 32 ]
[ ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - PROMPT STRAGGLER: THROUGH CONTINUOUS DENIAL OF BOTH A PROMPT AND ITS CONFIRMATION, YOU HAVE KEPT IT ACTIVE 4 TIMES AS LONG AS INTENDED — REWARD: ALL PROMPTS NOW HAVE 4 TIMES AS LONG TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED — XP: 32 ]
Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.
[ ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - PROMPT LOITERER: THROUGH CONTINUOUS DENIAL OF BOTH A PROMPT AND ITS CONFIRMATION, YOU HAVE KEPT IT ACTIVE 8 TIMES AS LONG AS INTENDED — REWARD: ALL PROMPTS NOW HAVE 8 TIMES AS LONG TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED — XP: 32 ]
[ ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - PROMPT PROCRASTINATOR: THROUGH CONTINUOUS DENIAL OF BOTH A PROMPT AND ITS CONFIRMATION, YOU HAVE KEPT IT ACTIVE 16 TIMES AS LONG AS INTENDED — REWARD 1: YOUR PROMPTS ARE NO LONGER SUBJECT TO A TIMER — XP: 32 ]
[ LEVEL UP! — LEVEL: +1=2 — MILESTONE MULTIPLIER: +1=2 — SKILL POINTS: +1=2 — S.T.A.T. POINTS: STRENGTH=2 - TENACITY=2 - APTITUDE=2 - TILT=2 — NEXT LEVEL: 256 XP ]
[ ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - PROMPT TRESPASSER: THROUGH CONTINUOUS DENIAL OF BOTH A PROMPT AND ITS CONFIRMATION, YOU HAVE ACHIEVED PROMPT PROCRASTINATOR WHILE IN PURGATORY — INFO 1: AN ADMINISTRATOR MUST DIRECTLY SUPERVISE ANYONE CURRENTLY IN PURGATORY — INFO 2: EACH ADMINISTRATOR MUST FINISH MONITORING AN ASSIGNED HERO THROUGH TO THE END OF THIS PROCESS — REWARD: INSTEAD OF A TIMER, YOUR ALERTS NOW DISPLAY AN IMPATIENTLY-WAITING REPRESENTATION OF YOUR ASSIGNED PURGATORY ADMINISTRATOR — NOTE: IF YOU USE YOUR MONTHLY ADMINISTRATOR TOKEN TO APOLOGIZE APPROPRIATELY, THIS EFFECT CAN BE REMOVED ]
[ WELCOME TO THE TOWN OF ALL BEGINNINGS ]
[ COMPLETED SIDE QUEST: STARTING TOWN — XP: 8 ]
[ HP: 0/128 ]
[ YOU DIED — XP DEBT: 0+64=64 — RESPAWN DELAY: 8 HOURS ]
‘XP Debt’, huh? Well that’s not exactly ideal…
And then there’s the woman still tapping her foot in the middle of my distinct lack of vision. So I guess that’s where the respawn timer usually goes? Which must make her the admin I pissed off… You know, I think I actually prefer that to a ticking clock.
But wow, though. How do you even process this? Forget the view or whatever.
I don’t have to be afraid of death, do I?
I DIDN’T have to be afraid. Did I?
I didn’t have to run from that… Fucking Spawncamper!
Oooh… Oooh-ho-ho-HOOOH, nonono, nohohohoooh, that is not the end of that. Not by a fucking long shot. But I don’t stand a chance against him now. Not by a fucking looong shot…
Like, what did he even do back there? He touched that guy. And then… What? Ripped his soul out? Whatever it was, it was clearly an insta-kill. How do you fight that? Is shit like that common here?
No… No, that doesn’t track. Beyond all else, the red light back there was fundamentally broken. That can’t be a normal result of anything. But it doesn’t really tell me anything about the distance between us when I don’t even know what ‘normal’ is.
Speaking of first things first, the popups are still floating in the middle of the nothingness all around me. I can tell it’s the middle because it stays in the center of my vision no matter where I ‘look’. So how do I..? Oh.
As though in preemptive response to my vague frustration over a cluttered view, all the porn ads dismiss themselves before I quite get around to consciously wanting them to. Well that’s convenient… Wait, no it’s not. I mean it’s fine this time. But this menu shit keeps happening when I don’t want it to.
As though in sarcastic response to my criticism, the System menu throws me two more popups.
Looking them over, I’m left with a distinctly judgmental impression from the woman still tapping her foot at me like Sonic when you put the controller down.
[ S.T.A.T.S — STRENGTH: MAGICAL=16 - PHYSICAL=18 - UNUSED=2 — TENACITY: DEFENSE=16 - SPEED=18 - UNUSED=2 — APTITUDE: MANA=16 - STAMINA=18 - UNUSED=2 — TILT: CONTROL=18 - LUCK=16 - UNUSED=2 ]
I’m supposed to allocate the unused points then? Well, I am already minmaxing over here, so… Fuck it. Two points each into Physical, Speed, Stamina, aaand Control. That brings all the STATs I care about up to a nice, even 20. That was easy enough.
But my final prompt is bigger. Gigantic, even. It’s a list of what looks like every Skill I’ll ever be able to get. I can’t read through all that. Not and retain anything useful.
Okay, yeah, this is really bothering me. Can’t I supposedly control how things get displayed? Well then… First up, let’s sort them by… Um… Alphabetically, I guess?
And just like that, it happens. Well, that’s… A good test. But lists don’t get shorter when you alphabetize them.
Although it does let me scroll down to the ‘S’s. Right to the Legendary skill I spotted in the character creator when it felt like the System force-selected my CLASS in the most egregious example of it misbehaving yet.
But, as expected, I can’t actually seem to select it. Looks like everything I can pick is green. So let’s filter out the reds…
Finally making some progress, the list shrinks by a lot. Unfortunately, it looks like only the ‘Common’ Skills are selectable. Disappointing… But I’m only Level 2. I guess it’s kinda fair that my goal isn’t immediately attainable.
So what is immediately attainable? Theoretically, a Legendary Skill like that would have prerequisites, right? At least that’s what it looked like during CLASS selection.
Speaking which, let’s filter out anything that isn’t a CLASS Skill.
Now how do I… Oh, of course. Just get rid of everything that isn’t a prerequisite.
That leaves me with a single result.
[ COMMON C.L.A.S.S. PASSIVE: SWORDSMAN / TOOTH ARTICULATION EFFECT: EACH OF YOUR TEETH IS NOW A SEPARATE ENTITY THAT CAN BE CONTROLLED BY YOU, CONSCIOUSLY OR SUBCONSCIOUSLY ]
What? That raises so many more questions than it answers. How does it know? Does that mean I was right? Even if Thomas… NOPE. Either way, it’s not exactly useful right now, is it?
Aaand removing that filter… Okay, so what IS useful right now?
As though foot-lady weren’t even there, I lazily browse through everything I can unlock.
This takes a while. I can’t tell time thanks to Sonic the Admin over there. But suffice it to say, I become quite familiar with my options as I look for something that sticks out. And a lot of it does. They’re all normally impossible things I can just sort of ‘choose’ to be able to do now. I want them all. But I can only get two.
So how to choose? Do I even have weaknesses to address? Hm…
Oh fucking right, maybe my total lack of ability not to trip over every goddamned thing. Somehow, despite my similar lack of combat experience, I intuit that such an issue will, in fact, not synergize with my build.
I’ve always had great reflexes. Even more than the jumping thing. But my biggest problem back there was that I couldn’t actually detect any of the shit I tripped over, until I was already tripping over it. So, by the time my reflexes had a chance to react to anything, the most they could hope to do was make the bruises from my inevitable faceplant ever so slightly smaller.
To my pessimistic surprise, I find just the thing a bit over halfway down the list.
I don’t even get how it could possibly work. But I just died twice and now I’m shopping for superpowers, so…
[ COMMON C.L.A.S.S. TOGGLE GAINED: ANIME / RADIAL AWARENESS — EFFECT: YOU ARE INNATELY AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS UP TO 20 CENTIMETERS FROM ANY PART OF YOUR BODY — TILT SCALING: CONTROL — COST: MINOR MP DRAIN — WARNING: STEALTH EFFECTS MAY BYPASS THIS SKILL DEPENDING ON CONTROL S.T.A.T. ]
[ SKILL POINTS: 1 ]
Hopefully, that’ll help my habit of tripping through forests. Especially since they seem to be a common theme in this particular octagon. But more importantly for the long-term, I really don’t like being snuck up on. And it’s even a prerequisite for higher-tier Skills that’ll give me even less chance of being assassinated.
As to that, let me be clear on something.
- Fucking. Hate. Assassins. Bane of my goddamned existence… The number of times Thomas killed me with… NOPE. Head in the game, Jess. I’ll think about him when… Later! Not in the middle of important life decisions.
And yes, this is important. The first step down a path is always important. Nearly as important as all the other ones. Which is why I need to focus on this and not… James… GOD DAMN IT!!!
Katanas. I like katanas. I wanna use katanas. I should get a Skill for katanas.
Of the choices available? Not a ton of options…
But this one seems pretty damn fundamental.
[ COMMON C.L.A.S.S. ACTION GAINED: SWORDSMAN / IAI QUICKDRAW — EFFECT 1: ACTIVATION AND SP INVESTMENT OCCUR WHILE UNSHEATHING YOUR EQUIPPED SWORD — EFFECT 2: UPON RE-SHEATHING, DEAL 2 TIMES OPTIMIZED DAMAGE DONE WITH YOUR SWORD SINCE UNSHEATHING WITH CURRENT BUFFS APPLIED — TILT SCALING: CONTROL — COST: MINOR SP — RESTRICTION: EQUIPPED SWORD MUST FEATURE A SCABBARD — WARNING: EFFECT WILL CANCEL IF ANY DAMAGE IS TAKEN BEFORE RESHEATHING ]
[ SKILL POINTS: 0 ]
At that, my Skill List refreshes with a ton more green options to choose from. Seems like I unlocked all the Uncommon ones?
No… Not ‘all’. Only those specific to the Anime and Swordsman parts of my CLASS. The unlocks don’t seem to have touched Melee or Attack. But I’m out of Skill points, so-
As soon as I realize I can’t actually do anything with it right now, the screen promptly closes, regardless of whether or not I wanted to actually read through all my new Skill options.
It refuses to reopen.
Leaving only infinite blackness and Sonic the Admin to keep me company…
Try to sleep? Sure. Go with that.
And so I do.