Bleah, it’s cold and I should sleep. But now I’m too restless to sleep. It feels like I could run a marathon. The energy’s dim, but the feelings won't shut up. The dream is still on my mind. Looking out the window, it’s a huge contrast to the dream. Where the dream was hot and humid, this is cold and dry. The clock reads two, sixteen AM. Maybe I should go for a walk, I think, as if the answers would be outside.
Let’s just go for a walk and tire myself out. I creep downstairs, trying not to make a sound. My footsteps sound too loud in my head and great, stupid stair, as I hear it creak. I freeze, waiting for someone to shout. No voices. I reach the front door and grab my boots and jacket. My hands shake as I struggle with my boots, the sensation of shifting still there, quiet but present. Come on, it’s just a stupid dream. Putting them on feels weird, like they don’t belong on me.
Stepping out into the cold, I shiver a little. BRRR… I kinda wish I was back in the jungle. It’s so cold I can see my breath in the morning air. The beach feels like the right place to think. There is a peaceful quiet. The only thing I can hear is the soft tinkle of the snow and the crunch of my footsteps. It’s getting thicker as the snow falls again. Alone with my thoughts, the dream creeps back in. What the hell was that? And I can still feel it. The call, somewhere in the distance.
What is happening to me? Am I going insane? Why does it feel like if I wanted to, I could fall onto all fours and turn into a leopard as easily as I could breathe. Lost in my thoughts, I almost slip on a patch of ice hidden by the snow, but catch myself in time. Gahhh… yeah, that’s a bright one, Mike. Real smart. Go kill yourself so the dreams don’t get any crazier. I move into the deeper snow to avoid the ice, my heart still racing.
Nearing the trail to the beach, I stop short. Something brown stands at the edge of the road, almost missed. Ack, a bea… oh. Just a deer, stupid thing, I think. And a big one. I lick my lips, fingers clenching slightly like they want to turn into claws. It gives me a confused look, then runs off, leaving me startled. What was that? Usually all I get from deer is a bored expression. I look around, half expecting a grizzly… or the leopard from my dream. Seeing nothing, I shrug and keep moving toward the trail.
Where is the stupid trail? I finally spot it. The trail’s partly hidden behind a blackberry bush, buried in snow. Whew. Stepping over a large bank of snow, I finally make it onto the trail, which thankfully has less snow. A chill runs down my spine as I step onto the trail… oh wait, snow falling from above? I look up, sure I see something move, but there’s nothing there. Probably nothing. Just my imagination.
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Something has my nerves on edge, telling me that something is following me. I try to distract myself by thinking about the last couple of dreams while moving through the forest, still watching for whatever I saw earlier. The first dreams I barely remember and would have dismissed as unimportant if it wasn’t for what came after. First, the dolphin. The vivid feeling of swimming. Then the wolf, the power of hunting, the pain of being kicked. And now the leopard. Nothing makes sense.
In each dream, I become an animal. Dolphin. Wolf. Then leopard. Each one feels stronger than the last… what happens if this keeps going? I hope I don’t wake up as a leopard. My mom would freak if I clawed her furniture. Thankfully, before I can think too much more, the trail opens up into the park by the beach.
Walking through the park feels a little eerie in the darkness. This is so beautiful, if a bit spooky. At least nothing should be able to sneak up on me. I scan the beach and spot a few boulders, mostly buried in snow. Hmm… I feel like I could transform. Probably silly, but let’s try. At the very least, maybe it’ll help me sleep.
Moving behind a boulder and making sure no one’s around, I crouch down on all fours. My fingers are cold against the snow. I take a halting breath and release it. This is it. Either it works and it’s real… or I’m insane, cold, and stupid.
I close my eyes and focus on the energy and the feeling. It takes a moment, but then I feel it. A tingling in my fingers and toes, my mouth going rubbery as it urges forward. But as I start to push, I feel resistance. It feels like I should be able to push outward and become the leopard, my body ready for it, but the moment never starts. A growl builds in my throat, startling me. But nothing happens. The desire and energy build, then hit a limit. All that’s left is exhaustion. My fingers and jaw ache from pushing.
I feel silly about this, someone my age pretending to turn into a leopard at night. I try to dismiss it, but it still remains, a feeling under the surface that I could shift if I tried. An itch I couldn’t scratch.
As if to mock me, I hear something move on the other side of the boulder. It’s not something I can describe. Oh great… did someone see that? The voice is gravelly, almost like someone pretending to sound like a little girl. “Bit late to be out?” it asks, making me nervous. I didn’t hear anyone approach. How long were they standing there?
I try to downplay it. “Yeah, I couldn’t sleep. Thought a walk might help.”
“You’ll need your sleep,” it says. “For what comes next.”
I look around the boulder. Just snow. No footprints. What the? Is that a ghost, or am I hallucinating on top of thinking I could shapeshift?
Too tired to think anymore, I head home. Once home, I take off my boots and jacket, don’t bother with my damp clothes, and climb back into bed, my feet heavy. I hope by morning I’ll forget all this silliness. Instead I’m too wound up to sleep, my brain and body won’t stop feeling energized. Something tells me this is only the beginning.

