Greg stood with his eyes glazed like a doughnut and his mouth just open enough to really drive the point that he may be having a stroke.

  "You dead?" Marley asked.

  "I think he's Piloting Gizzy." Lawg noted.

  "No, Lawg, he doesn’t do that in the den. He has to get in that cryo-bed and hook up to the brain-stickers to run the Gizzy. Only Izzy has standing tweak-outs because she's built for remote wifi-conciousness thingy technology. Greg's oldschool dialup landline alien brain-swap, or however it works."

  "That's the best explanation I've heard regarding Osirian body-swapping. I mean I still don’t get it." Lawg shrugged.

  "You still don’t get WIFI." Marley noted. Lawg nodded in agreement as Izzy strolled in to see what everyone was staring at, as Greg blinked and pondered silently like a zombie, watching the TV like some kind of mindless teenager staring at a phone, or also a TV.

  "Greg…you okay?" she asked.

  "What is happening?" he asked.

  "It's called a TV. You use it to watch things like movies and shoO0what the hell?" she said staring at the screen as a man stood at a podium and spoke to an audience.

  "What's happening? You guy's are freaking us out." Marley said.

  "Keanu Reeves is president of a planet." Greg said aloud, feeling odder for saying it aloud.

  "Yea, he's been president of Dravidian for like 3000 years. So what?" asked Marley. Izzy sighed with relief.

  "Oh, thank space-Jesus. I thought I was going insane alone, now I see I'm going insane with friends." said Izzy with a disturbed smile.

  "It's space, there are planets, and aliens rule them. This guy is named Keanu Reeves. He's President of Dravidian. Why is this weird?" Marley asked.

  "Because he's literally Keanu Reeves, not Kenny Reevan or some slightly different name and a guy that looks like him or the same actor but a legally different name. It's just fucking Keanu Reeves and I keep saying Keanu Reeves and the screen prompter says Keanu Reeves. Even the damn dialogue says Keanu Reeves and it's spelled the same." Greg rambled, pointing at the readers"…they see it!"

  "Damnit Greg, stop reminding me we have subtitles, you're gonna give me brain cancer!" Izzy yelled, "It's trippy me out enough that I can say Keanu Reeves and it doesn’t change it to something else." she added.

  "You guys get a bad software update or a computer virus, did you screw up and update to the free Tennamcore reader? That thing is riddled with bugs." Marley warned.

  "SEE!" Greg yelled. "What the shit is Tennamcore reader? That's so generic it's not even close to anything copyrighted, I don’t even know what it's supposed to be ripping off. Is that supposed to be the no-name brand of Qudobee? I can't even say Qudobee without saying Qudobee, because Qudobee is trademarked so it forces me to say Qudobee, instead of Qudobee… but I can say Keanu fucking Reeves and he's on the damn screen ruling a damn planet!" Greg said as his eyes faded to all variety of odd shades.

  "Are we about to die or something?" asked Lawg.

  "I mean this does seem like the kind of freakout that leads to death, I dunno." Marley shrugged.

  "This is too strange." Greg pondered. "This means that Keanu Reeves, the actor, not only exists in this universe as well, but isn't a B-budget version of himself and still has his name, and is also at least 4000 years old." he powerfully math'd.

  "QUDOBEE!" yelled Menace.

  "Actually, I have no age, Greg." Keanu said.

  "Frigging hell, man!" Marley said jumping as Keanu appeared out of the blue-shit nothingness of nowhere, right next to him in a finely tailored black suit.

  "SANTA!" yelled Menace.

  "That's correct little frog person that nobody understands, but the way you people would understand it better is that I'm very old, older than you Greg. You know the great pyramids?" he asked. Greg nodded.

  "Your work?" Greg asked.

  "I invented sand." he said donning his shades.

  "Oh he's good." squinted Marley.

  "So are you…God?" gasped Lawg.

  "No…I'm Keanu Reeves." he said suavely smiling.

  "Wooooow." Lawg sighed. "That answers nothing, but it's badass and slick."

  "Anyway, the reason I am here is to invite you to a once-every-third-eternity Celestial Bass Competition. We call it the Rumble. You can bring your own gear, if you don’t yet own the ideal perfect dream rig of your ultimate fantasy, one will be provided… or one the next step higher, if that isn't good enough. You will have one week to practice, if you feel you need more time, we can come back literally any time and bring you back to this exact time, and then provide you one week additional practice to prepare. That way it's fair to everyone else. If you feel you are no longer in your musical prime, we can visit yourself in that prime, swap conciseness and use that body temporarily, then swap back, and no, sorry we cannot let you stay in that prime timeline, it's against the rules, you have to go back after the competition." Keanu shrugged.

  "Who makes the rules? Can I talk to them?" asked Greg.

  "Future Keanu Reeves, but he's not budging, I already asked and we agree on the rules. Sorry I don’t make the rules… yet." Keanu said.

  "Oh well." shrugged Marley "You tried."

  "The rules are simple. You have a 1 minute solo to lay down a sick, silky, bomb-ass bass jam from our list of every possible drum track in existence that you can choose from in advance. From there, only 15 will be chosen to challenge me directly."

  Keanu strolled effortlessly a few inches off the carpet on a path made of rainbow energy, as the dipshits and Greg followed in amazement. The path dissolved behind him and formed in front of him, kinda making Greg pondered as to what was supporting their weight, but mostly how he could use it for personal gain somehow.

  "There gonna be a lot of guys there or just a handful?" Marley asked."

  "All the greatest bass players from the 93 universes are going to compete. Some of them from different times and different realities of different times, totaling 276.93 different contestants, not including myself. If the math confuses you, you're not alone, don’t try and rationalize it." he said providing a hand on Marley's shoulder to pacify his confusion. There was a golden glow and he didn’t care how dumb he was anymore. Keanu walked on. "The audience is everyone, every conscious being and soul, or at least a representation of them in a basic form or another, represented by a simulation. Only their core musical being is being generated in its rudimentary form of ones and zeros, to create a unity of oneness within me, so that I may fairly judge who wins the competition. In a sense, I am the one."

  "Okay I'm just going to blurt this out. So you're Keanu Reeves?" Greg asked.

  "Yes." Keanu nodded.

  "From Universe 22A."

  "From all of them, including 22A."

  "Y-" Greg started, pausing when he didn’t know where to go from there.

  "I didn’t come here from 22A like you did, I exist in all of them at the same time, including this one, and also 22A."

  "So the actor that played in the matrix…" Greg asked.

  "Correct and also actual Neo from the actual matrix in universe 77G, where the movie was written from, about me, then cast to be played by myself in the universes where the movie was considered fiction. They did change the plot slightly, my version was better, but they dumbed it down for human audiences to comprehend. It tested better with critics and didn’t cause brain hemorrhages, so I allowed it."

  "So what does the winner get? Bragging rights?" asked Izzy. Assuming a male pride aspect.

  "There doesn’t need to be a prize, Izzy." Said Greg "Just being asked to compete is an honor, and winning is a right of passage. Any prize beyond that is just icing, be it a title or a trophy or cash. Hell even just a handshake and acknowledgement." Greg nodded.

  "That's lame." Lawg scoffed."

  "The winner get's to be the ruler of Dravidian for the next 2000 years." Keanu said.

  "The…the planet. I get a planet." Greg said looking just a tad bit too excited about that.

  "In the event that you win, assuming rules are followed, yes… Complete planetary rule of Dravidian and the uninhabited planets of that system, its 6 inhabited moons and 18 orbital space stations as well as all system-wide ships and property, including mining operations and the coffee franchise we own in the gamma sector." Keanu said calmly. "Duncan Gamma. I'll leave you to think it over." he said, popping out of existence.

  "Wow, Greg. You handled that calmer tha" Izzy started.

  "HOLY ODIN'S BALLSACK, IT'S CHRISTMAS!" Greg cheered. "Someone get my bass, it's about to get funky as shit up in this cardboard crap-hole. PLANET GREG!"

  "Yea, that's more what I was expecting." Izzy sighed.

  Greg frantically compared his albums for preference.

  "So Greg…you, uh…feeling pretty confident there." Izzy smiled cheerfully, with a look of no confidence, like one of those parents who doesn't wanna tell lil-timmy he has zero chance of going to astronaut school. Crush his little dreams like a big meanie.

  "This is it. I'm back on top. I had an Empire, now I got a planetary system ripe for the picking and it's practically mine." he said tuning his strings.

  "Okay, that's…optimistic. Positivity is great. Be the ball, slugger. Only maybe also just enjoy the game and realize…it's just a game. There are other kids playing too and they also really wanna win." she smiled with a cheesy grin.

  "Sounds like you accept defeat a lot." Greg smiled.

  "No." she growled. I'm just being a supportive, realistic adult."

  "You realize I'm about 681 times older than you. This isn't T-ball, and I may possibly detect the tone of your voice when you lack the faith in my ability to pull this off…it's possible that I may see through that sarcasm." he said dryly.

  "Sorry, but this is the Celestial universe multiverse thing, not like the Indiana State Fair or Ozzfest." she reminded. "Kind of top tier."

  "Izz. Firstly, Ozzfest was the shit. Don’t shit on Ozzfest. You don’t know, you weren't printed yet. Secondly, you have a poster of me on your dorm wall. My bass playing got a poster of me in the homes of hundreds of thousands of young adults of numerous species across several planets over several decades, including your generation. Tell me with an honest face that you never once diddled your lady parts to the shirtless poster of me from the Incinerate album from 2163." he said

  "Greg, you-" she said as he pointed his finger and stared challengingly. She gnashed her teeth and that one eye twitched as she desperately tried to lie to him. "Music is subjective!" she countered.

  "HA! You didn’t deny it."

  "Keanu isn't a 16 year old girl with a crush, Greg. He's an immortal of some unknown kind that apparently we didn’t even detect, right under our noses and we both saw the Matrix. The guy's next level advanced."

  "Izzy, we're alien gods. I'm a particularly awesome one, even among our species."

  "Did you have the slightest indication in 15,000 years that Keanu Reeves was an alien? What species is he…how many are there? What are his limitations?"

  "Izzy, it's a bass. I've been playing one since before they invented frets. This is my own production model. Look at this sexy thing. It's a Cerberus X66, my own design. It's a 6-string, internally holographic, optical core, dual processor, Osirian bass. It has 6 separate blend channels PER STRING, Osirian virtual telepathic linking, neodymium/cobalt/titanium wound strings over an artificial Oganesson alloy core, and they are all gold-titanium anodized, just to look badass. Their scientifically perfect to get the maximum metallurgical tone response and note clarity, plus the 244-40 gauge strings and the 48 inch scale, ensures the highest energy release per string hit, so there is basically no oscillation or decay. This is the best instrument to ever exist. Do you know what Keanu plays?"

  "No?" she admitted.

  "It's a J-Bass with a paint job. It's 3 pieces of wood and some stock pickups. He's got 4 strings, 46 possible notes, and the lowest is a standard 41 hertz E1, D1 if he flop-tunes it with those standard strings. Even without the pitch-perfect electronics, I have a full octave lower range, and the same upper register with the extended tuning. I have the superior materials, vastly advanced technology, tremendously longer scale for note clarity and with our experiences being virtually infinite and music preferences being essentially debatable; we're on a similar starting platform. That gives me the superior edge. Two Maxed out opponents, with me having the maxed out gear and him having basically dog-shit gear. I got this." he scoffed.

  You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

  "What if there are other guys in the competition with 8 arms and a 9 foot long bass and technology we don’t even know about?"

  "Unlikely, they would have already beat Keanu and took over that planet."

  "What if some French internet guy shows up with a 24 string bass and just wins popular vote, like by meme logic or something?" Izzy warned.

  "That's just stupid…24 strings? What is he surfing on the thing, or playing bass? After about 8 or 9 it's just a dick joke." he scoffed.

  "I'm just saying, there could be a style element." she noted.

  "I got that covered." Greg smiled, flicking on the badass switch.

  "Oh good lord, it's a carnival show." she facepalmed.

  "Wh- this is amazing shit. Hear me out. The fretmarks glow highlighter gold AND blood red at the same time due to optical strobe effect, string halo coating makes the strings visibly larger even from a distance, and the strobe flash slows down the visible vibrations so they wobble really dramatically. The fog generator creates a dry mist near the bridge where the arc-lights are, so whichever string I'm playing illuminates down the string from the bridge, and casts a glow that intensifies depending on the level of aggression of the string pluck. This way you can visibly see the music being played and it enhances the music being heard."

  "You really are trying to shave off every advantage point you can get here, aren't you?"

  "PLANET, Izzy…Pla-net." Greg said. "You didn’t grow up poor and have to work for your shit, and then end up overthrown and losing it all, and end up in a gilded prison. Your parents were Council Elders. You grew up on a private floating city-island-mansion on a private planet your step-dad owns. I was hatched on Earth in the middle of frozen tundra in bumblefart Mongolia. You know what my adopted humans parents owned?"

  "Detroit?" she guessed.

  "Two horses, and Yurt… a yurt they made out of dead horses they had to raise and kill and skin."

  "Well at least you had parents." she cringed.

  "Yep, till I was orphaned at like 10. Murdered in a village raid… over the horses."

  "Okay, I lost that one. Hope you win us a nice planet with your flashy Bass. I'll just go…not think about horses ever again." she said scuttling off sadly. Greg stood proudly and walked over to the cooler, looking at the food printer. He tapped it to turn it on.

  "Printer…one warm, fermented horse-milk wine, please." he asked, for nostalgic purposes.

  "Printer offline."

  "Because of course it would be." he smiled." he said opening the cooler and grabbing a sort-of cool, month-old beer, biting the cap off. "Close enough. Pretty sure there is some protein floating in there."

  Greg cracked his knuckles and readied his wits as he approached the stage. His element. A young, heavily tattooed man looked confident as he bit his lip with his gold teeth and played 2 poorly timed noted over and over. Keanu approached Greg from behind and gave him a friendly pat on the arm.

  "Feeling good?" Keanu asked.

  "Yea, I'm solid…what happened to this guy?"

  "Drugs, I think. He may have started that way." Keanu nodded.

  "This guy is the worst breathing organism that has ever picked up an instrument."

  "Maybe, but the fans voted him up. It's not for us to say otherwise. However, yes, he's horrible. Lil Dwight only knows two notes and he can't play either. It's very unfortunate." Keanu cringed.

  "Did he just hit himself in the head with the bass?"

  "He's used to a guitar. Poor guy. I'll erase his memory and send him back. Nice Bass by the way, love the custom red." He smiled. Greg smiled and nodded dimly. He headed back to the waiting area to get pumped up.

  "Nervous?" asked Marley.

  "You kidding, I ruled that first round solo so hard that green guy just walked out. I'll have this thing whipped in a minute flat."

  "You do realize this second round is Kenau Reeves…like THE Keanu."

  "I've seen him practicing, it wasn’t that great." he whispered confidently.

  "So you never get that vibe, right before someone just owns your ass at something?" Marley asked.

  "I win a lot. I don’t like to lose, so I don’t do it." Greg smiled. "Don’t worry little guy, just a friendly competition between two immortal musicians." he grinned.

  The coliseum was eerily silent as they walked past the embodied musical consciousness of everyone ever to exist. The stairs took forever, fortunately time was irrelevant here so it may have been instantaneous, who can say such things for sure?

  Greg Stood in the dark, as the VIP room full of Dipshits and Keanu and also Izzy waited patiently, both of her, so she could get the two best views. A single faint wisp of white light hit the stage, followed by two dots of blue. The dots dipped and bobbed forward, like a pair of eyes. Greg blinked, clarifying the lights were, in fact, eyes. He peered down, scrunching them at a downward angle so you knew he was serious or angry. Suddenly an ultra low rumble of the low E0 shook the room as a rapid series of dark red dots ran down the neck of the bass, outlining the instrument and providing a faint silhouette of the beastly 8 foot hulk holding the oversized axe.

  "Oh that's impressive. It's like a carnival." Marley gasped.

  There was a flash of lightning on the other side of the stage, and where it struck the far left was an ominous green haze and a dim scatter of electric trails. As it scattered, it burned small symbols into a black 4-string bass. Each symbol glowed neon green as the electricity dissipated. Symbols of no known language.

  "Oh that was cool too." Marley said to Keanu, realizing he was in 2 places at once. Marley may have been either way too high, or not nearly high enough for this. Keanu stepped forward, sizing Greg up and further up. Greg smirked.

  "Don’t take this personal, you seem like a cool guy, but I don’t hold back, so if it's cool with you… I'm gonna have to destroy your ass." Greg informed.

  "No, that's totally cool…if you can keep up, that is." He smiled casually.

  "Okay, Mr. Anderson, hang onto your blue pills." Greg said rolling the volume knob up.

  "Ladies first, Alien Galdalf." Keanu playfully smiled.

  "Oh this is gonna be fun. I'm about to go full CG Pilgrim on your ass" Greg chuckled. His eyes matched the shade of red in his bass as he gave it a funky thumb slap, laying down a jazzy percussive lick and stepping forward as a few visible red A's poured from his position, pummeling the VIP box like a jackhammer, cracking the glass. He threw in the appropriate lower case "a" with a snarly pinky-nail octave, to drive the point home, as he dug in his boots. Keanu leaned back, checking his watch with his left hand and his right rhythmically picked and muted the A string as if to mock him, tossing the occasional green spark. They were both toying, getting the strings warmed up.

  "Something's gotta give." Greg joked. "And you weren't even a lead in that."

  "Your belt may give first." Keanu kicked back.

  "Ooh, nifty. Constantine's got fat jokes. Where's your holy water now?" Greg snipped, his canines lengthening and flames rolling from his eye sockets. He laid down a demonic trichord and practically summoned the hair up on everyone's neck, following it with the next few notes and a wicked fast series of taps and slaps.

  "Oh he's good. He's on fire…literally on fire." Marley whispered. Keanu nodded with a very "Obama" look of approval. Keanu rubbed his pick between his fingers and the pick smoldered, crumbling away to look like a demon skull, still green and supporting a pair of curly horns, like it was it's destiny for it to be that pick shape.

  "Oh I want that pick." Izzy said, biting her lip.

  "Here you go." Keanu said turning and handing her one from behind, still fresh from the burning. She looked both impressed and turned, on but partially scared as well.

  "I know." he nodded. She slowly took it with a slight grin. Greg's red demon-bass glowed and smoldered, the wood wings appearing to melt and catch fire as he aggressively lowered it for a knee slap. Keanu retaliated with a sniper-point, rapidly chugging and walking a circle around him, as the green symbols dimmed and fluttered with the rapid electric chugging. His pupils began glowing green as the whites went charcoal grey. Greg's eyes went white as the bass lighting kept a red glow to his figure.

  "This is cinematic as hell. We need cup-holders." Marley said spilling his popcorn as he leaned closer. "Hey, shouldn’t that fire be ruining their instruments?" he noted to Izzy.

  "Greg's bass is fireproof, he just makes fake burn-away sides because it looks cool on stage." Izzy rolled her eyes with annoyance…because it did, and she knew it.

  "Why Isn't Keanu's bass dicked up?" he asked.

  "The Universe is just a simulation, the mind makes what reality we believe." he said calmly.

  "Oh, that way cooler than fake burn-away sides." Marley nodded.

  "So it's magic?" Lawg asked.

  "Yes, it's magic." Keanu nodded.

  "I'm voting for you, this election." Lawg nodded.

  "That's okay." he shrugged.

  Greg gnashed his teeth, which were now actually glowing like red-hot steel, as his skin started to become transparent and his hair started to levitate. Greg struck a power chord and lifted his right hand up, slowly lengthening his nails into claws, as he developed a rather evil looking grin. His boots split as his toes dug into the stage and he dropped lower with a hunch. Almost taking a werewolf-stance, Greg somehow seemed to be getting bigger.

  "What the hell?" Izzy asked, genuinely having no idea what was going on. The rest of the dipshits seemed equally confused.

  "He's showing his true form." Keanu said, getting a handful of levitating popcorn.

  "I don’t understand, I've never seen him like this. I've never seen him so angry."

  "He's not angry." said Keanu, he's actually enjoying himself. He hasn’t been able to take Ancient form in centuries, I figured it would be a kindness to let him really let out some steam and stretch his legs. I also wanted a good challenge. What's the point of a competition if your competitor isn't in their truest form? You've never actually experienced it, not at your age." he said, looking at Izzy. "Your mother has."

  "I'm a modified 7th generation copy. I don’t even have the capability. I only heard rumors." she gasped.

  Greg's ears shifted backwards as his snout lengthened and his hair burned. His skin went completely clear, like a flexible, semi-molten glass. The 9 foot beast never missed a note as it's trancelike movements flowed seamlessly through each stage. Keanu hopped through the air, landing harshly on one knee, cratering the stage and rising up before the beast, up-picking and forcing it back with a wave of green ripples that it struggled to fight through. The massive glass-dragon Greg let out a low pitch roar, almost to low to even be audible, oscillating in and out of hearing range as it pounded through the waves of the bass. Greg slammed his middle fingernail and thumbnail together and formed a kind of nail-pick, laying down a rapid and choppy chug on the low E.

  "Oh no…He's Djenting. He's running out of ideas." Gasped Izzy. "Greg! Use your Heart, not your chronograph!" she yelled.

  "He can't hear you, he's in the groove!" Marley shouted. Keanu's eyes brightened and he matched the rhythm, playing harder. The VIP box glass began spider-webbing and the floor rumbling.

  "What's happening?" Lawg screamed.

  "They're Octave-ing, the feedback loop is building!" Izzy yelled.

  "It will hold." assured Keanu." they all looked worried, silently bracing as the room shook. The rumble continued, and continued. It continued and kept continuing continuously as they started to look slightly tired of it. Then it continued a bit more.

  "I think it's gonna hold." Lawg nodded, trying not to yawn as he looked towards Keanu who was also yawning.

  "The Djent is powerful but it gets boring after like 9 seconds, 12 seconds max if you don’t throw in another note or two." Keanu nodded. "You'd be amazed how impressive 4 note loops can be, but you play 1 note for 20 seconds solid, it's just garbage."

  Greg folded first, playing another note.

  "Oh, thank Christ." Marley sighed as the rumbling stopped.

  "He's had enough, I'm gonna finish him." Keanu said approaching the window.

  "Oh this is gonna be insane. What you gonna do, lightning lasers, sprout 8 arms like Vishnu or just do like 8-finger taps till the sky bleeds?" Marley said.

  "I'm gonna play 4 notes." Keanu said.

  "What?" Izzy sighed, looking very opposite of the horny she was earlier. "That's kinda lame. What can 4 notes do?"

  "Depends on the 4 notes. He nodded.

  "But like…really fast and in some cool order, or with one hand just holding up the pick, right?" Marley asked.

  "No. I'm gonna strum 4 notes, slowly."

  "No offense…but, it's some kind of magic bass spell and the notes are just the visual shtick for it, let's be honest." Izzy said raising an eyebrow.

  "Nothing magic. Anyone can play the notes, you just need to know which ones and when to play them. It's not the notes you play, it's the notes you don’t play, the ones you don’t overplay, and the ones you refrain from messing up. Sometimes you need to remember that it's not a piano, it's just a bass. Don’t play an orchestra on it. Just play a few notes and make sure they are the right ones for the song. Doesn’t hurt to use a pick either." he smirked. Izzy blushed. Four faint notes played in the muffled background as their eyes got wide. The glass cracked more as something slammed against it, sliding down slowly, leaving a smear that kinda looked like the color of Greg. The glass shattered, sending him into the empty seats.

  "He's done." Keanu nodded calmly.

  The Dipshits funneled onto the ship, and waved goodbye. They smiled and laughed among themselves, Greg bringing up the rear with his bass, now charred and missing parts of the body.

  "Oh yea, great time." he said, shaking Keanu's hand and looking like regular Greg again, mostly naked from burning his clothes up and his shoes flopping in pieces.

  "You have real skill, I haven't had that kind of competition in a few thousand years, not since The Wooten-Clan invaded the sector."

  "Four notes…I just…I don’t get it." Greg shrugged in amazement.

  "You're young, you'll learn." Keanu shrugged. "Keep practicing. You're already better than I was at your age and you have a nicer bass. You kid's get all the neat toys. Oh, we're doing this again for a jam session in the same place, but in universe 79H in 7,600 years, so I'll drop you an invite." Keanu informed.

  "Hell yea, I'll practice the 4 notes." Greg nodded.

  "Just don’t do it within 200 meters of anything made of quartz, not until you get really confident." Keanu smiled.

  "Obviously… or Gallium!" Greg nodded. They both laughed in unison at the joke. Lawg just stood and turned, peering back at Keanu.

  "Something bothering you?" Keanu asked.

  "All my life I wanted to be the greatest at something, anything really. Sex preferably, but almost anything would be fine." he admitted.

  "I don’t grant wishes, I'm not a genie, William." Keanu nodded.

  "It's just so intimidating knowing the universe is so big and there are so many beings beyond my limitations. What reason do I have to strive for greatness knowing there are being like you who can always do better?" he asked, shocking the others with a moment of actual philosophical logic.

  "Because for everything that can be done, there is someone who is the best at it. If that person had said the same thing you did just now, and gave up, he never would have been the best." Lawg stared in amazement, gasping silently.

  "What are you saying? Are you saying, some day if I practice, I can shag like a speeding bullet?"

  "No, Lawg…I'm saying, when the time comes…you won't have to." Keanu said touching his shoulder as he nodded and smiled, walking away. Greg looked at him with a silent question mark looming over his head. Keanu paused next to Greg. "If I had told him the truth, he would just cry all the time. One thing I've learned in 9 million years…ignorance is bliss." smiled Keanu

  "Lawg must be very blissful." Izzy said

  "You are a wise and mysterious friend, Keanu Reeves, of literally every universe." Greg said. "And I hope some day to see you again."

  "You will." he nodded, snapping his fingers. They vanished, evaporated only to appear back on their ship.

  "You're all… breathtaking." He sighed. Greg appeared back on the ship as Menace gave him a hug. He took on a look of realization, face-palming.

  "Damnit." He sighed. "I should have asked what the crap Menace is."

  "Penguin." she agreed, giving a thumbs-up, crawling back into the cupboard.