Noobkitty sat alone in the empty dining room of her snack shop, chai tea steaming in front of her and a pair of warm jalape?o cookies on a plate. It had been several busy days in a row with almost no sleep, and the best cure for that, obviously, was to not sleep and have tea and cookies. Good thing exhaustion in this game was more of a combat stat penalty than a genuine health hazard, though it still wore her down mentally and emotionally.

  She wrapped her hands around her ceramic cup, savoring the warmth. “I have one woman who lost her history, her memory, and even her name. I have another who was illegally downloaded, is dealing with duplication distortion, and whose faith completely contradicts her current existence. And both of them will die if this world gets deleted.”

  She took a decisive bite of her cookie spicy, sweet, with a soft, semi-chewy center. “I have to take this more seriously. There are lives involved now… more than just a grumpy barkeep and an incompetent AI.” She leaned back in her chair, gazing pointedly at the ceiling. “Yeah, you heard me. Incompetent. You could help me save your world.”

  No response came from the world's consciousness.

  She dipped the cookie into her tea, took a bite, and a stat prompt popped up on her vision:

  Chai-Soggy Jalape?o Cookie lv. 38

  If you can save my world, we’ll talk.

  +5% skill growth for six hours.

  She smiled fiercely. “That’s more like it. Just don’t get in my way.”

  Her streaming sisters instantly sent a message full of excited exclamation marks. They were watching. People were watching. Somewhere out there, folks were having their morning coffee while watching a weird cat girl sit alone in an empty café.

  “I hope you guys like slice-of-life,” she told them quietly, glancing at the invisible camera. “Because today is a team building cooking day.”

  You weren’t really supposed to acknowledge you were being watched, but this was a quiet moment, just her, the audience, and a lo-fi background track. She finished her first cookie. “I need more finger foods.”

  ---

  Team-Building in the Kitchen

  A cat, a bunny, and a priestess stood in a warmly lit, cluttered kitchen.

  “We’re not opening the store today,” Noobkitty announced, tying on a clean apron. “You two are getting some proper Cooking skill levels. I can’t save this world with weird snacks all on my own, and having two hot women selling my treats will only make me run out faster, so I need help in the kitchen.”

  .ex blushed furiously, while SisterQuery looked utterly confused. “Wait… you’re going to save the world with snacks?”

  Noobkitty shook her head, pulling out ingredients. “Not entirely. Here’s the plan. Ahem: Step One: Make massive amounts of vegan junk food. Step Two: Buy and barter for unwanted starter gear. Step Three: Use equipment fusion to make ridiculously overpowered starter gear. Step Four: Make snacks that also boost combat stats. Step Five: Defeat the city-devouring dragon and save the world.”

  The priestess blinked slowly. “Couldn’t we just… let the world die?”

  .ex shot her a sharp look. “I don’t know about you, but I definitely don’t want to die.”

  A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

  “I’m already dead,” SisterQuery murmured, her voice hollow. “My soul’s with God. I’m just a husk, a leftover.”

  Noobkitty gently tossed her a berry tart. “Eat this. You’re bringing the room down. And maybe a snack will remind you that you still have a life worth loving. As for the cute bunny who does want to live, we’re making finger snacks, starting with wasabi kale chips.”

  “Ooh! Can we add a maple binder?” .ex asked excitedly. “Sweet, spicy, umami!”

  Noobkitty grinned. “Oh yeah. We’re definitely doing that.”

  SisterQuery stared at the tart in her hand, poked its jelly center, and took a tentative bite. Strange. Unique. Berries and pine. She was dead, this wasn’t heaven, but maybe… maybe she could live here as a husk. Maybe. She shook her head. Too much to hope that God would find her here. But she guessed she could learn how to make kale chips. Or something.

  Wasabi Kale Chips Lv. 39

  If you can eat a whole bag of these oddly flavored green things, you deserve the boost.

  +1% Constitution, +0.5% Dexterity, +0.25% Charisma, +0.25% Heat Resistance for 6 hours – Stats per chip.

  Purple Cauliflower Ball Lv. 39

  A purple vegetable, deep fried, usually with sauce. Bite one in half, it’s a conversation starter.

  +1% Intelligence, +1% Wisdom, +0.25% Charisma for 6 hours

  Sunflower Banana Ghost Lv. 40

  Banana rolled in crushed seeds and unholy pepper powder. Not a sweet treat, it’s a sweat treat.

  +2% Strength, +2% Fire Resistance, +0.5% Constitution for 6 hours

  Peanut Cream Puff Lv. 40

  Cools the tongue, tummy, and guts. Because a cat made even bananas spicy.

  -80% Internal Fire Damage for 6 hours

  The three women, aprons smeared with flour, sauce, and jelly, finally slumped onto chairs, each with a drink and a bowl of snacks within reach. The store was technically closed, but the front door creaked open anyway.

  In walked an immaculately dressed mage, sparkling in bright colors and glitter accents.

  “You girls look tired,” Fizzypop said cheerfully, their face beaming. “I hope you made me something nice.”

  All three women glared simultaneously.

  “I brought presents…” Fizzypop offered, holding up a small purple and sparkling bag like a peace offering. “And by the way, the food reviews are going really well. In a few days, you’ll be drowning in beginner armor, Noobkitty.”

  They set down the purple bag with a glitter heart on the table. Then, they snatched a Sunflower Banana Ghost and popped it into their mouth.

  Their eyes instantly went wide with panic. “Why is the banana hot?!”

  “We all like spicy food, it turns out,” SisterQuery said contentedly, nibbling on her own cauliflower ball. “So we made one dish with ghost pepper.”

  “You could warn a mage!” Fizzypop wheezed, pulling a health potion bottle from their inventory and chugging.

  .ex said deadpanned, “You could read the description. It says ‘unholy pepper.’”

  Fizzypop narrowed their eyes. “Keep sassing me, girls, and I’ll take back my present.”

  Noobkitty snatched the bag before they could. “Dyes?” she asked, peeking inside.

  “You look like you’re wearing a potato sack, Kitty,” Fizzypop said. “I can’t have women on my stream looking like they just came out of a work camp, even if you are wearing your special noob armor.”

  “You keep mentioning armor,” SisterQuery said, curiosity winning out. “What are you doing?”

  Noobkitty materialized her crafting hammer and set it on the table.

  Big Hammer lv.1

  Enchantment rating: 1243%

  “I’m making full sets for the five classes. So far, I’ve got Warrior, Crafter, Mage… and now I have a Cleric.” She smiled directly at SisterQuery.

  “You need a Rogue, then,” .ex said, her ears twitching.

  Noobkitty nodded.

  “I could be your Rogue. I don’t have a level or a class, so maybe I could get one?”

  “No,” Noobkitty said firmly, not even considering the option.

  Fizzypop crossed their arms, offended. “Noobkitty! Let her be our Rogue!”

  “No, because...”

  “...It’s because I’m not a player like you guys. You think I’m just programming,” .ex cut in, her voice low with hurt.

  “No, it’s becau...”

  Fizzypop’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “You’re all about caring for digital life, but you don’t think of .ex as an equal. You hypocrite!”

  “I DON’T KNOW IF SHE’LL RESPAWN!” Noobkitty yelled, the pent-up stress exploding.

  The room fell silent, the cheerful atmosphere shattered.

  “The system already tried to delete her,” she continued, quieter now, her voice thick with emotion. “If she dies, it might finish the job. I’m not risking her not coming back just to have a Rogue in the fight.”

  Fizzypop immediately jumped up and hugged her tightly. “I should’ve never doubted our weird veggie cat.”

  “It’s fine. I forgive you.” She patted the mage on the arm. Fizzypop let go and then gently patted the shorter cat woman on the head.

  “But,” .ex pointed out, her face thoughtful, “you still need a Rogue.”

  “Actually,” Noobkitty said, a slow, predatory grin spreading across her face. “I think I know exactly where to find one.”

  ---

  SisterQuery’s new robes were red and gold, perfectly complementing her skin tone and dark hair. Fizzypop’s outfit was a riot of teal and rainbow swirls, accessorized with equally colorful boots and a matching wand. .ex wore a soft blue farmer’s dress, a soft echo of her origins. Noobkitty’s newly dyed green dress with lilac accents was… well, as chaotic as her cooking.

  In their newly dyed finery, the four of them stood outside a prison cell, waiting for a small Goblin to wake up.