I open my eyes... and see a blocky face right next to mine.
Her chest is firmly binding my left arm, and I’m hugged by a vice grip. Her face is pink and pixelated. With a sweet, honeyed voice, she whispers:
"Please subscribe, Hero-sama."
Nope, I'm still in this nightmare.
I shut my eyes and breathe slowly. Maybe she’ll think I died and leave me alone.
Instead, she grips me tighter.
"Don’t ignore me, I know you're awake!!!"
I shoot upright and dash to the door again. I start punching at it—frantic—and suddenly a pop-up ad opens mid-slam, and I accidentally click “Yes.”
Confetti explodes in my face. A digital jingle plays:
"Congratulations, Hero-sama Hajime-kun! Welcome to the FREE tier of the HERO★STAR service! To see your options, just think: Status Open!"
I gasp.
“AGAIN?! GOD F*ING DAMMIT!!”**
Out of the corner of my eye, I see the princess fist-bumping the air and doing a celebratory spin like she just unlocked an achievement.
I lunge at her and grab her shoulders.
“Unsubscribe me. NOW.”
She beams, her blocky features glowing a soft pink.
"No can do, Hero-sama. All subscriptions are final! But there's still the premium package available if you—"
She launches into the same sales pitch from earlier. I want to hit a skip button on her entire being. She’s talking passionately again but I just had to make the mistake of asking:
"How am I supposed to pay $20 for this crap?"
She lights up.
“You can earn in-world currency! Just watch 15-minute ads—each gives you 50 cents! Gotta watch to the end for it to count. Don’t worry, you can even watch them while you sleep!”
I do the math.
That’s 40 ads a month. Just to maintain the subscription.
I stare at her in horror.
“What happens if you don’t pay on time?”
She smiles cheerfully.
“Oh, don’t worry too much about it! You’ll just have to watch a 2-hour ad explaining payment services and enjoy forced ad breaks at random times… until your debt is paid off!”
The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.
She’s literally describing hell.
Damned if I pay. Damned if I don’t.
“I’m good… for now at least.”
Her blocky face turns a pale blue of sadness. She hands me a small satchel.
Inside the storage: the Premium Contract and a “cheap newb” starter kit, written in sterile corporate legalese.
She opens the door, and we step out of the room.
We walk through what I assume are the mustering grounds. I see princess ads plastered on the walls, idol groups dancing on holographic billboards, and something about a Saintess who looks suspiciously like a V-Tuber sponsored by Holylive.
Everything is giving me bad vibes.
"Status Open," I mutter.
A screen pops up like the start of a gacha game:
"Welcome, Hero Hajime, to the Cheapo Hero Subscription! TUTORIAL TIME!"
I click the tutorial.
A 10-second ad plays instantly, with a giant heart box urging me to “Pay for Premium to Enhance Your Service!”
I just wait it out.
"Look at your stats!" the screen says.
I ignore it and scroll to the Subscriber Comments/Chat Options—a side panel that looks like a cursed version of social media.
“Hajime, hero from another world, scammed by pop-up ads, goes on a journey to save the world! His most attractive trait is his paradoxical hatred of ads—it stirs the heart! #Meryad+Hero-kun ??”
Siiighhh.
I finally check my stats:
Health: 100/100
Magic: 0/1,500
Ad Endurance: 1/100
Mental Resistance: 1000/100
…Some of these are clearly broken.
I scroll down to the gacha section:
"Watch 10 of the 15-second ads for a free gacha spin!"
"Want Premium Gacha? Please subscribe to the Premium Package!"
My head is spinning.
I glance at the comment section again:
“I’m sooo happy he’s calmed down. I hope he premiums me someday??”
Suddenly, my Mental Resistance increases to 1050/100.
My hatred for premium is literally giving me power.
We finally reach the mustering grounds.
It looks like a marketplace for selecting a party member.
There are two massive spinning wheels:
One marked Premium
One marked Cheapo Hero
I don’t hesitate. I go straight to the cheapo one—let’s just get it over with.
The princess rushes to explain:
“The free wheel has a 1-in-1,000 chance of drawing a Legendary Knight, but it’s more likely to give you a basic starting squire. BUT! If you upgrade now, you’ll get a guaranteed legendary drop AND three spins for a full hero party set!”
I don’t care.
I spin the Cheapo Wheel.
It creaks. It cracks.
And then—a diamond ball drops from it.
The crowd gasps.
“HE DREW THE LEGENDARYYYYY!!!”
People start hyperventilating. The princess is on the verge of fainting from the surprise. The wheel collapses under the sheer divine brilliance of the item.
I crouch and pick it up:
“Princess Knight Meryad – SSS Rank”
It’s fucking rigged.**
The princess begins glowing. Her attire transforms:
An ornate shield with the crest: “Cash Signs??”
A golden breastplate labeled: “Premium”
A massive lance shaped that emanates wealth
My brain is melting.
I look out toward the horizon, trying to find peace in the distance—wilderness, freedom, anything not monetized.
A small glowing ad floats down from the sky. Possibly from a God.
It reads:
“Please subscribe… to your fate.”
??