Toshie stared at the green eggs in front of her, feeling like her brain was about to explode.

  “I thought you said you liked eggs,” Sally said between bites of a giant sausage. “I’ll have them if you don’t want to. Yrlith doesn’t like eggs, but she’s weird.” She gave Yrlith a wink. Yrlith stuck out a split tongue.

  “That’s love for you.” Yrlith popped a fried frog into her mouth. “We all make sacrifices. Isn’t that right, Great Hero?”

  “You can call me Toshie.”

  Toshie continued to stare at the eggs. Next to them was a pile of what looked like chopped-up potatoes and onions. The colors were a bit off, but the smell was familiar. Then she realized it wasn’t her brain that was going to explode.

  She had to take a shit. The last time she went to do that, things didn’t end up so well.

  “Uh, where do I, how do I…” she muttered toward the couple.

  They both stared at her. Even disguised as an old woman, Sally’s eyes were a piercing blue.

  “… relieve myself.”

  “Bathroom’s over there.” Yrlith pointed with her fork to a nearby door.

  “You’re so formal, Great Hero.” Sally laughed.

  Toshie thanked them and dashed over to the bathroom.

  When she opened the door, she let out a sigh of relief. It was a genuine bathroom. There was a toilet. A stone toilet. It was a bit boxier than she expected, but it looked like an honest-to-goodness toilet. When she finished, she realized there was no toilet paper.

  Toshie panicked. In the excitement of finding an actual toilet, she had not prepared for this step. She had done a real paint job. It had been, what? Three days? She was about to cry when there was a knock on the door.

  “You okay, Great Hero?” came Sally’s voice.

  “Toshie.”

  “Having a bit of a problem, Great Hero Toshie?”

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  “Yeah, I uh. Well, you see…” Toshie was a grown woman. She had changed the diapers of friends' kids. But how was she supposed to explain to them she didn’t know what to wipe her ass with?

  “How do I…” She was interrupted by laughter.

  “There should be some writing on the wall,” Sally said. “Read it out loud.”

  Toshie saw stitch art hanging on the wall. It looked like something her mother would have bought at a yard sale. “Cleanliness is our promise and your responsibility,” she read. A blast of warm water hit her netherlands and caressed every nook and cranny. When a warm breeze dried her ass, she screamed. Outside, the two snickered.

  Back at the table, Toshie chewed on the now-cold eggs.

  “Seems like you are the Great Hero.” Sally laughed.

  “And why do you say that?” The slimy egg slid down Toshie’s throat.

  “Well, you seem confused by everything. So, I’m going to guess you’re not from here, are you?” Sally said.

  “Didn’t I say that?” Toshie asked as she tried to determine whether the blue slab on the plate was butter or not.

  “Legend says that a Hero from another world will come to save this land,” Sally recited. “Many Heroes will come, and many will perish. Only the Great Hero will survive and save our world.”

  Yrlith laughed. “Fairy tales. Who believes those?”

  “Hey, I liked reading them.”

  “I keep forgetting you can read.”

  “So what are you trying to tell me?” Toshie was getting frustrated.

  “I mean, I guess you’re my Hero? My parents kept sending so-called ‘Heroes’ to ‘save’ me. Yrlith took care of them.”

  Yrlith smiled.

  “But she put on a bit of weight from my parents' constant supply of fresh meat.”

  Yrlith kicked Sally under the table.

  “Ouch. Don’t forget I’m a little old lady,” Sally said.

  “But you didn’t kill me?” Toshie was getting even more confused.

  “Your heart didn’t seem into it, especially after she took care of that Wizard. What was his name?”

  “Daedalus.”

  “Yeah, and your begging was cute,” Sally said.

  “She’s a real softie,” Yrlith added.

  “Aw, so are you.”

  Toshie heard another kick.

  “So you don’t find it strange I’m not from here?” Toshie ignored the playful abuse.

  “Nah. You’re not the first. You won’t be the last.” Sally took a swig from her mug.

  “So what happens to them?”

  “They live or die. We scared away quite a few,” Sally said, finishing her bread. “Look, I wish I could help you more. But all I wanna do is live my life. You got paid to help me, right?”

  Yrlith looked Toshie right in the eyes. “I could kill you if you want.”

  Toshie’s eyes widened. The other two laughed.

  “Don’t worry. You’ll be fine if you don’t hurt my little granny.”

  Toshie heard Sally kick this time. They all laughed.

  After eating, they headed to their separate rooms. Toshie’s room was small, but that was fine with her. She fit in this bed. The soft sheets smelled like her grandmother’s house. But even if it smelled like a wet dog, Toshie would have passed out the second her head hit the pillow.

  She dreamt of talking with her father. Her father had been a kind man. A hard worker. He hadn’t graduated college. He was that “I want you to have what I didn’t” kind of parent. The kind you would grow to respect. Or at least learn to appreciate when it is too late. Toshie never said anything to her father that she regretted. It was the things she didn’t say.