The Angel Express - 11:43 AM

  The feeling of the train running along the tracks was always such a simple pleasure. It was the ambience. The gentle motion of rocking while moving forward, the sound of the wheels against the rails, and the constantly changing view outside. When it came to long-distance travel, I truly believed nothing could beat this.

  Especially with such good company. I smiled and drank hot chocolate as the guild, minus Ash since she was deep in an almost religious fervor as she worked on her newest project, reveled in their triumph over their latest scenario. Beside me, I was sewing my latest patch into the Seven-Tenner Bowling Shirt with telekinesis.

  The prizes I had gotten from beating Boss 299’s crew, which was composed entirely of himself, were great. As a Filbin Grandmaster, there was no reason for them not to be. The patch I was adding depicted a diamond bowling ball and ten pins that were already knocked down or flying through the air.

  Taking a sip, I glanced at the two text boxes I still had up in the corner of my eye. Both were new, and both were welcome. I enlarged the skill I had received from Sara first.

  <<<>>>

  [[Skill]]

  Holy Hurler

  You may imbue thrown weapons with holy energy.

  As an Angel of Death, you may also add your death-aligned energy as well.

  <<<>>>

  This one was simple, but effective. I received the ability to deal extra holy- and death-aligned damage whenever I made a melee attack when my race evolved into an Angel of Death, and now it expanded to ranged attacks as long as I threw them. That meant it also worked with my telekinesis, which was well-known thanks to the wording on Heavy Strike also mentioning throwing underhand, and the two interacted just fine.

  The second text box was for My Diamond Bowling Ball, but parsed down to the part that was actually new. It was full of blessings after the crusade I sent Jamie on, but this latest one was my favorite.

  <<<>>>

  [[Item]]

  Boss Perfect Game’s Diamond Bowling Ball

  This bowling ball will hover beside you until it is needed, and will attack and defend at your mental command using your Warmind abilities to determine speed and strength without splitting your focus. (The 300 Blessing)

  <<<>>>

  Just like Asi, the Primordial weapon the Dealer had gifted me to kill Abbatrastoria with, the bowling ball would now operate on its own. I could control it just fine, but freeing up some of my mental tendrils for something extra would never be a bad thing.

  Jamie was in the middle of saying something about the giant elastic robots they had been fighting when she suddenly looked down. Her armor was in the wash to get mended, but she was wearing her own Seven-Tenner Bowling Shirt. The 300 Patch appeared on hers once I was done sewing it on mine and she quickly pulled it up.

  “Damn, nice,” she said with a whistle.

  “What’s this one do?” Mercury asked, leaning onto his table. Bethany sat beside him as he translated the conversation with sign language, and she matched her brother’s posture.

  Instead of answering, she shared the screen with everyone, including myself.

  <<<>>>

  [[Item]]

  The 300 Patch

  When sewn onto a Filbin Bowling Shirt, increase Dexterity by 10. Add the Quick Mend passive.

  [[Passive]]

  Quick Mend

  Weapons, armor, and other gear you have equipped are repaired at 50% of your hit point regeneration rate.

  <<<>>>

  “That’s really good,” Jeff remarked as he stroked his chin. “I know the boss has a crazy regen rate, but what about you, Jamie?”

  “It’s passable,” she admitted before pointing down to an anklet she wore on her right leg. “I’m not going to outheal him even on a good day, but I’m fairly certain I can survive longer than any of the rest of you.”

  “The Warmonger regenerated a whole foot during our first meeting,” Mercury said, his tone sounding like he was winding up for a joke. “But you’re the lizard here; can you do the same?”

  “You know I’m a Dragon, brat,” she retorted.

  “Yeah, half of one,” the ninja scoffed.

  Jamie offered him a sickly sweet smile. “Do I need to introduce you to the frying pan again so you can remember things properly? My fire breath has only gotten hotter since the last time we sparred.”

  Kayla cleared her throat when it became clear the ninja was going to shoot back. “I think we’ve given Ant enough time to settle in now that he’s done with his patch,” she said. Almost in unison, everyone else turned to face me. “You want to tell us about the Patron’s Ball?”

  I chuckled at their curiosity even as a sour look appeared on Jeff’s face. His wife noticed it and patted him on the leg, which instantly soothed him. It was such a simple gesture, but on him it was supremely effective.

  “One more thing I want to do,” I said as I put my hand over the table. The Staff of Raphael appeared from my inventory, and I rolled it back and forth near my mug. “Since we’re talking about regeneration rate, it seems like a good time to max this out.”

  <<<>>>

  [[Patron Message]]

  You’re really committed to putting the “slow” in “slow and steady,” aren’t you?

  Not that I mind, I suppose. I am looking forward to seeing how much that improves for you. There were a lot of hoops I had to jump through to obtain that as one of your rewards.

  <<<>>>

  “And I’ve loved it ever since,” I told the ceiling with a grin. She was right that I was taking my time, but there was no need to rush.

  “Flirt later, upgrade now,” Jamie demanded, nodding towards the staff.

  “Never. I will always take the time to flirt with my wife when I feel it’s necessary,” I countered, sticking my tongue out childishly at the woman. She responded by flipping me off, and I laughed.

  “And it’s always necessary. You gotta flirt with your wife,” Jeff said seriously, causing Kayla to roll her eyes.

  “Damn right.”

  Right now, the Staff of Raphael was +2. It had needed 20 boss kills to upgrade to +3, which was a really large number in the grand scheme of things. That was the kind of work that I’d have to put a couple of days into, minimum.

  Or, nuke an entire city. Thanks to the Hellbreaker and my inability to die once per day, I had all the boss kills I needed. Bringing up the description, I upgraded it to +3, and then immediately did it again for +4. I shared the description as I read it myself for the first time.

  <<<>>>

  [[Item]]

  Staff of Raphael +4

  This novel's true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there.

  (Angelic item; This item is fully upgraded; +38 Constitution, +38 Wisdom, +38 Willpower, Feast skill acquired, Pilgrim’s Safeguard skill acquired, Touch of Heaven skill acquired, Aura of the Robust passive acquired, Divine Regeneration passive acquired)

  [[Skill]]

  Feast

  Once per day, conjure a feast to feed your flock. All who partake will feel satiated for the day and have their stats increased by 10% for the duration. In addition, reduce damage from all sources by 15%.

  [[Skill]]

  Pilgrim’s Safeguard

  Touch the Staff of Raphael to one of your followers. If your Constitution stat is higher than theirs, use yours in place of theirs to determine the effects of diseases, infections, and poisons afflicting their body. This skill lasts for 24 hours, and can be used a number of times equal to your Constitution stat divided by 10.

  [[Skill]]

  Touch of Heaven

  Touch the Staff of Raphael to any non-Demonic entity, including yourself, to heal them for 50% of your total hit points. In addition, if your Constitution stat is high enough to remove any physical debuffs, do so at the same time. This skill can be used four times per day.

  [[Passive]]

  Aura of the Robust

  Whenever you have a benevolent or neutral aura active and are wielding the Staff of Raphael, the people around you can receive Divine Regeneration. You can choose who within range is exempt from this effect. This healing scales off of your natural regeneration, but will only have two-thirds the efficacy. Some auras and additions are incompatible with this one, and cannot be active at the same time.

  [[Passive]]

  Divine Regeneration

  Increase your natural hit point recovery speed by 800%.

  <<<>>>

  “It only goes up to +4?” Kayla asked as she read through the description.

  “Yup,” I confirmed. “Most things will cap out around four or five, though there are outliers. My Warmongering Mystic set maxes out at +7 because that’s how many pieces there are plus one, but I’m fully expecting my Reaper’s Cloak to be +1, or +2 max.”

  “Since this is the Staff of Raphael, is it safe to assume that the Feast skill will primarily consist of fish?” Mercury asked.

  “You would be correct.”

  “Cool,” he said sarcastically before looking at his sister, who he had been translating for. “We sure do love fish. Don’t we?”

  The Tea Witch wrinkled her nose and shook her head, making it clear that no amount of sarcasm was going to get her to enjoy what was coming.

  “There’s plenty of other things, too,” I said with a smile. “It’s not just fish. There’ll be a lot of food. Pick around it, eat at least something, and you’ll still get the effects.”

  “Alright, good to know.”

  “Will Aura of the Robust stack with my own regeneration for the purposes of Quick Mend?” Jamie asked. “Because that would be a substantial increase.”

  “I’m… unsure,” I admitted slowly. “My gut is telling me no because Quick Mend specifies your regeneration, which isn’t treated any differently by my aura. You get the benefits of both instead of one becoming the other, like Safeguard. We can test it, but don’t get your hopes up.”

  The Weapon Master wrinkled her nose, but nodded. “Yeah, alright,” she sighed. Her eyes locked onto me a moment later. “Alright, so now will you get to the Patron’s Ball?”

  “I don’t know, you told me to quit flirting with my wife and I had barely even started,” I teased, turning to look out of the window. “Not sure if I’m up for it anymore.”

  “Sara?” Kayla requested with a roll of her eyes.

  <<<>>>

  [[Patron Message]]

  You can flirt with me all you want at the ball, Ant. Go ahead and let them know what to expect.

  <<<>>>

  I made a small, indignant grunt before glaring at the Double Agent. “That’s a neat trick. I didn’t realize you could Backstab from a distance like that.”

  “Please,” she said, barking a laugh. “I can do a lot worse than that, psychic boy. You want to try your luck?”

  We stared at each other for a few moments before I broke out in a smile. I loved that my team wasn’t scared of me despite knowing about all my past regressions. It wasn’t even that they didn’t know how strong I was since they had seen me fight before, and had even fought me themselves.

  I wondered if I was going to be in for another duel before we invaded Hell. That would be up to them, of course; I wasn’t going to bring it up and make them feel like they had to.

  “Alright, alright,” I said, putting my hands up as if I were conceding. “The Patron’s Ball is tomorrow. All of you, except for Jeff, should have gotten a text box yesterday giving you a countdown for the event.”

  “Man. I still can’t believe I lost Coyote like that,” the Queen’s Knight lamented with a shake of his head.

  “Really?” Jamie asked, arching an eyebrow. “I thought his whole thing was that he was capricious. And had some kind of strange longing for Franklin here.”

  “He did follow me, yes, but that’s because I’m the kind of chaotic element he likes the most, apparently,” I said. “But, yeah. Sorry, Jeff. I didn’t think my absence was going to take him away from you since I was going to come back.”

  “Not your fault,” he sighed, waving me off. “Jamie was right. I was warned.”

  I nodded but still felt for him. Unfortunately, I had a pretty good idea of exactly why Coyote didn’t return when I did. My presence was a chaotic wrench haphazardly thrown into the plans of administrators anywhere, but he had found someone equally exciting during the Star Spangled Shadow Invasion. The fact that he hadn’t returned yet told me all I needed to know that the Patron enjoyed wherever he was now.

  “You’ll get to train with Angels, at least,” I told him with an empathetic smile. “We’re already almost there.”

  “Yeah, don’t worry about me. Keep on going with your explanation,” Jeff said as he put his arm around his wife, who gently patted his chest. At his feet, Corwin woke up long enough to roll onto his back before falling asleep again.

  “So the Patron’s Ball is more an event for them than it is for us, but that’s not to say we won’t get anything out of it,” I explained after taking another sip of my hot chocolate. Idly, I rolled the Staff of Raphael back and forth on the table. “It happens once every couple of years in order to thank the Patrons for… whatever it is they do. I’m not entirely clear on that.”

  “Hold up, you don’t know?” Mercury asked in surprise.

  “Not a clue. The Patrons and their origins are a mystery to me,” I answered, frowning. “Like, I know they get rewarded for playing the roles of the gods and whatnot they take on, but even when the Dealer tried to tell me who they were the system warned him off of that real quick. We’re just not supposed to know. Not even Sara has been able to tell me.”

  “That sucks,” Jamie stated.

  “It does, but it’s neither here nor there,” I agreed with a shrug. “The ball is one of the few times Patrons and players can be in the same place at the same time. They are, of course, invincible. Not in the same way administrators are, where if you try to hurt them then you’ll die instantly, but completely invulnerable. Stabbing, bludgeoning, fire, whatever; nothing works.”

  “So these aren’t vessels like the one you killed back on the Ascent?” Mercury asked.

  I shook my head. “No, Leo’s Vessel was made for combat. These are more a mix of what we imagine they would be and how they want to be seen. Leo would probably either be a lion, if overexaggerated and showy, or he could be a man with a lion’s head. For humanoid Patrons this is much easier. Skuld, Athena, say, Michael or Raphael will all look like people, though wings or strange future-seeing eyes are up to their discretion. Marishiten would probably be invisible, like in the Patron Car.”

  Kayla, Jamie, and Mercury scanned the air in front of them as if reading messages, but didn’t say anything. They had just received messages from their own Patrons, probably describing what they would look like. Bethany was a few seconds behind, getting something from Grandmother Hearth.

  “There’s plenty of food and the chance to gamble their points away as well as trade in-person,” I continued when the Tea Witch was no longer distracted. “Most of the time they can only network with Patrons who are a certain distance away from their Avatars, which makes things a bit difficult when there’s not a treasure hunter to bridge the gap. This gets everyone in one place.”

  “And by everyone, do you mean everyone everyone or just a bit of everyone?” Mercury asked.

  “Just a bit of everyone,” I clarified. “That’s my bad for not being clear. Yeah, it’s all sectioned off. We won’t be partying with the Patrons from Europe, or Asia, or even South America. Mexico and up, really. Central America’s got a really small event, but they still have one.”

  “So, what you’re saying is that this is basically a hang out and networking event,” Kayla said.

  “That’s right. Just with games and a chance to show off your player. That kind of thing.”

  “Sounds kind of… corporate,” Jeff said, scratching the back of his head.

  “It is kind of sanitized, yeah,” I agreed with a laugh. “It’s for the Patrons by the administrators, so they want it to be inoffensive to the plethora of personality types. There’ll be a lot of strutting around, though those who have real grudges won’t partake in them much this time around. There will be plenty of time for that later.”

  “Okay, sanitized, but you mentioned games and showing off players,” Mercury started, rapping the table gently. “Do you mean like cosplay contests at a con and stuff like that?”

  “Oh, definitely,” I said with a nod. “Best dressed and worst dressed are two of the most popular contests they hold.”

  “You’re competing for the latter, right?” Jamie asked, nodding towards me even though I wasn’t in my gear. “I think the Hawaiian trench coat alone would get you to the finals, but who knows what else exists out there.”

  “Probably not.” There wasn’t really any disagreeing with her there, so I didn’t. “I may partake in a few combat or skill challenges if Sara wants me to, but I’m planning on spending as much time with her as possible. It’s not every day we get a chance like this, and the venue isn’t just one big casino, or whatever. There’s private rooms for everyone.”

  Jeff snickered. “And so the one who called us degenerates shall soon be the one who is called the—”

  “Bro, we’re married,” I interrupted before he could embarrass my wife.

  “What? I’m just saying!” he teased.

  “Yeah, sure. And I could say a lot of things about Etson National Forest. Do we want to go into why she called you that in the first place?” I returned, challenging him.

  Kayla snapped her fingers to get my attention. “We’re not talking about that.”

  “Fair,” I said, ignoring the confusion of everyone else. I jerked my thumb towards the window behind me. “Though, it seems we’re out of time. That’s the basic run down of the Patron’s Ball. Now, we have something else to deal with.”

  The Angel Express entered Ann Arbor, our destination. Even though the city was in disarray, there were no monsters to be seen.

  Instead, the streets, buildings, and sky were filled to the brim with Angels. The Heavenly Host had already arrived.