Chapter 3 - Inner Mind

  Floating in that absolute darkness between wakefulness and sleep, where you shouldn't ever be aware of being, that's where I was stuck. I have no idea how long I have been here; it feels like both an eternity and a moment at once. There is no stimulation, only fleeting feelings coming from that instinctual part of me piloting my body.

  The most prevalent one is pain; it comes in intense bursts along with scraps of memory, a bloody hand here, something green and dog-like being ripped in half by my claws.

  A tentacled horror attempting to crawl in through my eye, a bullet going through my chest and then looking at a woman and her telling me to kill, then red arterial blood everywhere.

  Then the feelings of hormones flood my mind, telling me it's time to mate, then telling me that I must protect this being, then the scent of amniotic fluid and a wail of a newborn that pulls a stronger reaction.

  I haul myself to the surface. I see a small figure, a baby swaddled in a crib. She has two small ears on top of her head that have yet to be opened to the world's sounds, and her eyes are closed, not yet to be polluted by the world. Then the pain returns, focused on my back and the woman from before enters the room holding a small gun, before reloading a dart into it and firing it into my chest.

  The cold black returns.

  The flashes of violence return over and over, a life of perpetual fighting, being injured, healing and fighting again and she is always there in these flashes, giving orders in my instinctual mind.

  I can feel the hate I have for her, then it's quashed by the worst pain imaginable until it reaches even me in the dark void. I begin to scream, but it's at least a sensation and as quickly as it reaches me, it disappears.

  I begin to eagerly await these rare moments when the waking world is revealed to me. I crave them to have something to hold onto and focus on to not be alone with my thoughts anymore.

  Unable to speak, express or experience time has no meaning to me here. I know it is passing but only because of the flashes.

  After a time, I see a girl looking down at me, where im curled up on the floor. She is small next to me, a child so small and fragile but there is recognition there.

  Gone are the small, undeveloped ears and in their place are triangular ears sticking up out of her hair, and her bright little eyes look up at me, those fiery yellow eyes I see in my own reflection when I catch it. She holds a stuffed animal and looks at me, then approaches without any fear despite the form I chose to allow me to fight.

  She pads over to me in her bare feet, sniffs a few times then grabs my hand and tries to lift it. My child, the one who must always be protected it pulls me near to the surface again. I push myself to hold her, see that she is alright, and ensure no harm ever comes to this precious treasure of mine.

  I lift my massive paw for her, the chains attached to my wrists clinking as I do so. She steps over the other one, still holding my hand and crawls into me, pulling my hand in around her and begins to stroke my fur.

  “Daddy, I came to see you. I know Mummy doesn't like it when I want to see you, she says it makes it hard for you to control yourself, that you could hurt me, but I've seen what happens when you fight the bad people. When you look at me, you don't look like that, you look kind.” She says into my fur.

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  I want to say that I would never hurt her; she is something to be treasured but I cannot speak; a rumble permeates my chest however.

  “And like just now, you let me do what I want, I never get to do what I want. Mummy says that I have to do what she tells me since she's the one who loves me the most.” My little pup laments.

  I want to pat her head and tell her it will be ok and she can do what she wants, but instead, my bestial side places my head on top of my arm, wrapping her small form in my protective embrace, which will have to get my message across.

  There's a slight giggle from her and it's the most precious gift I could ever be given.

  “That tickles daddy!” she says in a high-pitched tone.

  It appears that what was worrying her has passed, as soon after I heard fainter and fainter breathing as she succumbed to sleep, wrapped in my embrace.

  I’m still near the surface when I awaken, my ears flick, and there is a large amount of shouting and running coming from outside my containment.

  Then the door opens, there are a dozen of my captors and two heavily armed bots standing guard all with weapons pointing at me. My hackles begin to rise as a low growl leaves my throat.

  They dare to threaten my pup, they dare to risk the precious one in my arms, as I am thinking this the growl increases and the little one in my embrace awakens.

  “What’s happening, Daddy? Is someone here?” She asks in a groggy voice.

  Everyone freezes, my growls continue though as I slowly stand and slide the pup past me to safety behind my bulk.

  Then I see her appear, her mother, my captor, the one I believed in previously the one who reduced me to this state and my mind sinks back down towards the blackness as the rage takes over and a welling of pain begins.

  Then she speaks her honeyed words to our daughter.

  “Come to mommy, sweetheart. Daddy is agitated and might hurt you. We have to get you out of there before you get hurt!”

  The lie comes easily to her traitorous lips. I would never hurt my own kin, but she would turn them against one another for her benefit, as I’ve come to learn over the years.

  “But daddy has never hurt me and wouldn’t ever try; he hasn’t ever done anything to me! I want to see him!” My brave little princess shouts.

  Then the commands start from that hateful woman, an order only someone heartless could give to prove themselves right, starting as a whisper and increasing to a shout in my head.

  {Attack the child.. Attack the child.. Attack the child.. Attack the child.. ATTACK THE CHILD!.. ATTACK THE CHILD!”}

  Both my instincts and I raged against her controlling words, thrashing about in the chains that bound us hearing her incessant voice in our head we had the determination to never harm this precious treasure, no matter what occurred or she ordered then we began to hear groans of metal beginning to buckle the mounts on the wall holding the chains where beginning to be pulled out, we also heard a small voice behind us whisper a worried. My mind began coming into further control of my body, rocketing up from the blackness.

  “Daddy?”

  That woman, no, she didn’t deserve to be called a woman, that thing’s eyes began to widen at the sound and the realisation that I was resurfacing despite her nasty little trick.

  “Seraphina!” I growled out of my muzzle, the sound being deep and guttural.

  She flinched and pulled a pistol out of her pocket and aimed. I heard a whoosh of air and an impact on my chest; regardless, I kept pushing forward as the haze of the tranquiliser came in at the edge of my vision. At the same time, the world started to be tinged red as the battle haze fought back against its effects.

  Her eyes widened further, and she quickly reloaded and fired again into my chest.

  I continued to pull against the chains as the battle haze kept me awake amid the increasing dose of tranquiliser, and I heard a couple snap off the wall. Everyone at the door backed up.

  Then I felt my legs go out from under me, and the haze of tranquilisers finally overcame the battle haze. Before I fully succumbed to the black pit, I heard Seraphina barking orders.

  “Put him in cryo.. he’s starting to.. to go out of control!”

  There was a definite tremble to her voice, good fear me snapping your control because you’ll be the first I come for!