The astonished Chairman, the Precinct Officer, and the Lieutenant Colonel froze after hearing this speech. The secretary, crawling out from under the desk, declared: "I’m not typing that!"
?Lieutenant Colonel Grafinov summarized: "Well, then... I didn't understand a damn thing."
?Suddenly, the duty officer burst into the office. "Emergency, Comrade Lieutenant Colonel! A mass brawl in Old Kerzaki!"
?"In Old Kerzaki?!" Reshetkin clarified.
?Grafinov snapped out of his trance and asked sharply: "What happened?!"
?The duty officer, breathing heavily, began to report: "An informant claims that a certain Karl Karlovich, a former history teacher now retired, announced to the populace that a tractor starter is a priceless artifact that will be worth billions in a couple of years! Because of this, a colossal slaughter has broken out! What's more," the officer swallowed hard, "he interprets this simple dynamo as the seed for the sprouting of the Center of the Universe! It all started with it!"
?Lieutenant Colonel Grafinov, stunned by such a cosmic event on his territory, bolted from his seat. "A retired historian and the Center of the Universe?! What incredible events are happening in my district?!" Recovering himself, Grafinov barked: "Precinct Officer, take a squad and move out immediately! This is your sector!"
?Author’s Words:
A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
At the moment when the science of Multiverses and the most nonsensical domestic reality collided at a single point, everyone present—except for the Professor, immersed in his delusions—realized: the Continuum was broken not only on paper but in practice, and only the local police could save the situation.
?In Old Kerzaki, at the stadium, an incredible battle was taking place, comparable perhaps only to Borodino. Practically the entire population of the village participated, armed with hand-held agricultural tools. Everyone fought—from primary school children to elderly retirees who skillfully used their canes and crutches as combat weapons. Everyone wanted to seize that coveted artifact—the old tractor starter—for the sake of a carefree, wealthy life.
?Innokenty the Blacksmith, a man of extraordinary strength, moving on the fly and pushing through a dense row of attackers while holding the starter under his left arm, fought off the entire village. His right hand, like a blacksmith's hammer, sliced through the air, delivering blows. As a result of this spontaneous swinging, fourteen people received concussions of varying severity. The sight itself resembled piranhas attacking a maddened hippo in the waters of the Amazon.
?Driving up to the stadium, Precinct Officer Gennady Ivlampovich Reshetkin borrowed a service weapon from a colleague and fired three times into the air. The crowd stopped instantly, turning their heads toward the officer.
?"What the hell is going on here?! And what is this hole in the middle of the football field?!" Reshetkin roared.
?Karl Karlovich, the local local-lore expert, immediately ran up to him. Clutching his bloody nose, he began to speak: "I beg you, Gennady! Seize the priceless artifact; it must be urgently handed over to the NASA museum... under armed escort!"
?At that very moment, Innokenty the Blacksmith, still holding the starter under his arm, pushed through the stunned crowd like a bear through a taiga thicket. His torn canvas blacksmith's apron looked more like a tuxedo.
?"Take this damned starter! This wretched Seed of the Universe!" he finally shouted.
