-Back --. Stawp~!- I pout as I come back and the monks prepare to kick my ass, then calm down. -I’ve got three ghost things now. The two girls and the other one. Don’t attack ‘em, ‘kay? I think the other one was a commoner before they died, and they’re pissed off about what happened to the village.-
Do us proud, Fuck Face. I transfer Face to stand beside me and the monks back off and change formation. I guess they were ready for soup bag not suped up. I turn to look at Fuck Face, comparing the body I crafted with his earlier forms. It’s not rotting yet. It looks intimidating, even when he lowers his head, bowing and explains his intentions, -- we’re goin’ huntin’! -- but the monks are listening.
I do good work. Go me!
“We’re relying on you,” a monk says, turning to me and bowing.
I’m not --. Oh! He’s my servant. Fuck this is gonna take some getting used to.
-Don’t forget this body is stronger than your other one, and you weren’t so good at using it.- Yeah, please don’t kill people by flinging trees at them. -Start slow.-
“Yeah,” he sighs with a quick shake of his head before slowly walking away. Yeah, no, longer legs, I made him big.
“He’ll tell us if he finds any more disciples --,” one girl says to me.
“-- and we’ll take care of them,” the other finishes, pulling out her little bone knife.
Did they switch places? I can’t remember... They hop off my back and bow. Are they going with Fuck Face?
“We were trying to purify the village when you came back,” one monk says while tucking me into the crook of his arm.
Oh, come on! I throw my hands up in indignation and the traitorous bastards come down as they accept a bowl of stewed greens, my renegade mouth partaking while my turncoat spiracles --. I was mad and I accepted a bowl of food while making happy noises. No hesitation. Started grubbing immediately. Hopefully because I’m cool with these guys, and not just because I’m greedy.
It’d be rude to turn it down, especially after all the work they put into making them. They had to find the poison grass, they collected a whole bag, clean it, collect water, find a pot they were willing to throw away, not inhale poison steam, treat any wounds, and who knows what else! A lot of work went into boiling these weeds for me.
-Ooh! Mixed greens...- There’s lots of different weeds!
That one tastes like lemongrass!
I finished the boiled greens, the bowl refilled with what might be the broth. I drink that down and then the bowl is filled with stir-fried greens. Shiz, they went all out! That’s down the gullet and then I’m handed chopsticks, -- need hands, fack, I’m a partial bug with human hands. Why do I do this to myself? -- and then there’s grasses, still raw and fresh, folded into decorative knots. When I eat one I find out the middle is filled with some kind of milled green paste. Fack, someone was having fun! I laugh, making sounds of appreciation as I keep eating.
Once the knots are done, -- I think they might have been woven, not knotted. People are so creative! -- I’m given what looks like a rice ball.
[Blessings Rice Ball]
[10 Karma Gained]
[10 +Resentment Gained]
[Vengeful Ghost Sect Breathing Technique II]
[3 -Resentment Gained]
[-5 Karma]
[Ghost Pot (+120/-0)]
[3 x218 -Resentment Gained]
[Karma +5 x0 Gained]
[20 x120 +Resentment Gained]
[Karma +50 x120 Gained]
[Resentment: +535220/-434646]
[Max Will: 9,579,451]
[HP: 9,579,449]
[Current Condensed Qi: 1831140/24283905]
[Current Qi: 1905495/957945100]
[Current Karma: 97135622/107275977]
I bite into it and there’s some weird jelly filling.
-Ah, bish!-
You can condense karma?! What! Wait. Yeah, no they made it a jelly! Or added to a jelly... I’ve got a karma sticky rice ball! Wait. Oh! Positive Resentment. You can condense --. Yeah, no, that makes sense.
I pull my attention away from the rice ball, trying to thank the monks, and they’re laughing at me. And pointing. ... Ack! I’m wagging my ass like it’s a tail.
-Ah, this is bullshit...- I hear groans and whines as I stop wagging and I mock them as I polish off the rice ball. -So are we gonna do a run around the village?-
“We already did!” one monk crows, the others laughing. Come again?
“You purify faster when distracted with food,” one monk tells me, literally leaning his face forward like he’s daring me to punch him.
-I feel used...- I sigh, moving my head away as they offer another roll.
“It takes a lot out of you to purify, yes? We’re making sure you don’t go into a coma!” one monk quietly chastises me before offering me the rice ball again...
I grumble a thank you and take the fackin’ rice ball. Tch.
[Blessings Rice Ball]
[10 Karma Gained]
[10 +Resentment Gained]
[Vengeful Ghost Sect Breathing Technique II]
[3 -Resentment Gained]
[-5 Karma]
[Ghost Pot (+120/-0)]
[3 x218 -Resentment Gained]
[Karma +5 x0 Gained]
[20 x120 +Resentment Gained]
[Karma +50 x120 Gained]
[Resentment: +535230/-434646]
[Max Will: 9,579,451]
[HP: 9,579,451]
[Current Condensed Qi: 1831140/24283908]
[Current Qi: 1905495/957945100]
[Current Karma: 97135632/107275977]
Boo... Wait, what have the girls been doing? I sit up, -- still being carried, -- and look for the little knives. They’re playing hopscotch with some of the village children, jumping in and out of a circle in some pattern I could look up if I wanted to.
“They’re teaching the children prayers,” my bearer murmurs, watching the children play. “Truly, you are a strange treasure...”
-What’s the other guy up to?- He wants to update me without me having to read? Let him!
“Tch! Fuck Face,” one monk scowls and shakes his head, and I wonder if I’m gonna have to run. “To give a good man such an awful name! He told us why, and you couldn’t have known, but his karma must be terrible!”
-So he’s doing good...?- Mixed signals, dude. Come on.
“He’s very good, and familiar with some country customs, which has been a blessing,” one monk says, a few of them doing a quick prayer.
“It’s amazing that you’ve given him access to your storage without him having to consult with you constantly.”
Do what now?
-Of course. Reconstruction isn’t fast or cheap. Materials are necessary.-
The fuck is he grabbing and why?
Logs, Requests? Empty. How? I know he Withdraws --.
No way am I that--. I’m that dumb.
Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.
Fack! Didn’t I set it to where people couldn’t take shit? Or is this some of that “we’re linked” bullshit. ‘Cause sharing is caring when it comes to my shit.
-That one,- one of the girls sends whispers, leaning forward from across the town center, hand cupped to her mouth.
Message hidden. Sending not so much so. Heh.
Focus! Um... Withdrawing. No one’s whitelisted. Withdrawals? He’s made some very simple ones. Where the fuck is he getting the stuff? Filtered. Unfiltered?
My face goes blank as I read he just fucking picked it up off the ground.
-Bullshit!- I thrash, startling as the girls try to calm down a few of the people I startled. When the fuck did they come over to me and why are these assholes gawking.
Silent Howl:
You’re doing your Death Dance and they’re going towards the pretty lights.
Idiots. Oy! Go to bed!
Silent Howl:
I did. And woke up.
Check your Logs.
My sense of time is fine.
... Shots fired. Confirmed hits. Ow. I listen for laughter and hear rhythmic chanting and that fucking tok tok drum!
Wait, where’s it --?
I spin around and some of the monks are chanting while the rest not on cleanup duty are enjoying the show.
Violated.
I put them out of my sight, sitting down, arms going back into toothed scythe mode so I can groom.
What was this nonsense about him picking the shit up off the ground? Um... Lengths of wood beams. Okay. Where did the wood beams come from. I produced them. A while ago. ... Why? I shift over to structures. And, according to my logs, I thought up the shit I’d need to make my shit shack, made it, dumped it in the woods at the edge of the lake, produced the shack, and just blatantly ignored a pile of wood beams the rest of the time I’ve been walking around the edge of the lake.
I call bullshit.
Silent Howl:
They’re less obvious than notifications, and you ignore those easily enough.
I blink. Loudly clear my throat, -- don’t have one, -- and repeat myself. I call bullshit, ‘cause there’s no way I’d ignore a pile of stacked wooden beams. My void, my reality, fuck you.
What else did I leave lying around? Supposedly.
Baskets, robes, he’s using some of the stuff the bears left behind, brushes. Why the fuck did I make so many brushes? Every time I think about grooming?
So. Many. Brushes.
Why not combs?
-You have combs,- one of the girls says, lifting her foot to delicately point to my currently combing me arms.
‘Cause of course I have an audience when I fuck up.
-You have an audience when you do godly things,- one girl, -- same girl? Dunno. -- pointedly looks away to stare at the monks performing tricks like we’re part of a roving circus and my lights are just part of the show.
Why can’t they just let me be mad.
The girls titter as I turn my back on them and the monks, then glare at a bunch of people enjoying the show. Did they already get rid of the people from the sect? We ever find out what the fack they were trying to do?
[Vengeful Ghost Sect Breathing Technique II]
[3 -Resentment Gained]
[-5 Karma]
[Ghost Pot (+120/-0)]
[3 x218 -Resentment Gained]
[Karma +5 x0 Gained]
[20 x120 +Resentment Gained]
[Karma +50 x120 Gained]
[Resentment: +535330/-434867]
[Max Will: 9,579,451]
[HP: 9,579,451]
[Current Condensed Qi: 1831140/24283931]
[Current Qi: 1905495/957945100]
[Current Karma: 97135727/107275977]
My head nearly twists off as I stare dumbfounded. Motherfucker, can’t I just breathe?
The girls laugh, but I’m not at all amused. When will this shit stop?
Silent Howl:
You have no idea how groundbreaking this is.
I can literally map out their breathing technique, and double check it against their manual, by knowing how essence travels through your body when you take a deep breath.
You’re not just sighing. You’re inhaling very deeply and using different muscles, opening new chambers.
You don’t care, but this is very impressive.
Wait, essence traveling through my innards is what’s causing this?
“Not gonna ask. We’ve torn down most of the damaged structures and they’ve restarted construction on one of the storage sheds, but they’ll be hiding outside of town until they’re sure it’s safe,” Fuck Face says, striding up like a confident badass. Someone got comfy in their skin. “The villagers are grateful for the clothes and house materials.” I bet they are. “I’ve found a few more toxic bulbs and grasses, and the village isn’t clear yet.”
I perk up ‘cause that part sounds important. And isn’t about food.
What kinda bulbs?
-Wait, why don’t the villagers want to stay in the --. Nevermind.- Right. Bad guys are still here. Do they need lots of bodies in one place?
“The village has a bad history. The people that did this aren’t trying to create new Resentments, they’re bringing up old ones. That’s why it gets so thick so fast,” Fuck Face says, dropping down close enough for me to inspect his corpse with my bare eyes. “No, the body’s holding up fine. I’ve found a few techniques I need to practice. Learning how you breathe helps,” he admits.
Do what now?
-He’s learning to cycle Qi through his body without the benefit of lungs or organs to cycle through by learning how you cycle Qi through you body with your different organs,- one of the girls says as they come over and sit on my back again.
-Someone tell the villagers there’s no pony rides before someone dies and or gets their feelings hurt,- I say quickly as some of the adults bend down and whisper to children while pointing at me with their rude asses.
“Yeah, no, you’re too toxic for living people to ride. We’re dead,” Fuck Face says, showing why he’s such a good servant. He snorts and flips me off. Good boy. “Fuck off.”
-There are children present!- I gasp in mock outrage. -Language!-
“Says the bug that shouts bullshit and sprays death everywhere when they think too hard?” he says with such casual disregard.
Not gonna lie, that was pretty good. These people don’t know what I’m doing. They don’t know me. I’m literally just a creepy hunan-ish shaped bug, and I do keep broadcasting sometimes. Welp. Imma go be loud and obnoxious somewhere quiet.
“We’re leaving now,” Fuck Face says, standing up and just deciding for everyone. “Sandy’s past due for a nap. I don’t know when we’ll be back, but there’s plenty of supplies. Hopefully we’ve bought you enough time for a reprieve.” Fuck Face takes the time to bow to the monks before turning and waving goodbye to the people standing around.
I can feel myself trying to stay awake out of spite, and I don’t know why. Did he just say it’s time to put baby down for a nap? ‘Cause what I think he said was that I’m going to go to sleep soon, but it feels like he said it’s past baby’s nap time.
“Come on, grump ass,” Fuck Face rumbles, stretching as the girls hop off my back, one of them picking me up easily.
I bristle indignantly and she just laughs and runs her hands over my silk. If she starts melting she better not try to blame me. She snorts and buries her face in my silk on my head, inhaling deeply before pulling back with a smirk, looking smug AF.
“Their cultivation is high enough that they don’t need mantras,” Fuck Face points out, breaking my glare.
Fack! I blinked! I don’t even need to blink! Why the fack do I even have eyelids? Fack!
I transfer to the void so I can fuck off to bed, and the girls fly their happy asses to my house.
Shit. Beds.
I tack on another part of the house, enough space for a bedroom for them to share, a private sitting room linking to the main area of the house, windows shuttered with death wood. They won’t be affected but anything else not a Death Moth will.
They whoop, the one carrying me flinging me into my room on my bed before they race off to their room.
They fucking threw me! Rude asses... I head outside for a quick wash, shifting to full hunan, the girls racing out with their knives at the sound of the buckets and water prolly, and then I’m back inside getting dressed for bed.
-Night,- I yawn as I climb under my sheets, and then I’m buried as the brats jump on me and give me hugs good night.
“‘Brats’ your face!” one of them shouts and I wonder if they really did learn that phrase from me. “We’re older than you!”
“We were only in the shop for 10 years. We died over 70 years ago,” the other one brags, smirking and sassy.
-Oh, this attitude is fine now, but you were going to rip my antenna off earlier?- Fack, I am a bad influence. Well, they already admitted they’re not kids, so I can’t be held responsible. -Fuck off and let me sleep. Talk to Aunty if you need anything. I think all that’s left are good people.-
[Vengeful Ghost Sect Breathing Technique II]
[3 -Resentment Gained]
[-5 Karma]
[Ghost Pot (+120/-0)]
[3 x218 -Resentment Gained]
[Karma +5 x0 Gained]
[20 x120 +Resentment Gained]
[Karma +50 x120 Gained]
[Resentment: +734530/-435309]
[Max Will: 9,579,451]
[HP: 9,579,451]
[Current Condensed Qi: 1831140/24408429]
[Current Qi: 1905495/957945100]
[Current Karma: 97633717/107275977]
I yawn.
-Oh, fuck off,- I groan, closing my eyes, rolling over, and nodding off.
