Chapter Twenty-One – The Dame Hekla Blackpaw

  Gray only returned to the market to make money at the cup game. He hadn’t given up on breaking through Captain Settie’s wards, but he also didn’t have enough money to implement his plan. Every shekel brought him closer to seeing Yellow again.

  While he made money, he didn’t stop training, not for second. He was determined to take advantage of everything that First Field had to offer. Mama Cinders leapt at the chance to have students. She even turned human. It was a bit odd knowing that this old, freckled woman with red hair turning white was actually a dragon, and yet, Gray could see the same mana radiating out of her core, not matter what kind of body she had. He hadn’t told anyone what he was seeing, but he had the idea that no one else could see mana like he could.

  Mama Cinders didn’t just give them workouts, she also instructed them on how to meditate, strengthening the mind as well as the body. When the dragon was showing the combat, she was in her human, but when she meditated, she turned into her long, slender dragon with red scales, though like her hair, they were turning white. She would slither around until she was in the right position, leaning against her tail, with her claws on her knees. She instructed them to breathe in the virtues and breathe out the sins. She also encouraged them to contemplate the eighth instinct, and what it might be.

  Breathe in patience and breathe out wrath.

  Breathe in chastity and breathe out lust.

  Breathe in temperance and breathe out gluttony.

  Breathe in diligence and breathe out sloth.

  Breathe in kindness and breathe out envy.

  Breathe in humility and breathe out pride.

  That was a total of fourteen breathes, but the last two breaths were to ponder the eight instinct and to clear the mind before the cycle began again. Gray wasn’t sure about the eighth instinct, but he did work on clearing his mind. The meditation helped to slowly fill his core with mana.

  They would sit for twenty minutes at a time, not moving. His nose itched, he wouldn’t scratch. He would let the itch continue to itch until it finally went away. He was on the road to self-mastery. He wasn’t going to simply react. If he decided not to move and focus on his breath for twenty minutes, that was what he was going to do.

  After one meditation, Mama Cinders said exactly that. “Your body will have aches and pains as well as more pleasurable sensations. That is the body’s job. The mind is there to think. That is the mind’s job. You are not your body. You are not you mind. You are not your feelings. You are not even your mana core. You are the mind behind the mind. You are the one who observes the workings of your mind and body. You are the eternal.”

  Rynn took in a breath and let it out slowly. “I am the eternal.”

  Gray didn’t find the ideas all that foreign. Blind John sometimes talked about himself in the third person. In the end, this observing mind needed to master both the body and animal mind. Instead of asking more about the philosophy, he asked a far simpler question. “Why is no one else here? Maybe every once in a while, we see someone sparring in the pavilion, but that’s rare. Don’t they want to do their best during the Testing?”

  Mama Cinders only smiled. “It is still early. The Watchfire Families have their own private training grounds for their recruit teams. We keep First Field open for those without such resources. Most come here after training their entire lives, and so they are overly confident and think they don’t need any additional help. Some even get their power from their overconfidence, though I would not speak ill of the pride resonant. Pride, like envy, can be a powerful motivator. Other recruits are simply irresponsible.”

  “So it seems that pride and envy aren’t so bad after all,” Gray said.

  Mama Cinders only laughed. “Virtues and sins are two sides of the same instinct. You can kill with a knife, or you can cut bread for hungry children. We call them sins when they destroy people’s lives.”

  “Can virtues destroy?”

  Cinders gave him a long look. “Become too kind and people will take advantage of you. Become too content and you’ll starve. Become too diligent and you’ll wind up alone, working, without friends or family. A bottle can hold water, but you can also use it to bludgeon someone to death. One must utilize the instincts to improve one’s self, to enjoy one’s self, to be of service to the people around you. That is the proper use of the will—to align one’s self with one’s instincts to work toward achieving one’s goals.”

  Rynn asked the next logical question. “What about becoming too humble, teacher? Is there a risk to having too much humility?”

  Cinders titled her head. “You, Rynnanatha Sereph know the answer. You have studied this your entire life. Tell me what your teachers have said in the past.”

  “It is not humility that is the danger. It’s false pride. Thinking I’m not worthy of life is as bad as thinking I’m better than everyone else around me. True humility is accepting the truth of things and living out that truth. I’m not best. I’m not the worst. I’m just me. That is true humility, and maybe that’s the only instinct that can’t be abused.”

  “Maybe it’s the only instinct that can’t be perfected,” Mama Cinders countered. “I’ve met the humility resonant before, and sometimes, they can be passive. They let life happen to them. Surrendering to the moment can be powerful, but sometimes, the moment needs to be conquered. Sometimes the truth finds a champion in the proud and not the humble. Again, it is not so simple as to say that humility is good and pride is bad. It’s more complex and nuanced. More gray.” Mama Cinders gave him a toothy smile.

  Gray knew he was lucky to have found both Blind John and Mama Cinders in the same lifetime. Both of them seemed so wise, and a lot of what they said was similar. Gray took that as a good sign.

  He thought about trying to get a message to Blind John, but he wasn’t sure how that worked yet. Everyone in Cradleport knew Blind John, but he was pretty sure a message from the Belly would somehow wind up in the hands of Princess Lilian. He didn’t want to risk it.

  Spending time with Mama Cinders made even the terrible dinners worth it, and it was funny how the meals got worse. Breakfast was usually delicious, while lunches declined in quality. Worst were the dinners—it was either old food or tasteless food or both.

  Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more.

  They saw Froggy’s squad, but they didn’t talk to either Gray or Rynn. It seemed their mad dog act had worked. Freek and the other orcs had found a second home in the Dice Markets, at a bar there they talked about all the time. They would generally spend most of the night there and come home early in the morning. There was noise, and yelling, running up and down the hall, and sometimes it would wake up Gray, and he’d lie awake, unable to go back to sleep, but most of the time he turned over, made sure there were no scorpions in his bed and went back to sleep.

  Up early, he would meditate, then breakfast, where he would get an ironbite, his first of the day. He was tolerating the ironbites better, though he didn’t understand why the breakfast muffins were so much better than the lunch and dinner ones, without any fruit or any taste. He started taking them like pills, biting off a chunk, and then joking it down with the swampy water. It made it harder to process, but at least it was over quickly.

  Three ironbites a day left him exhausted, but he was determined to get stronger, faster, better. He was alone in the world, and yes, finding a friend in Rynn was wonderful, but he knew their friendship wouldn’t last long after they finished the Testing. She would go on to open a clothing store in Envy City, and he would find his own place in the world, beholden to no one.

  He wasn’t going to be a servant ever again. That meant he had to master himself and this new magic inside of him. If he could trust himself and his strength, he could then better handle anything that life threw at him. First Field was his first step into a larger, better world.

  One evening, he was eating with Rynn, when Dame Hekla Blackpaw came traipsing up to them. The big dog woman stood there, arms folded across her big furry breasts. “They like me to talk to students. They want me to listen to yo0ur complaints. They think it makes a difference. It doesn’t. But okay. I’m talking to you. What do you want to complain about?”

  Gray got to his feet. “Sit, Mrs. Blackpaw, and we can hear your concerns. We’ve been training with Mama Cinders, and she has been very instructive, but we’d like to hear what the Dame of First Field think. Can I get you something drink?”

  Suspicion flashed in the dog woman’s eyes. “I like the apple juice. Only thing around this shithole worth drinking. Fine. Apple juice. I don’t remember your name. Why’d you remember mine? You want something from me?”

  “Nothing at all. Who can forget Dame Hekla Blackpaw of First Field? She runs the whole place. Rynnanatha Sereph, this is Mrs. Blackpaw. Rynn has come all the way down from the Crown to be a part of Captain Sevanya’s recruit squad.”

  “Can’t believe Sette Sevanya is back. Never thought I’d see the day.” Mrs. Blackpaw’s eyes narrowed. “You’re the angel head who cut her hair. Good. Keep the hair out of your eyes. You’ll need to see for the Testing.”

  “You two will have a great deal to talk about, no doubt.” Gray went and poured the sour apple juice into a metal cup and returned to set it down in front of the dog woman.

  The Dame sipped her juice noisily. “I was telling the elf here that it’s a shame this place is basically a home for chaos. It’s not a Chaos House, but it comes close.”

  Gray didn’t know what a Chaos House was.

  Mrs. Blackpaw saw it. “You really are a nully, aren’t you? You don’t have Chaos Houses in the Null Breaks?”

  “We have Children of Order temples, but no Chaos Houses, I’m afraid. What are they?”

  “Opposite of the Children of Order temples. A place to go to…indulge. There’s three in Pity City, all up north. I think Freek and his ruffians found the one in the Dice Markets. They keep leaving blood in Third Barracks stairwell.”

  Gray chuckled. “We’ve noticed.”

  “My staff will get it cleaned eventually. You see scorpions in your rooms?”

  Rynn nodded, not saying a word. She was back to being Miss Yes. She’d grown comfortable with Gray, but around strangers, she’d go back to being the shy elf girl.

  Gray was about to ask if they could get some kind of magic to cool down their room, or if they could get an extra set of sheets, but the Dame had come expecting complaints. He wasn’t going to give into the temptation to complain. Besides, he had a long-term plan on getting out Third Barracks.

  “What are your three major concerns, Mrs. Blackpaw?”

  She chuckled. “Aren’t you a charmer. Calling me by an actual name, getting me apple juice, and wanting to listen to me complain for a change. Ha. I’ll tell you. A recruit was killed in First Barracks last week, and we don’t know who did it. We have our petty theft, fights, bullying, that kind of thing, but that’s to be expected. Murder is a bit more serious.”

  “Just a bit?” Gray asked.

  The Dame shrugged. “This is First Field. All is the Testing and all is the Test. Recruits are bound to die. It’s fucking dangerous, all of it, and if they can’t handle themselves outside of the Testing, then why should we think they would pass the Testing at all? No, this whole place is by design. Pit City doesn’t have any laws, so why should we? The Rabbia family has been crumbling since the Wrath Tower fell. The duke can’t do much except keep the sewers working, but I guess we should be grateful.”

  “So no one is policing the market?” Gray asked.

  “Only the Watchfire families that have shops there. Mess with the wrong person, and one of the Watchfire families will come for you. It’s Pit City, child. Survival of the fittest. The Rabbia family and their duke might try and tell you differently, but they’re a shadow of what they once were. Everything changed when the First Pylon fell. It’s why this place is called First Field. Get it?”

  “What destroyed the Wrath Tower?” Gray asked.

  Mrs. Blackpaw squinted at him. “Yeah. I don’t fucking know. I have enough problems with current events to care much about history. It was a squabble in the families, who are always fighting, always wanting more. Rumor has it the dragons weren’t just happy controlling Pride City and wanted Wrath City as well. That’s what Pit City used to be called. The infighting killed most of the Rabbia clan, took down First Pylon, and then the Weeping Well got cracked open and out poured demons. The best manamancers in all the remaining families created the Hellbinder Barrier. It was ten years later, to the day, First Field was created to recruit the best of the best. It was different back in those days, or so I’ve heard. The First Dame, ha, she was a dragon. Ran a tight ship. If you were caught washing your sheets wrong, you were kicked out. The Magistrate wasn’t messing around. But then, things changed and then got worse. Things always get worse. Now the recruits are thrown into the meat grinder, right off the bat, so that the Magistrate can save money. Why waste shekels on extra staff? We run a skeleton crew, and yeah, people have their shit stolen and fights can escalate to murder, but it’s not like recruits will stop coming. Like you two. A nully and an angel head, living together, probably practicing a little lust magic every chance they get.”

  Rynn looked very uncomfortable, and the Dame grinned at her, licking her chops noisily.

  The Dame was unpleasant, but Gray also saw she could be useful.

  “Former nully,” Gray said. “And a former angel head. So, Mrs. Blackpaw, who is the magistrate?

  “His name is Malcon Crewel, and he runs First Field as much as anyone can run this place.”

  Gray filed that away for future reference. “Tell me, Mrs. Blackpaw, if you could change things, what would you change?”

  “I’d double the staff,” the Dame said immediately. “I’d get cooling magic for the barracks, and I’d have exterminators to deal with the scorpion problem. No use you recruits having to live in hell while you’re here. You’ll get enough hell soon enough. I’d also update the books in the Pink Palace’s archive. We have some history, some theory, but it’s pretty pathetic. We could use those books to offer pre-Testing training, and not just Mama Cinders and whoever feels like going down to the Fieldhouse when the mood strikes. You two. You’re taking this seriously, but then, you have to, right? You might not survive if you don’t. I wished other recruits were as serious. But wishes in one hand is about as useful as a palmful of piss in the other.”

  Mrs. Blackpaw got to her feet. “Well, now, this has been lovely. You’ve gotten me talking and talking. I’m proud of you both for not turning tail and running from this place the minute you got here. If you do know anything about the murder, I’d be grateful. I’d like to catch whoever done it and execute them, publicly. Be careful. Wouldn’t want to lose you two. I haven’t liked any recruits in a long time. You’d think that would help you, but knowing this place, it probably means that you’ll be the next to die.”

  “Where is this archive?” Rynn asked.

  Mrs. Blackpaw gave her directions. It was basically in the basement of the Pink Palace on the other side of the coliseum.

  The big dog woman then left them.

  “You were quiet, Miss Yes. Anything to add?”

  She smiled at him. “No.” And didn’t say another word.