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10. March of the Nerds

  The journey to the hidden laboratory was a trek through increasingly smart and annoying terrain. The farther I went, the more the landscape changed from candy-coated trees and stupid creatures to sterile, white environments and creatures that were almost as smart as they thought they were.

  My first challenge came in the form of a group of Smart Slimes. These slimes were different from the ones I'd encountered before—they shimmered with an inner light, and their voices sounded like they were speaking through a lecture hall's PA system.

  "You are intruding upon our territory, dumb creature," one of them said, its voice echoing eerily. "We suggest you turn back now, or face the consequences of our intelligence."

  I rolled my eyes and charged, my Dumb Aura flaring to life. The slimes tried to counter with what I can only describe as smart attacks—beam of lights shooting from their tiny slime hands—but I just laughed and kept moving forward.

  "Your attacks have no effect on me, dumb slimes," I taunted, landing a solid Dumb Strike on one of them. It popped like a bubble, leaving behind a small, shimmering puddle.

  Another slime tried to reason with me, "But... but you're not making sense! Your existence defies the laws of logic and reason!"

  I grinned and knocked its smart ass out with a Radiant Burst, sending it flying through the air. "Yeah, well, neither does your face, buddy."

  With the slimes taken care of, I continued on my way, feeling more powerful than ever. The next leg of my journey took me through a valley filled with intelligent flowers that tried to recite poetry at me.

  "Rose are red, violets are blue, your brain is small, and so are you," they sang in unison, their voices like nails on a chalkboard.

  I clapped my hands over my ears and charged through the field, using my Dumb Magnetism to pull the flowers towards me so I could stomp them into the ground. "Enough with the rhymes, you smarty-pants petals!" I shouted, feeling a surge of satisfaction as I destroyed their pretty little faces.

  As I reached the end of the valley, I encountered a creature that gave me pause—a talking bush with leaves that shimmered like metal. It regarded me solemnly as I approached, its voice deep and resonant.

  "Greetings, traveler," it said. "I am the Sagebrush, and I have seen many come and go on this path. You are different, however. Your stupidity is a force to be reckoned with, but be warned—the creatures you will face from here on out are unlike any other. They possess an intelligence that borders on stupidity, and their attacks reflect this unique perspective."

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  I scratched my head, trying to wrap my brain around what the bush was saying. "So, you're saying these guys are smart but also dumb? Like, they're nerds?"

  The Sagebrush nodded solemnly. "Precisely. And they will not go down without a fight."

  I grinned, feeling a surge of excitement. "Sweet! I love a good challenge. Thanks for the heads-up, bush!"

  With that, I set off once more, ready to take on whatever smart-but-dumb creatures came my way.

  The next challenge didn't keep me waiting long. A group of Nerd Goblins dropped from the trees above, their eyes hidden behind thick glasses and their bodies clad in robes covered in complex equations.

  "Intruder alert!" one of them shouted, pointing a device that looked like a cross between a wand and a calculator at me. "Activate the smart field!"

  A shimmering barrier sprang up around them, and I could feel my steps slowing as I tried to approach. "What is this sorcery?" I muttered, trying to break through the barrier.

  One of the goblins turned to face me, a smug smile on its face. "This is the power of intelligence, dumb creature. Our smart field will nullify your stupid attacks and leave you helpless."

  I rolled my eyes and charged at the barrier, pouring all my dumb energy into a single point. With a final, mighty roar, I broke through, sending the goblins stumbling back in shock.

  "Impossible," one of them stammered. "Your stupidity should not be able to overcome our intelligence!"

  I grinned and landed a Dumb Strike on its glasses, shattering them into a thousand pieces. "Yeah? Well, think this!" I said, knocking its smart ass out with a Radiant Burst.

  The other goblins tried to counter with complex spells and incantations, but I was too fast, too strong. I moved through their ranks like a whirlwind, taking them down with ease.

  As I reached the final goblin, it held up its hands in surrender, its eyes wide with fear and awe. "Please, spare me," it begged. "I will tell you anything you want to know!"

  I raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Oh yeah? What can you tell me about this hidden laboratory and the smart guys running it?"

  The goblin nodded eagerly, spilling its guts like a good little nerd. "The laboratory is hidden beneath a great mountain, guarded by many intelligent creatures. The superscientists within are working on a device called the Idiot Engine, which can harness the power of stupidity and use it to reshape reality. They are led by a man known only as The Professor, who is said to be the smartest man in the world."

  I grinned, feeling a surge of excitement and madness. This was it—the final challenge, the epic showdown I'd been training for my entire dumb life.

  "Thanks for the info, goblin," I said, patting it on the head like a good little dog. "You've been a big help."

  And with that, I set off once more, ready to infiltrate the hidden laboratory and take down The Professor and his smart cronies. The world was my oyster, and I was ready to kick some serious nerd ass and save the day, one idiotic battle at a time.

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