When Kasia left the great hall where her father was holding council, she went to the small building that housed her room. Since there were so few female knights, the women’s barracks were noticeably smaller than the much larger one for the men farther across the grounds. She shared it with a couple of the other unmarried female knights. They each got their own private room, but shared the rest of the living space. They would have shared rooms like the men, but there simply weren’t enough women interested in joining the knights.

  Once in the privacy of her room, she gazed at herself in the small mirror on her desk. With a long sigh, she stared at the red collar around her throat, tugging on it, finally allowing the discomfort of the rope to show. She deserved a far worse punishment. Her father had gone easy on her. She imagined anyone else would have been horse whipped. But Jon Najberg had always had a soft spot for his youngest daughter.

  She quickly splashed water on her face, her pits and readied herself for training with wujek Ren. He was her favorite Uncle, but that didn’t mean she didn’t dread her training sessions with him. He was efficient, pragmatic, and his training would save your life. If it didn’t kill you first.

  Kasia grimaced and went to meet Ren out in the training yard.

  “Attention!” He did not bellow like the Lord Commander, but his commands could cut through the novitiate’s chatter like an arrow piercing flesh.

  All the other initiates were there with Kasia. She was friends with a few of them and it made training a bit easier. Most of them were around seventeen or eighteen, but their training had started much sooner. Prospective knights could enter the program at the age of eight. At twelve they were assessed if they had the skills and temperament to be worth training to be monster slayers. Most parents did not want their children to grow up to be monster slayers, but some would send their children to training anyway, out of desperation to keep them fed. The knights understood this and were willing to take on the burden in the hopes of finding children who took to the training and decided to continue with the program.

  At age twelve everyone’s training intensified. This was where the real work began, her Uncle had said. Novitiates endured intense physical workouts and combat basics. If a child stayed past age twelve, they almost always finished the program and reached full knighthood. At 18, if they passed the first trials they could become initiates and from there begin training as knights.

  “Today is going to be a special day.” Lt. General Ren surveyed the initiates before him, “See, Katarzyna here decided that keeping the flock safe at night was too difficult a task. So we are going to start today with 10 laps around the castle. I believe that my record is 50 minutes. Anyone who isn’t done in 60 will do it again— in full armor. Go!”

  Everyone around Kasia turned and glared at her with palpable fury. A few mouthed “Thanks!” She even saw a couple of fingers pointed in obscene gestures.

  “Really? Kasia?” one of the two other females in her class commented. Her name was Janine and being one of the only girls in training, they had become best friends over the years. “You were supposed to watch the sheep, not count them!” If there was one thing Janine hated, it was running. Kasia would be apologizing to her for this all week.

  “Cute necklace.” Andrew, being the gentler of her two closest friends, stuck next to her as they ran. “I didn’t know they let us accessorize?! Don’t mind her. She’ll get over it. She always does. But you may need to get her really drunk first. So good luck with that since we aren’t allowed alcohol as initiates. Maybe in a few years.” Not that the rule stopped any of them.

  Kasia grimaced at Andrew. "Janine's right, though. I still can't believe I fell asleep." She began sprinting hard.

  "Woah, easy there. Pace yourself!" Andrew panted, catching up to her.

  "You heard Lt. General Ren." Kasia grit her teeth as she quickly outpaced all the people at the front. "Fifty minutes. I'm gonna beat his record."

  Andrew rolled his eyes and began to fall back, "Yeah, you do that. I'm gonna run back here with all the other people who don't have something to prove."

  "Thanks for understanding!" Kasia beamed at him, then pushed herself even harder. She wasn't the best fighter. She wasn't the strongest, nor the most clever. But she was the fastest, and today she was going to prove it.

  She finished in 45 min a good 5-10 ahead of everyone else, and grinned up at Ren proudly.

  "Well of course she won," Harold drawled as he finished second, his eyes murderous. "She apparently slept like a baby last night!"

  Once everyone else had finished, Ren gave them their next orders, “Now the obstacle course. Over and over until someone fails. First one to fail an obstacle doesn’t get dinner today. And no mercy on your classmates, Katarzyna. If you try to sacrifice yourself and fail on purpose, then you’ll be the only one to get dinner.”

  Ren knew his niece. Knew her guilt would make her want to sacrifice herself. He would have none of it.

  “Lieutenant General, we did not fall asleep on guard duty.” Jordan whined, “Punish her, not us.”

  Ren looked at Jordan without pity, “If you have a problem with today’s training, take it up with Katarzyna. She earned it for you. Until you are knights, then you are all one to me. She failed, you pay. Go! Each time through the obstacle course, add another piece of armor before the next run.”

  About half of the group bumped or pushed Kasia on their way over to the obstacle course. They had hoped that it would just be the run, but they now realized that the whole day would be punishment. As they made their way through the obstacle course Lieutenant Commander Ren would stop them one by one and quiz them on the traits of beasts and how to hunt them. Each wrong answer was 50 push-ups before they could resume the course. It took a good while but eventually Janine couldn’t climb the rope wall, forfeiting her dinner.

  The physical abuse continued throughout the day. Trial after trial, they were pushed to the edge. About one hour before the bell would ring for dinner and they were finally allowed a longer rest.

  “If I never have to run again, then it will be too soon,” Andrew commented to Kasia. He joked further. “You owe us, woman.”

  Kasia was so grateful for his unwavering good nature.

  “One last thing before I will allow you to leave for the cantina,” Ren called over their chatter.

  Everyone sighed and looked absolutely defeated. Only a couple of them noticed him pulling Kasia into the center of the combat arena.

  Ren grinned, “Don’t worry- you should like this part. The first one to defeat Kasia gets double portions. But if I feel that she went easy on you, you’ll lose your dinner.” He held out a training sword, “Who’s first?”

  Kurwa! Kasia swore in her head.

  Janine jumped at the opportunity to win back her lost supper. She confidently took the weapon and stepped into the arena. “This will be fun.” She winked at Kasia, then wasted no time and rushed forward to strike with a thrust. She was a touch slow, and Kasia sidestepped easily and countered with a slash against her back. The training swords were metal, but they were blunted and could not cut.

  Janine gasped as the air was knocked out of her. Frustrated at missing she whirled around and lashed out with her own slash which Kasia parried. Kasia’s blade came down from overhead and struck her shoulder.

  “Enough!” Ren called, “Kasia wins. Next?”

  Kaisa grimaced apologetically at Janine, who shrugged and went to go stand by Andrew.

  Harold steps forward pulling the sword from Janine’s grip. “I’m going to enjoy this.”

  Harold was much more focused. He didn’t rush and instead began to circle Kasia, slowly getting closer. Once she was in range he waited for her to be off-balance and struck with a downward slash. Kasia managed to block the blade but the strength of the attack carried it through and jarred her shoulder. Angry from the pain Kasia spun around aiming for his back but her sword only found Harold’s. With an empty hand Harold grabbed Kasia’ tunic and threw her to the ground pointing his sword at her throat.

  Kasia was laying in the dirt panting, all of her hurt. Harold was scowling down at her. He placed his foot on her stomach and stepped down hard.

  “You aren’t cut out for this. Being fast is good for cowards. You should quit before you get yourself really hurt.” He walked off. Kasia breathed through the pain in her stomach, not moving until she was certain she was in control of her emotions. Janine, to her surprise, stood above her and helped her up.

  “Good fight.” She grunted. And apparently that was that, and she was forgiven. By Janine, at least. Andrew walked by her other side and they left the training ring together. As they neared the cantina, Kasia slowed.

  “You two go ahead… I don’t really think it’s a good idea for me to show my face right now.”

  “Well you could at least come in to get your portion and give it to me since you’re planning to punish yourself.” Janine announced matter of factly. “It’ll make it easier to smuggle you food later when you realize not eating is idiotic.”

  Kasia huffed in amusement, smiling slightly. “Very well.”

  They went inside and received their trays. Kasia set her tray down between Andrew and Janine and moved to leave.

  “Well I think it’s only fair that you give your portion to all of us,” Harold drawled, “Your friends weren’t the only ones who suffered for your incompetence.”

  Kasia stiffened. She didn’t really have a good argument for why Harold was wrong, but she hated just giving into him. She glanced at Andrew and Janine, who were watching her to see what she would do.

  “You’re right. Enjoy.” Kasia said dully.

  Harold just looked angrier. “You’re so fucking weak. Get the fuck out of here, bitch. I can’t stand to look at you.”

  Kasia hurried to her dorm and shut herself in her room. She finally allowed herself to sit down and cry. Today had been so fucking awful. She was so fucking ashamed. And this would continue for a few days, at least. Maybe longer– or until the next person fucked up. But, given how they saw Kasia treated, everyone would be certain to never fall asleep.

  --------------

  In her rush to find privacy Kasia missed the sound of flesh connecting with flesh as Janine spun around from the table and planted her fist cleanly with Harold’s right eye. Andrew didn’t miss a moment and immediately thrust a foot into Harold’s gut.

  In only a matter of seconds all the initiates were in a brawl attempting to bring down Janine and Andrew as they struck out at anyone near enough to be reached.

  -----

  That night, Kasia woke in the dark to a hand clamped over her mouth, each one of her limbs held down. She struggled, but quickly realized it was pointless.

  “You have so much trouble staying awake for sheep, we thought it would be helpful if we showed you how to stay up all night.” Harold’s voice crooned in the dark. Kurwa. This would not be good.

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  The men dragged her out of her bed and into one of the empty classrooms. They stripped her naked and slammed her down on a table and bound her to it. She saw that they had set up a bucket with a tiny hole hanging above her, and a single drop of water would drip out every ten seconds or so.

  “Sweet dreams, Katarzyna.” Harold hissed in her ear, smacking her cheek hard.

  They had a guard rotation set up and everything! If she wasn’t so distressed, she would have been impressed by their organization. Every time Kasia started to drift away, a drop of cold water would splash on her forehead and startle her back awake… she might have cried a few times, it was hard to remember. Or focus. Her head ached.

  Finally, when the morning bell calling for breakfast rang, Harold strolled back in, his right eye completely swollen shut and black as night. She noticed a few other less prominent bruises on him as well.

  Did he have those last night? I wonder where he got them. Kasia thought, studying him.

  “Did she fall asleep?” He asked Phillip, who had been the last to watch her. Phillip shook his head and Harold smiled. “See? Was that so hard? Think you can manage next time?” He asked Kasia.

  When she didn’t reply, he grabbed her nipple and twisted it until she shrieked. “Answer me, bitch. Do you think you can handle a simple thing like guarding sheep?!”

  Kasia nodded numbly and Harold patted her cheek condescendingly.

  “Good girl.” He untied her and shoved her clothes against her chest. “Hurry up and get dressed or you’ll miss breakfast.” He and Phillip left her alone in the classroom.

  She struggled to pull her clothes on, her limbs stiff and strained from being bound all night. She was so fucking tired. She prayed this was enough revenge for them- that they wouldn’t do this again tonight. She didn’t think she could survive another night of this. She was ready to fall over. She gave herself another few minutes to cry, then hurried to the cantina.

  Her mind was foggy and everything kind of passed in a blur. She kept slipping in and out of focus, trying to keep herself present as Ren talked about today’s training. She searched for her friends, Andrew and Janine, but they were noticeably absent.

  Lt. General Ren’s voice addressed the novitiates, “I heard rumors about last night. It seems that some initiates decided to tie up another one for the whole night, preventing them from sleeping. A response that I completely expected and, truth be told, an outcome that I was hoping for. But they were also stripped naked, humiliated, and touched. Do you know anything about this, Kasia?”

  Kasia, who was barely there, didn't register that someone was speaking to her until Daniel elbowed her.

  "Huh?" All eyes were on her, including Uncle Ren's. It was clear he had just asked her a question. "What was the question?" She whispered mouthed to Daniel.

  Daniel grimaced, "Have anything to say about last night?" He hissed back.

  Ren obviously heard their whispering, everyone did, but still, they waited for Kasia to answer.

  "Nothing happened last night." Kasia blurted.

  Ren stared at her grimly, then nodded after a moment. “If you say so. Today was meant to be a restful day after yesterday’s abuse–but clearly if there is any truth to these rumors then that means someone fucked up! You are brothers in arms! Not enemies! We will repeat yesterday’s training. 10 times around the castle! And if anyone finishes more than 1 minute apart from another, then you’ll all do it again. Go!”

  “For fucks sake!” cried basically everyone in the line. A few even let out a telltale, “Thanks a lot Harold.”

  Exhausted as she was, it did not take long for Kasia to begin to lag behind. She was struggling simply to keep her head up and her feet moving when she felt an arm around her shoulder.

  “I don’t understand you, Katarzyna.” It was Harold. “So it’s not just me--you’ll keep your mouth shut when anyone asks you a direct question, won’t you? Come on, I don’t want to do this again.” She could feel some of her weight transferred to him as he pulled her forward.

  “Fuckers! Slow down!” Harold shouted at the group. Luckily they were able to catch up.

  After a couple of laps in silence Harold asked, “Why? I still don’t like you. It’s a wasted effort if that is what you’re going for. You’re the definition of nepotism. No other order of knights allows women into their ranks.”

  “Because I deserved it. I fucked up. And you and everyone else had to pay the price.” Kasia grunted.

  Harold humphed back. “The martyr act isn’t cute.”

  Kasia swayed slightly, “You asked. Don’t like the answer? Don’t ask.” She let out a small yelp as Harold yanked her arm over his shoulder, hoisting her onto his back in a piggyback.

  “Do you see this, Katarzyna? Do you see what I’m doing?”

  “Yes, you’re very special Harold.” Kasia rolled her eyes, “I would applaud if I didn’t think you’d drop me.”

  Harold laughed and shook his head. “My comrade went down in the field and I picked him up and carried him to safety at a full run. Say what you want, but you physically aren’t strong enough to do this, Katarzyna. This farce of letting you pretend to play soldier is going to get me or one of my brothers killed. I don’t want you to quit because I don’t like you. It’s because you’re weak. I would do this to anyone I thought was endangering my brothers.”

  Kasia couldn’t think of a reply to that. She couldn’t change what she was– a petite female. But did he have a point? Was it fair to ask others to trust their lives to her in the field when she was physically less capable than they were? She was fast. That was useful. And surely being small could come in handy for something too. They could throw her at the monster while they ran away! It was perfect.

  “You want to help in the war against monsters? Be someone’s wife. Be a mother. Raise strong sons.”

  “FUCK YOU.” Kasia screeched, nearly toppling them. “You go be someone’s fucking rutting post and pop out some shits and we can put armor on them. See how you like it.”

  “Katarzyna, I’m not saying it to be mean- If I wanted to be mean, I’d say you’re a pathetic excuse of a knight who would serve everyone much better on her back than her feet– but that’s not the point I’m trying to make.” Harold sighed, exasperated, “I’m saying you should go where you can actually make a difference. Where you can help. Why do you want to be a knight anyway?”

  Kasia sighed. “You’re not going to like my answer.”

  “Well it’s better than what I’m thinking, I assure you.”

  She groaned. “I don’t want to be somebody's fucking brood mare. I don’t want to sit at home and play house while the men get to go off and actually do shit. I want to do shit! I want what I do to matter!”

  Harold jostled her, “How dare you say what my mother does doesn’t matter!” his tone was light, but she could tell he meant what he said, “She gives my father, brothers, and I a reason to come home– she gives us a home to come to. Something beautiful and safe and wonderful that we want to protect. A sweet girl waiting for me with a warm fire? That’s the dream, Katarzyna. I want someone to come home to. I want someone, like my mother, to protect and keep safe. I want to fight monsters so my wife can bake bread and pick flowers and whatever the hell else she wants to do that makes her smile. So my kids smile. Y’know? That’s not nothing and it’s shitty that you think that about women.”

  Kasia could have died laughing. Harold. The feminist. The world did not make sense.

  “But who knows about your mother other than you and your dad?” Kasia pressed, “You haven’t even said her name– not once. I don’t know it. None of your friends do either. She’s just ‘mother’. Any mother. And I’m not saying that what she does isn’t important, but it’s not the things people write ballads about. They don’t build a statue of you for being a mother. They do it for the ones who slay dragons, not the ones who birthed them.”

  “So you’re a glory hound, is that it?”

  “I told you you wouldn’t like my answer.”

  Harold shrugged, “Still better than what I was thinking and no- you don’t want to know what that was. Well then, you really need to get your shit together, Kasia. You’re not worth getting myself or my brothers killed. You want to do something you’re bad at and have us risk our skins for you just so you can live your dream? Then you better fucking work for it. Training like the rest of us isn’t going to be enough– because you’re so small and weak, it’ll never bridge that gap. You need to train ten times as hard. And I’m still gonna do everything I can to make you quit. You’re far too pretty to just wind up in a monster’s stomach. It’s a waste.”

  “Oh but you would look just fine in his stomach?”

  “I know what I look like." Harold grunted, "Beside the point--- I’m so muscular he’d fucking choke trying to get me down.”

  Kasia actually laughed at that. The rest of the run was silent, but it was actually a pleasant silence. She and Harold still weren’t friends, but she felt there was at least an understanding between them now.

  “So, it’s been a while since we were alone, my pretty maiden.” Andrew attempted a seductive tone.

  “I’m no maiden, sir, thanks to you.” Janine sat next to him on the bunk, in his arms, and kissed him.

  They began to make out heavily, and once the clothes started coming off, one of the guards rattled his spear against the bars. “Oi! No fucking or we’re putting you in separate cells!”

  Janine winked at him, “Why don’t you come in here and stop us?”

  Andrew grinned and grabbed her face and started kissing her passionately while the guard frantically fished on his belt for his keys. He opened the door and dragged Andrew away, their lips pulling apart with a noisy ‘pop’.

  “Distance will not quench my ardor for you, Andrew!” Janine called out dramatically as he was dragged to a cell in another block.

  “I cannot fuck your body, my sweet Janie, so let me fuck your ears instead!” Andrew hollered from wherever he was.

  She heard a smacking sound and assumed the guard had whacked him. It was followed by the sound of a cell closing.

  “I can still feel your hands squeezing my supple breasts, tugging on my hardened nipples!” she sang.

  “Ohh and I can feel my cock getting big and hard, ready to take your sweet cunt to heaven, my love.”

  “Ohhh Andrew!” Janine moaned, pinching her own nipples while the guards collectively groaned.

  “Fuck this shift…” the one nearest to her groaned.

  “That’s the idea!” Janine chirped happily, as she and Andrew spent the rest of the day calling out the lewd things they wanted to do to each other. Eventually a few of the guards got bored enough that they started offering suggestions. An afternoon well spent, Janine and Andrew thought.

  More than half of the initiates were laying on the ground, incapable of moving.

  “Now time for the fun part of training: Sparring!” Ren announced to the exhausted trainees with glee. “What?! No takers? But you beg me for it every day! I’ll make you a deal– if a single one of you can last 5 minutes in the ring with me, then I will grant you tomorrow as a holiday.”

  No one budged. Lt. General Ren was one of the three legendary hunters. He and his two brothers were the most famous hunters in this country and many others. When they worked together, nothing stood a chance against them.

  Ren looked at the chastened initiates and laughed as he turned away from them and walked to the Cantina to get himself dinner.

  “Do not fail each other again,” he growled over his shoulder in warning before disappearing from sight.

  Somehow they had all made it through day two, though Kasia was borderline unconscious. It took two initiates to carry her to her room. While they were certain Kasia was hungry, none of them were willing to spoon feed an unconscious body, so they left her alone to sleep and went to find their own dinner.

  When Kasia awoke the next morning, both Janine and Andrew were in front of her door. They pulled apart right as the door opened. She was convinced that they made out in front of her door just to taunt her. She had grown accustomed to their over the top displays of affection by now. They had been together for the last six years; since they were twelve.

  “You look like death,” Janine sounded horrified as she came to hug her.

  Andrew chimed in from behind Janine, “We heard that you got a second day of deadly training. What did you do to piss off the Lieutenant General this time?”

  Kasia laughed, but the sound was raspy from how dry her throat was. Janine fetched her some water as she spoke, “Surprisingly, not my fault this time. I heard what you two did for me. Saw Harold’s black eye. Thank you.”

  Andrew grinned, “Oh a day in the dungeons trolling the guards was way more fun than doing a second hell day. We should be thanking you.”

  “Well, then you’re welcome. I need to go speak with my wujek, I’ll catch up with you both later?”

  “Ugh, seeking him out on your rest day? You do know you don’t have to keep punishing yourself for falling asleep, right?” Janine asked, handing Kasia the glass of water, which she promptly drained.

  “I’m not punishing myself. Harold and I have reached an understanding, and if he’s good, the rest of them will be too. No, believe it or not I actually like my wujek. When he isn’t trying to kill us.” She frowned, because more torture was precisely what she intended to ask him for. “Have fun fucking while I’m gone.”

  “Thanks!” Janine chirped happily, “We’re gonna use your bed this time. We like having variety.” Janine waggled her eyebrows at Kasia, but Kasia didn’t take the bait.

  Kasia made her way through the castle halls and found her uncle in his tower study, pouring over a tome.

  “Wujek Ren?” She was grateful he didn’t demand formality when they were in private.

  “Oh, you’re alive?” He asked her with feigned surprise and a smile, “Good, I’d hate to deliver the news to your father. You have the worst luck I’ve ever seen. I don’t think a single initiate has successfully stayed up their first night guarding the sheep. You just happened to almost get killed for it.” He grimaced, shaking his head. His eyes landed on the red rope around her neck. He waved a hand at it, “How is the addition to your uniform, bratanica?"

  “I think red suits me,” Kasia smiled coyly, “But I appreciate you telling me that. It helps. Anyway, Harold and I were talking, and it got me thinking… I’m okay at fighting. Better than a peasant, but nothing special. And I couldn’t carry most of my brothers and run– they weigh almost double what I do… I’m fast- I know I’m fast, and I’ve been using that to justify that I can pull my own weight in the order. But I’m starting to wonder if… Wujek, will you tell me truthfully, am I being selfish by trying to become a knight? If I succeed, am I going to be a burden on my companions?”

  Ren reached out and gently brushed back her short hair, his eyes soft. It was an expression that he only allowed her to see in private. “Kasia, you are only 18, with more to learn than you have already learned. Whether or not you wash out is up to you. All who remain dedicated become hunters. Some are more successful than others. Some have special skills that others do not. We are not equals here. We each have our purpose.

  “I am sorry, moja bratanica, but I will not answer your question. That is for you to decide. I am capable of easily defeating any of you initiates. But I am nothing compared to my brothers, and I am the eldest.”

  Kasia nodded thoughtfully. “Is there more I could be doing? I know there aren’t shortcuts to becoming strong or studied… but, could I get up an hour before everyone else to train with you? Or-or come here to study after the evening meal? I don’t want anyone to doubt that I can do this. I want to feel like I am an asset to my brothers, not a burden.”

  “Patience, Kasia.” Ren hummed gently, “That is what you can be doing more of. Firstly, because it will take time for your skills to develop. There may be a day where you surpass even your father, we cannot know. But you will not if you constantly see yourself as weak.

  “Secondly, have a thicker skin. Fuck what Harold thinks."

  Kasia let out a little gasp at that. Her uncle rarely swore in front of her.

  "If you really feel that you must do more, start by not letting your friends fight your fights for you. Even if you lose, fight back. Losing the will to fight, giving into despair, it will kill you faster than picking a fight beyond your skills.”

  Kasia sighed, but gave a small smile, hugging her uncle. “Not at all what I wanted to hear, but unfortunately, very sound advice. I fear I shall have to take it.” She moved forward and kissed her Uncle’s temple. “Thank you. I’ll leave you to your book.”