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75 - Origins of a Madman (Mistra)

  “You can’t be serious.”

  I had to stand and do

  something, anything other than sit across from Feros and make eye

  contact with him after that. He truly was out of his mind if he was

  not just putting me on and trying to make the realm’s most unfunny

  joke in the worst way. This was not something to joke about and the

  last thing I was prepared to deal with. Surely this had to just be

  his very strange brand of humor.

  “Please tell me this is a

  joke,” I demanded.

  “I never said anything,”

  he replied passionlessly.

  “In this case that is

  probably more damning that anything else,” I murmured.

  I was still facing away from

  him, but I could feel his eyes boring into my back, though nothing

  could tempt me to turn and face him. This terribly complicated so

  many things, even if I did not necessarily feel the same way, just

  knowing that he was in love with me colored my view of him and all

  situations related to him. I did not feel anything for him, that much

  was definitely certain, but the fact that I did not made me worried

  exactly how he would react, though as soon as the worry surfaced I

  realized that we had already covered the fact that he could read my

  mind and likely already knew that.

  “I figured this would be

  your reaction,” he said. “I had not planned on ever saying

  anything, but then you started to demand answers and you were bound

  to work it out even if I never said anything.”

  “How long?”

  Toria could never find out, I

  could see no path where it would do anything but make her upset no

  matter how unreciprocated it was.

  “Ah, yes, the proverbial

  elephant in the room that no one wants to discuss since I’ve known

  you since you were a little girl, but I assure you that I did not see

  you in any sort of romantic way until you were older.”

  “Gods,” I cursed, putting

  my head in my hands. That particular line of thinking had not even

  crossed my mind yet, but now that it had been brought up that did add

  a whole new level of discomfort over the whole situation. “You

  really know exactly how to make things even worse, it truly is a

  talent with you.”

  He let out a long sigh. “Look

  I am not trying to start anything with you, nor do I think that it is

  a particularly good idea for you to even consider spending any of

  your time and effort on someone like me, it was merely an unavoidable

  fact that we have to get past for you to get the answers you so

  desire. It does not need to make things awkward or weird, just

  process it and let’s move on. You have Toria and I could not be

  more happy for you that you have someone who is much better than I

  could ever be anyway. She affords you a position of power and a

  potential life beyond what I could provide.”

  “That means you have

  considered what a life with us together would mean.”

  A long, airy laugh escaped him

  followed by another deep sigh. “A man can dream, can he not? There

  is nothing wrong with living out a fantasy in your own mind, but I

  never thought that it would be a good idea or thought I should act on

  any of the desires. You have your path and I have mine, that is just

  the way of things and I have lived a multitude of lifetimes and well

  understand that while some things might be nice in the short term,

  they will end nastily. I would much rather have you around as someone

  I can watch have a happy life and perhaps work in the background to

  make sure things in your life turn out just a bit better than might

  otherwise. If I manage that, then I will be happy.”

  “I do not want to deal with

  this right now,” I groaned softly, “This was something that if

  given a choice I probably would not have wanted to find out. I just

  wanted to know your motivations for everything else.”

  “Then come sit back down and

  ask me about those. I will not make a fuss if you decide to never

  acknowledge this part of the conversation happened again. I am not

  some beast who has had his secret revealed so is going to spend the

  rest of his time trying to get you to fall in love with me as well.

  Besides, I have always been encouraging of your relationship with

  Toria and have tried to steer you towards understanding that you have

  legitimate feelings and that it was not all just convenient politics.

  I know you have never looked at me in the same kind of way before and

  I long ago came to peace with it.”

  “Fine.” I returned to my

  seat, though I could not bring myself to meet his eyes yet. Things

  were going to feel very awkward with him for a while, if I ever

  managed to get over it at all. Though it did help that he was correct

  that he had been very pushy with things regarding Toria, had he

  wanted me for himself he should have been obstructive. “Why did you

  decide to start working with my family then?”

  “Originally it was just

  convenient, I needed a place to lay low and your father needed a

  tutor for his children. I have had more than ample time to learn all

  sorts of different magical techniques and demon magic had luckily

  been one of them. Your father probably would have gotten distrustful

  of me eventually, even though he is generally less observant than he

  should be for a monarch wielding a lot of power, but it was simple

  enough to seek out information and skills that just so happened to

  line up with political situations on the horizon.”

  “Are you saying that you

  somehow caused political tension to cement your position?”

  “Any smart person in my

  position would.” He shrugged his shoulders like it was a common

  practice to actively work to make the monarch that employed you have

  a tougher time. “I never started anything that could lead to

  terrible wars or make your father’s kingdom weaker, just annoying

  enough to where I could swoop in and save the day.”

  “My father would have had

  your head if he would have found out. He may not be the most

  observant person and a bit pig-headed if he gets it in his head that

  he is the only one who sees the situation for what it is, but one of

  my brothers or myself would have figured it out. I had, in fact,

  figured a bit of it out and actually tried to tell him that you were

  up to no good. I gave up trying to convince him, though I could have

  easily pursued the idea and eventually wore him down to believe me.”

  “The chances were always

  low. As I have told you over and over, you are the brains in your

  family and even if you would have found everything out, you are

  clever enough to have kept it in your back pocket to use for your own

  benefit later. Like now, even though you do not particularly like how

  I feel about you, you already know on some level that it will be

  extremely beneficial to you later. If there is a situation where it

  would be my life or yours, you have the back pocket knowledge that I

  might strongly consider your life over my own.”

  “You would not sacrifice

  yourself for me,” I snorted. “That is an absurd example, you care

  about your own preservation above anyone and everyone else.”

  “That is precisely what

  draws me to you,” he said with a grin, leaning slightly closer to

  me over the table. “You understand and see through me despite what

  I put forth as the truth. The number of people who take me at face

  value and think I am trustworthy in everything I say is staggering, I

  have never understood why, but it has been a blessing as a curse.”

  The lid on the pot started to

  rattle again, but before I could rise to my feet to go fix it, a

  small filament of power snaked from Feros’ core and pulled the pot

  farther from the flames. The disgusting feeling of his power

  immediately filled my senses and I felt sick at once. I could not

  help but grimace and shudder against the feeling.

  “Just what is that magic?”

  I asked as I pulled farther away from him.

  “Something so ancient and

  primal that no one can stand it any longer,” he answered bitterly.

  “Thanks largely to the intense workings of the fae political

  machine and love of spreading gossip and misinformation.”

  “Everything comes back to

  the fae with you.”

  “More than you know,” he

  laughed sharply, “perhaps now you might get some insight though. I

  should definitely not tell you anything, it is a patently bad idea,

  but I think it is about time I told someone. Might as well be you.”

  “Wait.” I put up my hand

  like I could shield myself from any information that might be

  harmful. “Is knowing any of this going to put me in any direct

  danger?”

  He paused and took much too

  long to think for my tastes, I would have much rather he instantly

  would be able to tell me that I would not be in any danger. Though it

  was no surprise, being around him typically always turned out to be a

  stupendously bad idea, no matter how good of an idea it had seemed

  not even three minutes prior. Bad things followed him, this was no

  secret.

  “Not any more danger than

  you having known me from the start,” he replied. “Quite honestly

  if anything catches up with me the fae will be likely to scorch

  anything that even had a tiny, tangential bit to do with me. You were

  doomed from the very start, though I have made it this long without

  them catching up to me, even if they are closer than I have let them

  get in a long while.”

  “Terrific,” I said with

  dripping sarcasm, “of course you have doomed us all.”

  “Your instincts are to blame

  me immediately, though I did not ask to have anyone pursue me and

  seek my demise. I have seen the aftermath of the fae doing what they

  consider ‘cleaning up’ an area after figuring out that I have

  been there and it is sobering to say the least, none of it I would

  consider worth anything I have ever done, not even the most

  terrible.”

  Feros went quiet, for one of

  the first times I had seen, his perpetual grin dropping and his face

  aligning to something that wasn’t quite what I would call somber,

  but I had a feeling that it was as close to what his natural sad

  expression would be if he were in his natural form and not a shell.

  It gave me pause to think if person I had been unfairly assuming that

  he was just a bad person who only did shady things. I had always

  exercised caution when being around him, it just felt right to do so,

  but I also had some trust in him and he had never personally done

  anything to me that did not advance my ambitions in some way. The

  love aspect complicated if he only did those positive things for me

  to garner my appreciation, though even if that were true, it did show

  that he at least knew a bit about love and doing acts of service to

  express it. I did not know yet what to make of the creature, but I

  was starting to see that he was right in that there was much more to

  him than I had given opportunity to learn about and understand

  before.

  “So the fae do not like your

  magic. I can understand that, I am not pleased to be around it

  myself.” I wanted the subject to stay on topic yet change the

  direction, if I was already doomed, then there was little that would

  be accomplished by worrying over it. “It feels… strange.”

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  “To say that they do not

  like it is a huge understatement, they abhor it, despise it to their

  very core. It reminds them of the only time they have ever had any

  direct competition.” His expression had shifted away from sorrow to

  something more angry and focused. “Fae as a species very much pride

  themselves on being unmatched and any time they find someone who can,

  they make sure to eliminate them. Sometimes it’s a single person or

  a specific type of a creature and sometimes it’s an entire

  species.” Feros placed his hands on the table, they were balled

  into fists. “They systematically eradicated my species. Not just

  the high level mages and people in power, but the women, children,

  and families that wanted nothing other than to live their lives

  because my kind dared to wield a similar amount of power to them and

  they could not stand that.”

  “Did you people go to war

  with them?” I asked, surely there had to be some reason beyond just

  being on a similar power level. “Perhaps do or say something that

  would warrant them to seek your destruction?”

  “Does that even matter? Does

  that justify the annihilation of my people?”

  “I do not know, I can not

  think of anything that would warrant wiping out a whole species,” I

  admitted. “It does feel wrong to me, but so wrong that I feel like

  there has to be some justification and not just because they felt

  threatened.”

  “There is a reason that

  creatures of all types avoid the fae like they are a dark plague.

  People have forgotten to time exactly why they fear them so and think

  perhaps it is just due to their tricksy nature or their bad tempers,

  but really it is because of the terrible, dark things they have done.

  Things have faded with time, multitudes of kingdoms have risen and

  fallen in every realm, books containing the wars have fallen into

  forgotten corners of libraries and given into the ravages of time,

  sometimes completely turning to dust and being lost forever. Though

  the whys of the hatred have been clouded from the haze of time, the

  disgust persists and there is still the general feeling that they

  should be feared and shunned.”

  I nodded in understanding, but

  I felt that something was being left out, this seemed far too one

  sided, especially when the taint attached to his magic was

  undeniable. If just one of his kind made other magical creatures feel

  so uncomfortable, I could not imagine what a whole realm full of them

  would be like as an experience. Far be it from me to condemn a

  species because they made me feel uncomfortable, but I wondered just

  how vile their abilities would have to be to make their power so

  disagreeable to others. There were few things that could impact the

  magical abilities of an entire species and only one of them, the

  blessing of a virtuous god, was positive. My mind immediately went to

  some dark gods, perhaps they had long ago made some terrible pact

  with them.

  “You are not entirely

  wrong,” he said begrudgingly, obviously reading my mind, “I will

  not try to sugarcoat that aspect of it. The very ancients of my

  species did pledge fealty to some less than savory gods and there

  were unpleasant side effects. However, I do not think it is fair to

  blame all the people born after who carry the mark, but did not

  themselves have anything to do with it. It is not my fault I was born

  what I am, I did not ask to carry the dark god’s taint, and it was

  none of my people’s fault at the time of our destruction. My people

  were slaughtered for the sins of our forefathers, but those sins were

  not our own.”

  I went quiet, taking in

  everything I had been told. The more he spoke and revealed about

  himself, the more questions I had. I had always known that he was

  some foul creature, likely something I had yet to hear much of, but

  the fact that he was the last of an eradicated species was not

  something I would have ever guessed.

  “Would you throw an infant

  in the dungeon because his father had killed the king before he was

  born?”

  “What?” The comparison

  seemed absurd to me.

  “Think about it, the

  situation is not all that different,” he pressed. “My ancestors

  made the sacrifices and rituals to the dark, unnamed gods centuries

  before I was born and everyone who had been a part of it had been

  long dead according to everything I knew. I did not ask to be a part

  of the ritual, nor did I have a choice in my birth. Is it my fault

  that my ancestors made that choice?”

  “No, it could not be your

  fault.” I couldn’t help but draw the parallel to my own birth, a

  birth that by all right no one thought could happen and if given a

  choice, I would have been chosen to be born all demon and no human.

  Still, there had been points where both sides of my lineage had

  decided that I somehow was to blame for the perceived abomination

  that was my existence. I knew for a fact that the Church at the very

  least would love to personally dismember me then burn the rest of me

  at the stake even though I did not ask to be what I am.

  “Of course it is not my

  fault,” he sighed, “it was none of our faults. Perhaps the only

  thing that we did wrong was think we could try to pick ourselves back

  up and make up for what had happened, interact with the rest of

  existence and try to move on. We should have used our magic and

  sealed ourselves away, working together we should have been able to

  accomplish that, but instead we tried another route and the fae were

  far more evil than we could have ever imagined.”

  Sensing he wanted to tell me

  more about what happened, but feeling hungrier then ever, I rose

  wordlessly and went to the simmering pot and filled a dubiously clean

  bowl that had been left behind, then returned to the table to sit

  politely and listen to his story. The aroma from the bowl was not

  fantastic, I was missing many spices that would make it palatable and

  I was certainly not a skilled cook, but anything in my hungry belly

  would be welcome.

  “The fae did not even have

  the decency to try any diplomacy, not even put up any sort of show to

  try to make it seem like they ever even considered anything other

  than our destruction.” He leaned back again in his chair like the

  smell of the stew offended him in some way. “What did you put in

  that?” he asked with disgust.

  “Out of everything you have

  told me so far and the unpleasantness you have recounted and the

  smell of my dinner is what you find offensive?” I could not help

  but let a little laugh escape me at the absurdity of it.

  His face cracked into a grin

  and he gave a small nod of his head. “Fair play, though I would

  tell Toria when she awakens and is hungry that I made it.”

  “You are ridiculous.” I

  rolled my eyes and took a bite, then did my best to hide the fact

  that he was very much right, there was no way I would own up to the

  fact that I made the stew if Toria asked. It was simultaneously

  unpleasantly bland and tasted awful, no wonder as a child my mother

  would make sure I was always shooed from the kitchen despite being so

  eager to help.

  “Exactly,” he said with a

  knowing smirk. “Anyway, I was ranting about the fae, my favorite

  subject to rant about. They had sent what they called scholars to

  talk with us, I remember vividly when they had arrived at the castle.

  They were lithe, tall, and exotic, their noses plugged and in the air

  whenever they had to deal with us and acted like they suffered to

  even look in our direction. I had told my father that no good would

  come of them, but he wanted to try to make peace and he thought this

  was just their way of extending the olive branch.”

  “You were royalty?”

  “Yes, I was a prince once,

  long, long ago,” he said with a nod. “I had all the best tutors

  and upbringing, much learned about the world, groomed to be a shining

  example of what our kind could aspire to be, not held back by the

  sins of the past. I was to ascend the throne and lead my people back

  into the light. Not even the best efforts at making me as powerful

  and learned as possible mattered in the end though. As soon as the

  scholars recorded whatever it was they were after for prosperity,

  probably some propaganda about how justified their genocide would be,

  they swept the castle with their armies. It was sincerely overkill,

  they had all condensed their power to a single house, I honestly

  can’t even recall what the house was at this point, it was not the

  silly seasonal divisions they uphold now, but they acted as one while

  we had not even fully considered mobilizing a force. In the ever dark

  comedy that is hindsight, we thought that mobilizing any sort of

  troops would make us look aggressive and invite trouble.”

  “That sounds exactly like

  the kind of mistake that a kingdom might make who is a bit too

  attached to the idea of making peace. You cannot have peace for your

  own people if you are not willing to fight for that peace.”

  “I taught you that,” he

  said proudly. “You are right, we certainly should have armed to the

  teeth as soon as we decided to try interacting with everyone else

  again. Looking back at what should have happened does not change the

  fact that it did, so no use lamenting on it, as much as I sometimes

  want to. I cannot tell you how often over the millennia that I have

  lost myself to replaying the scene of my people’s destruction over

  and over again, wondering if anything I could have done at the time

  would have made any difference. I was a powerful magic wielder in my

  own right and I tried, but as soon as I realized what was happening

  and that I was outmatched my survival instinct took over and I ran.”

  “I think anyone would when

  faced with extinction.”

  “At that point in time I am

  not even sure I cared about my own survival, I just wanted them to

  fail at their mission, to ensure that they did not wipe the slate

  clean of us. I wanted there to be a chance that I could return and

  destroy their sense of victory and I could see that I was vastly

  outmatched at the time. I managed to down a few on my way out of the

  castle, maybe even killed a few, but even in the midst of a genocide

  I was too young and stupid to feel the rage I should have and I let

  my personal feelings on trying to do good stop me.”

  “How did you get out?” I

  was becoming invested in his story, it was far more interesting that

  any backstory I had ever dreamed up for him.

  “They had sealed the castle

  with a magical barrier than I guess they thought was impenetrable so

  they did not take much care in worrying about someone investigating

  how to get through it. Whomever had set it up did not take into

  account that when someone is faced with death and a seemingly

  impenetrable trap, they are willing to try absolutely everything to

  get around in and they had been too short sighted to think that

  someone might literally try to dig underneath it. Sure enough, their

  barrier ended at the ground and I was able to dig out an area big

  enough to wriggle through and I ran into the countryside. There were

  squads of fae across the land hunting down each and every one of us,

  but since I knew they were out looking with a bit of luck on my side,

  I was able to keep ahead of them and hide when I needed to. I had

  always been a bit skilled at keeping my magic close at hand and hard

  to detect and after a few days they felt satisfied we had been

  eradicated and left, leaving me to a realm completely emptied of

  everything I had ever known. They had taken everything the thought

  might have some value, the castle was devoid of all furniture and

  even all the cutlery when I finally made my way back. Though they did

  leave all the bodies, my gods the blood and gore.”

  He went silent for a long

  while, eyes distant while he was deep in thought. I did not want to

  press him after such a terrible memory and finished my terrible meal

  instead, grateful when the bowl was finally empty, though it did feel

  nice to have something warm in my stomach after days of a few bites

  of dried meat and sips of stale water.

  “They must know about me by

  now,” he muttered, his eyes regaining their clarity. “Perhaps

  they would have been unsure at the start and I covered my tracks

  fairly well, but I’m sure that room gave me away. I had not had the

  time to fully cleanse it before we fled. I should have cleansed it

  daily, especially having Alice in my care, it was always going to be

  just a matter of time before some form of fae tried to reclaim her.

  Even though I knew it would happen, I suppose I was happily living

  with my head in the sand. You would think that after all the time I

  have had to learn that I would not still make stupid mistakes, but

  obviously this is not the case.”

  “If the fae know about you,

  then what does that mean?”

  “Now we get to the crux of

  what you originally wanted to know,” he explained, “why I have

  been so keen on getting Toria out on his excursion and away from your

  father’s castle.”

  I had a deeply unsettled

  feeling about what he was going to say. I knew deep in my soul that

  there would be a reason I did not want to hear for why we had left so

  hurriedly. Sure, it had been possible that the window for Toria to

  strike had just been perfect, but there had been his own personal

  push to get things moving, he would not have been content until we

  had left the castle and started the journey.

  “They will come for the girl

  eventually, though once they have caught onto my scent that will

  become secondary, but perhaps by leaving it might buy your kingdom

  some time. I am certain your father would have handed over the girl

  to keep peace and if it had only been the girl they were after it

  would have been well and good, but as I said, they tend to eradicate

  anyone connected to me.”

  My eyes widened and my stomach

  sank.

  “I

  made sure to fully cleanse my presence from your father’s castle

  and I may have pulled some other tricks while you were waiting on me

  to leave, I doubt the fae will be able to detect a trace of me there

  and in fact, I do not think your father or any one in the castle will

  even remember who I am. That should preserve them for now, but they

  will still come for me eventually, they are like dogs on the scent

  for blood.”

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