Molly, already finishing up in the kitchen in her housecoat and apron, asked nothing. And Felix was grateful for that... until he realized his wife was recoiling, catching the scent of alcohol, cigarettes, perfume, and the car. And the cassock... God, it was perhaps the first time he had ever come home without his vestments. How could he have forgotten? He opened his mouth, prepared to offer some justification, but Molly turned away with indifference, continuing to wipe the counter. It seemed she didn't even want to entertain the thought that had flickered for a moment. Felix understood her position perfectly. He didn't want to entertain it either. After all, for some reason, all his most sinful and filthy thoughts were becoming reality... and that was what terrified him most of all.
The following days were indistinguishable from one another. In truth, such was the mundane nature of his entire life. Before, this had suited him well enough. Why did it no longer bring the same sense of peace? Thoughts swarmed in his head, stinging more painfully than bees. The self-loathing that had long resided in his chest now grew more pervasive by the day. Though, strangely, it no longer triggered a physical rejection...
Was it because God saw his suffering? Saw that everything happening was not of Felix's own volition? He wasn't to blame... absolutely not! It was all that devil, a true serpent-tempter sent from Hell specifically to break him—a sincerely righteous man. He couldn't be at fault. It was simply that a messenger of the devil is always beautiful, his speech always sweet, and his hands always tender...
"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination," Leviticus, Chapter 18, Verse 22.
It couldn't have been clearer. But surely only their connection was the abomination, the act of a righteous man betraying God’s law... Elias himself couldn't be an abomination. That meant there was no need to force himself to hate the boy, was there? No, the only thing abominable here was Felix and his lack of willpower. And that was something that had to be overcome.
Those three days stretched on like an eternity. Felix could hardly wait for that ill-fated Saturday—the only day Elias was guaranteed to be at the church. Even if he spent the rest of the week ignoring the existence of Christianity as a concept, on this day, he brought his younger brothers and sister to their lessons with Katharina. This had been the routine for over six months; Felix had no reason to doubt they would see each other today.
And so, he waited. Clearing the path to the church of fallen yellow leaves with a tall broom, he kept watch for the achingly familiar car. The moment the black sedan pulled over at the edge of the road, Felix abandoned his task and began a slow walk toward the parish house. Elias was standing by the car, stubbing out a cigarette against the hood, seeing his brothers off to school and ruffling their already messy hair. Lisa, his sister, stood nearby looking distinctly dejected, clutching her bag to her chest and chattering away. Elias didn't even seem to be listening as he walked her to the classroom door. He merely caught her white ponytail between his fingers, giving it a playful tug, and flashed an encouraging smile. The girl rolled her eyes and huffed, finally following her brothers inside.
Elias stopped smiling, brushed the hair from his face, and only then did the priest notice a reddish, clearly stale bruise on his cheekbone... The youth noticed Felix approaching and immediately turned, almost running back to his car.
"Elias," Huber froze so abruptly he nearly lost his footing. "Won't you come in?"
He could have sworn Elias let out a vulgar, filthy curse. It seemed his profanity even cast doubt on the immaculate nature of the Mother of Christ... Sighing and shoving his hands into his pockets, he turned around. He said nothing—there was no need—he simply followed the priest like a dog on a leash. They entered Bauer’s small but cozy office once more, though this time Elias remained by the door, leaning against the wall.
Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.
"What?"
"You didn't take your glasses last time," Felix murmured, retrieving the red accessory from the desk drawer. "I haven't had the chance to return them."
"Oh," Elias let out a surprised breath, staring dumbly at the extended hand for a few moments. "Well... thanks."
They both fell silent for a time. Felix waited patiently for an apology or any other words, maintaining a cold, stern expression. Huber, meanwhile, seemed not to know what to do with himself. He squeezed the glasses in his fingers, then rubbed his neck, his eyes darting around the office. At least this time, he looked sober.
"Wow, this is awkward," he finally chuckled, meeting the priest's gaze. "And I went and left your cassock at home. Completely forgot. But it was funny to find out you have more than one!"
"I actually have three," Felix said, not noticing how his expression softened. "I can hardly go out to my parishioners in dirty clothes. And certainly not without any clothes at all."
"Father Felix, what kind of talk is that?!" Elias gasped theatrically, covering his mouth with his hand. "Fear the higher-ups!"
Bauer couldn't help but let a smile spread across his face, lowering his head to hide it. But Elias noticed anyway and, ducking even lower, peered into his face.
"You smiled!" The youth was openly delighted.
"So, to see you smile, all I have to do is tell stupid jokes?"
"Stop it," Felix said, turning away, still trying to suppress the grin.
"I won't stop, you're smiling," Elias pocketed the glasses and closed the distance, wearing a look of sheer mischief... "Have you heard the one about Jesus and the stones?"
"No, and I don't want to."
"A crowd is about to execute a woman, and Jesus says, 'Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!'" Elias ignored him. "Wham—a massive boulder flies in from the back and kills her. Jesus turns around and goes, 'Mother, we get the point!'"
"Elias, that's terrible!" Felix couldn't hold back his laughter. To think, such stupidity... but it wasn't even the joke that amused him so much as Elias’s playful face and his utterly childish attempts to be funny. He laughed—quietly, a bit raspily—trying to compose himself; it felt far too wrong to be laughing at such things.
"No, don't stop!"
Elias suddenly poked him in the side. Then again, and again, the prodding turning into a tickling match. He admired the smile blooming wider and wider on Felix's face, soaking in the raspy, low laughter. He didn't let go, pinning Felix against the desk to prevent any chance of escape. They laughed like children. Felix tried to push his hands away, no longer caring that it was inappropriate. It was as if all the rules had suddenly been discarded. Such a strange feeling... a bizarre lightness rising from a stomach that already ached from laughing, blossoming through his entire body and crushing the self-loathing that had flowered there before.
Finally, Felix managed to twist away. He caught Elias by the wrist with one hand, stopping him at his waist, and placed the other on his shoulder, gently pushing him back. Huber was disheveled now, flushed from laughter just like Bauer, still wearing that boyish grin as he looked up at the priest.
"You've probably left me bruised."
"You think so? Let me check!"
"Lord be with you, Elias," Felix smiled, pushing him away and taking a few steps back. "What happened to your face?"
Elias froze, his smile faltering before almost vanishing entirely. He awkwardly touched the fading bruise on his cheek and looked away.
"Oh... had a fight with my father about three days ago. It happens, no big deal."
"God will punish him for it," Felix said, placing a palm on the crown of his head, stroking his hair. "But don't you worry, everything will be alright. God keep you."
Elias said nothing. He closed his eyes and submissively leaned into the touch, like a cat nuzzling into the center of a palm.
"If you want everything to be alright, then you'd better let me stay with you."
"Molly is at home..."
"All day?"
Felix thought for a few seconds, withdrawing his hand, which clearly disappointed Elias.
"No, tomorrow afternoon she is teaching the children how to bake... You can come. And you can sleep in the church. If you don't want to go back home. God will always welcome you."
"And you?"
"And I. I, too, will always accept you."

