I wake on a leather sofa to the sound of my phone ringing. 7:58 AM, I got less than three hours of sleep. Ugh.

  “Eh?” I answer, my voice gravel.

  “Austen! Where are you? Your Father and I are boarding the train right now!”

  “Oh, shit!”

  “What did you say, young man?”

  Shit! Shit shit! I hang up the phone reflexively, then realize what I’ve done and slap my face in disbelief. I am in so much trouble…

  She’s calling back. I answer with a wince.

  “Sorry about that, call dropped. Crazy reception up here in Oregon. Yeah, who’d believe it in 2063? Ha ha…”

  Needless to say grandpa and I got carried away playing old console games last night, and I totally missed the train. But that’s alright, since another one leaves at noon.

  With my ride secure, I set an alarm and crash again. This time when I wake grandpa is up.

  “Sorry I can’t offer you breakfast. Suki won’t make me anything but nutrition shakes,” he grimaces, glaring at his nurse bot as she bustles about the kitchen, looking busy. Behind his hand, he hisses to me, “She’s such a pain in the ass. When your dad said he was buying me a female coded nurse robot I thought all my Chobits fantasies had finally come true. But she won’t even get me off, says it’s against her programming. And just look at her chest. Flat as a pancake. Can you imagine anything more disappointing?”

  “If Grams heard you talking like that she’d kick your ass,” I whisper back.

  He chuckles.

  I love the old guy, but he’s as bad as Muten Roshi with his dirty mind. He makes my fantasies about Charis look PG…

  “Don’t worry about breakfast, Gramps, I’ll get something on the way.”

  “Alright. Be safe out there.”

  “You too, take care. I’ll see you in TC later, yeah?”

  “Yeah, I’ll have Suki get it set up. But if it makes me motion sick—”

  “I already told you it won’t. Trust me, Gramps. It’s gonna change your life.”

  I leave Grandpa Cody’s place and climb into a driverless taxi. Before heading to the station, I make a quick stop at Hammie’s. It’s early and nobody’s working, just the bots at the counter and behind the partition, flipping burgers.

  “One Double Hammie Hambie, curly fries and a huckleberry shake.”

  The breakfast of champions.

  I eat in front of the large window. The table is a touch screen, and I swipe through it, changing the picture of the gloomy city to a serene forest scene. It makes me think of my last few days questing in TC, and of Sherbie. I wonder how that guy’s doing. I haven’t checked the messenger app since he annoyed me yesterday. I pull out my phone and open the app.

  [166 unread messages.]

  What the heck?!

  S. Herbie: lo

  S. Herbie: lol

  S. Herbie: wut u doin

  S. Herbie: th departament store is fun ^_^

  S. Herbie: we should come to gether noext time

  S. Herbie: w

  S. Herbie: ut u doin

  S. Herbie: look this hat lulz

  A picture of Herbie in a hat with an enormous plush eggplant on top… Someone should probably tell him…

  S. Herbie: its 260$$ O.O

  S. Herbie: im buying it

  S. Herbie: sum cow boys just cam uup and s tarted talking wit me

  Picture of Herbie with what look to be like twelve middle aged South American cowboys.

  S. Herbie: cesar says he has a boat

  Which one is Cesar?

  S. Herbie: they invited me to the rodeo this should b fun

  I choke on my curly fries. What the heck?? This guy, he’s going to a ‘rodeo’ with some guys he just met? He’s going to get kidnapped for sure! He’ll be sold to a Guatemalan drug lord and kept in a dungeon and fed nothing but Twinkies and Ho Hos till playtime! Oh god!

  S. Herbie: rodeo i fun lol

  S. Herbie: lol it was the nationl anthem and this skinny girl just farted lol

  S. Herbie: i donder how much clonws get paid

  S. Herbie: my aunt keeps calling me freaking out cuz I disappeared from the store lol im not five

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  Your body’s nineteen but your brain is five, of course she’s freaking out!!

  S. Herbie: yo cesar just bought me a drink!

  Picture of Herbie with an eggplant on his head holding a suspicious looking beverage beside a ‘cowboy’ with very sweaty armpits casually holding an arm around his shoulder. This guy, Cesar, I don’t like the look in his eyes. He’s definitely killed people before. Herbie, get out of there!

  S. Herbie: i have to pee

  S. Herbie: imiss tc when i neer had to pee.

  S. Herbie: cesar is takking m e to the bathroom he knows whre they r

  S. Herbie: he said hes gonna show me his boat later maybe well take a ride

  Oh god! Oh god oh god!! I wanted Sherbie to become a man BUT NOT LIKE THIS!!

  I scroll frantically to the end of the one hundred and sixty some messages, terrified of what I’ll find. Heart racing painfully, actually aching in my chest, I read the final message.

  S. Herbie: and tt hat’s how i ended up joinin the quilting club. sorry but I wont b able to come online till it gets out at 4. If u get tierd of waiting just star twithout me.

  Wait—how did we go from boat ride with a suspicious cowboy to quilting club? I skipped a huge chunk of plot! But somehow, I don’t really want to go back and see what all happened. I get the feeling it won’t be good for my heart.

  Anyway, if he’s got plans to go quilting, that means he probably hasn’t been sex trafficked. Still, I should check in on him to be sure…

  McConsoleKing: Hey.

  A full minute goes by with no reply. A drop of sweat falls from my brow and hits the table. Damn, my heart hurts. I wonder how high my pulse is right now. Being friends with this guy is going to be the death of me. Damn it, Herbie…

  [S. Herbie is typing…]

  Thank goodness.

  S. Herbie: hai :3 long time no see

  McConsoleKing: Sorry, got busy with the party and everything. You ok? What are you up to?

  S. Herbie: never better. just sitting at home bored but ill leave soon.

  S. Herbie: quilting club starts in an hour. were making baby blankets

  Right. Of course he’s fine. I shouldn’t have worried. That guy has a knack for getting into trouble, and an even bigger knack for getting out of it. He’s like a daruma doll, wobbling this way and that, but never going down.

  McConsoleKing: Cool. I’ll be on the train home shortly.

  S. Herbie: how’s grandpa? Did he have any friends to join our guild?

  McConsoleKing: I forgot to ask. But he’ll be online when I get back so I can ask him then. Though most of his friends will probably be old geezers. You ok with that?

  S. Herbie: totally! im not prejudiced!

  I grin in spite of myself. No, he’s not prejudiced at all. It’ll get him into trouble one day, but I’ve got to admit, it’s one of the things I like best about the idiot.

  S. Herbie: btw whats ur favorite color

  Seriously? I toss last of my Hammie Hambie into my mouth before typing my reply.

  McConsoleKing: Brown.

  S. Herbie: …oyeah i forgot

  S. Herbie: i got u a present

  McConsoleKing: I don’t need an eggplant hat, thanks.

  S. Herbie: its not a hat whats ur address

  McConsoleKing: I literally cannot imagine anything more dangerous than giving you my address

  S. Herbie: come onnnnn

  McConsoleKing: Can’t talk now, got a train to catch. I’ll see you tonight after your quilting class. Ciao.

  Riding the super bullet train home, I sit in my own private car. I’ve only been away from TC for twenty-eight hours, but I miss that world so badly I can hardly stand it. What’s so great about reality? Reality sucks. Give me fantasy and let me live in it forever.

  Feeling homesick for the game, I end up searching content about it while the train zooms southwards. Forums are buzzing with news about the update. Some exciting features include guild teleportation stones now going both ways for up to half an hour after the initial teleportation. That means we’ll be able to check in on the Whale Guild and teleport right back to the place we left without losing a day of travel. Nice.

  In other news, it looks as though Captain Moon’s replacement has been fixed. The guy that predicted they’d replace Captain Sun with Captain Moon’s identical twin was spot on. They’ve also changed the game so that main quest givers can no longer be recruited to guilds. I guess we broke the game pretty badly when Sherbie recruited Captain Moon. I remember some players were even threatening to drop their subscriptions when he disappeared.

  There are a few other changes, bug fixes mostly. Not too interested in reading every detail, I instead look to content creators. I remember a player I met named Dooker who talked about perverts making content with their characters. He was right, there’s no shortage of e-girls running around making spectacles of themselves. Also some of these videos have over five million views already. This world is a sad, sad place, I think, shaking my head in disappointment even as I watch a player named VeryDeadBarbie roll around in level 1 slimes in her almost see-through lingerie, screaming and showing close-ups of the slimes crawling into the cleavage of her triple F size boobs. Disgusting…

  I’ll just watch one more minute…

  Eight minutes later, feeling a little guilty and questioning some of my life choices, I move onto the next video.

  “This mysterious mark keeps turning up in front of rare chests, the letter ‘N.’ Or is that a sideways ‘Z’ for Zorro? Nobody knows! The only thing we can say for sure is this mysterious player ‘N’ seems to be speed running the game with the intent on reaching all the rare chests before anyone else. It’s believed ‘N’s actions are prompting copycat tag artists to leave their graffiti in—”

  Cool. Next vid.

  “RRRAAAAA! I’m Bruiser9000, the undefeated champion of PVP, and I challenge YOU to a brawl!!!”

  Unsuspecting guy on the road laughs nervously.

  “I’m hardcore, I play with full pain simulation, what about you, pansy?!”

  “Uh, I play with thirty percent pain simulation…”

  “Ha! Better turn it down to zero before you take on my challenge, what do you say? If you beat me one on one I’ll give you 50 gold!”

  “Wait, seriously?”

  “DEAD SERIOUS!”

  “What if I lose?”

  “Bet me anything! 50 copper if that’s all you got. I don’t care about the money, I just want a good fight!”

  What a manly guy. Built like a WWE wrestler with the attitude to match, his persona is totally over the top. His fighting technique is impressive, too. Though, do I imagine it? Why do I get the feeling this Bruiser guy isn’t using a single special move? Doesn’t he have any skills? Not that it matters. He flattens his opponent in under ten seconds. It’s like when a bully beats up the smallest kid in class; a little painful to watch, and impossible to look away.

  Bruiser’s content is addicting, and I find myself watching several more of his fights. His videos haven’t got as many views as some of the e-girls’, but he’s got to be making a killing in ad revenue. Got to respect the grind.

  “RRRAAAAA! You just witnessed my 300th straight PVP win! So, do you think you’ve got what it takes?! Do ya? Wussy boy?!!” he points a meaty finger into the camera aggressively. “Then come challenge me and see if I don’t make you loser number THREE HUNDRED AND ONE! I’ll take on ANY challenger, ANYWHERE! So come and find me in the game! And bring your extra panties, cuz you’ll be pissing blood when I’m through with you! RRRAAAAAAAAA!”

  Whoa. I feel my fight or flight instincts firing off like crazy just watching the video. I couldn’t imagine actually facing a guy like that in the wilds of TC. I’d die.

  Just then, a pleasant male voice makes an announcement over the intercom as I feel the train start to slow.

  “Approaching destination of Beverly Hills, California. Passengers preparing to disembark, please remain seated until the train comes to a complete stop. Please check around your seat for any items you may have dropped before exiting the car in an orderly manner…”

  I pocket my phone with a giddy feeling. I don’t have to feel nostalgic anymore. In half an hour, rather than watching through a screen, I’ll be back inside the game myself, making my very own unique mark on that fantastical world of Tetra Chronicles.

  Forget reality. Take me back into the game. Even if I spend the rest of my life there, I won’t have any regrets…