Yeju

  I make sure my scowl is as intense as possible when Dad opens the door. His nervous expression tells me I did a great job.

  “Yeju! You’re here.” Despite the hostility I am emanating, Dad sounds genuinely delighted to see me. “Come in, come in.”

  I take off my shoes and coat before trudging inside.

  After Mom wore me down about talking to Dad, I texted him to meet up for dinner. Dad’s reply was immediate.

  And now, I am here at the traitor’s house. There are still a few unpacked boxes scattered about the hallway, but otherwise, his new pce looks very well put together. Dad has always been more of a neat freak than Mom, and it’s obvious now comparing their houses. I make a mental note to help Mom clean up more.

  “Want something to drink, Yeju?” Dad asks.

  “Anything.”

  I peek into the kitchen. Chopped vegetables and other ingredients spread across the counter—his dinner pns are indeed as eborate as mentioned in his text message.

  “Need any help?” I ask. I hate to admit it, but I am excited about the food. Mom does not cook, and I don’t have the time to recently, so it has been a while since I ate good home-cooked food.

  “Don’t worry about it,” Dad assures me. He comes out of the kitchen with two mugs, and we sit at the dining table to drink. It’s warm apple cider, perfect for the winter.

  “I’m just so gd you’re here,” he says. “I thought I won’t see you again. You are much closer to your mother after all.”

  The dejection in his voice is a twist in my gut. I turn my head away from him and sip at the cider.

  He sighs. “Listen, Yeju, I’m sorry about—“

  I sm the mug down to cut him off. “Do you know how much you’ve hurt Mom?”

  Another sigh. “I know. I didn’t mean to hurt any of you. I made a terrible mistake, and I’m going to try to make amends.”

  I want to explode at my father. Yell my head off. Toss my cup at him. Maybe ruin his nice new house a little. Wasn’t that what I’ve always wanted to do after finding out about his affair?

  But it has been way too long. My anger is all used up, and now I’m just tired.

  I slump on the table. “Why did you betray Mom all those years ago?”

  Dad’s eyes gze over as if he was staring somewhere far in space. He sighs again. “I don’t want to give excuses, Yeju. I don’t deserve to. I made a mistake, and… and that’s it.”

  “You betrayed me too, you know,” I whisper.

  There is a slight pause. “I’m sorry, Yeju.” He spins his mug a few times. “Have you… ever met someone and immediately knew they were special?”

  Lia fshes across my mind. I take a huge gulp of cider to drown out my growing heartache. It’s almost the New Year, and I’m writing the st chapter of my thesis. I’ll be seeing her soon.

  The thought makes me giddy with both excitement and fear.

  “So you’re saying you met that special someone then?” I ask with a wry chuckle. “And that’s why you did what you did?”

  “It was both that and… a huge pse of judgment on my part. I fell in love, hard, but I should not have pursued it. I knew I shouldn’t, and yet… I am completely at fault here—I won’t deny that. I just…” His voice quivers. “I didn’t know I left her all alone with a kid in a foreign country.”

  “Foreign country? What do you mean?”

  “We met when I was studying in Taiwan. When I graduated, I went to Singapore for vacation, and she insisted on following me there. We had broken it off before that, so I thought she was going back on our agreement. I was afraid. I thought she was going to follow me all the way here, so I decided that when I return to the US, I will do so without a word. And… that was what I did. I didn’t know she was pregnant. I didn’t know I left her in Singapore, a foreign country, with… my child.”

  My fingers grip my mug as I stare into the golden hue of the cider. “If she didn’t have a child… you were going to keep this secret forever?”

  Dad takes a swig. “I made a terrible decision, Yeju, and its effects were detrimental. I… don’t even know how to begin making amends to everyone I’ve hurt.”

  “Mom’s pretty happy separated from you,” I admit.

  “I bet she is.” Dad ughs. “And I’ll do everything on my end to make sure she’s keeping her lifestyle. That’s what I’ve always wanted for her anyway, separated or not.”

  “What are you going to do now, uh, about that person you left?”

  His smile fades. “I don’t know. I owe her way too much for doing that to her. But I’m trying now. And I’m thankful she found me and decided to introduce me to my other daughter. I promised myself to give Chloe a good life. You too. I will help both my daughters achieve everything they want in life.”

  “I’m good. I’m doing fine on my own.”

  “I know you are. But hey, it’s always good to know you have something to fall back on. Also, I want you to know I don’t need you to forgive me. I’m just gd you’re finally willing to talk to me.”

  I shrug. “Sorry it took me this long.”

  “That’s fine. It’s understandable.” The doorbell rings. Dad gnces at the door before smiling at me. “I think that’s your half-sister. You ready to meet her?”

  My heart pounds. It takes all the willpower in me to nod. I still can’t believe Dad managed to get Chloe to join us for dinner. After how I treated her the first time I saw her, I’m half-suspecting her to be here to fight me.

  But Chloe’s grin is cordial when we greet her at the door.

  “Hello!” she excims.

  “Hey, Chloe, welcome.” Dad heaves in relief. “Come in, please.”

  She is bundled up in every winter accessory one can think of—beanies, earmuffs, scarves, and multiple jackets—and so she takes almost ten minutes to remove them. After she is free from her four extra yers of clothing, she tosses her long, dark hair behind her back. She is the epitome of elegance, the opposite of me; how the hell are we reted?

  “So,” Dad says, gncing between the two of us, “I’ll leave you two to talk while I finish up dinner, alright?” He pats me on the shoulder as he walks away.

  “Hey,” I mumble.

  “Hey,” Chloe replies. She takes out a bottle of white wine from her bag. “Want a drink?”

  Okay, I see our resembnce now. “Of course.”

  She takes two gsses from the kitchen and leads me into the living room. I settle next to her on the couch.

  “It’s nice to see you again. Properly, this time,” Chloe says as she pours. She has a distinct accent that I do not hear very often. It must be the Singaporean accent.

  “I’m gd too. I feel like I should’ve tried to meet you more. You’re Lia’s good friend and all.” She hands me a cup and I take a sip. “I’m sorry about my attitude towards you, by the way.”

  “It’s okay h. I’m happy if Lia is happy. But”—she raises her brows knowingly—“she hasn’t been very happy though.”

  “Uh…yeah, about that…” I drink a few more gulps of wine. “We’re… we’re kinda taking a break. Temporarily.”

  “What happened leh?”

  Argh, must I go over everything again? I slump on the couch. “I don’t know, I’m bad at the whole retionship-communication-talking-it-out thingy.”

  “Oh. Well, I guess I’m not too surprised by that h.”

  “Ouch?”

  “What impression did you think I have of you after the way we first met?”

  “Touché…” I rub a hand over my face. “Why are you here in New Jersey, by the way? Did you travel all the way here just to hang out with, uh, Dad?”

  “Nah, I’m here on a work trip. The restaurant I’m working at has their fgship branch in New York.”

  “Oh, that’s cool. Is your girlfriend with you?”

  “She has csses, like Lia. But it’s okay h, this is nothing compared to our long-distance retionship for one year between Singapore and California.”

  My mouth drops. One year? Between Asia and here? “That is insanely long and very, very far. I can’t believe you survived that.”

  “It was really hard, but we pulled through.” She tilts her head, her eyes twinkling in curiosity. “Why leh? Are you thinking of doing it? Long-distance?”

  “Ideally not, but… it did cross my mind, yeah.” The thought weighs on me once again, and I feel my body sinking into the couch. “I brought it up briefly to Lia once and… well, I don’t know. She didn’t seem thrilled about it so I stopped talking about it. I don’t know, I can stay in L.A. with her, I think. I don’t… know.”

  Chloe pces a hand on mine. “Breathe,” she reminds me. I didn’t even realize I stopped breathing.

  As I take in a shaky inhale, she continues, “Do what’s best for you, but be sure to tell her about your pns asap. I knew RJ was going away a year before she had to leave. It gave me time to prepare mentally.”

  I nod. “I will. Once I… figure it out.”

  The aroma from the kitchen grows stronger. Sometimes I forget just how well Dad cooks. I haven’t tried his food much ever since I went to college. And speaking of cooking, I haven’t cooked in a while too. I have been so overwhelmed with my thesis—and I kinda lost my motivation to cook without Lia eating with me.

  Chloe puts her gss of wine down before fixing her eyes on me.

  “Hey, Yeju, I’ve been wanting to tell you this: I didn’t mean to barge into your life like this h. I feel so bad knowing that I’m the reason your parents are divorced now. I just thought… I just thought it’ll be nice h to find out more about my biological father. I’ve never had a father so…”

  Chloe’s unexpected apology is like a sp to my face. I sit up. “What? You’re not the reason they’re divorced, Chloe!”

  “It is h… If I just kept to myself, none of this would’ve—”

  “No, it won’t! Their marriage was already not going well before you came into the picture. I talked to my mother and found this out. You are just the push she needs to finally end it.”

  Chloe blinks.

  “I’m serious, Chloe! Don’t feel guilty for reaching out to your biological father. It is not your fault.”

  She stares at me for a while before bursting into ughter. “Thank you, Yeju. That’s very good to know.” She picks up her cup and raises it toward me. “Also, now I can kinda see why Lia likes you so much sia.”

  My cheeks warm at that statement. I clear my throat. “Well, now I also know why she’s friends with you.”

  We chat more, finishing our gss of wine. She tells me about her life as a chef, and I tell her about my life as a research scientist. She offers to go on a double date with RJ, Lia, and me, while I offer her an invitation to Mom’s for Christmas.

  Slowly but surely, a weight is lifted from me. The months of resentment and hurt have been a burden to my heart, and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of my own stupidity.

  And so, finally, I set my heart free.

  Dad calls us to the dining table, and the three of us eat, drink, and talk into the night.

  ***

  A/N: All the 'h', 'leh', 'sia', etc. added to the dialogue are part of the Singlish vocabury to accentuate the meaning of the sentence. They are used way more in Chloe and RJ’s story, Cherry On Top.