PART TWO k – the Bad Thing

  "Can I talk a little?"

  We both assured her it was fine.

  "You have no idea, how… embarrassing this is. To, have to tell people."

  He was quiet.

  "I know."

  "Its why I never… I mean, I tried to get… help. You're under 18? Your mom owns you. If mom says no? Then it didn't happen. She made it up, to cover up for her going out and getting drunk? Then, that's how it is. But…"

  "But what, hun."

  "I definitely know how people could… you know. Do away with themselves. Trust me, I thought about it. How's the best way, but that's not me. I wanted to… you know. Win. Make it."

  "Well. You made it."

  "About a year or a little more in? I didn't have to fight… wanting to take the garbage out, and the garbage was me. I knew I'd make it. Spent the summer practicing. Every day, every night."

  "Night?"

  "Oh. Yeah. In the dark? Can't expin it. I learned to kick the ball, and… not lose it coming back. Over time? I didn't have to look anymore, I could do it all by feel. Its harder in the dark, but over four years…"

  "Guess that expins a lot."

  "I guess you're right, Hurry."

  "About what."

  "Someone knows. I trust you, and Wizzy. I didn't think it would feel good to talk about it, but… maybe it does. I thought I just had to learn to talk about it, didn't really believe you, that it makes it better."

  "The basic process? Is fairly standardized. Works for lots of trauma."

  "Its funny. The whole town knew. It was no secret. Couldn't talk to anyone about it though. I escaped, get here. Wow. No one knows. Thought I was done. Thought I had it licked. Four years, learning how to keep it bottled up. Getting used to it. Didn't know, I was stuck. At 14."

  "Yeah. You wouldn't. Years ter, every year goes by like that, stuck? It gets a little more obvious."

  "You knew, though."

  "I knew something was wrong. That much was obvious. Mostly, from psych csses. Most people, wouldn't put two and two together. They go different ways. A lot of girls? Never want touched. You kind of went the other way. Covered it right up."

  "Well. Four years. Another year here. The whole idea, was to cover it up. Live with it. When I escaped? I thought it was over. Then… I couldn't go on a date. I got mad if the boy bought me the tiniest little thing. I've got the worst phobia about getting into a car with a boy alone. Very few people, are okay. Like the coach."

  "Your coach? He's a father figure to you. Once you feel safe with him. And… Wiz here. He makes you feel safe too, right?"

  "Yeah. He… at the party? He was able to, make me feel… normal. If that makes sense."

  She giggled in the dark.

  "What…"

  "Oh, nothing. Just a joke. If I'd have known this was what therapy would be like? Been there a long time ago, you know? Pffft."

  "That is funny. Might not be quite as funny to Wiz right this second, but…"

  We both ughed. Then she quit.

  "Aw. That was so mean. Wizzy, are you okay?"

  "I'm fine dear."

  "Well, I'm sorry I gave your girlfriend… dirty girl ideas, and she had fun with one of them. Poor guy. You were a good sport about it."

  "Aw. I chalk it up to naughty fun."

  "Well, yeah. You read stuff, you hear stuff. You try it. You sure you're okay, you got to try… bum fun."

  "Only hurts the first time, right?"

  We both ughed. She was sweet again.

  "Aw. That was mean, I'm sorry. I'm not mean. I try not to be, anyways. I guess a lot of girls… would hate all boys, right? I was like that for four years. I had to break out of that. Once the first, you know, trip to a boy's room went okay. I knew I still liked boys, thank god. And, I was scared of sex for those four years, that was all right too."

  "I'm trying to identify the issues. You need to set out goals for therapy. You interested in what they are for now?"

  "Mm. Sure."

  "One. You get slowly more used to talking about it. Until there's no bad reactions. But other than that?"

  "Yeah…"

  "Issue. You can't go on a date. I have to work on that. You have to slowly… learn its okay to go on a date. I mean, that's obvious. So you can go on, to have a normal life. And win completely. I'll try to figure out, exercises. Where you slowly get used to the idea."

  "Yeah. I get that."

  "Issue. Sex and love? Reted, definitely. But, there's something more than just sex, you need to understand that."

  "Yeah. Good."

  "Issue. Cars. I don't think you want to spend the rest of your life, phobia of cars and a boy. How could you have a normal retionship. Your own husband can't drive you in a car. Jesus. Working in an office? Sometimes, you have to go somewhere."

  "Another good one."

  "Issue. You didn't turn to girls. You don't hate boys. But… you view boys as just for sex. There can be more there. There can be a normal, healthy retionship."

  "Okay."

  "Issue. A lot of girls, who went through what you did? If they still like boys, they kind of… have like a tractor beam, to the wrong kind of guys. I want you to learn how to figure out nice guys, from bad guys. There's lots of little clues. And as you already found out? Nice guys, are not all weaklings and pushovers. Some of the nicest guys? Are some of the toughest. I want to erase this stupid bad boy myth."

  "Yeah. You're right, I see it with Wizzy. Is this stuff gonna, be hard, take forever?"

  "I have three years, if I need it. Should take less, unless I run into a sticky one."

  "Hurry?"

  "Hmm…"

  "Were you really that mad at Wizzy?"

  "Oh. Not really. A lot more of a fun game to py, than I was actually mad. That was… more or less? Just an excuse to try out a… new bad girl game, really."

  "Yeah. I kinda figured that. Just checking, making sure."

  "No dear. I love him. I'm not really mad at him, and want to hurt him. Wizzy? Tell her its okay."

  "No way. Light? Can I start sleeping in your room now? I'm scared of my girlfriend. I want a nice girl, not a bad one."

  We all giggled. This was getting silly, but it was fun. I think we all felt a little bit like… 14 year old's, having a sleepover? Weird. Her emotional immaturity, was sort of fun and infectious, in some way.

  "Wizzy. I'm not all that sure what you heard about me. I'm called a lot of things, but a good girl? Isn't one of them. I think you're safer with her. Remember. I'm the one who gave her the idea to have champagne fun, you know."

  "Hmm. And the belt idea? That was probably you're idea too, huh?"

  She giggled, and so did I.

  "Actually? That was her idea. It was your birthday. Birthday spanking, seemed appropriate."

  "Great. I'm not safe with either one of you. And now I have to sleep between two bad girls. I'm calling the police. Where's the phone…"

  We all giggled. I feigned being mad.

  "No one's sleeping. Damn it. And you? Got to finish. I didn't. Lightning? Do you care if I…"

  "Oh. You want me to go? Sure. Get some."

  "You don't have to go. Not after what we did tonight, its okay. I just wanted to make sure you didn't feel… weird."

  "Two guys? No way. But… get finished. I don't mind."

  I got my hand behind his head, and gently guided him under the covers.

  "Yeah, you know what you need to do… don't you…"

  She giggled.

  "Is he any good at that?"

  "Oh… yeah… uh huh… mm…"

  I tried to keep quiet, but, I ended up needing a bed sheet sandwich. After a while, Light remarked about it in the dark.

  "Shit. He must be okay at it."

  "Mm… hmm…"

  "Is he still breathing?"

  "Yeah-h-h…"

  After a while longer, she couldn't keep it in.

  "Wow. I think you beat my record on that…"

  "Huh… ah, ah… hour…"

  "What."

  "Ah, ah… this…"

  "An hour?"

  "Mm… hmm… more…"

  "Oh. Do I get that, too?"

  "Yeah-h-h…"

  When I was finally done, I all but wiped off with his face. After enough time went by, she joked about it.

  "Great."

  "What."

  "Now I can't sleep…"

  "Oh. Hun? We have a guest. Do something about that."

  "Hmm. Third date isn't here."

  "Well… third base. No home runs."

  They kissed, he used kissing to keep her as quiet as he could, while he fingered her off. Judging by the panting, she must have grabbed his wrist and wanted a second go around. I eventually heard her muffled bed sheet sandwich. It ended after a while.

  "Oh. That's better…"

  "Hmm. Think you can sleep now?"

  "Oh yeah. Thanks."

  "I don't think he has any problem with it. Do you dear."

  "Oh no. Please don't. I need the police. Whatever will I do now."

  "I'll show you what you're gonna do now."

  She giggled when in the dark, I obviously shoved his head under the covers and made noises. When I was done I pushed him over, and had him finger her again. Instead of finishing, we went back and forth for a while. She asked if it was okay, to make him do what she wanted. I told her it was fine. I heard her whisper something in his ear. I wondered what it was, until I followed his arm down, and figured it out by feel in the dark.

  She had him put a finger in each hole. So, when it was my turn again, I just told him audibly I expected it now too. When I gave him back to her, I told him to do it again, she obviously liked it.

  When we both decided we had enough, I asked her if it was rude now on our part. Perhaps we should finish him off. I reminded her, that third base was fine. Just no home runs until after the third date. We took turns handing him off to each other, so to speak. After a while, I got the champagne bottle out, and when one of us had matters in her own hand? The other handled that.

  I went and got a cleaning glove before he was finished. He'd already finished once, so I had time. Fuck it. Its dark. I pulled the bedclothes off, and asked her for her panties. She had no objections. I rolled mine up with hers, and rammed them into his mouth. I held them in with my hand, firm. We took turns, hands and bottle, hands and bottle. No covers, both of us with hands on him. Sharing him, having fun.

  I eventually told him that since he thought it was fine to put a finger up inside girls like that? Well… I made sure she knew what I was doing with the glove and had her give me some baby oil. She giggled through the whole procedure. I gave her a running commentary on one finger… two fingers… and so on. She got to finish him off with her hands and baby oil.

  When we were done, we left him in the middle. I was drifting off to sleep, when I heard her talk again. It was a sleepier voice, though.

  "Hmm. Its kinda funny hearing him joke about the police."

  "Why, dear."

  "Remember when I said, half the boys in town?"

  "Yeah."

  She sighed.

  "That st time. I remembered. I realized, what was going on all the other times. Every time I ever… had too much to drink? What was going on. But, that st time. All those faces. Its a small town. I knew all those faces."

  "Christ."

  "Well. He didn't live there. Or he would of probably had a turn too. Everyone else sure did. Guys I'd went on dates with. Their friends. Guys I knew from parties before."

  "Um. You said because he was joking about calling the police, dear."

  "Oh. Small town. One of them, too. The young cop was one of them. You can imagine when I went into the police station one day, and realized I recognized his face, too. That's how it was. I'd see a face, going about my life? I could close my eyes, and see it there. I remembered it."

  "Did the young cop shit himself when you came in and tried to tell."

  "Maybe for a second. He just said… you're a minor. I have to call your mom. Then? Here comes mother of the year. She actually smacked me a couple times, right in the police station. Oh, sorry. She stayed out all night, came home drunk as a skunk. She's been making this stupid story up, to try to cover it up. She actually made me apologize to the cop at the counter, and yanked me out of there. I got kicked around pretty good, for that trick."

  "I tried to tell a guidance counselor? She had to call my mom. She's concerned, you have to hear this, ma'am. My mom expined it to her, the same way she did to the cops. She had a pretty good sounding story. Not the first time kids make something up for attention. I got kicked around when she took me out of school for that. I learned quick. Well, pretty quick."

  "Cops? One of them was there. Mom. Guidance counselor? Oh, kids and their stories. Mom. Next thing you know? Lawyer. Gag order. Mom got paid. Signed away at the police station on my "accusation". Right in front of the young cop who was there. Then I got the shit kicked out of me at home, right after she got paid, and I was humiliated right in front of one of the cops who did it. That? Was a fun mother daughter night, telling you."

  "Everyone was either there, and in on it? Or… believed the mom story. And no matter what, I got kicked all over the house for trying to say a word, to anybody."

  "I learned. Mom? Can do whatever she wants, and no one can do a thing about it. Bunch of young guys in town? Like her doing it. You wonder why I didn't call CYS? Pffft. Either they buy the whole mom story. Or? They stick me in the same pce they stick kids that rape and kill people. Did you know, that if they have to take the kid off of abusive parents, they stick you in the same kid jail, where they house the criminal kids? Yeah."

  "I guess I didn't learn quick. But, quick enough. Nothing I can do about it. Just… shut the fuck up, and pretend like it didn't happen. Because that's what mom's doing, that's what the whole town is doing. If you open your mouth again? You know what's going to happen. You get kicked all over the living room floor again."

  "If I came home and cried, because boys and girls knew, and were making fun of me? I got kicked around the living room floor again. You just… shut the fuck up, you never talk about it. Everyone is allowed to point and ugh and call me anything they want."

  "I mean, it kinda works. Sort of. You can… almost pretend it didn't happen. Not really, of course. But… kinda."

  I sighed.

  "When you hear people say… you have to learn to forget about it. That's what they mean. You don't actually forget, but, you learn not to dwell on it. In your case? Getting kicked around, helped with that. You hear about denial? People convincing themselves it didn't happen. Same thing. You know it did, but… you pretend it didn't."

  "Well. Getting kicked around? Speeds the whole… process up."

  He asked.

  "Did you try to fight your mom back? I realize you were young, it wouldn't work, but…"

  "Maybe once or twice. Another thing I learned quick. You can't fight back. You can't get away. You're… just trapped. You just, have to deal with it. You don't have an option. Took me four years to escape. Its like, I didn't do anything wrong. Everyone else did. But, I got sent to jail for it. Four years, to be the fall guy. Fall girl, I guess. There's another py on words for you, Wizzy. I'm the fall girl."

  I cut back in.

  "There's four options. Fight or flight, everyone knows. There's also, freeze and flop. Freeze? You just freeze up. Flop? You, just go limp."

  She waited a little bit.

  "I was flop. When you're getting kicked across the living room floor? You flop. Hurts less. If you freeze up? That's what I was doing at first. Hurts more. You go limp, you kinda go with it just right. Hurts less. I… learned to sort of move with it, kinda. Make it look like it hurt more than it did. There's a pun, huh? I was a real flop."

  We didn't ugh.

  "It was a little funny."

  He said something.

  "The way you describe, going with it? That's how you take a punch. You can block it. You can avoid it. But, if your opponent's fast enough, its going to touch you. You can what they call slip the punch. You have just enough reaction time that it gnces off, and skids off. No real damage, and you can stay in the fight a lot longer. You saw me doing it, practicing. I cover up, and let them go. I slip the punches. They punch themselves out, they're not doing any real serious damage. Then? I'm fresh, and I can come at them full steam, and they're tuckered out. Guy that taught me, called it turtle-ling up. But… if the guy's fast enough? You can't slip the punch. You now have no choice, to st it out… but knowing how to take a punch. Taking a punch, isn't just letting them hit you. You can't get out of the way, so… you go back with it. Takes all the sting out of it. That's how I can outst a big, fast boxer."

  She added.

  "Yeah. I learned how to do that. Move just right. Mom thinks she hurt me, but… it hurts less than she thinks. I flop, and I take the kick. Got kinda good at it, to tell you the truth."

  He sighed.

  "Just about that whole damn town, you know what would fix it up good? A small tactical nuke."

  "Let me get the coach and the assistant coach out. Couple others. Then? I'll punch the button for you."

  "I'm afraid to ask, the fuck is this little experiment in utopia named? I know what state you're from. What little town. So I know where to never try to raise a family there."

  "Oh. Swellsville. Ain't that a kick? Oops. Good one… ain't, that, a, kick? Ha… but yeah. Called Swellsville."

  "Nice name. Like calling a fat guy slim. Whoever invented it, would of named it Shittsville, if he knew what it was gonna turn into."

  She giggled.

  "How about Kicksville? You can get your kicks? On route 66."

  "Swellsville, is on 66?"

  "No. Its actually a turn off, of state route 14. But, get your kicks, on route 14? Just doesn't really roll off the tongue, does it."

  "Swellsville. Great."

  "You know what its named for?"

  "Someone thought it was going to be a great pce, I guess."

  "No. In water, a swell is a little wave. Just a swell. Looks like the water just, kind of has a wide bump."

  "Okay…"

  "Well. On nd though. Same thing. See, this is the Midwest. Ftnd. You climb a fence post? You can actually see 40 miles away. Its that goddamn ft. When it rains and its that ft… you see these tiny bumps here and there. One inch, is enough to shed water."

  "All right."

  "In ftnd, that's a swell. A tiny rise in the ground. Well, the town was built on a big swell. We're about one inch up from everything around us. When it rains? We're the only town around, that doesn't flood from a little rain. So? People noticed, that area was the only pce that wouldn't flood ten seconds after it rains. So, you build a town there. Swellsville. Sign says popution 880. I have no idea if that's accurate or not. Might seem bigger, there's other stuff around, but… its outside of Swellsville town limits. My practice garage, my trees I practiced there? Outside town. Doesn't take long to walk there. If you ever go through? Old garage isn't hard to find. I bet you'll see my chalk marks. I'll never set foot in the pce, ever. Swellsville? Is Hellsville, to me."

  "You know? Me and my bike ever going through… pretty sure I'd rather get wet, than stop there. Just saying."

  "I'd say Swellsville can suck a fart outta my ass? But, if any guy lived there and was into that, he probably already did."

  "Light? You have a very cute little ass. I would."

  She giggled.

  "Really? Go on… show me. Hurry, is that third base?"

  "It ain't a home run. Oh, go on…"

  I could hear him smooching quietly.

  "Hmm. He's actually… kissing my ass."

  "No, sounds like he's kissing your cheeks. Just wait."

  "For what---"

  "Oh. Ah, that… tickles… ah…"

  "Yeah it does."

  "Oh my god…"

  "Oh gee… you? Are bad…"

  "Hmm. Honey, did you do it right? If he didn't do it good enough, I'll make him do it the right way…"

  "He… didn't just kiss it. He… you know. He… french-ed it. Bad…"

  "Still think he's… too nice?"

  "Oh no. He's… very bad…"

  "Give her some more, sounds like she likes it…"

  "Oh Jesus… this… ah, ah…"

  After a while it stopped. Then, I heard mild compining. Faux compining, actually.

  "No. Way. You? Are not. Stop it. I know where your mouth just was. Hey. I mean it, stop. Oh, okay. You know what? I'll fix you…"

  I wondered what she was gonna do, what she was doing.

  "Now. There."

  I heard kissing.

  "Hmm. Sounds like you didn't put up that much of a fight on it, Light."

  "I just made it… even…"

  "You…"

  She giggled.

  "You two are something else."

  "Hmm. So, after my third date. What… won't he do."

  "Not much I'm aware of. I'm running out of new stuff."

  "Hmm. I'll have to get… on the internet. I'll find… something, I'm sure."

  "Yeah. God bless the internet."