Other than it reaching the brink of dilapidation, the church restroom had everything Monica needed. This was not her first reset so her sense of time had become unhuman, and overtime she opted more for sports gear rather than dresses and heels. And even then, her sudden impulses to check her appearance in a bathroom never died. Either her past self or a different version of her had left a sticky note on the dusty mirror reminding her about Pager's pursuit, but she had remembered that before having jaunted and noclipped to the Church of Usher.
The walls were not really white anymore, but it gave the church bathroom a vintage appearance especially with the fading light bulb above the mirror Monica was using. Glancing below the pink running shoes she had found here and had swapped to, it was not easy to tell how long ago the stone floor was swept. Either way, she went light on foundation and her clear lip gloss this time around, only opting for eyeliner and couple of dabs of black eye shadow for her sharp eyes.
I'm silly, Monica thought. Why didn't I use that first?
Monica stared at the buzzer on the corner of the sink that had surprisingly been in the nondescript cupboard too until a knock came from the restroom door, causing her to jump. "Who are you!?"
"It's me," Spiderland said, vis voice sounding more staticky bouncing around in the gothic church. "I can cut your hair with a snap of a finger. You don't have to go through the process."
"You... you can see everything that happens in this place don't you?" Monica asked from inside the restroom, her voice stammering.
"Indeed."
"I want to cut my hair the old way. I don't want to do it the magical way. Can you give me some privacy?"
"Yes... sorry," Spiderland apologized, the train of vis mystical netrunning coat fluttering above the silvery marble floor upon turning away from the restroom. Both walls leading up to the front of the elevated stage of the nave hosted lit pillar candles, lighting up the stained glass along the way. Spiderland wondered if Monica had ever noticed that the scenes on the stained windows changed every few seconds, a product of Usher changing along to not contradict the realities it could not contradict. Even with all the candles close to the pews and the tall taper candles on the organ and by the large wooden crucifix with the carving of Jesus Christ, the streetlights outside of the stained windows still managed to be brighter, thus causing the entirety of the nave of the Church of Usher to have this phantasmal luminosity. Spiderland, to give Monica the utmost privacy, walked to the frontmost and rightward pew, looking more as if ve floated towards it, vis smooth tooth helmet gleaming against all the candlelight.
Even the form of Jesus Christ changed every few seconds, and even his name, species, and gender. From black and brown depictions of him, him as a tortured arak, him as a kind of aquatic species, and him taking on another name entirely, the crucifix within the Church of Usher was embodying the concept of the messiah itself. Before Spiderland could observe the next shape the messiah would take, Spiderland heard the distant restroom door open, shifting vis focus to awaiting Monica's arrival. To Spiderland, now that ve gave Monica the privacy to think her own thoughts, her steps seemed unsteady in trepidation. She, now possessing a crew cut, chose the left pew by Spiderland, however she sat on the right side of it to remaining somewhat close to the deity.
"I was expecting Semakiel to be here," Monica said.
Spiderland chuckled. "That was fast. He gained the existing one's favor rather recently... well from my perspective anyway. You have been working together for around forty resets haven't you?"
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Spiderland glanced leftwards to catch Monica gently nodding.
"Well, let's get to why I am here instead of Simikiel shall we?" Spiderland said. "First of all, I have no other way to explain this, but I suddenly feel more like the existing one rather than Hunter. Does that make any sense to you or do I sound crazy to you?"
"That makes sense to me," Monica replied.
"Well, that's the best way I can explain this train of thought that has plagued me, which was all about how you and Iggy first met," Spiderland explained, getting more settled into vis pew. "Qubit's family gave you, through occult means, the ability to jaunt as well as the existing one, so it became imperative for all of us to capture you. I felt, because we basically did year longs therapy with you using the MWAOS by going through your memories... we did it in a more righteous way because Maverick would have simply used Saturn's weapon to control you. However, this method of ours had elements of coerciveness did it not? To force you to live through your childhood to reinterpret your experiences, and change your political beliefs?"
Monica shrugged. "You had to do what you had to do. In hindsight... I am happy I am no longer brainwashed by my family or one plato—"
"Do you resent us at all?" Spiderland abruptly asked.
By instinct, it seemed that Monica was going to give a polite answer by the movement of her lips, but she stopped herself before that, glancing to her left. She took a long pause. "I... I resent the existing one."
Spiderland took a pause too, vis glowing pink and baby blue eye blinking once before speaking. "He's happy you said that."
"...why would he be happy that I resent him?" Monica asked. "I would feel weird if someone resented me."
"Why would the existing one not be happy that you said what you were thinking? He knows what you are thinking even if I no longer do not," Spiderland said.
"You're not reading my mind right now?" Monica asked.
"Nope. Not at all," Spiderland said. "I respected your request from earlier."
"Well... see? Maverick and General Hendrix would not have done that. Definitely not my sister," Monica said.
"I know you're used to the bar being so low because of how your family treated you, but it doesn't mean you have to keep the bar low," Spiderland said. "We can do better too."
"...gods can do better?" Monica asked.
"Yes of course," Spiderland replied. "Lots of power is not an excuse to be lenient in the way we treat others. Tell me more about your resentment."
Another pause came from Monica. "I don't want to talk about it... not really. It'll just make me feel like a whiny white bitch."
Monica laughed after speaking, turning her face away before opening her mouth again. "When Iggy was trying to coax me to help him, he also showed me multiple instances of his life as Iker. Not out of pity but to show me how I was wrong in my ways. I can't help but think I've had it much better compared to him."
"Guess what?" Spiderland asked.
"What?" Monica asked back.
"You still haven't told me why you resent the existing one," Spiderland replied. Monica smiled at ver.
"Emotionally speaking, I just wanna say why? Why does it have to be this way? But I already know the answer."
"In other words, your logical mind already knows the answer, but your emotions wants a different answer," Spiderland explained. "The existing one is omnipotent to us, but even then, he has to serve his internal muse. There has to be honesty into what a potential future looks like too, or else we can engage in toxic positivity."
"Yea," Monica added meekly.
"What do you want when we beat Prophet Ameen, Maverick, and Ember?" Spiderland asked.
"...what if I want the same thing as you do?" Monica asked.
"What is it you think I want?" Spiderland asked back.
Monica kept staring forward this time. "I don't think I can go back to being a mortal anymore, even though I can still die. You know what I mean right? I'll feel powerless to change things in the way I do now if I go back to who I was. I want to alleviate suffering across the cosmos... or realities. I passed planes of existence that did not have stars or suns... so it's weird to call them cosmos sometimes."
Spiderland stared forwards to the elevated stage, now seeing Barbelo nailed to the cross.
"You think I wanted to be a god?" Spiderland asked. "This was imposed upon me."
