Chapter 8

  This graveyard seemed old and ancient. Lady Mirabelle had been right. The other one was very public. You could see the main road from there, and she had seen at least a few cars pass by, even in late at night. This place was completely deserted.

  She could see no lights from miles around, no road, no cars. Nothing. Even the graves looked older in the moonlight. She could see they were covered by creepers and moss. Wild grass grew everywhere, and instead of fresh flowers, she smelled wild roses.

  The perfect place for quiet night of grave digging.

  Except, it wasn’t.

  Then she heard it: the sound of grunting and someone being hit, ahead of her. She saw a very bright light, like a movie camera light, focused into an open grave. From inside that grave, she heard noises.

  “Die you bastard! Die you motherfucker! It's been two hours. Dude just die already. Die Die Die Die Die!” said voice 1.

  “Man, I chose a bad day to give up weed. You know what the hell, I ain't no longer quitting,” said voice 2.

  “My man, you've been clean for like two hours. Stop pretending you gave up weed and find me a weapon.”

  Yuki knew she should give up and run away. This was the most strange thing, two men arguing in an open grave. Every milligram of common sense told her that she should run away screaming. But like a moth to a flame, she kept being drawn closer to the open grave. Something was happening in there, and she had to see what.

  And just then, two young men jumped out of the grave, followed closely behind by a zombie. Yuki screamed.

  He was like a proper movie zombie: torn clothes, a hole in his skull, with presumably no brains, parts of his clothes and skin falling off. In the floodlight, he was clearly visible, and he was moving towards her.

  Yuki was frozen in place.

  “Oh dude, we need a weapon. Bro, did you bring a weapon?”

  “Bro, I totally forgot. How stupid of me. I did bring some white bread.”

  “White bread? What the hell dude? You know it goes havoc on my stomach. At least you should have brought whole meal. Anyway, throw it at the zombie. Maybe it'll work. Maybe he's hungry and bread will satisfy him.”

  To Yuki's surprise, one of the two men took out a loaf of bread and started throwing it at the zombie. “Hey zombie dude, try this. It's white, but it's still good quality, still two days on the expiry date. Come on dude, try it. Maybe it's as tasty as brains. You never know, right?”

  The zombie was not impressed. He ignored the two men and walked right to Yuki, who fell back in terror. And as she did so, her hand touched something. A crowbar. She picked it up.

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  “A crowbar is sweet. Here, throw it over,” said one of the men.

  Yuki did so, and one of the men (the taller one) grabbed it mid-air and swung it at the zombie's head. The head went flying off and fell into the grass where the other guy crushed it with his shoe. With a single stomp, he turned the whole head into powder. The zombie collapsed, finally dead.

  “Sweet bro, sweet! See, this is why in video games they always have started with a crowbar. In the 5,000-year history of video games, the crowbar has always been the most powerful weapon. We should have brought a crowbar and not a bread.”

  “Video games aren't 5,000 years old, dude. Maybe like 2,000. Certainly they aren't older than Jesus. And you are the one who brought bread, not me.”

  Yuki was just staring at them with an open mouth. The two men, barely boys in their late teens, roughly the same age as her, were wearing simple and well-worn clothes. Yuki knew the type. They had clearly bought them from a charity shop. Plain white shirts and baggy jeans with well-worn shoes. They looked really forgettable. The sort of men you would never look at twice. Boring and plain men most of the cool kids would avoid.

  In other words, they were male versions of her.

  The taller of the two men, who was almost 6 foot 2, turned to look at her. “Oh sorry young lady, we have been flapping about talking to ourselves. We didn't even see you there. We are very sorry you had to see that. I apologise, we should have been more careful. I am Shakespeare by the way, but my friends call me Shake.”

  The other young boy, who wasn't as tall as Shake but still taller than Yuki, came up to her and offered his hand. “And I'm Blue. We are both best friends. Say, if you don't mind me asking, what are you doing out here? This is not a safe place. Nobody comes here.”

  “I, I, I… I came here to make bone charms.”

  She decided to tell them the truth, seeing as they had killed a zombie in front of her. It's clear they weren't new to the magical world.

  “Awesome,” said the tall guy known as Shake. “Me and Blue we’re here to kill a zombie. This secret gubba-mint type agency that doesn't exist paid us to kill him. Well, they more like blackmailed us, but they do pay us to do their dirty work for them.”

  “Yeah,” said Blue, “You might not be aware but this town is a hotbed of supernatural activity. Zombies, monsters, demons, vampires, werewolves - we've seen them all and at one point or the other, killed them all. This secret agency that everyone pretends doesn't exist but everyone in the town knows exists. They're supposed to be controlling these things, but we never see them. Instead, they hire us out like contractors to clean up their mess. We can't really say no because they threaten to lock us up. But hey, I'm not complaining - they pay us really well. Only have to work around one week a month. And we make good money.”

  “Yeah, we make good money,” said Shake. “Also, we have this side business in uh, how do I say it politely in front of a lady? Herbal mushrooms that we grind up and sell to interested parties. Our lawyer has told us to say that they're not illegal drugs and that they're totally 100% legal. Also, they're totally 100% organic, no chemicals.”

  “Yeah, totally 100% organic,” confirmed Blue. “It's a nice business, and totally 100% legal; but anyway, we have kept you for too long. We are going to bury this zombie in that grave, and then we'll get going. You can build your charms, and you won't be bothered anymore. Sorry, we didn't catch your name.”

  “I am so sorry, my name is Yuki. I work with Lady Mirabelle in the Nice Witch of the East New Age shop. I work mainly on the checkout.”

  “Lady Mirabelle?” They both said at once, “We know her. Oh boy, do we know her.”

  Shake winked at her. “We have been trying to get her to go on a date with one or both of us for many years, but she's a slippery one; a real cat.”

  “Yep! She likes playing with us.” said Blue. “We often drop by your shop. I guess we never saw you because you come late in the night, usually after most of the customers have left. But hey, it's nice to see you. Maybe we'll drop by sometime during the day and catch up with Lady Mirabelle.”

  “We certainly will,” said Shake, “and if you see her, tell her she still owes us and needs to pay us with pages 25 and 36. She'll know what we're talking about.”

  They went back to burying, the zombie, and Yuki went to make her charms.