Victor

  Tonight would be a night to remember in a lot of good ways. When was the last time I went to any sort of ballroom dance? Oh yeah, it would have been the high school prom; I had asked out Suzie McGee, and she'd accepted. I had a thing for redheads back then, you see, and she had the cutest freckles. I still remembered how to waltz; when it comes to anything related to fancy footwork I never forget. There I was, checking myself out in the mirror. Earlier that day I'd gotten a haircut and shaven myself carefully in the bath; I was looking pretty sharp in the outfit that the princess picked out for me. I was rather impressed with the results and with the power of pattern magic; ok sure fire is more flashy but pattern had some incredible utility behind it!

  How would I describe this outfit, lets see; double breasted jacket, well-cut trousers a frilly cravat, embroidered waistcoat, and black boots - the whole ensemble was golds and bronzes I'd call it. My newly cut hair was slicked back with some hair gel I'd had in my "ditty bag", looking all prim and proper I barely recognized myself. We even had cologne to work with here. I was finished getting ready and was waiting in the suite's kind of living room area for the princess to finish her own preparations. A carriage was going to come pick us up as a courtesy from Her Majesty to her honored guests. We also made sure to bring gifts for the birthday - er - the nameday girl and the queen herself. Modest compared to what royalty could afford, but I reckoned they'd like 'em. Never understood the "replace birthday with nameday" trope whenever it cropped up, like in that famous TV show with the incest and dragons that Johnny Hogan was big into; he even named his band after a character in the show actually. That tabletop game Sakamoto played had an elf warrior with the same name, actually, he had a pretty cool model.

  Just as I was thinking of asking the princess whether that name was a legitimate elf name in this world, the door to her private room opened and my jaw dropped to the floor. There right before my very eyes was a vision of grace and beauty the likes of which I had never seen before. The queen of the faeries has manifested before my very eyes and I am ashamed that my ocular system is unworthy to behold such beauty. Why, surely this could be no less than the radiant mistress of the undying forest herself! No, wait, it's just the princess.

  I'll admit, she really could, um, dress herself up well. Honestly I'd known she was pretty before, but seeing her like this she actually looked like a princess for real - I reckoned I might have been blushing a bit. That said, we had a mission, and we had to stick to it. The princess was wearing a long dress the same color as her usual cloak with trim matching her hair, and long white silk gloves. The dress accentuated all of her features, and I mean all of them. Her golden hair was no longer in a ponytail, instead it was well-coiffed and rested upon her milky shoulders. I mean I wasn't like, thinking romantic or sexual things about the princess but, damn I had to acknowledge the unearthly gorgeousness in the room.

  I was staring, "why Princess," I said, "you're lookin' mighty beautiful tonight."

  She smiled, "why, thank you Sir Victor. You appear rather gallant yourself this night as well," she curtsied; she had done that numerous times but this was the first time she truly looked like royalty while doing it.

  I bowed, "I reckon we'll turn a lot of heads when we hit the dance floor."

  "Just as planned, right?"

  Precisely, we wanted to draw as much attention as possible during the first dance. That was crucial. I wanted the entire court to see us.

  "Just according to keikaku, as Sakamoto would say," well at least he did in the form of a captioned image of some smirking dude he'd emailed me.

  "Well then, shall we head downstairs, o party leader?", she curtsied

  "Why, naturally, o healer." I bowed.

  We headed outside to find a carriage waiting for us. Even just a few steps outside I could hear the sounds of revelry- the Queen hadn't just arranged a ball, she'd arranged an entire city-wide party to go with it! Naturally, to be a gentleman, I took the princess by the hand and helped her get inside the coach, then the footman closed the door upon us and we were off. The castle was located in a fairly defensible part of the city, high up and away from the river. In fact I noticed that from its position, one could fire arrows upon the outer walls if the outer walls had been taken. Through a double barbican, past a large courtyard, to a reception area adjoining the grand ballroom, we came. Already the charming sound of orchestral music was leaking through the walls, and I could also hear murmuring from around the corner. That Benoit feller was there taking coats, and after he took mine, plus another bundle, I casually tossed him a crown, which he stared at with confusion; oh, guess he'd never been tipped before.

  Benoit, balls, was also in charge of passing out potions of comprehension to each guest which was kind of nice. The princess and I gave ourselves one final look in a convenient mirror, and then, we sauntered into the ballroom - and wowza, that's one hell of a ballroom, and this is coming from a guy who had been to Warwick castle and the Fairmont. Castle Caradon's ballroom blew both away in terms of size and in splendor. It should go without saying that my high school prom had been held in a significantly less attractive building, not that I disliked the place of course. It had all of the usual hallmarks of a ballroom, such as a wide open dance floor, a stage for musicians and other entertainments, high windows to allow light to pour through by day, a dining area with easy access to the dance floor, excellent acoustics, and a most spacious ceiling.

  There were actually two stages - one for the chamber musicians, and a taller one at the opposite end of the room where the Queen herself was presently seated; a comely and very bored-looking brunette in an adorable pink getup was sitting next to her; I gathered that this lass was Princess Felicia. The stage where the musicians were playing was of the "thrust" variety, where a performer could have viewers on either side of him; so it was sort of like the T-Shaped piece from that famous Russian puzzle game. Well before you could say "kobriniki", we were already in front of the stage and giving our regards to our delightful hosts.

  "Oh, thank you so much for joining us, dearies," said the queen, in her purple dress and fur longcoat, she turned to the girl, "this is the lady of the hour, Princess Felicia Francina til Cara. Don't be shy, 'Licia, greet these nice adventurers," at that last word, Felicia's face brightened and she gave us a hearty wave, ah, probably a fan of heroic stories and the like, "there's a good girl. Run along now, dearies please enjoy yourselves!"

  A bow and a curtsy later and we slowly made our way to the food tables and got a pretty good look at our surroundings. Part of the plan was to act like normal guests while sizing up all of the suspects in attendance. There were fifteen of them in all, and every last one of them had already arrived; oh sure we weren't the last people to show up, but the members of the court were already here. Hanzo was certain about a few things and he was very clear about this in his brief, so I knew who I needed to talk to; but I wasn't going to ignore the non-suspects either.

  The two of us walked side-by side, a drink in hand apiece, and proceeded to mingle. The first thing we did was find Meli who was presently doing something with my smart phone which shall become important later; she was working together with the court jester, a user of light magic, in order to present something which was of a proof of concept of sorts. Incidentally, it was also thanks to Meli that I had all of the information from Hanzo's dossiers crammed into my brain. You see, there is a pattern magic spell that allows you to temporarily memorize all information in a number of documents limited only by the spell-caster's mana capacity. So now when I looked at someone whose name was in the list I could instantly recall all of their details. It had been decided that I would speak to the gents, and she to the ladies; I'd gather information while she drew a measure of attention to herself as planned. Of course if she found anything suspicious she knew to come find me.

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  The first person the princess spoke to was a lovely woman with short and curly red hair, plus ears that came to a less prominent point than the princess' did. Huntsmistress Alondra Redfall, half-elf of woodborn descent, minister in charge of forestry and also in charge of hunting large beasts for big feasts. Not a suspect. The traitor is male, Hanzo had said; his prisoner had only secondhand knowledge of him from his superior who had only heard his voice during the induction ceremony - both had spoken with conviction that the suspect can only be a man. That's the second reason we decided to split our forces, actually.

  I didn't hear much of their conversation because I immediately found myself face-to-face with a most impressive looking guy who went out of his way to introduce himself. He had long blonde hair in a prince charming cut, bright blue eyes, and a well-kept beard. I knew who he was but I had to play dumb

  "Well met," he said, "I can tell that you, too, are a man who appreciates swordplay."

  "It takes one to know one," I said, by the way, I was speaking common here, "I am Victor, um, special guest,"

  "I am Sir Cedric, her majesty's knight-captain."

  This was the guy who had posted that orc bounty; another party took care of that one. Yep, Sir Cedric of Baldere, age 34 born in the Baldere region of Cara, knight-captain of the capital and the surrounding area. Not a holy knight by any means, but nothing in the dossier suggested he might be up to no good; still, everyone is a suspect. Rumor had it that his family had fallen on hard times but was that enough to figure he'd pull something like this?

  "Well I appreciate all of the protection your forces offer, sir." I saluted, somewhat sarcastically, after what had happened with the Masson estate.

  "You honor me with your praise, citizen," he bowed, "say, may we perhaps have a friendly bout some time?"

  "Ha, as long as it stays that way - I'm tougher than I look!"

  "Jolly good, thank you for your time - ah, there's that lass with the tray of strawberries - farewell."

  Oh well, next - ah, there's a grumpy looking fellow. Somewhat tall, gaunt, very wrinkly, with a poofy feathered hat and an outfit that was mostly dark grey. When I approached him his eyes flashed wickedly at me, oh my. This was Martin Bordeleaux, age 53, the royal minister of finance and treasurer. He had an expression like a constipated weasel and according to Hanzo he was almost certainly engaged in some corrupt dealings,

  "Speak your piece, churl, and then leave me be," he said, yikes, this guy sounded like a few 90s era villains with deep, slow voices, and at least one tiger businessman.

  "What seems to be the trouble, good sir? Can I grab you a drink?"

  He cocked an eyebrow, "a drink? Fie on this whole expensive affair. Waste of money," he waved me off, "go."

  I did as I was told; I didn't care to speak with him any further. It was no secret that the treasurer didn't care much for how much money the queen was spending on festivals, construction projects and other things. I could see how a man like this might want to depose the queen, and maybe beneath that assholish veneer was the sort of heart easily lured in by promises of rising from the ashes after a disaster. Greed was a common enough motive for murder most foul in my former world, and that seemed to hold true here as well; human nature is the same wherever you go, vastly unpredictable and driven by base emotions. Yeah put this guy towards the top of the most likely suspects list - that said, simple miserliness might not be enough of a motive to cause a war with the elves, and one could argue that a war would cost even more money so a penny pincher might be against the idea on principle. Man, this detective stuff is hard work.

  Anyway, I actually met the three princes of Cara, plus a few more persons of little consequence; incidentally, none of the queen's three sons were suspects as they had all been abroad when the route was chosen. They seemed like good guys, and they'd actually brought their wives to the ball as well; ah I suppose the wife of the first prince is the future queen and stuff so I should call her, um, princess of something? They also had been informed that there had been an attack while they'd been away and were understandably pissed. The second prince was even frequently bothering the queen to make sure nothing bad had happened, and he'd gotten waved off every time and called a good boy. I had to agree with the queen in that assessment. It was during my conversation with the princes that I learned that the first prince was actually married and had children of his own - which made the queen a grandma at her age. I also found out that the first princess was married to the king of a place called Andalon, and she couldn't make it to the ball because she was presently quite pregnant - her oldest son was in attendance but I didn't meet him that night.

  Then I found the next man on the list, in no particular order of course; I'd shuffled the stack of papers so as not to prejudice myself. He had short black hair slicked back with animal fat, a scar across his face that cut across where his left eye would have once been - he had a black eyepatch over it. Strong features on him, too, and dressed so dapper that I had to wonder if his favorite number was a seven with two leading zeroes, well for another reason entirely unrelated to his physical appearance: he was this kingdom's spymaster, in other words he was Hanzorian's primary suspect. Andres d'Eldenne, age 41, born in Kennie, dangerzone, joined the court at a relatively young age.

  "You." he said, brow furrowed, "an adventurer, yes?"

  "Whoa, how didja know?"

  "Your hands, they are callused. Your posture suggests a warrior. Your manner suggests low birth, your presence here suggests that you have the queen's favor despite that. The way you wrap multiple hors d'oeuvres together into a single roll suggests someone used to eating on the road. You clearly understand me, but the way you speak Common suggests that it is not your first language which leads to the notion that you are from far afield. Need I go on?"

  Boy this guy was good. Reckon he'd been watching me the whole time. I crossed my legs and gave a wide, sweeping bow, "guilty as charged. Victor, adventurer. Sherlock Holmes I presume?"

  "No, that is not my name. However, judging by your tone I deduce that you are making an allusion to some astute literary or theatrical figure to whom I am unfamiliar, rather than having mistaken me for someone else. Andres d'Eldenne, head of intelligence. I may also presume you to be the selfsame adventurers who…aided, the queen?"

  "Well yes, but why'd ya go and say aided with such…hesitation?"

  "Hm. I had thought perhaps that you, yourselves, had orchestrated the attack to get into her majesty's good graces." Oh, he's doing the thing, you know, fist balled up, thumb pressing into the knuckle of the index finger, and touching your lips with the knuckle, I'd seen that one before! "But then again had you been criminals you might have held her hostage and secured a far greater reward than a paltry thousand crowns. Something about it is suspect, and yet…"

  If this guy's faking it, he's real good at it. But his consternation could also be annoyance at a plan gone wrong, and I had to remember that. I laughed, "that'd be ridiculous! Plus the cost of the whole operation, and finishing all of the assailants off - that'd mean I had sent over fifty men to their deaths!"

  He nodded, "indeed, yes, the more one dissects the notion the more ridiculous it becomes. My apologies. It is my job to be suspicious of everyone; a habit I picked up from my old teacher. A humorless but highly talented elf."

  "Ha, sounds like a guy I know - Hanzorian"

  His eyebrows shot up, "that is he. Yes, back during a great cultural exchange betwixt our kingdoms he and his Shadar'kethal aided us in improving public order through judicious use of information gathering. I was his pupil."

  I knew that already; not just a pupil he was the pupil - his favorite one! The reason why ol Hanzo was so incensed, apart from the obvious fact that he hated traitors more than any other sort of guy, was the fact that one of those traitors might have been his very own student, in whom he had seen so much potential. This was personal for him.

  "Tell me, how is he these days?"

  "Same as always but, well, I did see him smile once."

  Andres laughed through his teeth, "implausible, but I can see no lie in your body language. Forgive me, I am not usually this tense myself - recent events have taken a toll."

  "I hear ya. Well, so long, I've a lot of hobs to knob."

  With a taciturn nod, he bid me farewell. Damn. I hope it's not him, it'd break Hanzo's heart.

  Oh yes, I’ll join the Discord server of my fave author, meet awesome people, and become super famous, right? Well, that was the idea ’til everything went sideways, and now my life is upside down and inside out.

  Who can I trust? What is real? Is anyone on Discord actually a person? Or is it all just some whack game designed to drive me mad? I’ve got one friend who I sorta count on, but dare I confide in him my deepest, darkest fear: what if no one on Discord is actually real?

  How far down the rabbit hole did I go in my quest for fame and fortune? There’s only one way to find out, so you know what to do. Yeah, click Read Here.

  What to Expect:

  

  
• Female lead.


  
• Sapphic characters, no romance.


  
• An innocent, lovable gal with quick wit who gets in over her head on Discord.


  
• Comedy turned psychological thriller without violence or physical peril.


  
• Character driven. Found family. Slice-of-life moments.


  
• This stand-alone book is a spin-off from my series and is a Royal Road Write-A-Thon Participant for Fall 2025.