PART ONE f – the Party

  I still had the chair just inside the bathroom door. He knelt down, and put one boot on, then the other. Lightning was beside herself.

  "Yeah. Fucking precious. Lets go…"

  He chuckled and gave each boot a little kiss then hopped up and we set off.

  "Good sweet Christ, Hurry. I gotta get another one of those…"

  "Its a Vilge crawl, Light. Like going shopping for you."

  "Eh. I been to this mall before. Something to do though."

  "Well. If you don't find something you want at the hot tub store at the shopping mall, Light…"

  "Well?"

  "You get the consotion prize."

  "Which is…"

  "I'm sure you've heard about… the phone."

  "Good, sweet, Christ. Please tell me, I don't have to see… the phone, Hurry."

  "You hate phones now, Light?"

  "No. Phones are great. I haven't met phone girl personally yet? And I already heard about the goddamn phone, um… is it three times now, from three different people."

  "Its… funny."

  "How pathetic does your life have to be, that you get a fucking phone, and everyone you meet? Has to see the phone. Hear how much it costs. Talk about how she got the phone. Do these people stand around, and have phone talks?"

  "Probably. I assume they have their little phone talks…"

  "Yeah Hurry, I get it… on their phones, right?"

  "I couldn't help it."

  "The more I think about it?"

  "Yeah."

  "I keep hearing about the goddamn phone. This isn't the girl, that drives that little yellow car?"

  "No."

  "Oh. Shit. Please tell me its not the short, fat, ugly girl. The one with the fat hairy feet. Dates that wrestler kid. The one with all the zits."

  "Well. I could tell you that its not her, but…"

  "Aw, shit."

  "What's the matter, Light?"

  "Me and hairy feet? We just don't… really zen."

  "Is it a difference in philosophy? Your opinions on the beer market…"

  "Actually, smart-ass. She volunteers her opinions on my… personal life."

  "Oh."

  "Yeah. Calls me a slut."

  "I assume, its not in a friendly, joking manner. Like myself? I refer to all three of my room mates, as the three zy whores."

  "We're friends, you're kidding. That's different."

  "Do you clean a lot?"

  "Don't start. Why start with someone? Not you, I mean her. I walk past her. We say hi. I get three steps away? I hear it… slut. I'm sick of it."

  "Are you gonna smack her one?"

  "Probably just say something witty and charming."

  "Oh boy."

  "Did you look in the mirror before we left? She might say it… to you this time."

  "Your clothes!"

  "No, its not. I gave them to you. Your clothes. You wore them. All on you."

  "They came from you! You used to wear them!"

  "That was before you…"

  "Oh, like you never once did."

  "I never said I didn't. In fact I said I did, but… be that as it may, fact is. You have those clothes on. She's there. She might say it to you this time. We'll see how friendly you are about it."

  "Did you ever fuck one of her boyfriends?"

  "Ugh. No."

  "Maybe you fucked a guy she wanted to."

  "Hurry? She's a short, fat, hairy troll. She'd like to fuck any guy I ever fucked, I'm pretty sure. That doesn't count."

  "That actually makes sense."

  "Of course it does. I'm not majoring in Basket Weaving, like Tardfoot. I'm majoring in Advanced Basket Weaving, which is a very elite course of study."

  "Do a lot of field work?"

  "Actually? Yeah. Human Retions? How many guys have I messed with. Its… like my subject I was born to major in. I've had lots of retions with a lot of human boys. I should go to grad school for it."

  "Do they have a graduate course in Human Retions?"

  "Hmm. I honestly don't know. Why?"

  "Are you here to do Human Retions? Or… py soccer."

  "Definitely here, to py soccer."

  "Grad school. Another two years of soccer."

  "Another two more years of boys…"

  "Imagine how good you'd be by then. Mm."

  "At boys or soccer…"

  "Hell, both I guess."

  "Okay, we're here. A small prayer to the party gods, that there are no fat hairy trolls here tonight. I just wanna rex in the hot tub."

  "Light? We have a whirlpool in our bathroom."

  "That's a whirlpool, not a hot tub."

  "Hot water. Jets moving water around… seems like the same thing to me…"

  "Any hot guys, to see my tits in the hot tub, fetching me drinks there? No. So, no, its not a hot tub. No hot guys? No hot tub. See how that works, Hurry."

  "You have a silver tongue, Light."

  "Hmm. Heard that before, not sure that's what the guy meant, though."

  "But you're going to get mad because the troll calls you a slut…"

  "Look. Its not about me being, or not being… a slut. Do we call fat people, fat? No. You don't bring it up."

  It was your typical Vilge party. You can't put this many townhouses, in long rows. Stock them all with college kids, and a good number of them with starting athletes to boot? And not expect a regur party schedule. When a certain number of different townhouses unofficially all get together and decide to all have simultaneous parties? Its called a crawl.

  We looked around. We had passed several on the way here. There were more up the way. The next block over had more, going by ear. Lida had joined forces with the townhouses on either side of her, to make hers more successful. Since we're both starting athletes? We know tons of faces here.

  I don't go out to a lot of these, but what the hell. Its summer, its just past his birthday. When I do go out, its usually with Lightning though. I about have to go to certain "mixers" if the soccer team is having one with another sports team, but… I duck out as soon as I can.

  Its cute when we walk in together, and I mean Light and me. There's a stream of calls out to us. Lightning! Hurricane! Lightning! Hurricane! You know, a bad weather report. I find it mildly amusing. Normally Right would be here with Lightning, but she's still doing… whatever is going on down at the Army house.

  I start counting heads and assigning teams, immediately upon entering any unsanctioned mixer or party. Reason. As a girl, I'm highly unlikely to be involved in any fisticuffs or general shenanigans. Oh, its happened with me a few times, but… it tapered off once all the girls on all the teams found out I don't call names, scratch and pull hair. None of this necessarily means I wanna be there for that phase of the party though. Now, as a general rule of thumb I noticed? The more football pyers and rugby pyers are present at any party, the higher the likelihood of fisticuffs and general shenanigans shoots way up. Nice, low football rugby count. Great.

  Well, there goes that rule shot to hell. There's phone girl. She just got her expensive phone she's inordinately proud of, and everyone's ughing about how she has to work it quickly into any conversation. Lightning tried to get a screen interference past her, passing her with someone else shielding temporarily coming the other direction, but nope. There we go, she has to corral Lightning, and show off her new phone. Lightning to her credit is smiling thin, and nodding politely. Oh, that's great. Happy for you.

  Then, as Lightning politely and adroitly made her escape? There it was.

  "Slut."

  I'm standing right in front of her and the zit faced lightweight wrestler, right as she said it. I just gave her the look. Her own boyfriend rolled his eyes and palmed his face. I'm sure she thinks she's really "arrived" socially and all, sleeping with a wrestler now. Able to go to all the athletic parties and little get together-s. Her new phone, which she is way too proud to have just gotten, is combining with her new found queen bee attitude in such a manner as to get her in a peck sack of trouble. She's going to mouth off to the wrong sports girl and get her ass handed to her in a hat.

  We don't always limit ourselves to just the catty name calling. Lightning stopped dead in her tracks, and whirled right around. Big smile on her face, though. That's not a good sign, but not an altogether bad one either. She did say, not much earlier on the walk up? That she would say something witty and charming to her. Well, here comes witty, here comes charming.

  "I'm sorry. I wasn't sure I heard you correctly. Thought I heard you call me a slut. Again."

  Little Lightning isn't that little, not to this short pear shaped thing. The wrestler? Could likely do way better, if he could get his bad acne under control. Like all wrestlers, he doesn't have a scrap of fat on him. All wrestlers at the university score high on the macho guy scale, little or big. They get great pecking order pcement. Lightning is looking down at her, the little troll doesn't come up to her chin. There goes her cocksure attitude, and the smarmy attitude this little bitch has. Why? I'm sure she thinks she's improving her girl pecking order. A few sharp words, will adjust girly girl pecking order, and that's the big mistake this little freshman troll is making.

  "No, I didn't call you a slut. Actually? Its… fucking slut."

  "Oh. I'm a fucking slut. Well, that clears that one up, huh. Aren't all sluts, technically fucking sluts? Or… are there other kinds."

  "What?"

  "Slut? Makes sense. Fucking slut? Kinda… redundant. Makes you look… stupid. You should get some new material. The slut thing, its getting stale. You gotta, freshen your routine up. You're losing your audience."

  "Like you're not a slut…"

  "All right. Let's get into this. So… you? Are not a slut. Is that right?"

  "Hell no!"

  "Okay. So… a slut enjoys sex. Hey. I like boys. But, if you aren't a slut, doesn't that mean you don't like boys? And don't enjoy sex."

  "Fuck you."

  Light looked her up, looked her down. Gave her the patented "once over", before pronouncing her.

  "Uh, no thanks. If I ever do go lesbian? I guarantee you, I can do better than you…"

  "What the---"

  "Didn't you just expin to me, that's a 900 dolr phone?"

  "Yep!"

  "And… the way you popped your hairy little finger out of your mouth, that means you blew him for the phone…"

  She looked at the wrestler, who was blushing and smiling.

  "She blew you, then got the 900 dolr phone… got the phone then blew you… some shit like that, right?"

  He's smiling and nodding.

  "Thanks. Just a second? I'll get right back to you on that."

  She smiled and turned her head to the troll again.

  "Honey? I might be a slut, in fact I'm sure I am. Hey, I like boys, and I enjoy sex. But you? You're a fucking whore. A blowjob, for a nice phone. What, a fucking whore you are."

  Back to the guy, while the troll's mouth was hanging open, speechless.

  "Word to the wise? Just trying to help you out. Books are expensive… 900 dolr blowjob, are you shitting me? From that? She ain't worth 100 dolrs on the open market, honey. Now. You could of got… around the world, that's all three holes in one night, a fucking hat trick? For 500. With something looks way better… than that."

  Lightning now smoothed the shorter wrestlers shirt and smiled as sweetly as she could.

  "I'm not a whore. I'm a slut. Now… I would of went around the world? Twice. And, brought over a girlfriend, to help me. And… it would of been free. Cause I'm not a whore."

  Lightning left the guy blushing and smiling, embarrassed. The short hairy troll cunt, mouth dangling open, speechless. Which for her, was a condition much better than her running her mouth, thinking she's getting somewhere with her act.

  I paused at the wrestler.

  "I know your face. You, used to hang around Bubbly. He's gone now."

  "Yeah."

  "My boyfriend? Guy over there… he knew Bubbly. Look. Just trying to be nice here. But… this gotta be, like, the third time this little yap dog pissed on the carpet, at one of these things. Now, it just happened again, no harm no foul, but…"

  "I know. Sorry."

  "Yeah. Get a leash on her, yank it once in a while. Now would have been a great time, for instance. Because… sooner or ter? She's gonna piss on the wrong carpet. Trying to be nice. And… if you ever hear from Bubbly? Tell him Wiz said hello. You kids have fun."

  I grabbed the phone, looked it over. Handed it back.

  "Nice phone. Have a nice night."

  I walked over to join Lightning and Wiz. Lida was ughing with Lightning about… well, about what just happened. Lida apologized, the troll was in one of her study groups st semester, now she was dating a wrestler, that's how this sort of thing happened. It wasn't her friend, more of an acquaintance, she was being tolerated mainly because she was sleeping with a polite wrestler, she had no social standing of her own. Lida promised to try to draw her a picture. Lightning jumped up and down and cpped her hands like a little girl.

  "Lida, you sent me pictures of a hot tub. Where is the damn thing… basement… what, where."

  "Oh. Out back. Go around the bottom way, we're five in, you can't miss the BBQ back there. Drink table, one of the boys brought over a Foosball table. Have fun."

  "Thanks Lida!"

  Light grabbed both of our hands and led us out and around back. Couldn't miss the social gathering in the back, it mirrored the action out front, minus of course the hot tub and the Foosball table. The hot tub? You wouldn't know it was inftable if someone didn't tell you.

  "We're going in the hot tub, guys!"

  I'm an idiot, sometimes. I must have the same silly smile my boyfriend has on. Because I just realized its Little Lightning. She can't wait, to take her clothes off and jump in the hot tub, its a perfect excuse for her to soak up some attention and have fun doing it. She's all smiles. Checking him for boxers? She's putting me on the spot, to show my boobs and get in with her, and him.

  Goddamn denim miniskirt, this thing is evil. It has to be, because I'm gonna do it. Not as many people stared at me as I thought. Enough I noticed, though. I even found myself waving and smiling. As if nothing was amiss. And what was amiss, after all? Nothing. I wore it for my boyfriend, to look at me. I wore it for me, too. I was starting to enjoy the leers. I was discovering what Lightning already knew, that it made you feel good to get stared at. I didn't even have any body count in my wake to speak of.

  You could comb campus. This was the second guy you could verify I fucked. A few guys I made out with at mixers aside, but kissing and roaming hands don't count for much. First, second base. I know there's one or two liars out there, ciming they had me. They get to pull that off because people saw us kissing and running hands around at a party once, it makes their story believable. So far, no one has brought any of that up, around Wiz. I'm realizing that he broke his two year "monk" status, most likely I assume, for me. He outed himself, having fighting practice at the big yard our row of townhouses sits on. As one of the end rows, we have the big yard and direct access to the woods on that side.

  He knew I liked it, and again I have to guess at this, but… just like telling a kid they can't have something, then they politely shut up and you soon after reward them with the very thing they wanted. It was like that. Just like I didn't suddenly mind dressing like this for him, to show myself off on his account? He was letting people know he was a fighter, or had been one, or worked out with them, or trained them… or whatever he was.

  Lightning organized this cluster-fuck.

  "All right. I'm… going to roll up a little number. I got the bag and the papers off the toilet, gd I remembered it. A drink or two won't hurt, but… we working out tomorrow, honey?"

  "We could. We should."

  "Smoke-y, no drink-y. Wizzy? Get us drinks. Booze table? Right there. Anything but beer for me and Hurry. She likes anything fruity. I see schnapps. That'll work for me and her. Couple fingers, on ice. Get one for you, too."

  Wiz got us three pstic drink cups with a couple ounces of schnapps on ice. Little Lightning rolled a cigarette sized joint. I really didn't have to do anything except stand there and wonder who was going to stare when me and Lightning pyed attention whores. Its a party, there's people milling around all over. They have a keg on a tub of ice in their sub basement. I can hear ping pong and party murmuring and music in there.

  "Well? Let's get naked…"

  Guys noticed Lightning taking her shirt off. She wiggled her boobs around for them and made the "woo woo" noise for them, ughing. They've seen her do her thing before, this isn't anything new. Not for her. She gets more whistles and some cpping when she steps out of her thick soled tenners and loses her socks, before wiggling around pulling her ce up fly jeans off. She waved and sipped the drink cup Wiz handed her, as she stepped in and stood there, waiting.

  My turn. More hooting and hollering. Some cpping. Male athletes that have never once seen me dressed in anything but jeans and T shirts might not even realize its me yet. Wiz is a guy, his dark green service boxers pass for swim trunks, he risks or loses nothing, and only gains standing for having two… er, sluts? In the hot tub with him.

  Lightning stayed standing st, I'm obviously going to curl up next to my boyfriend.

  "Honey? Are you going to sit down with us, or…"

  "Where can I sit?"

  "Its not my hot tub, hun. Put your ass where you want it, its not like there's assigned seating."

  "Not what I meant, Hurry. Do I have to sit next to you? Or…"

  Oh. She was pointing next to Wiz. She was politely asking if it was okay to sit on his other side, probably up against him. Shower room fun jokes I previously approved of to happen, to let her have fun and to amuse him aside, she doesn't want to offend me by curling up on his other shoulder. She probably would rather sit next to and hang on the guy in the hot tub, instead of seeming to be canoodling with the six foot tall tan muscur chick, which is me.

  I gnced at him next to me, he looks vastly different right now. Some guys take any excuse to run around shirtless, he doesn't do it out of the house much without an appropriate reason. The joke is, Lightning is more statistically likely to lose her shirt outside, than Wiz. Its a joke, but no one has ever kept track and ran the numbers, either.

  Five o'clock shadow. Its easy to forget he doesn't sport a small tattoo like other people do, he has the entire back done. Most people might not immediately recognize him. He's not a football pyer sized jacked guy, and he's not chiseled out of wood, all small and ripped. I suddenly realized he just looks more… masculine all of a sudden. Its like this isn't the same guy that asked me out and spent a date or two talking to me.

  He's just as quiet and polite as ever, but… with Lightning sidled up against him, I get to see what he looks like just sitting there with a cute girl showing boobs in the hot tub. I've seen him with his shirt and more off zillions of times, but… I'm just now sitting back and really looking. When you just see his forearms, its one thing. You realize he must work out some, but when he loses the shirt and you get to see the long distance running legs with it, its… more of a wow.

  I'm a girl, and while I'm not at all mad, I can see the change in her, too. She's looking and checking him out, just like I am. Probably not the same "Toot" when he first came in and I introduced him. We've all seen him in his boxers at breakfast, we live together. What would he pass for, here with the athletes at a get together, if someone had to guess? Not a lineman, they're huge. But, he passes for one of the muscur but trimmer football pyers. He could cim to be a tight end or quarterback or something like that, they're generally more compact and watch their weight.

  The couple of wrestlers around, he honestly looks a lot more like one of them though. Because he was friends with Bubbly, the wrestler that had a schorship ending injury, he waves and says a few friendly words with the ones he knows. The one I know is a light heavyweight, and if he dieted more, he might match up in muscurity and overall size and shape to him. That's it, he looks like one of the bigger, taller wrestlers in the off season. Makes sense, he grapples and kick-boxes, he's half dirty wrestler. Hell, I'm an idiot, why wouldn't he look just like one of them.

  I'm guilty of what Lightning is guilty of. We knew him when we only thought of him as the computer god, and saw him socializing mainly with the rest of the other computer crowd, outside of his gym life. Suddenly, I realized its more his surroundings, than him per se. Lightning boobing out on his other arm, other muscur athletic guys all around, his back piece on dispy… suddenly he just blends in here. His body nguage says he's perfectly calm and at ease, too. Around all these bigger more masculine men than average on campus guys.

  Now, I can picture him surrounded by the Military Police tough guys. Having a beer, guns ying around at some military range. Taking a break and toweling off between practices throwing jacked gorils around to prove you were competent at take-downs. A lot of the athletes tend to razz newcomers, particurly non athletes, and the smaller or non athletic guys that hang around. Everyone is polite and friendly, like they are with one another. No razzing. He doesn't say a word to anyone much beyond hello, hi, how you doing, nice weather we're having.

  A few people walking past said hi to one of us, or took a puff of the big joint as we passed it around, hey its a party. People socialize, they drink and smoke and act friendly. What else is a party for if not for all of that. Which is when someone started tossing turds in the punch bowl.

  Some young guy, looks like a freshman. Not super duper tiny, but really not a big guy. He's drunk. Not piss his pants stagger and slur drunk. Just at that too loud and too obnoxious stage. Anything he says, has to be loud and broadcast-ed. Everyone has to hear him. As a drunk in the beer muscles stage, he surely thinks he's showing off and acting extra cool. As he starts his act, some of the athletes are smiling and pointing at him, a few giggles. One guy I know waved to me and smiled.

  I know the wave. Hi, Hurry. I got this, if you need me. I smiled back and waved him off. I'm sure we're fine. Guy was any smaller, I'd consider standing up and looking down at him and intimidating him. It wasn't until he started calling Wiz "Groundhog" that I figured out who he was. Well, not knowing him from any other drunk asshole, I mean to say I figured out where he surely must come from. The Pardee house. Nicknamed the Party house, where he lived. In the basement. The handyman, the asshole they deliberately clogged the toilets on drinking at 4am, to have fun fucking with him to watch him fish a tampon out with a coat hanger.

  He's ignoring him as best he can. The kid's upping his game, now openly making fun of him. He has the drunk little girl with him doing it too. Is he homeless now, does he still have to shit in a bucket like an asshole. The girl's in on it now, too. Living and working there, they never had anything to fear from him. They could ugh at him, and he has great self control. Plus, it was his living arrangement. He can't go around smacking the kids around for fucking with him. They're drunk, and having fun going overboard. Picking on him.

  This isn't the brightest idea they've ever had. If they manage to get his goat, this kid's toast. Just hammered enough, that… hey! There's Groundhog! Let's fuck with him! That was always a fun game! Whee! And they see him with two shirtless girls in the hot tub, and want to have fun reminding him he's the asshole. Real brain surgeons. Drunk enough to not realize that the safety's off on the gun; he no longer has to abide by any restraint, they're nothing to him now. In the back of my head? I vaguely realize this is the kind of shit my own daddy would probably pull on him, if I bring my boyfriend home for the holidays. Fuck this world.

  I can see him smile at both of us. Look around and check his surroundings out. See who might be with them, might support or back them up. I can see the MP in him coming out. He's letting them go, hoping they leave, hoping he doesn't have to smack them around and run them in, so to speak. The more he politely ignores them, and smiles at their little snide jibes and jokes, the more emboldened they're getting.

  "Hey, kid."

  "What?"

  He sighed, and smiled. Looking straight ahead, rgely ignoring him except for the fact he was addressing him. Voice was too quiet though. I'm not used to this voice, I don't recognize it. This was something new for me.

  "You're drunk. Gd you're having fun. Nice night out. I don't live there anymore, I don't work there anymore. I actually live up here now. I have my own townhouse, here in the Vilge. I'm going to tell you, one time. This is cute, its all shits and giggles right now. I want you to have fun, its a party. Go in there, get another beer. Py some ping pong. Go? Mingle around."

  "Why should I? Man, this is too much fun. I miss this shit… I found my Groundhog again…"

  "Kid. I'm out with my girlfriends here. I'm having fun. I don't like you. At all. Any of you down there. The only reason you drunk little shits could fuck with me? Was because I was working, I couldn't smack your little asses around, like you need. You're drunk, you're not getting it. There ain't nothing stopping me from getting up out of this hot tub? And tuning your ass up. Go on, call a couple of the other little assholes to come up with you. I'll wait."

  "Yeah, right…"

  He sighed and smiled, still looking straight ahead, ignoring him other than that he was addressing him.

  "Remember, kid. I don't work there anymore. Nothing saving your ass, if you keep this up long enough, that you actually manage to piss me off. I'm kinda curious, how long that's actually gonna take. Not too long, though. Go. Mingle, get a drink. Best deal you're gonna get."

  Drunk kid's ughing, his drunk girl with him is ughing too. I'm not scared of him in the least, he's my friendly attack dog that snuggles under the covers, and I rub his belly, py fetch, and feed him little snacks from the microwave. But, my cute cuddly guard dog? Just growled low, and I realized I never once ever heard it do that before. The voice is way too quiet, too low, too fake friendly. Too… sing song of a quality to it.

  If things don't change soon, and they don't seem to be about to… this is going to go down, its just a matter of time. None of the Army boys that fight for a workout can nd a shot on him. He just politely moves his head and his feet around, and they swing and kick and miss on air. It takes any two of them, to try to get on him. It takes all three of them to actually get a hold of him and nd anything and try to get him down and harmless.

  When he does finally let the other guys practice blocking shots and slipping blows, he's not winding up on them. Stiff jabs that rattle them and they stay away from him, he has to goad his students to get in on him and try to get some, don't worry, I won't really hurt you.

  He likes them. He about hates this kid, and the other drunk assholes that used to fuck with him nightly for fun. He can just let the drunk kid swing on air, until he's panting and let him go. Or, crumple him at will. He's not even worried about this, he's smiling and shaking his head like a fly is annoying him.

  Lightning sighed loud, and stepped mad out of the hot tub at the floor show. The kid's ughing, he chased one of his girlfriends away, now he's going to keep it up and chase his other girl away, me. Loud, broadcasting voice. Making sure everyone hears him py big man, all drunk. The kid thinks the guys standing around, ughing and pointing are ughing at the Groundhog. I'm sober, I can see they're not. They're pointing and ughing at him, waiting to see him get smacked around for entertainment. Which will happen in its due course because nothing is changing.