Chapter 56
Dalex stood on the ground in the {celestial chariot} at the edge of a crater filled with the corpses of a few hundred mutts. Other similar craters surrounded him. For now, he was feeling refreshed. After dispatching the mutt pack that now lay dead around him, Dalex had managed to squeeze in an hour-long power nap. Add to that a couple of buffing spells and he felt like he could go for another twelve hours. {Stamina rejuvenation} kept him awake and {attention boost} kept him alert. At some point he would need real sleep, but that could wait until the mutts were eradicated or pushed far enough back to give him more than an hour of rest.
After his nap, he had taken a few minutes to contemplate the day’s events. What was driving the attack by the mutts? For fifteen years they had barely moved, only gradually filtering out from their point of arrival in tiny packs of ten or twenty. Why were they now so determined to head west, and in such massive numbers?
Balgoth appeared at his feet in a flash of light. She was hunched over as if in the act of grabbing something off the ground. As she became aware of her new surroundings, she straightened and looked around, taking in the contents of the crater just a few feet away. She looked up to see the {celestial chariot} towering over her. In a fraction of a second, Balgoth’s visage flashed into its truly demonic form. She let out a harpy scream and charged Dalex, slashing at the legs of the {chariot} with her claws.
“Whoa, whoa,” Dalex said, backing away while trying not to step on her. “It’s me, Balgoth. It’s Dalex!”
His voice projected out of the {chariot}. Balgoth took one more swipe at the {chariot’s} Achille’s tendon and paused, looking up at the machine again. Dalex took two more steps back and opened the front of the {chariot} so she could see him inside of it.
She peered inside of the machine, squinting to make him out. “So, it is you.”
The demon jumped forward to slash the {chariot} one last time, scraping her claws against the durable metal and showering the ground with sparks. Before Dalex could react, she backed away from him, and her features again became more human.
Inspecting the tips of her fingernails, she said, “For startling me, I expect you to repay me a small fortune.”
“I still don’t have any money,” Dalex said. He quickly checked the {chariot’s} status. Balgoth hadn’t done any damage to the armor. It was significantly harder to dent than his normal getup, but she had him worried there for a moment.
“You lie,” Balgoth said. “You received the bounty for slaying the hydra and payment for the parts you harvested.”
“I haven’t had time to collect the bounty or sell any parts,” Dalex said.
“Then your debt increases.”
“I’m still probably not going to pay it.” Dalex looked east toward a growing cloud of hazy dust. “But enough about that. If you still want to witness my heroic works, I’m about to get back to them. If, on the other hand, you’ve had enough of my antics, I can {teleport} you back to Batulan-bar.”
“You would not dare!”
“So, unpaid labor it is,” Dalex said. He knelt down in the {chariot} and a compartment opened on the machine’s back. “Get in. You can ride shotgun and watch me crush my enemies.”
***
Dalex and Balgoth soared over the surface of Gaia Eta, closing quickly on the next pack of mutts. Dalex’s enemy had not changed tactics. The mutts still stampeded relentlessly over land toward Batulan-bar, always accompanied by a small cloud of the aerial variant. Destroying them had become a familiar routine. It was as easy as waking up each morning and calling for the nurse to help him to the bathroom. Though, the same problem persisted in both scenarios. Just as there was always another morning in the hospital, there was always another pack of mutts to follow the one he had just destroyed.
Balgoth made a disgusted noise in the compartment behind him. “Bleth, you smell.”
They were in separate parts of the {chariot} but were connected by a {telepathic link}. Still, if she could smell him, he must have really needed a shower. Demons probably had a heightened sense of smell, but still, there was an inch of metal between them.
“If you stick with me for the next twelve hours,” Dalex said, “you’ll smell too. It gets stuffy in here.”
Dalex spotted the mutts creating the cloud. They were spread out in the same fashion as always, never learning from their mistakes. He had found the best way to dispatch a pack was to use three {Newton’s hammers} spread evenly around the mutts on the ground and a new spell, {prismatic sunburst}, for the mutts in the air. For the moment, Dalex had ditched {hive of hornets}. The missiles had too much trouble tracking targets through the mutt distortion.
Dalex cast his spells and summoned {Heart Throb}, charging to the center of the mutt’s aerial formation. The three {hammer} blows smacked the surface, annihilating everything on the ground. Ten different beams of light struck out from the {celestial chariot}, carving the bats and birds into chunks. The {sunburst} beams used the same target tracking method as the {hornets}, so they missed just as often, but the beams reactivated instantly, finding a new mutt to shoot and usually never missing a second time.
In half the time it took him to wipe out the first pack, he annihilated this one. Only a couple of flyers remained in the air to be speared by {Heart Throb} and Seventh gunned down a few more mutts on the ground.
Dalex hovered fifty feet off the ground, feeling satisfied at another job well done. It was nice having an audience.
“Well, are you impressed?” he asked Balgoth while he prepared three {tears of God} to take out any burrowed stragglers.
“At the height of my power, I could easily accomplish a similar feat,” Balgoth boasted back at him.
“I’m sure you could,” Dalex said, chuckling to himself. “The bad news is, I’m going to have to do it another—”
The land beneath them collapsed in on itself and then bulged upward. Something long and thick with a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth surged out of the ground and grabbed the {celestial chariot} around the waist. It thrashed around, tossing Dalex and Balgoth to and fro inside. They watched as an enormous monster, easily a hundred times bigger than any mutt, pulled itself up out of Gaia Eta. From its gray, eight-legged body sprouted six heads, one of them currently engaged in an attempt to chomp the {celestial chariot} in half.
“You have got to be kidding me,” Dalex said.
“A hydra,” Balgoth commented, her voice surprisingly calm. “Though far larger than any I have seen before. And with twice the number of heads.”
“Seems that way. It’s always something different with these guys?”
{Heart Throb} was useless. Dalex couldn’t maneuver the glaive at the end of the spear anywhere close to the hydra’s soft spots. He dismissed the weapon and cast another {prismatic sunburst}. Ten beams of light turned the hydra’s head into Swiss cheese. Its jaw fell away and the {celestial chariot} surged free. Dalex climbed to a higher altitude, hopefully out of reach of this mutt hydra’s striking zone.
Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
It wasn’t. Two more of its heads flashed up to grab the {chariot} by the feet. Dalex summoned {Heart Throb} again and slashed at the mouths holding him down, cutting away teeth and chopping free to fly even higher.
At the same time, he cast another {Newton’s hammer}. The spell came zipping down from above and plunged directly into the center of the hydra. It tore a hole through the creature’s back and blew out its stomach, spewing blood and guts all over the ground. The falling projectile slammed into the soil underneath the creature and exploded, toppling the creature onto its back. All six of the hydra’s heads let out a wailing scream on the same pitch.
The sound was almost too much for Dalex. Even muted by the exterior of the {celestial chariot}, it dug at his ears and threatened to make them bleed.
Behind him in the other compartment, Balgoth muttered, “Silence you mewling snake.”
However much pain Dalex had caused the hydra, he had not dealt it a life-ending blow. The head he had skewered with the {sunburst} beams had already reformed. Its belly was sewing itself closed, the exposed internal organs of the creature healing in a flash just before they were once again hidden by skin. The mutt hydra restored itself even faster than the original creature had.
Dalex stared down at it, his hands on his hips and a frown on his face. The {chariot} mimicked him. He wasn’t even sure if this creature had the same weakness as a typical hydra. Would it die if he cut off every head and cauterized the wounds? The mutt hounds healed life-threatening wounds that would kill a regular dog, so the mutt hydra would probably amplify that effect.
“This one is going to be tough to crack,” Dalex said, “but Balgoth, I think I can do it. You’ll just have to give me a little help.”
“I do not interfere in the work of my subjects.”
“Don’t worry, this is in your wheelhouse. I don’t think you’ll mind at all. I just need a little music, something to hype me up.”
The hydra leaped fifty feet in the air, reaching up for Dalex with all six heads snapping to grab him. This time, he managed to dodge out of the way.
“I am not prepared at this time to sing,” Balgoth protested.
“Come on, now,” Dalex pressed. “You’ve been jotting down notes all this time and humming a dozen different tunes. If you don’t have something ready for me by now, I have to question your legitimacy as a bard.”
“You dare insult me so?”
“Only if it’s true.”
“You brackish imp. I’ll show you a legitimate bard.”
From behind him, Dalex heard the unmistakable sound of a single, preparatory strum of a lute. Considering Dalex had never seen Balgoth carry an instrument, he was suddenly mighty curious about what was happening in the compartment behind him.
“Where did you get that?” he asked.
“Silence cretin. Let your soft ears bear witness to my genius.”
Dalex grinned. “I like where this is going.”
He cast two {tears of God} and dove toward the hydra with {Heart Throb} in hand. At the same time, Balgoth began to play, singing in time with her lute with a sweeter voice than Dalex had thought the demon capable of.
When a great demon
Spied this worthless cur
From Dalex of the E Seven
Sprung this spiteful spur
It wasn’t what Dalex had expected, but the supporting lute was nice enough. While Balgoth sang, the two {tears of God} punctured through the hide of the hydra and exploded inside its body. The creature bulged like an overfilled balloon, its many eyes going wide with shock and discomfort as its skin split into seams and burst out globs of black blood. Just as the explosions went off, Dalex chopped at one of the hydra’s heads with the super-heated edge of {Heart Throb} and let loose a {prismatic sunburst} to carve up the other heads.
Seeing gray hair firm
Face these pompous lords
Their sorry elf slaves
Did cry out from discord
She sang at the top of her lungs, her perfectly pitched voice and powerful lute strumming drowning out the screaming of the wounded hydra. In time with the music, Dalex called down {prismatic strike} after {prismatic strike}, hitting the hydra over and over again with the skill’s most powerful variation. Thick beams of light swept through the creature’s body, slicing it apart as if Dalex was carving up a turkey and cooking it at the same time.
The rhythm of the song had his heart pumping. It seemed like the beams cut the hydra a little more easily and the creature healed a little more slowly, but that was probably just Dalex’s imagination.
Dalex he did mourn
A plight so pity full
Broke the market up
And stole lives back for all
The song was starting to make a little more sense. Dalex still didn’t know why it had started with a “spiteful spur,” but now it was settling into a more generic retelling of his visit to the Office of Elven Labor.
For the moment, the hydra collapsed to its belly. Most of its internal organs were probably charred jelly. But despite the pounding Dalex was giving it, the creature continued to heal. New necks with fresh heads erupted from within the hydra, constantly snapping toward Dalex and attempting to grab him out of the sky. The meat Dalex carved off instantly glommed back on to the rest of the body, and soon it was moving again, getting to its feet and lumbering after him.
While this demon watched
Grinding dagger teeth
And so I wished to scream
Why won’t he be ground beef?
“What the hell?” Dalex said.
Balgoth did not stop to explain. She just went on singing.
Slash this hero’s artery
Ah, crimson comes gushing
Ah, crimson comes gushing
Slash this hero’s artery
Ah, crimson comes gushing
Seventh spoke up in Dalex’s ear. “I believe you will need to use a higher-yield weapon to fully eliminate the mutt hydra.”
Dalex wasn’t really paying attention to the fight anymore. “Is this song about killing me?”
“Dalex,” Seventh insisted, “I believe you should prioritize eliminating the creature.”
Dalex ignored her again. “Balgoth, when I was dealing with the elven slaves, is this what you were thinking about?”
I shatter all his bones
Flatten his weak toes
Tear his parchment skin
Hear his sweet death throes
The hydra used Dalex’s distraction with the song to finish healing itself and lunge toward him with terrifying speed. He just barely escaped all six mouths and three massive swiping claws, though, for a moment, he had felt his own “sweet death throes” coming closer.
“Fine,” Dalex said, trying to focus on the hydra over Balgoth describing all the things she apparently wanted to do to him. “I’ll use something bigger.”
I’ll drink down all his blood
Vomit on his corpse
Lick cartilage off his bones
Dance and take his purse
Happy thoughts, Dalex said to himself as he cast, “{creation’s split}.”
The {astral mortar} formed into a single small projectile outside the {celestial chariot}. The tiny missile shot forward and disappeared into the belly of the hydra. At the same time, Dalex whipped the {chariot} to full speed and flew away from the hydra as fast as he could. All the while, Balgoth sang the chorus of her bloody ballad.
And Dalex had to admit, her voice helped him move with a bit more alacrity and cast the spell a little more quickly. Maybe the he was experiencing a little extra fear of death with Balgoth’s dream of maiming spurring him on, or maybe the song was actually hyping him up. He couldn’t tell.
Slash this hero’s artery
Ah, gushing of crimson
Ah, gushing of crimson
Slash this hero’s artery
Ah, gushing of crimson
A blinding flash of light consumed the hydra. Suddenly, the creature was gone, and all that remained was a gargantuan ball of fire bright enough to dim the sun. The spell went off inside the creature about a hundred feet off the ground, but it quickly tore up the surface of Gaia Eta, spreading out in a circular shockwave that only dissipated after traveling for several miles. The ball of fire finally began to dim, leaving a mushroom cloud that towered over Dalex and reached for the stratosphere.
It took Dalex a moment to realize Balgoth had finally stopped singing.
“Is it over?” he asked.
“What weapon was that?” Balgoth asked.
“I’d rather not talk about it.”
Dalex hadn’t thought he would ever use {creation’s split}. Despite most of his arsenal dwarfing the spell in sheer destructive power, this one worried him the most, perhaps because it was the one he had the most real world understanding of. A spell to destroy a sun wasn’t something he could really comprehend. A spell to split an atom came a lot closer to home.
But the hydra was gone, and the curse left by the spell was minimal. Compared to Earth’s nuclear weapons, {creation’s split} was far less dirty.
“Balgoth,” Dalex said. “Would you say that song was typical of your repertoire?”
“I’m not satisfied with Slash This Hero’s Artery,” she answered. “It still requires significant tuning. But it is akin to my other work.”
“I see. And, just to clarify, am I the hero getting his artery slashed?”
“Yes.”
“Okay,” Dalex said. “Good to know.”
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