Hajime is hitting his head against the wall in a soothing, rhythmic pattern straight out of a horror movie.
“Hajime-san... Hajime-san... How did I end up like this…”
Being scammed into an adventure I never wanted, dragged by the whims of ad-crazed NPC heroines, in a parody—no, a hell—of an isekai. Not forgetting getting lucky with a MacGuffin-level cash item?
Hajime side-eyes Whalescalibur glowing on the table.
Still radiant like she wants a second round...
At least I've got some kick-ass gear. Sure, it’s not fully functional yet, but she tries her best.
“Ara, ara~ Good morning, Hajime-san~”
I nod at Caladblock and give her a wink, continuing my harmonic headbanging. A little dark heart bubble floats out of her. This is really cute of her.
Now I’m trapped in this tiny room with no way out. I glance at the door and the knights outside are sweating buckets, they are pointing nervously at a banner that reads:
"Subscribe to Premium to unlock fast travel too!"
Never.
I’ll never Premium even if the world burns.
My eyes glow red. The knights start whistling and avoiding eye contact.
Wait... I forgot. I’ve got the Sub System. Let’s check that out.
System Open:
Cheapo Hero Tier 2
...I’ve ranked up for some reason?
Followers: 2
One blocky
One with a cross made of ads
Let’s check the blocky one’s feed:
“Kyaaaa! Hero-san was soooo valiant when he was running through the woods and setting up camp in that crappy cave!”
“His sleeping face is sooo dreamy~ ??”
[Attached image: me passed out in this crappy room next to two ads for Merry’s idol group.]
Right... she was an influencer princess? Damn it... this will get annoying fast if I give an inch...
This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.
Another post:
“We rescued the famous idol Elnora-chan! Collab coming soon!”
[Image: a blocky princess and an elf doing finger hearts.]
I feel sicker by the second.
Now, let’s check a little more the one with the cross:
First pic—she’s crouched in a dramatic, tragic pose behind me while I’m turned away, all muddy and bloody.
Wait. Bloody?! She was clean! Where the hell did all the blood come from?!
“Hero-san saves a troubled woman of the cloth... the romance of a lifetime begins with embers of passion and sacrifice... stay tuned~”
I cough blood at that. She’s probably 1,000 years old! Call the FBI! Save me!!!
Second pic: she’s posing in what looks like a charity ad, with banners reading:
“Donate to save starving Ad-less children of the great city of Adlantis!”
“Still suffering from the tragedy of the last generation they…”
Starving Ad-less children? A tragedy?
That smell… that beautiful narrative hook smell of…
My instincts are screaming. I wisper: "POTENTIAL."
I glance at Caladblock.
“Hey... is there any chance you did something in Adlantis way back in the day?”
She snaps out of her trance.
“Ara~? Maybe? I roamed a lot back then. Kingdoms came and went like flies... but I don’t think I was active for about 100 years~”
Then Whalescalibur chimes in:
“Nahhh. Adlantis has been a bastion of Good Ad Morality for lots of generations. You never got there Caladblock, im so sure of it. But... if something happened while I was stuck in that loot box...”
BINGO.
I yell at the guards:
“LET ME PASS! ADLANTIS IS IN PERIL! WE MUST SAVE THE ADLESS CHILDREN!”
I grab both swords and burst through the wall of my dingy, ad-infested hero room and charge dramatically into the street.
…very slowly.
To my horror, the Princess and the Saintess are already waiting in a carriage outside.
“How... how are they already ready!?”
Saintess Elnora smiles serenely.
“I knew you would go save the Adless children, so we waited.”
“For how long did you wait?”
“All night and a few hours in between.”
She's really creepy.
Is it because time feels different for this ancient crone? Twelve hours probably feels like a minute for her.
The princess is snoring while standing upright, a blocky bubble puffing from her nose.
Huh, Is it the knight instincts taking priority?
I climb into the carriage, destined for a long-ass journey away from the Kingdom of Whalepool and I dive into the true horror—A damned WORLD OF ADS.
Meanwhile, in the Demon Kingdom…
“Lady Nocture has entrusted me with this task… A hero is it? Let’s see if they can microtransact longer than the others…”
A petite girl with a succubus tail and pink hair lounges in a throne made of ad-cash, a golden middle finger hovering above her.
Corpses and addicts scream in agony all around her disgusting grandeur.
She sips from a chalice of energy drink, licking a lollipop made of 100 year old expired coupons.
“Let the hunt begin, surely he will buy like all the rest.”