“I’m ready when you are, kids.”

  A blond kid stood up from his chair.

  “Well, sir, I think we're all confused about what you're saying.”

  “What's your name, kid?”

  “It’s Yuto Hirano, sir.”

  “Stop calling me sir.”

  “Yes, Mr. V.”

  “...Whatever, it's pretty simple.

  I want all you people to attack me with everything you've got.

  All at once.”

  The girl raised her hand again.

  Someone well-trained in the art of obedience.

  Nasty.

  “Before you ask me another question, what’s your name?”

  “Oh, uh, yes, Mr. V. My name is Kojima Yuki.”

  Kojima… always did love Metal Gear.

  I could never get used to the last name, then the first. Even though I lived in Japan for fourteen years… Damn, fourteen years. I only lived in America for thirteen.

  “My question is… well, won’t that kill you?”

  “I did say I wanted you to kill me. But I doubt any of you will be able to.”

  “We’ve all been trained for combat; that’s why we’re here. To honor our family and bring glory to ourselves,” Kojima Yuki said.

  “Ha, glory, honor, all just a bunch of bullshit.

  Now, no more waiting; let's start.

  Or… I don’t know—you all fail the class.”

  Bang!

  An icicle about fifteen inches in width with a point as sharp as a blade.

  It would have gone about five feet into the wall if it weren’t protected.

  And with that, we're off to the races.

  “Damn, Yuki, going right for the head.”

  “You said to try and kill you, so that's what I did.”

  “Good.”

  With that, a man jumped over the table who was sitting next to Yuki with a blade drawn.

  (That table was smack dab in the middle of the room.)

  “Takeshi, what are you doing!?” Yuto yelled.

  “I’m doing what the teacher wanted us to do, Yuto.” The man named Takeshi said.

  Takeshi landed with a thud between my desk and the lowest level of the students' desks.

  Takeshi looked away from me when talking.

  Causing an opening.

  I threw my cane down and dashed over to him.

  “Number one rule: don’t look away from your enemy.”

  I throw a haymaker.

  Didn’t connect.

  Damn.

  I can already tell this shit is going to do a number on my leg.

  Wind that looked like blades was shooting at me like bullets from a semi-automatic.

  Then a boy with green hair jumps into the mix.

  “Name!

  Boy!”

  “Agawa Kazane!

  I study wind magic.”

  He was in the back right corner of the room. (No shit.)

  Damn, it felt odd not wielding a weapon.

  All I've got are bare fists.

  And speed, like, that’s great.

  These kids are lucky I’m trying not to draw blood… If I were, this would have been finished in five seconds flat.

  The Takeshi boy swung his blade at me.

  And an icicle passed my head again.

  We added a new ingredient to the mix: a bloody fireball.

  “That’s more like it.

  I count four so far.

  Eight left to join in.”

  I don’t know why I’m acting so joyous, just thinking about the second, not infinity.

  A song started to play in my head.

  While I try to think up a plan.

  (“Kosaken, hey, hey, hey, leert die Gl?ser

  (Hey, hey) Natascha, hah, hah, hah, du bist sch?n

  (Hah, hah) Towarischtsch, hey, hey, hey, auf das Leben

  (Hey, hey) Auf dein Wohl, Bruder, hey, Bruder, hoh

  (Hey, hey, hey, hey)

  Moskau, Moskau, wirf die

  Gl?ser an die

  Wand Russland ist ein sch?nes Land, ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, hey!

  Moskau, Moskau, deine Seele ist so gro?

  Nachts, da ist der Teufel los, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, hey!”) — Moskau by Dschinghis Khan

  How the hell did that come to my mind…

  Takeshi came from the left.

  I lower my back.

  Dropped down.

  Put my hands onto the floor.

  And I used my arms to boost myself at him.

  Then I kicked both my legs at him.

  Thud.

  One down.

  Fuuuuck!

  I should just use my bloody shotgun if I hate my right leg this much.

  … Fuck me!

  Eleven left.

  Icicles, wind blades, and fireballs were coming from all sides now.

  I could no longer tell how many students had joined at this point, but my ears heard around fourteen feet moving.

  So about seven students were attacking.

  But who the hell knows my ears are shot to all hell.

  Greater swarms of range attacks came nipping at my ass.

  Zig and fucking zag, man.

  May my right leg be damned.

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  I was right between my desk and these kids.

  One kid is knocked cold on the ground.

  My front flank was being bombarded.

  So I turned around and jumped over my desk and flipped it over.

  All my weapons flew throughout the room.

  “Rule Number 2: Use the environment to your advantage!”

  I picked up the ninety-pound table.

  And turned it sideways to cover all but my fingers.

  (Who needs fingers anyway?)

  “See, by using the table, I’m both using the protection spell that was supposed to protect the classroom to my advantage.

  And throwing my attacks off their rhythm.”

  “Sir, isn’t there an easier way of teaching us?”

  “Well, “Miss” Yuki, there is, but you don’t learn shit about real combat from just reading about combat. You must feel the rush of death… the fear of death and the chaos of war.”

  The heavy bombardment continued through my run with the table.

  (Ok, throw the table at the middle table.)

  (Then jump to the table to the right.)

  (Then I’ll take down two of these students.)

  (Finally, flap both tables to defend both my sides and front.)

  I threw my table at the first-level middle table.

  “Rule number 3: Be well-rounded. In war, you need both close and ranged combat to survive!”

  I jumped to the left of the middle table into the alley.

  Then throw a haymaker to the male student's stomach.

  And one knee to the stomach for a female one.

  Dropped both.

  Three in total.

  Nine left.

  It may seem brutal to do this to children, but hell, that’s war.

  I flipped the desk that was on the higher level onto its side and the one next to me horizontally, like the one before.

  “Mr. V.”

  “Who is this?”

  “Mori Rayden. I use a mix of water and ice magic.”

  “Why are those two different things?

  It's just two different forms of matter.”

  “What matter?”

  A spear made of water went for my heart.

  “It doesn’t matter right now.

  What is your question?”

  “Are you human?”

  “Well, let me answer that question with one of my own.

  What is humanity?”

  I said this while throwing the horizontal desk away and taking down two more.

  (Seven left)

  “Mr. V, this isn’t a philosophical question. Because I don’t sense any magical power coming from you… somehow. And well, both the speed and amount of spells should be impossible to dodge.”

  “Let me tell you a tale.”

  About a dozen icicles the same size as the first came at me.

  And five more water spears did the same.

  My current location was now the right front, taking on two more students.

  “See, I battle this man named Keyser.

  The battle was a vicious one.

  Every millisecond was a battle within itself. And the length of the clash was twenty bloody minutes.

  Now, the reason I’m telling you this.”

  Other than trying to distract you.

  “Is that in every battle you will die, but if you are able to live after the fact, you will become stronger.

  Also, Miyamoto taught me, and he’s one mean motherfucker, I’ll tell you that.”

  Thud.

  Thud.

  Another boy and a girl.

  With that, five remain.

  There’s so much goddamn alcohol in my blood at this moment that I can’t feel anything.

  I think theirs two boys left are Yuto Hirano and Rayden Mori.

  And three girls, Yuki Kojima and two others.

  “I hope I answered your question, Rayden.”

  “Well, I’m not really sure if you did or didn’t.”

  “Keep onto that feeling and never fucking forget.

  Rule Number 4: Everyone lies, so question everything.”

  Stole that first part from good old House.

  There's another reason I gotta get home; I have to see how that ends.

  “It seems like you’re next, “Miss” Yuki.”

  After my statement came more water spears, fireballs, and wind blades.

  Shit, is Kazane still conscious?

  Maybe it's someone else.

  Never mind that shit!

  Twenty goddamn icicles fucking appeared!

  All fifteen inches in width and ten in height.

  “Let’s do this, Yuki.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Goddamn, I said, stop calling me sir.”

  “Oh, sorry, Mr. V.”

  Yuki's icicles started to fire down like hellfire.

  Four moved at me at once.

  At the speed of bullets.

  I dodge three of them.

  But the fourth one, I was too slow, so I used my right hand to punch it.

  Ahh!

  FUCK!

  That was an awful fucking idea.

  I could have just fucking dodged it.

  FUCK!

  Well, I still got righty, but it's bleeding like hell now.

  At least I didn’t lose it.

  “Come on, kid, is that all you got?”

  I kept moving, never stopping.

  Bam!

  Bam!

  Bam!

  Thirteen icicles left.

  I felt like I was on the goddamn beach of Normandy.

  I grabbed a table and threw it.

  Taking eight more out.

  “Kid, I’m closing in, and you’re about to run out of ammo.”

  I could see the ice girl was sweating.

  Funny.

  With every step I grew closer to the eye of the storm.

  Magic continued firing from both my front and right sides.

  But with each step, the ice continued to whittle down.

  Ten feet.

  Five feet.

  One foot.

  I clock a punch back.

  Slang.

  A long sword with a golden hilt and a glowing blade stood at my throat.

  “I see you finally decided to join the lesson, Yuto.”

  “Mr. V, this “lesson,” as you call it, has gone too far.”

  “This is combat, boy. There’s no such thing as going too far.”

  “This is barbaric.

  Beating children.

  And sprouting out insane rules like their lesson.”

  “Here’s lesson number 5: Don’t talk for no reason.”

  I swipe the legs of Yuto.

  “Don’t talk about ethics in the middle of a fight unless you're screwing with the other person.

  This isn’t some book, kid.”

  With that, I kick Yuto in the head.

  Thought he'd be harder.

  Too damn high and mighty.

  Felt like I was in some damn shonen comic.

  Yuki stood in front of me, shaking.

  Damn… “Yuki, I respect your ability to fight, but your obedience has no place in conflict.”

  With that, I chopped her neck, causing her to fall unconscious.

  I grab her head before it slams into the ground and rest it down.

  She had my respect, so I went a bit easy.

  What can I say?

  I am still human, a bit.

  With that, only three are left.

  Rayden is still throwing water spears at me.

  One girl is using wind blades.

  And another using…

  Bang!

  Holy shit, lightning!

  It goes fire, water, ice, wind, then fucking lightning.

  Bang!

  Bang!

  How!

  The!

  Fuck!

  Am!

  I!

  Dodging!.

  This!

  “Who the fuck is throwing lightning?”

  “Kaminari Kaminoto, I use an advanced form of fire magic.”

  “Fucking lightning has nothing to do with fire; it's plasma!

  … Okay, it has a bit to do with plasma!

  Also, your name is pretty much Lightning Lightning.”

  “What plasma?” Rayden asked.

  “Superheated gas... I think.”

  Bam.

  “Why are you joining right now?

  This could have been over in five seconds.”

  “I found this whole thing to be rather foolish and a waste of my power. And I believe my class could kill a weird, smelly rat with relative ease. I was proven wrong, and now I’ll finish the job.”

  Bang!

  “You sound like an asshole, Lightning.”

  “It's Kaminari Kaminoto.”

  “Well, I am about to walk down to Electric Avenue.”

  I was hiding behind a table at this point because, of course, I fucking was.

  No one says you're walking between lightning instead of rain.

  Ok, all I have to do is be faster than approximately 224,000 miles per hour.

  With a bum leg screaming in possible pain.

  The speed of the average man.

  What's another dozen or so to dodge?

  “Let’s dance, Sparks.”

  I kicked the table forward.

  About three things of lightning hitting upon it.

  “How are you so disrespectful?”

  “Disrespect isn’t real, just like honor and all that other shit I brought up before. That isn’t a rule; that’s just a statement.”

  Goddamn, I’m tired.

  I throw my flask at Kaminari.

  The dark yellow lightened the room.

  Lightning kept dancing across the room as I continued to throw random

  metal shit around.

  With every bolt came deafening thunder.

  “Come on, Lightning, haven’t you practiced your aim if you can’t hit a weird, smelly nutjob.”

  The other two were still trying to hit me, getting some hits off me.

  I’m dancing with death, and what a hell of a dance it is.

  Lightning was in the back right corner of the room.

  So starting in the middle of the room when she first struck was rather lucky.

  As if I believed in luck.

  I got close to her position, but she continued her shelling of lightning.

  I now understand why they scream so much in Dragon Ball because I’m damn sure doing it in my head.

  With a jump behind Lightning and with a chop to her neck just like Yuki, I was able to knock the lightning queen out.

  I caught her head as well and placed it down. I did think about letting her bash against the floor, but that would be bloody childish.

  Hubris goes before the fall, so they say.

  Two remain.

  Wind girl.

  And Rayden.

  Hmmm, I’m going to be in so much pain in a few hours. I feel bad for the poor sods who stuck with me when the pain hits.

  “Hey, Rayden, to answer your question from before.

  I’m not human.

  I’m the bloody Devil.”

  I saw his eyes and knew he understood that I went off the deep end.

  Wind Girl was a table down from where I stood.

  “What’s your name, girl?”

  “Mizuki Aoto.”

  “Just your name.”

  “I think you’re intelligent enough to know what magic I’m using.

  You're just trying to distract me with small talk, V.”

  “Somebody been bloody listening.

  Good for you.

  Rayden, I must apologize, but I am going to take you out first.”

  With me saying that, he created a sword out of water.

  And Aoto followed suit with wind knives.

  “Or you can both attack me at once.

  You're using your heads.

  Great.”

  Aoto was the first to make it for me.

  Rayden was across the room but was moving in fast.

  I want to take them out one at a time, but if I have to fight two.

  Then fuck it!

  Whoosh.

  Aoto wind knives nicked me.

  Swish.

  Rayden's blade passed me by a few inches.

  “Ever had a sensei, Aoto?”

  Silent.

  “What about you, Rayden?”

  Silent once more.

  Good for them.

  My feet kept moving, and my mind kept racing.

  Aoto was competent but still left herself open.

  Of course, this could be on purpose, but if I am fast enough, that doesn't matter.

  I was on the bottom level between my desk and the students.

  Aoto in front of me and Rayden behind me.

  “Hey, Aoto, ever seen anyone use their shoes as a weapon?”

  “What?”

  I loosened my right loafer and kicked it off, hitting her in the head.

  She stumbled back a bit.

  And I knee her in the stomach.

  “Sorry, Aoto, but hey, you’re going to do great here.”

  With that, she went unconscious.

  “Ok, Rayden…”

  A blade of water cut my cheek.

  “Damn, Rayden, first person to make me bleed and last to go down.”

  His movement was smooth, and his lips were sealed.

  “Let’s finish this.”

  He fought with water.

  But even if his movement were smooth, there were still edges.

  He wasn’t fighting like water.

  He was fast, and his attacks were strong, but they were also uneven.

  “Be like water, Rayden.”

  “Stop trying to distract me, V.”

  “I’m trying to teach you.

  You are moving unevenly and going too fast, too strong.

  You have to be like water.”

  Rayden moved his blade to cut me down with a heavy blow.

  He was staff

  But I relaxed my body and moved to his side.

  He took a swing.

  I gripped his right arm.

  Laid him flat on his back.

  “Like I said, be like water, my friend.”

  With a groan, he passed out.

  Must have been damn well exhausted.

  I slumped down.

  “Me too, Rayden, me too.”

  Looking across this mess of a battlefield. I could only say.

  “Damn, best class yet.”

  I reached out for my cane and used it to pick myself up.

  Walking around, flipping tables back over, picking up my weapons, and just cleaning up the room. Also, putting all the kids in the in-between area for easy movement.

  I put my coat back on and slumped back down.

  Taking a swig from my good old flask and looking out once more.

  “Well, class dismissed.”