An hour later, Gray sat alone in the canteen at their usual table in the back. He took a moment to look out the window at the training fields, especially at the sparring pavilion where he’d just kissed Pinch. He couldn’t stop thinking about her—that kiss was one thing, but the haunting image of her on the ship in the misty rain with her gray-faced mother, a husk, her core shattered. Pinch had been young, fearful, but of course, Pinch being Pinch, her face had been reduced to a scowl, her eyes as hard as stones.

  It was quiet in the canteen—only the staff were there, rattling pots, and setting out the food. When Dame Blackpaw glanced over at him, she frowned because while Squad 23 was at the top of the heap, they brought trouble. Freek had done a good job convincing the entire academy that Gray was a murderer. Then, of course, there was Captain Sevanya, who spent all of her free time murdering the squads she sponsored.

  Even with the tension in the air, it was peaceful.

  Rynn and Ames came in a little later, and Rynn didn’t look his way.

  Gray’s heart fell. Normally, when she came into a room, and he was there, she would smile at him.

  That poor girl. He felt bad that during their first year married, there had been so many other women kissing him. It wasn’t what she wanted, of course, and it wasn’t what he wanted either. He’d never been like the gladiators in the arena who just loved to tell everyone about their sexual exploits.

  Rynn brought her tray of charbrew, juice, and ironbites over and set it down on the table in front of him. “Who was it this time, Mr. No? For being a Mr. No, you sure do say ‘yes’ a lot.”

  “I’m sorry, Rynn. I have to tell you that I never meant for—”

  She waved his words away. “Yes, yes, yes. You have been dutifully guilty. Who was it? I felt your lust, of course, which was a rather shocking way to wake up. But I also felt a sadness…an awful despair that was almost…”

  “Hungry?” Gray offered.

  Rynn’s eyes brightened. “Yes! Exactly. A hungry sadness. It was, um, disconcerting to say the least.”

  Ames sat down. “It was a hungry blizzard that wanted to eat you. But you stayed warm…because that is your way. You bathe in the sin fire.”

  Both Gray and Rynn ended up looking at her for a long time.

  Ames looked ashamed. “I am not making myself clear. The lust is the sin fire; it’s an old way of talking about the darker aspects of the seven instincts. Father mentioned it. It’s from the time of the Cambrosians. The blizzard is Pinch. I told you…the ice would become fire. Pinch is the ice that burns. When I saw that kiss, I thought it would break me. Why would she get to kiss you and not me? But I did get to kiss you.” She smiled, even with tears in her eyes. “And it will never rain again.”

  Rynn lost it. “What? Pinch? All that lust was for her?”

  Gray felt like she’d just punched him in the gut. She had a right to be angry. He’d kissed the same villain that had savagely beaten her and shattered her sense of herself.

  He explained what had happened and finished with, “I really thought I could beat her. It would’ve gotten her out of our lives for good. As it stands, I don’t think she’s going to come back for more. Even if she did, there won’t be a second kiss.”

  Rynn was quiet for a long time, head down, staring at her coffee.

  Ames rubbed her back, looking worried.

  Gray didn’t know what to do. He’d been surprised at what had happened between the two of them, how that kiss had turned into something far more.

  Rynn lifted her head. “Do we know why she’s so sad?”

  Gray shook his head and smiled. “No. And it’s not like I can ask her. You know how she is.”

  Both of them turned to Ames.

  The Quelling elf shrugged. “She’s a walking blizzard of sadness and cold. It’s hard to see when there’s a blizzard. The ice burned but those flames have flickered away. I thought they would grow into an inferno, I really did. It’s why I was so upset. But I didn’t want to warn you because…”

  Her voice fell away.

  Gray knew the truth. “Because if you had told me that I might end up kissing Pinch, it might’ve helped make it come true.”

  Ames nodded.

  Rynn sighed. “I am not going to let that fucking fairy bitch ruin my bond. I know what I have with you, Grayson Fade, and I will fight Malchutt himself to keep it. We are bonded, forever, and I love you. I don’t know why every woman at First Field is throwing themselves at you but let it all happen. I’m strong enough. We’re strong enough to take it. And I swear to the goddess of lust and the god of chastity that if it comes down to it, I will fuck every one of those sluts with you, in our bed, until they either join us or go away forever. Lust feels so much better than envy.”

  Gray blinked. What was happening?

  Ames smiled. “I would like to be at the front of that line. But no, Rynn, it’s not what you want.”

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  The elf girl’s lips were a white line of rage. “It’s not what I want, but it’s what life is giving us. I guess I’m not like most girls. I never dreamed of finding a bond and living a life of marital bliss. I dreamed of becoming powerful, hunting demons, and helping my family. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to try the sex. It seemed so…unseemly.”

  That made them all chuckle.

  Ames grew serious. “I dreamed of finding a man, of us living together, the two of us. He was going to be handsome, kind, and he would never, ever hurt me. And he was powerful enough to kill anyone who tried. Even my own father. He would help me remember that life is more than pain.”

  “Because it can’t rain all the time,” Gray said.

  Ames nodded, keeping her eyes on Gray. “Because it will never rain again…not really.”

  Rynn waved at them both. “Hello. I was talking. You two.” She rolled her eyes. “My point is, I never thought I would ever be jealous because I never thought I would ever be bonded. But then, with you, Gray, everything changed. You were this force in my life, and I loved it. I loved how I felt to be partnered with you. We’re still partners in this, and that will never change. It can’t.” Tears suddenly filled Rynn’s eyes, and her voice cracked with emotion. “I’m glad for that. There is no one else in the entire world that I would want to be shackled to.”

  “Chains of fire and lust,” Ames said softly. “A joyful cage.”

  Rynn nodded. “A joyful cage.”

  Gray got up and went around to his bonded. He sat and held both of her hands. “These kisses don’t mean a thing to me. Only you do. There is no one else I would rather be bonded to. We’re a team.”

  “Inseparable. Unstoppable.” Rynn leaned in and kissed him. It was a simple thing, but it felt so much better than what he’d shared with Pinch. There was no hunger to her, just a quiet, confident strength.

  Ames got up and walked from their table.

  Rynn gave a worried look. “I hope she’s okay. I didn’t know she dreamed of being bonded. I guess…I guess it was hard for her to see us being all lovey with each other.”

  Gray nodded and gently wiped away one of his bonded’s tears with his thumbs. “We can’t help that. I do love you, Rynn. I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.”

  She smiled. “And it’s not for lack of trying.” She laughed, and she was her old self. “I’m kidding! I love you too, Grayson Fade. I would bathe in al the sin fire in all the world just for you to hold me at night.”

  Ames came back with some eggs on a plate. “You both are very strong and good, and I’m glad to have your friendship. The ice burned and burned itself away. What is left is true and real. Now, I don’t mean to be rude, but can we talk about something else?”

  They all laughed, and then did just that, until the rest of their squad—the captain, Midj, and Tomi—joined them.

  By that time, the place was filled with people, including Freek and the other Wrath City Raiders, including the scarred orc named Kabe.

  They all sat down across from Gray.

  Midj had dark circles under her names. Settie was as grumpy as ever.

  Only Tomi was smiling. “I slept great last night. It’s kind of nice being in our nice tiny room, all cozy in our beds, with our mysterious sponsor right there.”

  Settie grunted. “I am not mysterious.” She then sipped her charbrew without saying another word.

  Midj, though, was far louder. “What? Cozy? In those beds? The sheets are like sandpaper. You are either snoring or talking in your sleep. At least there is no screaming, not like there was the other night. That was…that was awful. But yes, having Captain Sevanya with us is comforting.”

  Tomi snorted. “Because her presence is so soothing, and she is so motherly.”

  Settie set her cup down. “I am not motherly.”

  Midj gave her a surprisingly warm look. “Maybe you’re not the most nurturing woman I’ve ever met, but you are powerful. If that murderer is still on the loose, they won’t mess with us any. Just that is comforting, I have to say.”

  Settie didn’t move. She also didn’t say anything. She just sat, staring straight ahead.

  Midj noticed it right away. “Captain? Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” she said in a breathy voice. “It…it pleases me that you feel safe with me. Others wouldn’t.”

  Midj rolled her eyes. “All them people just like to gossip. We know you want what’s best for us. You gave us that wonderful house, with that wonderful kitchen, and I’ve had some wonderful times there. I feel lucky to be with you guys. It would be perfect if only…”

  She swallowed hard. “Well, now, let me not want something I can’t have. Let me be grateful and be done. Folks are only as happy as they want to be, and I want to be happy. Those purple berry ironbites are so tasty today! Don’t know why the canteen has such good breakfasts. The real hardship isn’t the beds, the scorpions, or our tiny room. The real terribleness is going to be the dinners. I might survive it.”

  Rynn laughed unexpectedly. “All is the Testing and all is the Test. Especially the meat loaf.”

  Midj grimaced. “Don’t remind me! Even the mato sauce can’t help that stuff. It’s just nasty.”

  They called more—at least Tomi, Midj and Ames did. Rynn was as quiet as ever, and Settie still seemed to be moved by what Midj had said. Gray engaged a little, but he was still troubled by his dream the night before and his encounter with Pinch.

  Ames said that the ice had turned into fire before flickering out, but Gray wasn’t so sure. That kiss had closed a door, yes, but Pinch had a way of punching through walls.

  The best part of the meal was the little looks Rynn gave him. It was clear she was feeling better.

  Then it was a day of training, meditation, and sparring. They did some drills with balls, but they didn’t do anything that might reveal that they would be playing Chaotica during the Soulshred Week, which was only six days away.

  Dinner that night was as awful as ever, and afterwards, they didn’t want to go into the market, and they didn’t want to go back to the barracks, and so they went to their usual spot in the little archive at the Pink Palace. Like always, Quinnly Quillswrath was happy to see them and brought them tea and cookies along with some wine. Settie excused herself and went somewhere—not that they could ask her.

  Gray drank a bit too much of manafied too quickly, and after not really sleeping the night before, he decided to leave early. Of course, Rynn wasn’t going to let him go alone, and she went with him.

  It wasn’t raining, the sky was clear, but the temperature had plummeted. He and Rynn walked with their hands stuffed into their pockets. They kept their hood on and tried to walk quickly, but Gray kept getting dizzy.

  In the end, she hooked an arm through his and they made their way down the running path toward the bridge that crossed the Ashblood River.

  Painted silver by the cold moonlight, they saw the hulking figures on the bridge, passing a bottle back and forth. It was Freek and his orcish squad.

  “Do we go around?” Rynn asked.

  Gray chuckled. “No. But if things turn sour, I’m in no shape to fight. You just keep venting your core until they’re all in the river. I’ll keep giving you all the mana you could ever want.”

  “You do keep me filled, Mr. No.”

  Gray felt the lust give him more magic. “Well, now, Mrs. Yes, if we hurry, we can have some fun before Ames comes in.”

  “Why do you think she stayed?” Rynn asked with a little laugh.

  “Then let’s get through these fuckers and get back to our room.”

  Rynn was still uncertain. “Do you think we can get by them without any trouble?”

  He laughed a little too much at that. “No, but this is First Field. The trouble is all part of the testing.”

  Freek called out. “Hey, murderer, I want to talk to you!”

  Gray felt the adrenaline sober him up a bit. “This should be fun.” He then lifted his voice. “Coming, Mother!”