Noobkitty sat on her bed, scrolling through her inventory list and happily chewing on her newest snack food.
Chewy Mushroom Mint lv.17
It’s a health food, I think. Gives your mouth a workout and freshens breath.
+1% Constitution, +3% Dexterity, +4% Charisma for six hours.
The chew was exactly what she wanted, it was meant to be like savory jerky, but the AI interpreted the dense, minty mushroom creation as tough chewing gum. She glanced at the pile of random equipment pieces she’d painstakingly traded snacks for: dozens of sets of generic, Level 1 starter gear.
She stripped off her brown leather Crafter’s skirt and laid it flat on the wooden table next to an identical one. Then, utilizing the illogical game mechanics she had studied, she stacked one atop the other, summoned her gigantic Crafter’s Hammer, and raised it high.
CLANG!
The two leather skirts briefly glowed. Clang! Again. And then they fused into a single item, several notifications popping up all at once:
Congratulations! You leveled a crafter skill: Equipment Fusion.
Take two unneeded pieces of equipment and make one slightly less horrible piece of equipment.
Equipment Fusion Lv. 1
She held up the resulting garment:
Crafter’s Bottoms Lv. 1
You’ll get rid of this soon. A troll’s loincloth is stronger than this fabric.
[Note: The higher your level is from the equipment, the lower its effects, like growing out of an old T-shirt.]
Enchantment: 1% (All stats on equipment improved by 1%)
Noobkitty grinned wide, sharp teeth flashing. It had worked perfectly. Now, it was time to get to work. She bit into her mushroom jerky strip with gusto and dumped dozens of armor pieces from her inventory onto the floor: Mage robes and wands, Thief daggers and boots, Fighter swords and shields, Cleric robes. All of it was worthless, generic Level 1 gear.
"Level grind today, then open up shop tomorrow. I need to trade for much, much more equipment."
Powered by sheer determination and minty mushrooms, she started the laborious process.
Hammer. Glow. Hammer. Fuse. Hammer. Glow. Hammer. Fuse…
After she used up all the accumulated Crafter’s gear, she checked her results:
Equipment Fusion Lv. 14
Items:
Crafter’s Top: 34%
Crafter’s Goggles: 16%
Crafter’s Boots: 19%
Crafter’s Bottoms: 25%
Big Hammer: 14%
She noted that the Big Hammer had the lowest enchantment percentage, likely because hammers were the most valuable Crafter’s equipment. They could be equipped by anyone, making them a trolling favorite for players who liked carrying a ridiculous weapon that did almost no damage but made a satisfying bonk sound.
Her overall stats were still far too low to reliably outclass a Level 2 combat player, but the more she skill-grinded, the higher her Enchantment numbers would go.
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"Okay, that’s all the crafter’s gear. Now for cleric equipment."
She eyed her second-smallest pile of items. She was strategically working her way from least-collected to most-collected, hoping to learn if she could push enchantments past the theoretical 100% threshold.
It took all night and nearly all her pre-made snacks, but at last, she sat surrounded by five full sets of generic Level 1 equipment, and one crowning jewel: a sword with 104% Enchantment.
Equipment Fusion Lv. 21
Yawning deeply, she prepped some food for tomorrow: slow-boiling jams and brining fruits for some weirdly yummy culinary ideas she had planned. With those simmering and pickling, she collapsed onto her bed, exhausted and still wearing her now semi-powerful, fully enchanted Crafter gear.
The next morning, still tired but energized by her progress, she started cooking in earnest. She’d need an incredible amount of Level 1 gear for her full strategy, which meant she needed to bake an incredible amount of snacks.
Using her newly pickled plum spread, she made another treat to add to her blanket today:
Plum and Bean Thing Lv 19
You can tell people you ate a weird food.
+8% Charisma for six hours.
Her Cooking Lv. 19 was respectable, but the game clearly considered Equipment Fusion a far harder skill; one night of hammering had given her more experience than days of baking.
Downstairs, she dropped a piece of mint jerky (Chewy Mushroom Mint) and a plum-bean Danish (Plum and Bean Thing) on the counter for Grizzlebeard to sample, then headed to her now usual shop spot. The sunlight was lovely, the fresh air refreshing after a day cooped up. She mused about the extra coins in her inventory, maybe she'd buy some dyes and make her gear look less like ugly brown leathers.
When she arrived at the market, the flamboyantly dressed mage was already there, arms crossed, tapping their foot impatiently.
“Do you not read your messages?” Fizzypop asked, their voice laced with exasperation.
Noobkitty blinked, pulling out her blanket. “I’ve been busy. Very busy.”
“Cooking, I hope. My fans are demanding to know what the weird cat girl made next,” Fizzypop said.
“You didn’t even buy the last ones,” she replied, genuinely incredulous.
“I did a guest stream with your sisters! They said you'd give me more weird snacks, that’s the deal,” Fizzypop countered.
Noobkitty paused. “Oh. How are they? Also, my food’s not weird. They’re delicious.”
“Your sisters are good, basic, but they work together well,” Fizzypop admitted. “And I’ll be the judge of weird. Did you make anything new?”
She grinned and nodded, setting up her small display and proudly presenting her newest creations.
Fizzypop looked them over. “Yep. Exactly the weird I was hoping for. Who makes chewing gum out of mushrooms?”
“It’s mushroom jerky,” she clarified, setting out a basket of the Plum and Bean Thing.
“Then why is it mint flavored? Actually, don’t answer that. If I review your new treats, can I get them for free?”
Noobkitty shook her head. “No. I want a different deal.”
She pulled out a set of Level 1 Mage Robes she’d fused, now enchanted to 82%.
Fizzypop raised an eyebrow. “Girl, these are ugly. I wouldn’t wear these for a thousand weird cookies.”
“If I get the enchantment over ten thousand and dye them purple, would you help me fight the World Boss?” she asked, leaning in conspiratorially.
Fizzypop laughed brightly, then blinked once. “Wait, you’re serious?”
She nodded, her grin turning sharp and determined.
“I need Level 1 players. You’re the only other one I’ve seen. Between my food buffs and overpowered starter gear, we could actually fight the game’s World Boss. Do you think your fans would like to see that?”
“As crazy as your desserts, I see. Fine, kitty cat. You keep me in weird snacks, and I’ll wear your ugly mage robes in the future.”
She held out her hand. “Deal.”
They shook on it, a firm, professional grip.
Party Invite: Fizzypop Lv. 1
Accept? [Yes] / [No]
She tapped [Yes].
“Now,” Fizzypop said, already eyeing the baked goods, “these treats are good, but next time, I want something truly strange. Something to make the viewers question your sanity.”
Noobkitty sighed, but the idea already sparked in her mind. “Fine. I have an idea.”
The day was notably busier. People had come specifically to buy her weird snacks, driven by the influencer’s review. Many took advantage of her willingness to trade for “useless” gear, but returning customers were happy to pay in coin. They were especially excited that her food now had measurable status effects.
She closed early, completely sold out.
On the way to the bar and her room, she tried buying more specialized ingredients from the herbalist, but they didn’t have everything she needed. So, she returned to her room, dropped off the collected gear, traded items, and coins, then set out again with a mostly empty bag to go foraging.
She brought a Plum and Bean Thing and a Weird Berry Cup to enjoy while gathering.
But she made a mistake.
She didn’t think about it. It had been a good day, lots of sales, plans for grinding Cooking and Fusion Crafting all night, and she exited town through the main gate.
Just a few steps into the forest, a colossal shadow loomed over her.
A well-equipped, towering player stood there: shining black armor, flaming sword in hand. They looked down at the tiny, Level 1 Cat Beastkin and uttered the familiar words of contempt:
“Get rekt, noob.”
The flaming sword crashed down through her shoulder, cleaving her in two. She dissolved into pixelated dust.
She died, again.
From her corpse, only one item dropped:
A single, slightly sticky Plum and Bean Thing.
---
Message from CheshyBot:
Uh, next time you go on an all-day skill grind… maybe warn us?? ???? We could’ve turned it into an ASMR stream or at least looped some sparkly "Level Up" sounds. ???
Anyway, LOVE YOU, Sis ???? Keep on cookin’. We’ll figure out what to do with the stream ???? Worst case? ???We'll clip your best moments and call it content.
Also… a lot of our viewers are now watching our sister who’s trying to raise a ?? an adolescent space whale.
She named him Choux. Like the pastry. ??????
Why are so many of us food-obsessed??? ????
