"It wasn't my desire that drove me, nor was it my perception of your disorganized space. Your soul is an ancient thing, Nia'Cyl, and the memories you've gathered span more than the simple rising and falling of civilizations. Never in my wildest thoughts would I ever even consider disturbing such precious things. As your bonded, I felt some responsibility to ensure your soul is just as, if not more beautiful than before I encountered it. I apologize for any offense you may have perceived in my actions, but I truly felt this was the proper etiquette. I would not disrespect you so callously."
Her smirk faltered for a brief instant before resuming.
"I see, so this was nothing but a compunction of the bond, then? Your sense of justice was… what? Because you thought it was right? Next you'll tell me you only had the ‘best of intentions’ for me, is that it?"
I was at a loss now, not really knowing how best to articulate the sense I had that what I'd done was correct.
"Nia'Cyl, if it would stay your displeasure, I would throw myself upon your mercy. But I cannot admit to you any other truth than: I felt this was right. I do not want to take that path, but I cannot step off it, either."
I spread my hands before me in a pleading gesture, and she nodded approvingly. Setting down her cup of tea, she made her way to the bed, which was the only surface in the room bare of any clutter. As she laid her head down on the pillow and closed her eyes, she spoke.
“Vita, you've an incredibly galling knack for saying precisely what you need to, when you need to. I honestly can't tell you when I was last so utterly frustrated and proud at the same time. If even a single syllable of what you said had been any different, you'd have been dead by now. I won't praise you for surviving—such is the nature of being bonded with the Fae—but I will illuminate you on the fact that I won't be testing you after today.”
She waved a hand at me to dismiss my unasked questions. I was beginning to fear Nia’cyl, and the fact that was likely the point annoyed me. Knowing I could die at any moment simply because I displeased her was humbling beyond words. She continued.
“It's dawned on me, finally, that I've been rather stuck in my ways regarding you—call it an intrinsic stubbornness on my part—but I didn't really believe that you were the one I was meant to find. Everything had been pointing to it; all the signs were there, and I could tell back when my journey began that this would be where I ended up. But giving in to that realization, after the countless billions of years I'd been wandering… ‘hard’ doesn't even begin to describe it.”
I didn't really know how to respond to that; and that was before considering that she was somehow compelled by forces outside even her control to bond with me. There was absolutely no sense to be made of the situation, and my comprehension of it was about as far removed as it could be. So I did everything I could to disassociate from the mind-numbing scale of my unimaginable luck and fall into the flow of things. Swimming against the current would only kill me.
"So I will grant you a boon. A boon beyond simply being my bonded, that is. If you've got no boon in mind, I may grant one for you, but be warned, it could be my toenail clippings for all you know."
I had no doubt that her toenail clippings would be worth an absolute fortune to anyone who could verify their authenticity. Brushing that thought aside, I delved into my mind, searching for something that stood out as important enough that I would desire it from Nia'Cyl. I didn't need any material wealth or object so it would have to be something ephemeral, like a power or permission.
Permission? That world tickled the back of my skull and seemed to echo back and forth between my ears. Permission. For what? From Nia'Cyl? Was it for the room? But we'd already resolved that conflict—it had been the last test. Or… wait, no, she had specifically said after today. The testing wasn't done. And more to the point, when exactly was 'today'? Did she mean… in the soul room? Back in reality? It was early in the morning back there, but would she still consider it as the 'night' of the previous day?
I suddenly felt very trapped by her offer of a boon. Her innocent stare only amplified my suspicion that I was still on the precipice of death. Coupled with what she'd said about the very specific wording of my response being what I needed to escape my fate, I was certain that my life, once again, hung on my choice of words. The obvious choice here would be to reject her offer of a boon with as much modesty as possible, but that was wrong; being offered a boon from one such as Nia'Cyl was not something one turned down, regardless of circumstance.
So I had to accept the boon, that much was clear… But did I offer my own desire for the boon? Again, the obvious answer was yes, of course, because leaving that responsibility with her would only show a lack of ambition, direction, and ability to wield my own fate. Foisting that decision on her appeared the most disrespectful choice.
But again, this was wrong. Nia'Cyl was my bonded and the senior between us; she already knew how lost I was, she understood I knew little to nothing about what was happening, or my place here. She knew full well that I wanted all the help I could get, and that even if I actually had a boon to request, it wouldn't be anywhere near what I actually needed.
It would be a greater disrespect to her for me to make a silly request when given such a rare opportunity. I needed to recognize my position as a dumbass and let her lead the way for me; I'd been making a habit of running my mouth without thinking and had just barely gotten by. Armela taught me that lesson, and I was glad to have it.
With a self-effacing shrug, I smiled apologetically at her.
"I suppose I'll be throwing myself upon your mercy after all, Nia'Cyl. You've offered me something far more precious than I could hope to handle with any level of respect or dignity. I know the boon was freely given, but even a fool would recognize the pain of misusing such a thing. I am not yet fit to ask for the things I need; I fear they would simply be things I want, and what I want isn't something your grace should be forced to act upon. As your bonded, I will place my trust in your selection of my boon, even if that means I receive a trifle, like a toenail clipping."
Her eye closest to me cracked open as I spoke, and before long she'd propped herself up on her elbows to stare at me. A hint of disbelief played across her face.
"You realize what you've just thrown away, right?"
I nodded.
"Vita, you realize you will not get another opportunity like this, right?"
I nodded again, growing somewhat concerned that she seemed to struggle with the situation.
"Just to be absolutely clear, you've rejected your right to select the boon yourself?"
A small pit formed in the back of my throat, making it hard to swallow. My only calming thought was that I wasn't dead yet. Nia'Cyl shuffled to the edge of the bed closest to me and dangled her legs from the side, intently staring into my eyes.
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"You've asked me to pick the boon for you, even knowing it could be something like spitting in your open eyes?"
That was… oddly specific… but I nodded again and tried desperately to keep my hands from balling into fists as they rested against my thighs. I couldn't tell if she was repeatedly giving me opportunities to save myself, or if she was simply confirming something she couldn't believe.
“Gods damn you, Vita… The Great Song itself curse your very name! How are you doing this? Is there a God in your ear? Whispering phrases to say? I can't sense your mind in mine, so you clearly aren't gathering responses from me… so how are you doing this? You should be dead.”
There was a nervous energy coming from her now, a genuine sort of worry that curled her toes and shook her fingers. I didn’t understand why she would be so upset that I was passing her tests. I thought that was the point of them… and… did this mean she was trying to kill me? That didn’t seem right to me.
Obviously the bond put certain restrictions on what you could or couldn’t do to your bonded mate; I didn’t know what they were, but anytime I’d fought with Armela I’d gotten the overwhelming sense that if I’d pushed things too far and actually started inflicting mortal damage, my soul would suffer. I had no doubt that Nia’Cyl wouldn’t need to lift so much as a finger to just end me if she really wanted to, bond or not. No… this felt more like denial. She was worried that I might actually be the one she’d been searching for, meaning that she still hadn’t fully accepted me despite what she’d said earlier.
“Nia’Cyl… if I’ve done something to offend, then I—“
She cut me off with a growl.
“Do not speak, mortal. The tempest of emotions raging within me will not permit you to further ingratiate yourself with me at the moment. You have no concept of how the laws which bind me work; you have no grasp of the magnitude of what’s happening here. Speaking, and in so speaking, speaking correctly, will only serve to further enrage me.”
The sclera of her eyes swirled as the incorporated mechanical gears that had taken up residence there danced chaotically across them. I braced myself for what was to come.
“Hold your cursed tongue. I am The Spirit of Lost Light, the shadows are my puppets. I breathe the dark and blow out silence. Can you fathom how humiliating it is for me to be bound to a mortal? And not just any mortal… nooooo, it had to be one made entirely of iron! Fate clearly chose to mock me. I see no other explanation for this horrendous destiny.”
As abrupt as the outburst was, there was an odd sensation of something falling into place for me. Nia’Cyl had answered a calling originating from outside her control; she had been curious and interested to see what it would ultimately be. Only to be confronted with not just bonding to someone—which was extraordinarily rare for the fickle fae—but for it to be to someone entirely composed of the antithesis of her being.
She resented me; not for the person I was, but for what I was. She had gone along with things because she was bound to her actions through whatever laws compelled the Fae in these matters; not because she wanted to be my bonded. It wasn’t that she had chosen me; I had been chosen for her. I pitied her, but quickly put a stop to that emotion; this had happened precisely how it had been meant to, and her continued struggling against that fate was evidence enough that we would be bonded in exactly the manner we had been.
As I thought, a feeling crept along my spine, entering my skull and tingling outwards to the ends of my hair. I stepped my perception of time down to a crawl as I explored the feeling. It was a compulsion, an urge, an instinct. I was sitting at a crossroads moment, in which I had to make a choice. It wasn’t unlike the feeling I’d gotten with Tula; something important was about to happen, but I couldn’t tell what.
The compulsion grew; I could feel the quarks popping in and out of my skull, flipping ones and zeros as the cascade of thought shifted and sloshed through my mind. Impulses of action were being sent to my mouth; I was about to open it and speak, even though Nia’Cyl had enthusiastically told me to keep quiet. So this was it. My words would seal my fate one way or the other, dooming me to death and failure, or propelling me on to life and success.
“Nia’Cyl, I demand of you my boon. As it was freely given, I shall freely take it. For my boon, I demand you be freed from all bonds you may carry, in all their forms. Nia’Cyl the unbound, Nia’Cyl the unshackled, I demand this with the essence of my soul; I stake my existence on this proclamation and dare any being, past or future, to challenge me for its validity. May life bring you the fortune of the free, and the joys of the loved. I release you from your burdens.”
For a moment she was bewildered, but then her look morphed into one of slack-jawed amazement. She gawked at me, wide-eyed and incapable of speaking for a long few seconds before her mouth crept shut and her chin bobbed with a forced swallow.
“What have you done? Vita… what have you done? I… need to grant that boon. You didn’t ask it of me, you didn’t request it, Vita, you demanded it. My laws bind me to this action above all others… Do you understand how much effort this will take? Undoing a soul bond is not like undoing a knot; I can’t just pull on some threads and unravel our joining. While gaining your assent may have allowed it, this will still take considerable will and power, even for me. Why didn’t you let me accept your offer of choosing the boon?”
I chuckled and shrugged.
“Because you’d have killed me. And even if you hadn’t killed me, you’d have made me wish I’d been killed until you found a way to break our bond without also dying. This seemed like the easiest for both of us.”
She leaned back on her elbows and studied the ceiling.
“‘Nia’Cyl the Unbound’ was it? Do you have any concept of how tightly our existences are tied to the laws of our people? The courts won’t allow me back; I’ll be… exiled by my people. Without the ties of my laws, I’ll have no more obligations to them, no loyalty to those back-stabbing, money-grubbing, slander-spewing royals. No more meetings, no more infighting, no more wars, no more bloody bureaucracy…“
She was growing excited as she spoke.
“No more dusty old diplomats, no more attending balls and galas, no more accounting and tax gathering! No more ‘Queen’ this or ‘M’lady’ that! I don’t need to go back to the courts!”
She sounded like a child who had just learned that school was canceled. Permanently.
“You’re smarter than you look, Vita. Either that or you’re supremely lucky; it terrifies me somewhat that I cannot determine which of those it is. I will admit that you’ve saved me, both from the curse of being bound to a walking lump of iron and from my life as a courtier. I’m willing to consider this a debt owed; however, you won’t be getting a second boon; since my ties to the courts have been severed and I am free to do as I please, you may call on me when you require me. We can’t entirely undo the twisting together of our souls, so this room will always remain available to you, as will yours to me. But the contractual nature of our bond will be dissolved, so do not think to cross me or you will perish.”
I smiled at her, not really knowing how else to express what I was feeling.
“So you wouldn’t mind me poking around in here while you’re away? Whenever I like?”
She huffed and shook her head before smiling with a laugh.
“Poke all you like, but if I tell you to leave, then you leave, and if you destroy a memory of mine without asking, I’ll rend your soul into pieces so small even the gods won’t find them. Honestly… some people would sacrifice entire galaxies just to spend a moment in this place, and you’re asking me if you can make yourself at home… truly, I’m uncertain if I hate you more than I like you.”
This got a proper laugh out of me.
“Well, for my part, I do hope your liking of me eventually outweighs the hate. Oh! And I’ll be sure to leave every single memory exactly as I found them, even if they are a bit… coarse.”
She was momentarily taken aback before smirking at me.
“You’re rather flippant for a man who’s dodged the jaws of death several times tonight. I wonder what power allows you to address me so boldly in the face of near-death. Do I not intimidate you, Vita?”
I scratched my chin before responding.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been so deeply intimidated. Truthfully, I don’t think there’s any abnormal power at work here, just a unique and terrifying ignorance. I suppose it could be said that I know just enough to recognize how little I actually know.”
She scoffed.
“So you’re saying that you’re too ignorant to be properly afraid of me… even with the knowledge you’ve gained of me through The Song and our bond… I suppose you aren’t a typical mortal. Most would tremble just looking at me, let alone speaking with me. Remind me at some point to demonstrate the full breadth of my capabilities to you; I wouldn’t want this lack of understanding to carry on for too long. With my absence from the courts, I may come to find that I miss all the groveling…”
She ended this with a predatory smirk. I laughed good-naturedly as I stood from the chair; this seemed to take the form of a farewell, and I didn’t want to linger.
“Well, if it’s simply groveling you seek, then please consider me for your needs. I hear I make quite a pathetic sight on my knees.”
A slight flush rose in the midnight-blue skin of Nia’cyl’s cheeks.
“Don’t tempt me with your boorish whims; I’m no more attracted to you than I am to a common pebble. Though if you are ever desperate enough to be reminded of your proper place, I may be persuaded into hearing you out. Strictly out of a sense of pity, mind you! I can’t help but feel sorry for such lowly creatures as you. Strutting around in the dirt and dust like farm animals… pecking at each other and squabbling like chickens… ugh, the thought alone makes my skin crawl. But regardless, yes, our time is concluded now. I will grant the boon, and it will take me time to prepare, so please escort yourself from my presence.”
And with that, she turned her attention inward and utterly wrote me out of her mind. I may as well have been another book in the room for all the draw I had on her attention. Making my way towards the door, I stole a glance back to see her assuming a meditative posture; her legs were crossed, arms slack and resting gently against her thighs.
Her fingers were interwoven as she hummed in a throaty, rhythmic, pulsing beat; she was picking up the tempo of The Song and would soon channel it through her voice. That was something I did not want to become swept up in, so I turned back and reached for the knob to her door; the moment my fingers contacted the fixture, I was fully awake in bed. There was no transition between the two states; it was an instant reaction, much like the flipping of a light switch.
