Austen

  Standing off to the side of the mountain road, waiting for Bruiser to put the finishing touches on his latest video, I hear a voice in my ear.

  “Five, Rev!”

  I look to Sherbie who’s nudging me excitedly. “We’ve got five guild members!”

  “That was our goal, wasn’t it?” I say, grinning slightly. It feels a little unreal; for the longest time it was just Sherbie and me, but this latest addition proves The Whales are growing, one member at a time.

  “Now we can do a dungeon!” he says.

  “Ah, not exactly. KassInFlight, he, uh…” Somehow it’s a little uncomfortable explaining he’s my AI servant in the real world, and all the restrictions that have been put on his programming inside the game. “Kass, uh, he doesn’t do dungeons.”

  “No? Aw, man,” Sherbie wilts without further questions, and I wilt too, with relief. I’m really lucky my healer’s such an easy going guy.

  “All finished!” Bruiser has his volume turned up to 9000 as usual and Sherbie and I jump when he sneaks up behind us. “So what’s there to do in this guild thingy of yours, anyway?”

  I give our latest member the rundown on how to use the teleportation stone, and all the things he can expect to do back at the base. While I do that, Sherbie gets distracted by another potential pet in the bushes, a bugbear cub, and runs off to play with it. Harrietta was unsummoned after her match with Bruiser, so Sherbie’s on his own for the time being. I’m sure he’ll be fine…

  “…of course we’ll expand the base as we go along, so if there are any buildings you need, be sure and tell me.”

  “Sounds neat, I’ll have to check it out one of these days.”

  “Sure. Just—stay out of the guild chat unless I ping you. And ignore any messages you get from a character named Misa-pyon. She’ll try to send you pictures of her feet for money, don’t fall for it. She’s not…who she seems to be…”

  “Uh, ok?” Bruiser doesn’t get it, but he has no further questions. Another easy going guy. “So what’s the deal with the flower child?” he indicates to Sherbie who’s rolling around with the bugbear cub. “You two always travel together?”

  “Yeah, tank and healer, we make a good team. You’re free to come along with us or not, whatever you feel like.”

  “Uh, no offense, but traveling together and getting all buddy buddy isn’t my style.”

  “None taken,” I say, though secretly I’m a little disappointed. But I shouldn’t expect too much from a guy who was forced to join our group after losing a bet…

  “Although, if you’re up for it, there is one quest I could use your guys’ help on,” Bruiser says, and I perk right up.

  “Sure! Anything.”

  “There’s this giant up the mountain a ways…”

  “Hang on—share the quest with me.”

  “How do I do that?”

  I help Bruiser navigate his menu, and after a clumsy couple of seconds he manages to share it.

  [Quest: Hungry Hungry Hill Giant

  Mountain shepherds’ flocks are being terrorized by a local giant. They’ve always placated him with offerings from their flocks, but recently his appetite has been insatiable…

  Mission: Kill the giant.

  Reward: The poor villagers’ undying gratitude]

  An interesting reward, not necessarily worthless. I wonder what the villagers will be willing to do for the heroes who save their town from the giant.

  “I’ve been trying to kill him on my own, but he’s just too strong for me. But maybe if we work together…”

  I check the details of the quest. This giant must be a tough opponent indeed if he’s too much for the Bruiser to handle. Ah, yup, there it is.

  [Field boss. Party of 10 members recommended.]

  Oof.

  “You were trying to fight this guy alone?”

  “Yeah, tried a few times. I could get him down to like a third of his health but he just starts rampaging after that and he knocks me around like a rag doll,” Bruiser admits with a laugh. I wince, imagining how that must have felt with zero pain filters.

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  A party of ten, huh? I look at Bruiser, our battle hardened and ready damage dealer, then over at Sherbie, our earnest healer. These two on their own would make a pretty good team, but add a tank in their midst…

  “Yeah,” I nod to myself. “This should be about right…”

  “I think if we go together we’ll have a chance, how about you?”

  Before I can answer we’re interrupted by a scream.

  Sherbie!

  I look back to find him surrounded by no less than six adult bugbears. I guess they’ve had enough of him toying with their cub. Or maybe the baby was just the bait.

  “D-d-dino!” Sherbie cries. “Dino form?”

  “No!” I shout, running to the fray, activating my aura. “Get back! Focus on heals!”

  “Aaahhh!”

  Poor Sherbie is being swiped by their claws left and right, his robes are being torn strategically to reveal a pale, glistening body. It’s a scene reminiscent of anime, deliberate yet perfectly alluring censorship. Wait, was this a game feature before? Don’t tell me the update added every man’s fantasy—strategic clothing damage in battle?!

  Ah, why don’t we have any girls in our guild?! (Besides Misa!!)

  Sherbie cries out dramatically and covers his exposed body like an innocent maiden, his long pale green hair flowing all around as dew sparkles off of him like glistening diamonds. With a helpless cry, he collapses just as I reach his side with half his butt sticking out of his shredded robe. He looks just one swipe away from death, but my aggro pulls all the bugbears’ attacks to me at the last moment.

  “Heal yourself, Sherbie!” I urge, shield cracking under the first blows. Crap! Its durability was demolished in my fight with Bruiser.

  “Too weak…”

  “Sherbie!”

  [-60 HP]

  [-56 HP]

  [-20 HP]

  That last attack hit my backup shield. To me it’s not a lot of damage, but to Sherbie without any armor, so many blows like these would be devastating. As far as I can see, he’s still alive, just shaken by the surprise attack. Get it together, my guy! It takes me a whole minute to kill them with my aura. If even one of these guys notices you—

  Crunch! A sickening, bone crushing sound, followed by another, and another.

  Crunch, crunch, POW!

  “NO EXIT! RRRAAAAAAHHH!!!!!”

  I look over to see Bruiser throwing punches and kicks in every direction. Even without a single skill he’s still so fast, so precise, each blow and throw is poised to do maximum damage.

  I’m star struck, like a kid seeing his favorite superhero in action from a front row seat.

  He’s. So. Cool!!!!

  Yelling out his moves and catchphrases, Bruiser finishes the last of the bugbears with startling speed. A battle that would have taken Sherbie and I at least sixty seconds on our own, was just ended in under ten.

  “Hey,” he grins at me when it’s all over and wipes his nose, “that was kinda neat. They were so busy swiping at you I didn’t take a single hit. You ok? Those monsters must have dealt you a ton of damage.”

  “Me?” I check my HP bar. “Full health.”

  Bruiser stares at me slack jawed a moment, then throws back his head and laughs. “I don’t know what the hell that armor of yours is made of, but I need to get me some.”

  “It’s not the armor so much…” I say, then a pitiful groan reminds me of our fallen comrade.

  “Sherbie! Pull yourself together,” I say, pressing a health potion to his lips.

  “Your little bro gonna make it?”

  “Yeah,” I say, helping him sit up.

  “Too bad the diva wasn’t summoned when those guys showed up. She’d have knocked em dead to rights.”

  Bruiser’s comment makes me frown.

  “I’m kind of concerned about Harrietta getting into combat. I noticed she had a health bar while she was fighting you, and I didn’t see it filling up after the battle. I tried giving her a potion too and it did nothing.”

  “What are you saying?” Sherbie’s recovered enough at this point to speak, and some of his clothing is beginning to mend before my eyes. I guess with this new feature we’ll always be able to tell how much health he has, based on how much skin is showing…

  “I’m worried mounts have a set amount of health that doesn’t regenerate outside of battle, and no potion or spell will be able to recover it. It’s possible if her health drops to zero and she dies, she dies for good.”

  “Oh, no. Mommy…”

  “It’ll be fine,” I assure him. “Just don’t ride her into anymore skirmishes. From what I saw after her fight with Bruiser, she’s at about half health.”

  “Sorry, man, I didn’t know…”

  “It’s alright,” Sherbie reassures him. “It was my fault for taking her for granted.”

  His words sober us all for a moment. Then he perks up and casts a succession of healing spells on himself.

  “Sherbie’s spells heal based on percentages,” I explain to Bruiser, “so it’s not an instant fill up, but his magic is the perfect compliment to my enormous health stat.”

  “I don’t really understand all that math stuff. It all looks pretty miraculous to me, however it’s done.”

  Guess he can do without the exposition.

  “But to me,” he goes on, “between the three of us, it seems like we’ve got a nice little team here.”

  “Yeah,” says Sherbie. “We’ve got the tank, the healer and the damage dealer. We’re set to tackle anything!”

  “I think we’re gonna find the three of us work really well together,” I agree.

  “Fine, but that still doesn’t mean I’m gonna travel with you guys after we beat the next boss. Remember, the Bruiser’s a lone wolf. Having you two kids tagging along will only cramp my style. No offense.”

  “None taken…”

  “There, now, you look more like yourself,” Bruiser says when Sherbie’s health is maxed, and he offers him a hand up. “So, what do you two say we go fight a hill giant?”

  “Sounds good to me. Sherbie?”

  “Let’s do it!” he says, his enthusiasm evidently refilled along with his health bar.

  “You have a mount?” I ask Bruiser. In answer to my question he summons what looks to be a giant monitor lizard with a tiny saddle on its back. Definitely carnivorous, that thing looks like it could swallow me whole if it strained a little.

  “Great,” I say, summoning Horse and mounting while beside me, Sherbie climbs into Harrietta’s pouch. “Lead the way.”

  The three of us race down the mountain road, the lightning fast lizard’s body wiggling from side to side, Harrietta loping easily along while Horse strains to keep up with them. With the wind in our ears, it’s hard to hear anything, so I send Sherbie a private message.

  Revelator: By the way, did you know you were almost naked back there?

  Sherbie: yyea its was a little embarasing

  Revelator: There’s probably a new setting that will let you select how much clothing damage you want done. A feature like that doesn’t really affect me since I wear armor. But for you, it might be a good idea to lessen the clothing damage a bit.

  Sherbie: right ill try n find it

  Revelator: Good. This way I don’t have to see your butt. Again.

  Sherbie: (? ???ω??? ?)