Leo was dismissed back to his dorms after making a full recovery. Although he still felt a slight soreness in his waist, everything else was practically completely healed up.
As he walked down the hall back to his room, Leo couldn’t help but recall the dream. No, that nightmare.
Why had he dreamt of such a thing? He had never had such dreams before, let alone a dream as vivid as that.
‘There’s no way those were real people, right?’
His mind was conflicted with self-doubt, questioning what had been happening in that dream. A human-demon hybrid? How was that possible?
Leo shook his head, realizing how absurd he sounded. The nightmare had been just a normal dream. At least he wanted to hope so.
His footsteps tapped through the dimly lit hallway, echoing throughout the silent fortress. With free time on his hands, he approached a barred window to see the outside. The cloudless sky was instead filled with countless stars, the moon bringing light to this hopeless world.
Farther down below, the ground was covered in a light icing, the cold front creeping forward as winter approached. The ground glittered, reflecting the moonlight as if trying to replicate the starry night sky, unable to reach the heavens themselves.
‘So beautiful…if only the people of this world were as beautiful as this.’
Leo sighed, if only his mind was as calming as the outside.
Below, he could see guards patrolling the outposts below on the wall exchanging a few words before returning to their duties. They wore more armored clothes with a dirty metal chestplate with armor pieces covering their ankles and forearms and a brodie helmet, not completely covering them probably because they weren’t the highest rank. They each held a bolt action rifle with a bayonet on their sides.
It was odd to see rifles so commonly now as they were a rarity in the outside world, or at least where he’s been to. He sighed. If only he had those weapons before, maybe things would be different.
Resting his elbow on the windowsill, he clutched his face as he groaned.
He was tired. So very tired.
He still couldn’t get Thane out of his head. The image of his maimed face etched into his consciousness.
Not only that, the fight itself was just pointless bloodshed. At most, it was entertainment for the city, if the audience were citizens to begin with. There were definitely other ways of dealing with situations like this, but there was no room to negotiate from either of them.
‘I feel sick…’
This was the first time he had killed a fellow human being himself. Sure he’s seen others do it, but actively murdering a person with his own two hands made him feel disgusted. He blankly stared at his hands, for a moment, he could’ve sworn blood stained them before quickly disappearing.
He rubbed his eyes that were blurring and growing heavy. Had the fight really taken such a toll on him…?
“Thinking of something?”
Startled, Leo jumped back to see Connie step out from the dark. Relieved, he relaxed a bit, returning to his original pose against the barred window. “Just…Yeah…Is it that obvious? And how long were you there for?”
She shrugged. “The entire time.”
Leo’s eyes widened. ‘The entire time!?’
Connie sighed. “And it would be a problem if I hadn’t noticed. You’re lucky Patrick’s asleep or he’d be hounding you right now.”
He slowly shook his head. “And you’re awake because?”
Connie grunted irritably, “That bastard snores too loudly. So I’ve got a completely different sleep schedule now. When he’s awake, I sleep and vice versa.”
Leo nodded, keeping his gaze out in the open world.
Connie, following in suit, leaned on the window beside him and looked out. The stars reflected off her hazel eyes, causing them to glisten like jewels. Strands of her black hair slipped forward, landing on her cheek as they swayed in the icy wind. “How often do you think this view is for city folk?”
He shrugged. “Hopefully everyday.”
“So hopeful…”
He stayed silent, hesitating to speak. Scared of the judgement she’d have of him. “I-I killed my first person today…”
“First? Impressive.”
Leo’s voice started to break up. “He was…a blind man. Well, he was a Smogborn so that kinda cancelled it out.”
“Mhm.”
Leo looked down at the snow-covered windowsill, his hands clenching into fists above it. His fingers cracked at the force of his clench. “Did I…do the right thing? Should I have found another way?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, figure out a way to get him to submit or something?”
Connie looked at Leo incredulously. “You think you, a newly Unchained, could even hope to make an already established Smogborn submit? Are you an idiot?”
“Harsh but, yeah…I’m just making excuses at this point.” Leo buried his hands into his hair, trying to focus on the luminescent floor of the outside forest.
Connie sighed. “You really didn’t kill a single person outside? Not one?”
Leo shook his head. “Not one…We never really found many people outside other than ourselves.”
She shook her head in disbelief. “How old are you again…?”
“I…think I’m seventeen?”
“You think…?” Connie waved him off. “Nevermind that. I get it, your first kill. But I can tell you he certainly won’t be the last. Try to come to terms with the fact it’s a necessity.”
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Leo suddenly turned toward her, lurching forward making her flinch a bit. “But I don’t want it to become a necessity! What kind of world requires somebody to kill or be killed? If we’re like this here, how are we any different than the demons out there?!”
Connie shrugged. “What’s the difference from killing a demon then?”
“They hunt us for sport, Connie. They hate us with every fiber of their being simply because we exist in this world. You think that’s the same as a criminal who still feels compassion towards humans? Who tries to survive like we do? I don’t even know what that guy did to end up in prison!”
Leo stepped closer to Connie, his expression having broken down.
“That wasn’t even the worst part, Connie! His face had been completely skinned from the nose-up. I could even see some of his veins along with his muscle and fat! He wasn’t even naturally blind either. Somebody had taken his eyes.”
Leo slammed his fist into the wall in frustration. “Imagine how scared he had been, unable to see the world around you. Having that luxury stolen from you. I don’t even hate the fact he fought me and Anthony in that arena. I don’t even care that he almost killed the two of us. I completely understood why he did what he did. If anything, I pitied him!”
Connie’s face scrunched up as Leo continued speaking.
“And at the end…he had such a calm smile on his face, no, he was happy. What could somebody have gone through for them to be happy at the end of their life?”
All Connie did was listen, her pose unchanged as if everything she heard was as natural as the ice outside.
“Yet, when I think about all that, despite all those facts. I feel nothing. I feel as if I just dealt with an overdue chore. Nothing. And that’s what scares me right now…I don’t want to grow used to this or annoyed or any of that shit. I…I don’t know…”
Silence permeated the hall for a while as neither spoke any longer.
Oddly enough, Leo found this silence comforting. It was better than the backlash from Connie. Thankfully it seemed as though she didn’t particularly care too much about his actions as if it were nothing too problematic.
Finally Connie broke the silence.
“You say all that, Leo, yet I don’t think you realize the good side of what you just said.”
Leo raised a brow, confused. “Good side?”
“I don’t mean the good side of the trials or the acts committed in the world in general. I mean the good side of you that I see radiating from your words and actions just now.”
For the first time, Connie faced Leo, maintaining eye contact with him with her usual expressionless face. Her eyes, however, betrayed her face as they filled with a reassuring look.
“You keep talking about how you killed a man, sure. You have a shitty reason for killing him? Maybe. But the real thing you should look at is this…”
She adjusted herself slightly. “Tell me, did you enjoy killing him?”
He looked at her incredulously. “What? No! Of course not!”
She lazily pointed. “Bingo. See, unlike the basic murderers, you didn’t enjoy your kills. From what I see, you do it as a last resort. In the first trial, you broke the man’s arm instead of killing him like Anthony did.”
“And from what you told me, you didn’t really want to kill him even now. Look at you ruining yourself with this useless crap. You did what you could for that fucker, you have no reason to be remorseful of your actions. If anything, just curse the shitty circumstances that led to you killing him.”
‘She…really does have a potty mouth, doesn’t she…?’
Besides the point, her words resonated with him. But he still couldn’t just ignore Thane’s situation. It felt as though a pull was bringing him to Thane’s irresistible past.
“Have you killed anyone…?”
Connie looked at him ridiculously. “Dude, you saw me kill someone in the first trial. Duh?”
He internally facepalmed, his ears turning slightly red. “Right…”
He pressed his head against the iron bars of the window, his breath appearing from the cold temperature. “I keep telling myself I had no choice, but that’s not true is it?”
She lowered her head. “It may not have been the only choice. But there’s no point in looking back on it now, just keep pressing forward.” Her eyes went vacant before focusing again. “That’s what gramps told me at least.”
“Was your grandpa a sage? Some wise words coming from that man.”
She disregarded his comment and continued. “By the way, remember how you asked if this view was everyday. Well, I can tell you for sure that this usually only stays for about a week. Clear skies, pure white snow falling, it’s basically a dream that you’d see such a thing. From what I hear, the city’s mostly just covered by dark clouds and pillars of smoke.”
“That’s…depressing.”
Suddenly his head reeled back as she flicked his forehead. “Enough with that mindset. If you’re gonna keep feeling shitty about these small things, you’ll become some depressed alcoholic. You don’t see the guards fucking about, do you?”
“What should I do though…?” Leo’s voice grew weary at the thought. He couldn’t help thinking like this. It hadn’t even been a week since he’d gotten here and things have been rapidly changing for him. He just couldn’t keep up with the changes like Anthony could. And how could he not care what’s happening in front of him? It just wasn’t right.
Connie spat out the window and said, “All you’ve gotta do is do your best to survive like the rest of us. I’m not expecting much out of you, and not many others are either.” She lightly punched his arm. “Fight to survive, live for the future. That’s my motto. Got me here so I’m doing something right.”
“Huh. You’re good at this. Maybe you should’ve tried becoming a therapist.”
She lightly chuckled. “Looks like you’re set for now. I’ll let this therapy session be free of charge just this once. Next time, I’ll be expecting payment with interest.” She rubbed her fingers together..
Leo shook his head. “Thanks, Connie.”
She waved him off. “Mhm. Now piss off, this is my spot. Find somewhere else to be gloomy.”
“You wouldn’t need a therapy session would you?” Leo looked at her teasingly.
She snorted. “The client can’t advise their doctor. Now shoo.”
Leo stood up straight, straightening his clothes. “By the way, how’d your match go?”
“Huh? Oh, we won. He was just a Powerless so he stood no chance. The match barely lasted five minutes.”
Leo nodded, happy they had passed.
Connie placed her hand on his shoulder in reassurance. “Just remember. You don’t owe him anything.”
Leo turned to leave, feeling oddly better. As he walked back towards the gloomy dorm. But unable to keep it in, he said to her, “I know you said I shouldn’t care too hard about the little things. But I don’t think I can do that. Sometimes it’s the little things that make the largest differences, Connie. I’ll take your words into consideration, but I’ll continue reflecting on myself, wondering what I could’ve done differently and what I’ll need to do to bring about such outcomes. I may not be perfect, but I’ll push myself to be better than those above.”
In an amused tone, she asked, “Oh yeah? How’re you gonna do that?”
He clenched his fists as he looked down, still seeing Thane’s blood staining his hands. “I’ll grow stronger. Stronger than anybody else so they can’t stamp me down like some ant. This feeling of being so little, I hate it. But it’ll be the driving point towards my growth. I hope you’ll help me too, Connie. And that goes for Patrick and Anthony too.”
He looked back to see Connie having disappeared. No footsteps, no wind, nothing. The only indication of her having been there were the doodles in the snow by the windowsill.
He scoffed and marched himself back into his dormitory, the shadows around him darkening as he left.
Just checking in. Hopefully you guys enjoy the story. I'll continue doing my best to write a nice story for you readers, hopefully I'm not doing too badly at it.
